Marrying a "rich" westerner may not be a "dream come true" - says BBC

[Kadilo]

16 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

I simply cannot understand any cultural differences in any country, as it doesn't affect my marriage.

 

The simple fact of the matter is how you want your marriage to be, having first hand experience from a previous marriage to a Greek wanna be Princes who's parents were still changing her nappies for her and the mother still breast feeding her and being involved in every decision she made, suffice to say the marriage ended for the better.

 

Marriage number 2 to a Thai and going 10 years strong with no involvement from the inlaw/outlaws, depending on your definition, i.e. I spelt it out to the girls before we wed, i.e. when we marry, I will be marrying you, not your family, our circle of "love" will be exclusive to us, and us alone, until we have children, when they will join our circle, no one from the outside will have any say or influence on us or our decisions, if you agree with that, then we move forward, nothing has changed in 10 years, she keeps the blood hounds at bay, they have tied and tired and tried to blow the house down several times, to no avail, they learnt to keep at bay, we see each other at birthdays etc etc, or if the mother in law has a gripe with the father in law and needs to release some stress to the daughter, which is seldom and suits me fine, the other sister had a farang who was throwing the money around like he had it, bit I saw through him, and they lapped it up, the sister had him build a 3 million baht house, 1 million was the overpricing which she got back from the hardware, and the family pissed it up the wall showing off to everyone, even wanted to borrow 500,000 baht from us to show off as the sin sot, but I wasn't having a bar of it, and my wife was fine with that.

 

Sure is a farang marries a Thai girl who has been supporting her family and he takes her with him overseas, sure send the family 10,000 baht a month, more if he wants, but should be based on what her earning were before she went overseas, personally I can't stand soft C..k farangs who want to spend it up big to show their new inlaws how stupid they are, the marriage is between the Thai girl and the farang guy, and inlaws/outlaws want to show off, then they should do it out of their pocket.

 

I am known as the rich farang who built the daughter a big house and bought her a new car, but gave nothing to the parents, except for a 200,000 sin sot 10 years ago, she looks after me, and I look after her, she has 4 land parcels in the village that she never had before, a big new house, a 2 year old car, money in the bank which they have tried to get their hands on several times, but the same amount of 300,000 baht remains untouched from 10 years ago, that was the deal, 200,000 sin sot for mum and dad, 300,000 in your account not to be touched unless its an emergency for you.

 

There are good ones around and there are rotten ones around, suffice to say, no point in spoiling them, by all means be fair, not a cheap Charlie, but not a sucker either, when I am good and buried, she has her lottery and hasn't had to work in the 10 years she has been with me, works for us, as for the culture, I couldn't give a rats a..   

Post of the year for me. I apply the same principles as yourself and as I would in any country anywhere. 

I set out my ground rules from day one take it or leave it and we are now 3 years on and things are great. She knows irrespective of how other ferangs wish to behave and treat their partners, showering them with riches, or alternatively treating them like pish, I will not change my morals or behaviours. I am confident long term it will work. If not I will walk having had some great memories. 

[JLCrab]

1 hour ago, smotherb said:

Well, I cannot speak for my grandpappy, and he is dead. However, I think if your relationship is built on you giving her money, or her giving you money, it is a monetary relationship. I prefer a reciprocal relationship, where both parties add more to the relationship than their sex.

Well if that is your opinion that such a relationship is not reciprocal beyond sex then that is up to you. We've been together now 9 years which is longer than many marriages and she knows I could end it tomorrow if I so choose. -- no strings attached.

[owl sees all]

1 hour ago, moondoggie said:

My wife worked at a bar. Its very Embarrassing. I could never tell my family back home. Because they would disown me for marrying a prostitute.

If you look at the sheer numbers of girls in Pattaya. Phu', BKK etc.  down the years it's pretty obvious that millions have tried that way of life.

 

There are 3 villages where I live that are very close together. Everyone knows everyone. My wife tells me that the majority of ladies in these villages have tried their luck in Pattaya at one time or another. Given that,, then how would we know what the lady - who we have just met, bedded and fallen for - did in her past. She would't spill the beans and the language barrier would generally stop rumours getting to the guy. Now and again we find out through other farang knowing more about our gf and wives' pasts than we do ourselves.

 

Interestingly, a guy I know emailed me a couple of years back saying that he heard that 'Joy' was getting married. He told me that he knew 100% that she had 2 children. Other stuff too but,,,,, so what!! I just let it all go; never mentioned anything. I got to know the Husband quite well and one evening about 18 months after they were wed he came visiting us and was quite upset. He told me, and my misses, that he had found out about a boy that he didn't know about. It all ended quite well but it just goes to show!! When he had left my wife told me she knew anyway.

Edited September 21, 2017 by owl sees all
added more content

[LannaGuy]

3 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

If you look at the sheer numbers of girls in Pattaya. Phu', BKK etc.  down the years it's pretty obvious that millions have tried that way of life.

 

There are 3 villages where I live that are very close to gether. Everyone knows everyone. My wife tells me that the majority of ladies in these villages have tried their luck in Pattaya at one time or another. Given that,, then how would we know what the lady - who we have just met, bedded and fallen for - did in her past. She would't spill the beans and the language barrier would generally stop rumours getting to the guy. Now and again we find out through other farang knowing more about our gf and wives' pasts than we do ourselves.

 

Interestingly, a guy I know texted me a couple of years back saying that he heard that 'Joy' was getting married. He told me that he knew 100% that she had 2 children. Other stuff too but,,,,, so what!! I just let it all go; never mentioned anything. I got to know the Husband quite well and one evening about 18 months after they were wed he came visiting us and was quite upset. He told me, and my misses, that he had found out about a boy that he didn't know about. It all ended quite well but it just goes to show!! When he had left my wife told me she knew anyway.

 

So the moral of the story is?  never trust a Thai and rent not buy

 

we got there in the end

[smotherb]

29 minutes ago, JLCrab said:

Well if that is your opinion that such a relationship is not reciprocal beyond sex then that is up to you. We've been together now 9 years which is longer than many marriages and she knows I could end it tomorrow if I so choose. -- no strings attached.

So, you rule the roost? Why, because of your money?  I'll wager she too could end it, if she so chose.

 

[JLCrab]

She most certainly could anytime she wanted.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

2 hours ago, LannaGuy said:

The 'inconvenient truth' , and this doesn't mean people should not do it, is that young Thais will be willing to marry an older (10/20 or 30 years) western guy because he can offer SECURITY (i.e. financial stability) and he would not be their choice IF she had suitors of the same age bracket who also had that security etc.  Now, it's an 'exchange', and that's no bad thing and people 'can be' happy together with this arrangement which might well grown into love and empathy. But the fact cannot be denied although must western guys in this position I meet are 'in denial'.

 

Who cares? if you are happy then... be happy!  but it is what it is

 

Aha.... yet here you are bashing a fellow farang who is quite happy to have a wife that works and doesn't ask for money? You don't seem to follow your own advice. Why? 

 

Well, I'm sure you know the answer why.

Edited September 21, 2017 by theguyfromanotherforum

[Thai Ron]

Moral of the story: old men shouldn't marry financially-dependent Thai women 20+ years their junior, with 8th grade educations and a large family unless they actually want to be hemorrhaging money.

If they can afford it and don't mind, it's no one's business but theirs.

 

 

[Rancid]

On 9/20/2017 at 10:34 AM, theguyfromanotherforum said:

My wife supports me. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hmm, there is an unflattering Thai expression for that, in fact a few in English as well, but the times are a changing I suppose.

[atyclb]

6 hours ago, inThailand said:

Dating sites are mostly online malls of hookers

'although all of them are not the same style hooker in the sense they go to a disco or bar or street and ask st or lt. one could argue many of the online dating girls are worse than hookers because their scheme is relationship/ financial support be it weekly, monthly or as the need arises. and yes they may have some education beyond high school but the game is the same. if it appears you know too much about thailand and or speak the language they are not interested because they cannot manipulate-control you so readily.

Edited September 21, 2017 by atyclb

[PremiumLane]

23 hours ago, TheGhostWithin said:

Yes, the problem is that many do not want to be educated. I know a mother in law that was offered English classes by the government but told them she wouldn't take them, "why would she ever need to learn English?", she told her daughter. The daughter reminded her of her Farang son in law  "Oh, but he will learn Thai", she said. She had forgotten  the number of times she had sniggered at his attempts to communicate in Thai with her because his tone was slightly off or perhaps the wrong word was used. She had failed to notice that he had stopped talking to her more than a year before as a result of that sniggering when he spoke Thai and refusal to learn English, which he percieved as resistance to the reality his daughter was now in a dual culture world. She still continues to try to turn her son in law into a little Thai man, subservient, obedient, but Farang enough to ensure she always gets to order whatever she wants for dinner and shop whereever she wants when out in Bangkok.

 

There are always two sides to the story, and both sides need to be open to be educated before anything will work.

just thinking, would you expect foreigners going to your home country to learn the language? Or, is it only Westerners who have the privilege of getting indignant if the natives don't speak their language? 

[TheGhostWithin]

40 minutes ago, PremiumLane said:

just thinking, would you expect foreigners going to your home country to learn the language? Or, is it only Westerners who have the privilege of getting indignant if the natives don't speak their language? 

While I appreciate your comment inferring that it is OK to be ignorant of the culture of your son/daughter in law comes from, I try to learn the basics of any language when I visit a country.

 

When I decided I would at some point be involved to a degree beyond a night or two with a Thai lady, I began learning the culture and the language. I did this by first off going to the place in the Lonely Planet which said "don't bother going here, there is nothing here for foreigners and there aren't many foreigners here". Upon returning to New Zealand, I actively sought out Thai people, made friends with them and developed my Thai language skills. I listened to Music, and found things to bond myself with Thai people when travelling. I learnt Khaen to a basic level, and since then have also taken on the Woad and Kluey. I show an interest in cooking, particularly in the regional specialty of where I am. If there are two things I have seen make Thai people proud, it is their food and their music.

 

And yes, when foreigners come here locals expect them to speak English. A friend has a son who is married to a Malaysian, so he has learnt Bahasa to speak to her parents. Its a sign of respect.

 

When foreigners get a visa for anything beyond a tourist visa in Australia, they must sit an English Language test to access their eligibility.

 

It is about respecting culture on a global scale and absolute respect if your life is touched closely by someone that speaks another language.

[moondoggie]

59 minutes ago, atyclb said:

'although all of them are not the same style hooker in the sense they go to a disco or bar or street and ask st or lt. one could argue many of the online dating girls are worse than hookers because their scheme is relationship/ financial support be it weekly, monthly or as the need arises. and yes they may have some education beyond high school but the game is the same. if it appears you know too much about thailand and or speak the language they are not interested because they cannot manipulate-control you so readily.

And a lot of the dating site girls are already maried. Or in multiple relationships. Always tell these girls you are new in Thailand. And you cannot speak Thai!

Edited September 21, 2017 by moondoggie

[Kadilo]

1 hour ago, Thai Ron said:

Moral of the story: old men shouldn't marry financially-dependent Thai women 20+ years their junior, with 8th grade educations and a large family unless they actually want to be hemorrhaging money.

If they can afford it and don't mind, it's no one's business but theirs.

 

 

Assuming everyone is of the same stereotypical make up you infer, and they are not. I'm not saying there are not many of this ilk because there are but for some it's just about security and a decent future for them and them only. 

 

[moondoggie]

4 hours ago, SpeakeasyThai said:

I can see why the first two marriages failed. Who in their right mind marries a 16 year old, not to mention 14 year old!?

Funny old world.

If the parents consrnt. I don't see anything wrong with it

[Kadilo]

2 minutes ago, moondoggie said:

If the parents consrnt. I don't see anything wrong with it

Then you need medical help. 

[JLCrab]

4 hours ago, smotherb said:

<snip> I took two Asian wives back to the US--Vietnamese and Filipina <snip2>

At the same time?

[MyFriend You]

On 9/20/2017 at 11:20 AM, Bullie said:

Since thai law is stacked in favour of thai nationals I very much doubt if it would NOT be a bed of roses. Whichever way a marriage turns out the girl will always, always come out ahead. Especially if a car , house, land is bought and a pre-nup avoided.

 

I' d happily settle for the few thorns involved on that sweet smelling bed.

Correct me if I am wrong, but Pre-Nups are non legally binding in Thailand, the laws are simple - what is yours before the marraige is yours, what is obtained during the marraige is split 50/50 on divorce.

[Thai Ron]

59 minutes ago, moondoggie said:

If the parents consrnt. I don't see anything wrong with it

Being aroused by the thought of getting as close to the legal age limit for sexual relations as one possibly can

That's what's wrong with it

[atyclb]

1 hour ago, moondoggie said:

And a lot of the dating site girls are already maried. Or in multiple relationships. Always tell these girls you are new in Thailand. And you cannot speak Thai!

 

 

scam the scammers .  LOL

[flyingdoc]

Caveat emptor !!

[smotherb]

35 minutes ago, JLCrab said:

At the same time?

Sure, why not?

[MyFriend You]

23 hours ago, OmarZaid said:

Not an Adam's apple .... more like a goitre ... but since its asymmetric, might be a cancer  - should be checked -- if anyone knows this person, please advise them

You really didn't get his post did you??  Lady Boys for the most part still have their adam's apple.

[JLCrab]

12 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Sure, why not?

I thought so because that way each would only have to bring half as much to the relationship.

[smotherb]

Just now, JLCrab said:

I thought so because that way each would only have to bring half as much to the relationship.

Don't be so jealous now.

[JLCrab]

I'm not jealous -- unlike you I do have 2 at the same time and I didn't have to marry them.

[MyFriend You]

21 hours ago, tryasimight said:

You'll also see older gentlemen, maybe early 60's, with much younger Thai wives with babies/toddlers/youngsters. I can't understand these guys. What posses them to start a family at that age when there is a good chance they will either be dead or incapacitated before the kids start high school, leaving a relatively young woman with nothing but a few kids, and leave a few kids without a father.

I don't believe all these guys are wealthy and the wife will be taken care of all that well financially when the pass on.

I know that there will be many posters jumping on this statement and insisting they became fathers at 70 and it was the best thing they ever done.

 

My comment is not about the father...its about the kids. Tantamount to child abuse in my view.

 

There should be a requirement that anyone over, say, 45, should have a certificate of vasectomy before being permitted a long stay via/extension.

 

Flame on guys!!!!!

An Old Father is better than No Father - I say Bullshi'ite to your claim of Child abuse??  That's a stretch  of the imagination, I'm 67 and adopted two kids - let's just say they will never want for anything the rest of their lives.  BTW I had my vasectomy at 38 while in the Army, didn;t want any accidents.

[bazza73]

1 hour ago, moondoggie said:

If the parents consrnt. I don't see anything wrong with it

I would much rather have a 40 yo Thai woman with some life experience.  A 14 yo with no education, life skills or experience - no thanks.

And if you think getting hooked up with some 14 yo gives you exclusivity, forget it. Children experiment, and she would test her sexual range with whatever is handy. You won't be able to keep up, pun fully intended.

IMHO you must be a very insecure person to even consider such a relationship. Mature women frighten you?

[Thai Ron]

21 hours ago, tryasimight said:

You'll also see older gentlemen, maybe early 60's, with much younger Thai wives with babies/toddlers/youngsters. I can't understand these guys. What posses them to start a family at that age when there is a good chance they will either be dead or incapacitated before the kids start high school, leaving a relatively young woman with nothing but a few kids, and leave a few kids without a father.

I don't believe all these guys are wealthy and the wife will be taken care of all that well financially when the pass on.

I know that there will be many posters jumping on this statement and insisting they became fathers at 70 and it was the best thing they ever done.

 

My comment is not about the father...its about the kids. Tantamount to child abuse in my view.

 

There should be a requirement that anyone over, say, 45, should have a certificate of vasectomy before being permitted a long stay via/extension.

 

Flame on guys!!!!!

Hahahaha

You're asking for it, mate.....

 

[wildewillie89]

The issue, even if the parents do consent, is that the actual girl is not of an age of mental development to consent herself.

 

We are not seriously exploring the positives or negatives of marrying a 14 year old are we? Are the moderators sleeping? Or does this fit into 'forum rules'. 
 

Edited September 21, 2017 by wildewillie89