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ballpoint

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Everything posted by ballpoint

  1. ballpoint
    But none of us would be here if it wasn't for the screw.
  2. ballpoint
    Out of it, or on it?
  3. ballpoint
    As a Generation X'er, I blame the boomers for the world I grew up in, the millennials for the world I'm getting old in, and the zoomers for the world I will die in. 'Nough said.
  4. ballpoint
    I've had a terrible morning. I woke up to find someone had used a crayon to write "weirdo" on my car in big letters. Took me hours to lick it off.
  5. ballpoint
    My 1st wife left me because of my obsession with Transformers. I told her I could change.
  6. ballpoint
    Noah Webster produced the first dictionary that included American spellings of words. Or, as they're known in Britain, mistakes.
  7. ballpoint
  8. ballpoint
    The news said a man who was arrested for dropping bricks off a multi-storey car park. I thought that was wrong on so many levels.
  9. ballpoint
    My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill. So I sent him a “Get Well Soon” card.
  10. ballpoint
    A large oil company has announced they are going to start producing sustainable fuel from insect urine. I think it's BP.
  11. ballpoint
    A study has shown that 47396486 people can't be bothered to read long numbers. You're one of those people, aren't you?
  12. ballpoint
  13. ballpoint
    When my wife was giving birth to our daughter, the midwife said, ‘What about epidural anaesthesia?’ I said ‘We already picked names, thanks!’
  14. ballpoint
    Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he can annoy the French for the rest of his life.
  15. ballpoint
    Travelling through deepest, darkest Africa with my faithful porters, we entered a clearing. There were broken eggshells everywhere. “this was obviously the work of poachers,” I said.
  16. ballpoint
    At the Farmer's Market yesterday, someone was selling hand raised pork pies. I would like to raise a couple of my own for Christmas. Anyone recommend a breeder? And what do baby pork pies eat?
  17. ballpoint
    A word is worth 1/1000th of a picture.
  18. ballpoint
    Just been offered a job as a Noise Pollution Officer... But I had to turn it down.
  19. ballpoint
    Since my wife left I have bought a new motorcycle, developed a taste in fine whiskeys and got myself a 21 year old girlfriend. When she gets back from visiting her mother she's going to be fizzing!
  20. ballpoint
    I bought a beautiful jumper from a factory seconds outlet. You’d never notice, but one of the sleeves is slightly longer than the other two.
  21. ballpoint
    The only people with clean minds are those who have been brainwashed.
  22. ballpoint
    Sounds like a typical day for many members here. Wake. Pain. Sleep. Repeat.
  23. ballpoint
    Depends on what sort of reaction I'll get. I'd hate to zinc without a trace.
  24. ballpoint
    It was only periodic though.
  25. ballpoint
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