jesimps

Everyone here has those blacked out windscreens which make it virtually impossible to see cyclists and pedestrians at night. I refuse to drive my daughter's car after dark for precisely this reason and no matter what lectures I give her to get it changed, she refuses. Even during the day I feel like my vision's impaired, it feels like driving at dusk.

Big C in Pattaya Klang has an excellent bakery.

A couple of years back, a very friendly, heavily pregnant tabby cat wandered into our garden and didn't want to leave, so we adopted her. She eventually had six beautiful kittens that we kept in the kitchen until they were old enough to keep under the house, which is on columns. One evening the mother went out and didn't come back, which was strange as she was still feeding her youngsters and seemed like a brilliant mum. One morning a few weeks later, I went to do some gardening outside the front of my property for about 30 minutes leaving the kittens playing under the house as I'd done many times before. On returning, they'd all vanished. My wife and I scoured the property and the local area for days, but could find no trace of them. There was no blood or fur laying around, everything looked normal. My theory is that someone passing the back gate saw them and drove them away in their car, because they were all cuties and very friendly. We'll never know.

He's thinking "Dinner".

"The same kind of idiots who say guns don't kill people...." They don't! I guarantee if you buy one today and lock it in your safe, it'll be there indefinitely without causing you any harm whatever. Using your reasoning, the same could be said about a broom handle. Bring a pitbull back to your home and the same can't be said.

Ditto the UK with the Channel rabble.

Except for the local eejits who stand beside the roads in and out of Pattaya who manage to spin it out for two weeks as things stand. I'm sure they'll give it a good go. They're there from morning until night so none of them can have jobs anyway. How come they don't get bored???

Good luck if you're thinking of getting a letter of residence from Jomtien Immigration to open a bank account. Last time I tried they told me that they only issued them for driving licences. In the end I had to buy accident insurance from the bank before they'd issue me an account.

You'd think they'd be ecstatic to be here in the sun away from the hellhole that is Russia, however, every single Russian I see looks like they've just trod on a dog turd.

I've stopped buying that brand after the ridiculous recent price rises. I have to shop around now for the couple of cheaper brands of scotch still available. .

I take half a Cardiprin tablet daily which stops my migraines almost completely. I still get the occasional mild one every few months. Before I discovered them, it seemed like I was getting at least one attack a week (the flashing coloured lights, very rarely a headache), which made driving dodgy because I never knew when they were going to strike. I used to take the whole tablet (100 mg) but found that half was good enough, bearing in mind the blood-thinning properties of Aspirin. Cardiprin also contains Glycine which is good for the heart and liver amongst other things. They aren't expensive and I buy them at my local Pharmacy.

I guess they have to use the road because they have beggar all chance of going more than a few yards here on the "pavement".

Yes! I joined the British Army.

That's the best guess I've seen so far. My Thai wife finds it impossible to do and when I ask her for directions she sort of points at the top of the windscreen and says "Over der".

When I was working in Delhi I drove up to the Rhotang Pass and back in my old Ford Granada. Stayed in a guest house in Kulu which was very basic, but adequate and cheap. I found the whole journey from the plains to be terrifying and I wouldn't attempt it again for anything. The views from the Rhotang Pass made the journey almost worthwhile, despite the two punctures and the fact that the engine kept cutting out on the hairiest parts of the track because of the thin air. To this day I can still hear the screams of my girlfriend at the time who travelled with me. I also visited Mussoorie during my time there which was a much easier drive and I found the place very relaxing, partly because I didn't have to spend the whole holiday dreading the drive back down. We needed a wood fire every evening because it got quite chilly, which made a nice change from the heat of Delhi.

I used to get hit on, now they just call me "papa" 😞

It's always been a right pain in the backside for the wife and I, who always like to do our shopping early so that we have the rest of the day to do whatever. As things stand, we have to go during alcohol friendly times to buy my booze and return home during the lunch-time traffic snarl up. It'd be easier to live with if I thought that the law served any useful purpose.

On my marriage extension before last, they returned my two TM7s which I'd filled in by hand in blue ink telling me that they were the old forms. I then, with my shaky hand, had to fill in two new ones. On returning home, I realised that except for a few dots in different places, they were identical to the new ones. I think they realise this, but they lose face if they accept all your forms without picking you up on something.

I've turned into your typical elderly grouch. The older I get, the more I enjoy my own company.

The red hair, football shirts and kilts will be a dead giveaway at airport departures.

It's happened to me outside of shops a couple of times. Little old ladies come out screaming and gesturing, probably because they were expecting a cola delivery. Best to get off your mark quickly, because if you insist on parking, your car is likely to have picked up a scratch or two when you return.

Please, no speed bumps, we don't want roads like they were in the the days of the horse and cart. Speed cameras and police enforcing the law, yes.

These days I'd be surprised if they even investigated it.

You could in my day 1960-71. If you left the barrack room with your locker open and someone in authority discovered it, you could be charged. It was indeed providing temptation for the sticky fingered little toerags, one of whom seemed to be in every room of 30 squaddies. They were very strict about it. because nothing destroys moral more than knowing that one of your mates has stolen from you.

For many years now I've been very careful about asking for no sugar in hot savoury food. If they say it's in the sauce etc I don't buy it. A lot of their savoury dishes to me taste like deserts there's so much sugar added.