Rights and duties between thai parents and son

[Mihawk]

Hello, i'm new in the forum.

 

I want to know if a thai son reached 20 years old (adult age) he is still obliged to deal with their parents? and more specifically they have to send money to their parents by government law or it's just a thai tradition?

 

When a son becomes of adult age has the right to left the shelter of their parents and live by his own even against their parents decision? 

 

I prefer a clear answer who already know everything please, so not congecture or thoughts. But what says the law clearly about these matters.

 

Thanks to whoever will help to clear this fact.

 

[NanLaew]

There's no legal requirement for support money to be paid by son or daughter to the parents and equally there is no legal requirement for the parents to send support money to their adult son or daughter.

 

On reaching adulthood, sons and daughters can both chose to leave the family house. By the same token, they can also chose to stay. Either way, there's no legal stipulations on leaving or staying.

 

But the realities of Thai culture can be a real b!tch sometimes.

[Mihawk]

Thanks for your immediate and clear answer. 

[Mihawk]

Actually i want to explain exactly the situation,

 

I'm talking about my girlfriend unfortunately she is 19 years old (real dramatic age in a kind of limbo). 

Now this girl she's extremely into western mentality and style due to her education countrary to the mother who is deeply devoted to any thai tradition etc.

Now why i asked those questions? I'm perplex about this situation.

Cause the mother who imposed suddenly a curfew to come back home before midnight something like that. When she allowed us to stay already and sleeping together since long time. 

There other thousands misunderstanding reason about other actions as well.

Now you have to understand that this girl even she's 19y old i can assure you she's diligent and adult but of course for the thai law not. She cannot bear anymore to stay with the mother who more than just having a discussion also beating her sometime for any stupid reason. 

So she arrived at a point that she wants to escape from home. (typical from many girls of her age or younger)

Now i of course suggested her to do this in the best and gentle possible way and trying to find a deal with the mother and do not do this the wrong way creating just a big mess which will indirectly will include me.

So, now i really love this girl and we love each other. There are no money between us of course cause i am 26 years old.

I'm totally out of the "paying" world and also not interested at all to meeting such kind of girls. So this is not the case.

She purely interested having me in her life and also she's not a material person.

Saying that how can i help her to handle this situation? 

She should wait till reaching the majority age and then leave home or she can do it now?

The mother of course she is a typical traditional materialist person.

So i told her the best way to not having troubles is to find a job (she can find some job in hotel due to her skill to speaking english which is a lot superior to the avarage for her age) and give some money to her mom in sign of respect and also for let her go away. Which knowing the mom will accept if there are money to grab.

At least temporary till she will become adult and not obliged anymore in any relation with her mom in any way unless the daughter will seeking for her.

Now i think the distance between the mom and her is possible cause she doesn't lives in a united family. The father do not really care about anything and does not live with them. The grand parents living outside in countryside and she barely ever seen them. So there is only the mom who is also alone by herself. 

So i think it will be easier to left the place without a big turmoil.

But i want to hear some opinion from someone who passed the same situation or have any suggestion.

And please be reasonable and don't tell me to find another girl cause i already been out with hundreds like most of you. So i want to settle down with this girl there is a real genuine love purpose despite here she's still considered a minor for another year.

Thanks and any suggestion is welcomed.

[Crossy]

2 minutes ago, Mihawk said:

I'm talking about my girlfriend unfortunately she is 19 years old (real dramatic age in a kind of limbo). 

The age of majority in Thailand is 20, until then she is considered a minor, take great care.

 

Source https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_majority

 

[Mihawk]

2 minutes ago, Crossy said:

The age of majority in Thailand is 20, until then she is considered a minor, take great care.

 

Source https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_majority

 

I know that. That's why i'm asking for suggestion to help her to find a way with her mom.

[NanLaew]

Patience.

 

If she's already been sleeping with you, she's either been cut a lot of slack (very unlikely) or she's headstrong and intent on making her mum's life miserable. There's plenty nice girls are single-mothers as well.

 

Oh yes, if she's finished her tertiary education (for now), she really should get a job. That will also make mum happy regardless if she gives mum any money or not. Nineteen, not working and sleeping with her foreign boyfriend already? What will her mum's friends and peers think if they find out?

[MatteoBassini]

She seems keen on abandoning her and the worst that can happen (which happened to me when my parents divorced), is that her mother can remove her from the tabian baan without anyone's permission, which would work in your girlfriend's favor.

 

I'm no legal expert, but if a child whether minor or not wants to escape, the child can do so because the mother is an adult. If the mother reports her as missing, your girlfriend can tell the authorities what's going on. If this was a western country then it would be considered child abuse but I don't know about Thailand.

 

You need to find an expert in these sort of stuffs and have them talk to the mother and your girlfriend. I can see why your girlfriend's mother is freaking out, it's because everyone in the family is gone and the mother doesn't realize that holding her daughter too tight is actually making the daughter want to get out even more. Therefore, you need an expert to educate the mother by telling her that if she was more lenient, understanding, and not crazy, her daughter would appreciate her more and when she's older, they would be a loving family.

 

[NanLaew]

5 minutes ago, MatteoBassini said:

She seems keen on abandoning her and the worst that can happen (which happened to me when my parents divorced), is that her mother can remove her from the tabian baan without anyone's permission, which would work in your girlfriend's favor.

 

I'm no legal expert, but if a child whether minor or not wants to escape, the child can do so because the mother is an adult. If the mother reports her as missing, your girlfriend can tell the authorities what's going on. If this was a western country then it would be considered child abuse but I don't know about Thailand.

 

You need to find an expert in these sort of stuffs and have them talk to the mother and your girlfriend. I can see why your girlfriend's mother is freaking out, it's because everyone in the family is gone and the mother doesn't realize that holding her daughter too tight is actually making the daughter want to get out even more. Therefore, you need an expert to educate the mother by telling her that if she was more lenient, understanding, and not crazy, her daughter would appreciate her more and when she's older, they would be a loving family.

 

Mum's got a problem? Really?

 

The girl's 'sleeping around' already, a headache for any western(ized) mum and a nightmare for socially conservative Thailand.

 

Mum has the right attitude, the girl already has too much freedom already and the OP needs to cool his jets for a year and then he can get her into any trouble that she wants... and vice versa.

 

I'm old school, sorry.

[Mihawk]

17 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

Mum's got a problem? Really?

 

The girl's 'sleeping around' already, a headache for any western(ized) mum and a nightmare for socially conservative Thailand.

 

Mum has the right attitude, the girl already has too much freedom already and the OP needs to cool his jets for a year and then he can get her into any trouble that she wants... and vice versa.

 

I'm old school, sorry.

The point is that the mom agreed to let her stay overnight with me. We already stay together 6 months. It's a serious relationship i also had dinner many times  with them at their home. I don't want this passing as a night stand situation cause is not. The mom knows me and she knows i care the daughter and i did a lot for her. So this is not in discussion. The point is suddenly she decided to not let her sleep with me. The reason? Could be cause maybe one day she woke up and see her beloved daughter is slowly getting away from her without anything in return (money). I'm really convinced that she expecting something from me. But i'm sorry i will not stand in thai tradition if is not my girlfriend asking me something in particular. Her mom has a job she is not jobless and the daughter is completely against thai tradition stuff since she got a western education, with saying that i still hope that the mother will put aside her pride for the happiness daughter because otherwise she will go sooner or later even if i was or not with her. Cause i'm of course not the only reason to leave. As i said it's a repressive situation that she cannot stand anymore. I do understand that it would be better to wait another last year and then she will be "free". But sometimes patiance running out of time without prior notice. 

And the mom she has to understand what kind of relationship want to keep with her daughter in good or in a bad way. 

The daughter doesn't care what family says or mom's friends are going to say cause there is in fact no family. But only mom and her. So if she has to care someone is only her mom and of course if she keeps repressing her probably the girl will countinue to grow distance with mom since one day they maybe will barely speaking each other. Of course i don't this and i hope as i said to find a way of peace.

however the mother is attached to money like a bee with honey. So i guess there will be no problem just when my girl gonna mention that money will be sent to her regularly in exchange of her freedom at least till the next year after that she will decide what kind of relation wants to have with her and vice versa. I'll never put the daughter against the mom instead i always tried to find a compromise to also let the mother think i didn't want this and i'm totally not into this drama.

[jgarbo]

15 hours ago, NanLaew said:

There's no legal requirement for support money to be paid by son or daughter to the parents and equally there is no legal requirement for the parents to send support money to their adult son or daughter.

 

On reaching adulthood, sons and daughters can both chose to leave the family house. By the same token, they can also chose to stay. Either way, there's no legal stipulations on leaving or staying.

 

But the realities of Thai culture can be a real b!tch sometimes.

He asks the impossible: a clear (Western-style answer) to a Thai, always ambiguous, question. Go home or learn that these people think differently and are very successful with their society. 

There's no clear answer to anything here, that's the beauty. A myriad solutions.  

[jgarbo]

3 hours ago, Mihawk said:

Actually i want to explain exactly the situation,

 

I'm talking about my girlfriend unfortunately she is 19 years old (real dramatic age in a kind of limbo). 

Now this girl she's extremely into western mentality and style due to her education countrary to the mother who is deeply devoted to any thai tradition etc.

Now why i asked those questions? I'm perplex about this situation.

Cause the mother who imposed suddenly a curfew to come back home before midnight something like that. When she allowed us to stay already and sleeping together since long time. 

There other thousands misunderstanding reason about other actions as well.

Now you have to understand that this girl even she's 19y old i can assure you she's diligent and adult but of course for the thai law not. She cannot bear anymore to stay with the mother who more than just having a discussion also beating her sometime for any stupid reason. 

So she arrived at a point that she wants to escape from home. (typical from many girls of her age or younger)

Now i of course suggested her to do this in the best and gentle possible way and trying to find a deal with the mother and do not do this the wrong way creating just a big mess which will indirectly will include me.

So, now i really love this girl and we love each other. There are no money between us of course cause i am 26 years old.

I'm totally out of the "paying" world and also not interested at all to meeting such kind of girls. So this is not the case.

She purely interested having me in her life and also she's not a material person.

Saying that how can i help her to handle this situation? 

She should wait till reaching the majority age and then leave home or she can do it now?

The mother of course she is a typical traditional materialist person.

So i told her the best way to not having troubles is to find a job (she can find some job in hotel due to her skill to speaking english which is a lot superior to the avarage for her age) and give some money to her mom in sign of respect and also for let her go away. Which knowing the mom will accept if there are money to grab.

At least temporary till she will become adult and not obliged anymore in any relation with her mom in any way unless the daughter will seeking for her.

Now i think the distance between the mom and her is possible cause she doesn't lives in a united family. The father do not really care about anything and does not live with them. The grand parents living outside in countryside and she barely ever seen them. So there is only the mom who is also alone by herself. 

So i think it will be easier to left the place without a big turmoil.

But i want to hear some opinion from someone who passed the same situation or have any suggestion.

And please be reasonable and don't tell me to find another girl cause i already been out with hundreds like most of you. So i want to settle down with this girl there is a real genuine love purpose despite here she's still considered a minor for another year.

Thanks and any suggestion is welcomed.

Alex in Wonderland. You have a long, painful road ahead that will end in misery. Yet again, I'm glad I'm not you. Go home. It's called "cutting your losses".

[Mihawk]

1 minute ago, jgarbo said:

He asks the impossible: a clear (Western-style answer) to a Thai, always ambiguous, question. Go home or learn that these people think differently and are very successful with their society. 

There's no clear answer to anything here, that's the beauty. A myriad solutions.  

I do understand this. And i never asked for this. The point here that maybe is not clear. I'm not the one who has to deal with this. So we are not talking about a farang that has to fight with a thai. We are talking about a thai against a thai. As i said there is no family union. So i agree about the law is not everything in thailand and most of the time there is a shady path to handle. But i don't think this is the case as i said there is no union in the family. It's only 1 member the mom and the daughter. There is not really much the mom can do once the daughter becomes of age. If she wants to left home she will and nobody can change her mind i'm sure of that. They are simply incompatible. So you are talking more about farang against thai. But here there is no society in the meaning of united family. We don't stay in countryside. 

We live in bkk and people have much else to think about than these family drama. Nobody care here except maybe what her mom thinks and could say to her friends just that. So unless she get totally mad and make some crime to have her back which i don't think this is the case (i hope not) there is not much they can do. There is plenty of teenagers living alone in bangkok. Bangkok cannot be considered strictly related with thai countryside in my modest opinion for multiple factors.

[Mihawk]

and she will goes either with or without me. That's why i wanted find the less drastic way. So please don't start to be so negative as usual. and bring here the same stereotype about Thai always win against farang. Cause there is nothing to win or to fight. Here is the daughter who wants to get her own life simply as that and become gradually indipendent.

You are comparing a girl from countryside with multiplies dogma behind a whole traditional conservative family to control her life in a strict thai traditional process and of course in that circumstance i agree that it would be almost impossible to get out from that trap. but i don't think is properly the right example for this situation which i believe has a different contest and a much weaker family power.

 

 

[saakura]

Without knowing the other side of the story fro her mother's side, it will not be fair to say that she is the villian out to ruin her daughter's life. Maybe she is just trying to protect her from a good for nothing farang with whom her daughter has fallen in love, how do we know?

 

In the asian perspective, if she comes from an educated, cultured and a good family, she will be looked down upon for sleeping with a foreigner at such a young age. If she is just 19, may have just completed high school or vocational training with prospects of a low paid clerical job. Every parent, and especially the mother, would always want the best for her child and have an uncanny ability to sense danger. 

[1FinickyOne]

4 hours ago, Mihawk said:

Actually i want to explain exactly the situation,

 

I'm talking about my girlfriend unfortunately she is 19 years old (real dramatic age in a kind of limbo). 

Now this girl she's extremely into western mentality and style due to her education countrary to the mother who is deeply devoted to any thai tradition etc.

Now why i asked those questions? I'm perplex about this situation.

Cause the mother who imposed suddenly a curfew to come back home before midnight something like that. When she allowed us to stay already and sleeping together since long time. 

There other thousands misunderstanding reason about other actions as well.

Now you have to understand that this girl even she's 19y old i can assure you she's diligent and adult but of course for the thai law not. She cannot bear anymore to stay with the mother who more than just having a discussion also beating her sometime for any stupid reason. 

So she arrived at a point that she wants to escape from home. (typical from many girls of her age or younger)

Now i of course suggested her to do this in the best and gentle possible way and trying to find a deal with the mother and do not do this the wrong way creating just a big mess which will indirectly will include me.

So, now i really love this girl and we love each other. There are no money between us of course cause i am 26 years old.

I'm totally out of the "paying" world and also not interested at all to meeting such kind of girls. So this is not the case.

She purely interested having me in her life and also she's not a material person.

Saying that how can i help her to handle this situation? 

She should wait till reaching the majority age and then leave home or she can do it now?

The mother of course she is a typical traditional materialist person.

So i told her the best way to not having troubles is to find a job (she can find some job in hotel due to her skill to speaking english which is a lot superior to the avarage for her age) and give some money to her mom in sign of respect and also for let her go away. Which knowing the mom will accept if there are money to grab.

At least temporary till she will become adult and not obliged anymore in any relation with her mom in any way unless the daughter will seeking for her.

Now i think the distance between the mom and her is possible cause she doesn't lives in a united family. The father do not really care about anything and does not live with them. The grand parents living outside in countryside and she barely ever seen them. So there is only the mom who is also alone by herself. 

So i think it will be easier to left the place without a big turmoil.

But i want to hear some opinion from someone who passed the same situation or have any suggestion.

And please be reasonable and don't tell me to find another girl cause i already been out with hundreds like most of you. So i want to settle down with this girl there is a real genuine love purpose despite here she's still considered a minor for another year.

Thanks and any suggestion is welcomed.

Sorry, this is a bit long - - but from reading some of it... let me ask you this... 

 

If you had a terrible problem with your mother or father... maybe a long standing problem... how much will this girl be able to help you? 

 

What I am saying is that this is her problem and probably not much you can do about it. When I was your age and started to have more serious relationships, there came an understanding that when you get involved with someone who has problems, you also take on these problems too... best I can tell you is to try and be supportive of her but accept and expect that there will be turmoil in your life...

 

Best of luck to all of you - - and remember, the mom also is feeling pain. 

[Mihawk]

 

5 minutes ago, saakura said:

Without knowing the other side of the story fro her mother's side, it will not be fair to say that she is the villian out to ruin her daughter's life. Maybe she is just trying to protect her from a good for nothing farang with whom her daughter has fallen in love, how do we know?

 

In the asian perspective, if she comes from an educated, cultured and a good family, she will be looked down upon for sleeping with a foreigner at such a young age. If she is just 19, may have just completed high school or vocational training with prospects of a low paid clerical job. Every parent, and especially the mother, would always want the best for her child and have an uncanny ability to sense danger. 

Of course you are right. But i also cannot say the whole story in detail for obvious reasons. Either way i will try to support her in her decision whether or not she will left the place.

In fact i'm not here to point who did what and why.

The point is they are arriving at a breaking point. So i just wanted help her to find the best way to handle this situation.

Btw it seems you didn't read with attention the whole messages. There is no family a part the mother. 

She got a good education because she is intelligent and she always studied more than others and also by herself especially regarding english. So that's why she can speak and write a good english. There is not such expensive education behind but just determination and passion on some matters.

She going to university. As i said she simply wants to get her own life she doesn't pretend be fed by her mom forever instead she's looking for a job and get indipendent. Properly cause she has a more western mindset and i don't think there is nothing wrong with this. But is right what you said about 19 is still considered by a merely tradition a kid so i do understand her mom position. Properly for this reason is necessary a compromise.

 

[Mihawk]

2 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

Sorry, this is a bit long - - but from reading some of it... let me ask you this... 

 

If you had a terrible problem with your mother or father... maybe a long standing problem... how much will this girl be able to help you? 

 

What I am saying is that this is her problem and probably not much you can do about it. When I was your age and started to have more serious relationships, there came an understanding that when you get involved with someone who has problems, you also take on these problems too... best I can tell you is to try and be supportive of her but accept and expect that there will be turmoil in your life...

 

Best of luck to all of you - - and remember, the mom also is feeling pain. 

you are totally right, in fact i'm trying to guide her to have dialogue and find the smoothest way to deal with this for her, us and mom sake. But she is the one who has to choose. I cannot take decisions for her and the mom has to understand that i didn't ever wanted this such drama. She created this situation by her own. So it's an inevitable situation. Just cause the mother doesn't understand her and doesn't know with which manners has to handle her. 

Plenty of these situations nowadays in Thailand due to the gap between the two generations probably.

[1FinickyOne]

15 minutes ago, Mihawk said:

you are totally right, in fact i'm trying to guide her to have dialogue and find the smoothest way to deal with this for her, us and mom sake. But she is the one who has to choose. I cannot take decisions for her and the mom has to understand that i didn't ever wanted this such drama. She created this situation by her own. So it's an inevitable situation. Just cause the mother doesn't understand her and doesn't know with which manners has to handle her. 

Plenty of these situations nowadays in Thailand due to the gap between the two generations probably.

Well, I sure do wish you the best and you seem to be a bright and thoughtful guy... and maybe the only bright spot in this story is your kindly and intelligent approach... and I know when you are in love, nobody wants to hear this... but what type of people are you getting involved with? I surely do not know the answer to that, but often times, there are people who enjoy and thrive on conflict - and it does not sound like you are one of them. If someday she is done fighting with her mom, will she then turn that temperament on you? Please excuse the negativity, but it is something to consider. 

 

One of the things I respect the most about my wife is her total devotion to her parents, which might all be old school in this new world... sure, things change through 17 years of being together, but this caring aspect and selfless devotion to her family is part of who she is... and I mention this because "drama" is something that my wife watches on tv and does not make it part of family life... none of her family does. And I know i am living very happily because I do not enjoy that. 

 

The only dramas we have might be if a family member is sick or if one of the kids, nephews, etc.. [big family here] has an accident or gets in trouble... but that is always met by a pulling together... there are enough problems inherent in life, work, business and ageing, that unnecessary drama should not be one of them. 

 

 

[GOLDBUGGY]

1 hour ago, Mihawk said:

The point is that the mom agreed to let her stay overnight with me. We already stay together 6 months. It's a serious relationship i also had dinner many times  with them at their home. I don't want this passing as a night stand situation cause is not. The mom knows me and she knows i care the daughter and i did a lot for her. So this is not in discussion. The point is suddenly she decided to not let her sleep with me. The reason? Could be cause maybe one day she woke up and see her beloved daughter is slowly getting away from her without anything in return (money). I'm really convinced that she expecting something from me. But i'm sorry i will not stand in thai tradition if is not my girlfriend asking me something in particular. Her mom has a job she is not jobless and the daughter is completely against thai tradition stuff since she got a western education, with saying that i still hope that the mother will put aside her pride for the happiness daughter because otherwise she will go sooner or later even if i was or not with her. Cause i'm of course not the only reason to leave. As i said it's a repressive situation that she cannot stand anymore. I do understand that it would be better to wait another last year and then she will be "free". But sometimes patiance running out of time without prior notice. 

And the mom she has to understand what kind of relationship want to keep with her daughter in good or in a bad way. 

The daughter doesn't care what family says or mom's friends are going to say cause there is in fact no family. But only mom and her. So if she has to care someone is only her mom and of course if she keeps repressing her probably the girl will countinue to grow distance with mom since one day they maybe will barely speaking each other. Of course i don't this and i hope as i said to find a way of peace.

however the mother is attached to money like a bee with honey. So i guess there will be no problem just when my girl gonna mention that money will be sent to her regularly in exchange of her freedom at least till the next year after that she will decide what kind of relation wants to have with her and vice versa. I'll never put the daughter against the mom instead i always tried to find a compromise to also let the mother think i didn't want this and i'm totally not into this drama.

What is missing in your equation is "You".

 

I don't think this is all about mother and daughter but more about daughter and serious boyfriend. In Thai Culture and Tradition, it is the man who is responsible for looking after the woman, and she is responsible for looking after him.  A system I think works well, if you can follow it.

 

You said your are 26 years old, but you never said what you do for a living. If you had a good education and a good paying job, then I am sure the pressure would be off the daughter. The Mother would welcome you more and she would now be putting pressured on the both of you for marriage. So I gather she is worried now as you are not working and thus sees no future for her daughter with you. Liking or not liking you has nothing to do with this.  

 

If that is the case then the daughter getting a job isn't going to change much. It is not the daughter her mother wants to see changes in. I think it is You she wants to see changed. If you have a good future plan then let her know what it is. If you don't, then perhaps you should start to make some serious plans. Living off your wife is not acceptable here for too long. Especially at the beginning.    

[Mihawk]

8 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

Well, I sure do wish you the best and you seem to be a bright and thoughtful guy... and maybe the only bright spot in this story is your kindly and intelligent approach... and I know when you are in love, nobody wants to hear this... but what type of people are you getting involved with? I surely do not know the answer to that, but often times, there are people who enjoy and thrive on conflict - and it does not sound like you are one of them. If someday she is done fighting with her mom, will she then turn that temperament on you? Please excuse the negativity, but it is something to consider. 

 

One of the things I respect the most about my wife is her total devotion to her parents, which might all be old school in this new world... sure, things change through 17 years of being together, but this caring aspect and selfless devotion to her family is part of who she is... and I mention this because "drama" is something that my wife watches on tv and does not make it part of family life... none of her family does. And I know i am living very happily because I do not enjoy that. 

 

The only dramas we have might be if a family member is sick or if one of the kids, nephews, etc.. [big family here] has an accident or gets in trouble... but that is always met by a pulling together... there are enough problems inherent in life, work, business and ageing, that unnecessary drama should not be one of them. 

 

 

"If someday she is done fighting with her mom, will she then turn that temperament on you? Please excuse the negativity, but it is something to consider. "

 

We never fought for the moment in 6 months...and i have to admit it's kinda rare especially in thailand.

We are totally on the same line of thoughts indeed.

So yeah maybe one day we will fight but i think i know who she  is so that is something doesn't concern me for the moment. 

She also wanted stay in a good relationship with her mom. But her mom "and it makes me sad to admit this" in my opinion she has many conflict inside herself cause she also escaped when she was young and suddenly ended up like this i guess she is really frustrated about her status and maybe also have much confusion in her mind nomoretheless i presume she is also bipolar changing her mind like the weather.

I say this because i dealt with her and i had conversation with her who brought me to think this.

For not mention the violence about beating the daughter.

And i know she did that cause i saw her with a bruise.

So i ask you, how can you respect a person like this? It's a challenge indeed. 

Saying that i think the same as you about the family i also appreciate a daughter who take in consideration her family in total.

But in this particular case i guess i couldn't bear as well and probably cannot love that much a member of the family doing this.

[Mihawk]

3 minutes ago, GOLDBUGGY said:

What is missing in your equation is "You".

 

I don't think this is all about mother and daughter but more about daughter and serious boyfriend. In Thai Culture and Tradition, it is the man who is responsible for looking after the woman, and she is responsible for looking after him.  A system I think works well, if you can follow it.

 

You said your are 26 years old, but you never said what you do for a living. If you had a good education and a good paying job, then I am sure the pressure would be off the daughter. The Mother would welcome you more and she would now be putting pressured on the both of you for marriage. So I gather she is worried now as you are not working and thus sees no future for her daughter with you. Liking or not liking you has nothing to do with this.  

 

If that is the case then the daughter getting a job isn't going to change much. It is not the daughter her mother wants to see changes in. I think it is You she wants to see changed. If you have a good future plan then let her know what it is. If you don't, then perhaps you should start to make some serious plans. Living off your wife is not acceptable here for too long. Especially at the beginning.    

She knows i work but of course we are not ready to marry.

You are proposing a too simplistic vision.

and as i said there are no money between me and her. And if she doesn't care about whether i have an high class job or not i don't know why i should care about what her mother think, even again this is not the case cause as i wrote already i did a lot for the daughter which means even spending quite a lot money.

I'm not gonna change my culture for her simply cause the girl also doesn't share mom's ideas.

And more than that doesn't really matter what her mom thinks about me. As i said the girl wants to get out from her for multiples issues between them. 

So i'm not really related to their drama.

As i said she wants get off from her with or without me they simply do not share the same vision of the world.

Anyway i guess i arrived a conclusion which is what i said before. She gonna get a job trying to find an agreement with her mom or otherwise she simply has to wait another year and go. There is not much the mom can do to change this. Also cause the daughter can charge her for having beaten her to the police something that i don't think the mom want incur. She knows she will not has power for so long that's she is in panic and acting like this which of course is the wrongest way cause it will just put more distance between them.

 

[NanLaew]

At the rate the OP is stuck in the rinse & repeat cycle and reposting and answering his own questions, the girl will be 20 already and all his girlfriends problems will fly away all be his.

 

Waiting to see how he handles that first, "I'm going home to mother!" moment.

[FritsSikkink]

"she has a good education"

No, she is only 19 and can only have secondary school.

"So i want to settle down with this girl there is a real genuine love purpose"

But you are not ready to marry.

BTW you are about 40% older than her. A 26 years old who has a relation with a minor for 6 months+.  

[jackdd]

You should not forget that many of the people here on Thaivisa are just a lot older than you or me and so the experiences differ. It doesn't mean everything is wrong, but if guys come here when they are 50+ they probably don't really know how the cultural situation of a teenager girl here in Thailand is (who is not working in a bar).

I've dated a lot of girls in Thailand in their teens, just normal girls, who went to school or maybe just started studying. When i was 25 i had a 17 year old girlfriend for about 8 months, who did still go to school then and lived at home with her family.

 

In Thai culture there are only 3 reasons for a girl to move out from home without herself or family loosing face: She got married, she goes to another city to work, or she goes to another city to study.

To move out to stay with her boyfriend is definitely not a socially accepted reason to move out from home. Actually in many families even just having a boyfriend, when the girl did not finish studying yet, is not really accepted, but usually somehow tolerated.

 

When i was together with my GF back then usually she came to visit me after school, but then went back home after a few hours. On the weekend, when she didn't go to school, her father did not allow her to go outside, so usually i visited her at her home then. Sometimes she did sleep with me under the week, but she never told her parents anything like this. She always called her dad and said something like: "I have to study for a test with my friends, will be getting late, i will stay at my friends home". Of course her dad was probably not totally stupid, i met him many times, he knew i'm her bf, but she would never tell him that she sleeps with me, because this is not acceptable in Thai culture unless we were married.

 

So if she wants to move out from home, she either has to get a job or a place to study somewhere far enough from home to have a reason to move out (or marry you), everything else will not be accepted by her family, she just has to lie about this to her family.

[Mihawk]

3 hours ago, jackdd said:

You should not forget that many of the people here on Thaivisa are just a lot older than you or me and so the experiences differ. It doesn't mean everything is wrong, but if guys come here when they are 50+ they probably don't really know how the cultural situation of a teenager girl here in Thailand is (who is not working in a bar).

I've dated a lot of girls in Thailand in their teens, just normal girls, who went to school or maybe just started studying. When i was 25 i had a 17 year old girlfriend for about 8 months, who did still go to school then and lived at home with her family.

 

In Thai culture there are only 3 reasons for a girl to move out from home without herself or family loosing face: She got married, she goes to another city to work, or she goes to another city to study.

To move out to stay with her boyfriend is definitely not a socially accepted reason to move out from home. Actually in many families even just having a boyfriend, when the girl did not finish studying yet, is not really accepted, but usually somehow tolerated.

 

When i was together with my GF back then usually she came to visit me after school, but then went back home after a few hours. On the weekend, when she didn't go to school, her father did not allow her to go outside, so usually i visited her at her home then. Sometimes she did sleep with me under the week, but she never told her parents anything like this. She always called her dad and said something like: "I have to study for a test with my friends, will be getting late, i will stay at my friends home". Of course her dad was probably not totally stupid, i met him many times, he knew i'm her bf, but she would never tell him that she sleeps with me, because this is not acceptable in Thai culture unless we were married.

 

So if she wants to move out from home, she either has to get a job or a place to study somewhere far enough from home to have a reason to move out (or marry you), everything else will not be accepted by her family, she just has to lie about this to her family.

Yes, I see. Btw thanks to everyone for your considerations. 

[scorecard]

21 hours ago, Mihawk said:

and she will goes either with or without me. That's why i wanted find the less drastic way. So please don't start to be so negative as usual. and bring here the same stereotype about Thai always win against farang. Cause there is nothing to win or to fight. Here is the daughter who wants to get her own life simply as that and become gradually indipendent.

You are comparing a girl from countryside with multiplies dogma behind a whole traditional conservative family to control her life in a strict thai traditional process and of course in that circumstance i agree that it would be almost impossible to get out from that trap. but i don't think is properly the right example for this situation which i believe has a different contest and a much weaker family power.

 

 

 

Dear OP,

 

You're already getting many comments way off your original post and they will continue until you stop your posts.

[BTB1977]

If you are sleeping with her, support her. Have her move in, find a good job and send money  back to mama. You  bang it you own it. 

[MaeJoMTB]

On 10/15/2017 at 4:24 PM, Mihawk said:

I'm talking about my girlfriend unfortunately she is 19 years old (real dramatic age in a kind of limbo). 

Not an adult until age 20 in Thailand. Keep away from her until then.

[MaeJoMTB]

5 hours ago, jackdd said:

guys come here when they are 50+ they probably don't really know how the cultural situation of a teenager girl here in Thailand is (who is not working in a bar).

No, I have a 19 year old Thai daughter, if she dated any male she would be out the house with our boot helping her out the door, never to  return. Decent Thai girls only touch a man for the first time on their wedding night.