Trust.

[Denim]

Wow.....lucky coincidence. My watch had just stopped , now I can reset it to the most accurate timepiece in the world ......the recurring loyal wife thread.

And there are people out there who waste money on a Rolex !

[Gruff]

1 hour ago, kenk24 said:

I would say more so that love and acceptance are more the cornerstone. 

 

Trust is potentially momentary and often dependent on chance. Maybe someone can trust their wife today and rightfully so, but what if tomorrow she meets someone else? I am not one who believes that there is only one person on earth who is a perfect match for every other... 

Kenk 24, you are so full of words of wisdom today !!

 

[1FinickyOne]

1 minute ago, Gruff said:

Kenk 24, you are so full of words of wisdom today !!

 

just a lucky day maybe... I am actually tired - had a long day. But thanks. 

[connda]

8 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

Well, I had fun reading this. In a grand scheme of things I would even agree with everything, unfortunately we were born as humans and certain things do matter. 25 minutes of friction means betrayal. If you are into cucking then it doesn't matter.

 

You can't humanly rationalize it's 25 minutes of this and 15 minutes of that. Otherwise it would be it 2 minutes of murder and 5 minutes of beatings....no biggie.

 

Unless she's letting you watch, I'd dump her.

Which is exactly what makes me different from you and most of the population who allow their lives to be dragged hither and yon by emotions that were ingrained via cultural conditioning at an early age by paragons of virtue who influenced your emotional development, as opposed to truly looking at your life, accepting responsibility for what you are and who you became, and taking it for what it is - good, bad, and indifferent.  I've never claimed to be part of the established moral majority nor do I claim to share commonly accepted narratives, mindless customs, or overly-righteous mores that most of my acquaintances claim to share with each other - and yet, I consider myself to be a moral, honest, and compassionate human being.  I'm monogamous, but I definitely don't share many of my fellow men and women's obsession with being emotionally crushed by their partner's infidelity, cheating, betrayal < add your own synonyms for personally feeling screwed over by your mate because they bumped genitals with someone else >.  Without all the drama most of you seem to be compulsively obsess by, such as 'spousal betrayal' or 'lack of spousal commitment' - trust me - I carry significantly less baggage than most of you.  I come to grips with the crap life hands me, approach it with a degree of compassion and understanding, and then let it go.  
But if you and others like you need to grind away your lives in a cycle of resentment fueled by betrayal and treachery - well, God only know there are plenty of pharmaceutical companies, psychologists, and psychoanalysts who will be happy to take your money with promises of salvation through psychotropic induced counseling which does little but reinforce the cultural and societal prejudices that brought you to that state of betrayal in the first place.
And as far as me being a cuckold Mr. 'theguyfromanotherforum', perhaps you should check for the stick in your own eye sir before commenting on the dust in my own.  I know more cuckquean who are the wives, girlfriends, and significant others of male acquaintances, male friends, and male work cohorts of mine than I care to contemplate.  Do a bit of self reflection before you start tossing stones of moral turpitude with self-righteous abandon. How clean is your past?  I truly dislike hypocrites, especially those who tend to toss around derisive terms without a whole lot of personal reflection. "Cuckold" <laughs>. I choose to live my own life; what you think of how I chose to live my life is actually pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
And just an observation: you should consider working on your vulgarity.  It tends to be symptomatic of the person who lies beneath the verbal crassness. 
"Unless she's letting you watch, I'd dump her."
Nice touch sir.  Nice touch! 

Edited November 7, 2017 by connda

[connda]

5 hours ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Not anyone, but any woman. Big difference.

Some of us can't even trust our mothers, sisters or daughters, let alone random lovers.

 

When I was getting divorced, I and my (former) 20 year old son were the last ones to know what was being planned. My (ex) son said to me, "Dad, I've just realized every woman I ever loved has lied and betrayed me". That included his grandmother, mother, sister and two aunts. He was more emotionally damaged by the event than I was.

Not even Marina?  

[MaeJoMTB]

57 minutes ago, connda said:

Not even Marina?  

She cheated on me with Phones.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

4 hours ago, connda said:

Which is exactly what makes me different from you and most of the population who allow their lives to be dragged hither and yon by emotions that were ingrained via cultural conditioning at an early age by paragons of virtue who influenced your emotional development, as opposed to truly looking at your life, accepting responsibility for what you are and who you became, and taking it for what it is - good, bad, and indifferent.  I've never claimed to be part of the established moral majority nor do I claim to share commonly accepted narratives, mindless customs, or overly-righteous mores that most of my acquaintances claim to share with each other - and yet, I consider myself to be a moral, honest, and compassionate human being.  I'm monogamous, but I definitely don't share many of my fellow men and women's obsession with being emotionally crushed by their partner's infidelity, cheating, betrayal < add your own synonyms for personally feeling screwed over by your mate because they bumped genitals with someone else >.  Without all the drama most of you seem to be compulsively obsess by, such as 'spousal betrayal' or 'lack of spousal commitment' - trust me - I carry significantly less baggage than most of you.  I come to grips with the crap life hands me, approach it with a degree of compassion and understanding, and then let it go.  
But if you and others like you need to grind away your lives in a cycle of resentment fueled by betrayal and treachery - well, God only know there are plenty of pharmaceutical companies, psychologists, and psychoanalysts who will be happy to take your money with promises of salvation through psychotropic induced counseling which does little but reinforce the cultural and societal prejudices that brought you to that state of betrayal in the first place.
And as far as me being a cuckold Mr. 'theguyfromanotherforum', perhaps you should check for the stick in your own eye sir before commenting on the dust in my own.  I know more cuckquean who are the wives, girlfriends, and significant others of male acquaintances, male friends, and male work cohorts of mine than I care to contemplate.  Do a bit of self reflection before you start tossing stones of moral turpitude with self-righteous abandon. How clean is your past?  I truly dislike hypocrites, especially those who tend to toss around derisive terms without a whole lot of personal reflection. "Cuckold" <laughs>. I choose to live my own life; what you think of how I chose to live my life is actually pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
And just an observation: you should consider working on your vulgarity.  It tends to be symptomatic of the person who lies beneath the verbal crassness. 
"Unless she's letting you watch, I'd dump her."
Nice touch sir.  Nice touch! 

 

Pretty long post for a guy who claims he doesn't care.

 

Simply put, I don't believe a single word you wrote.

[Thongkorn]

Without trust why bother,

[F4UCorsair]

On 11/6/2017 at 1:33 PM, steven100 said:

If my wife cheats she don't get paid .......  so i trust her

 

Great logic....I love it.

 

Before you, or anybody comments, I did get it.

Edited November 7, 2017 by F4UCorsair

[MadMuhammad]

14 hours ago, Gruff said:

Be realstic, 15 years is a big age gap, very rare in the Western world.

I disagree. My ex-fiancée was 11 years my junior, a relationship I had for 7 years in Australia. I’ve just turned 40 and my partner now is 25. She is quite worldly for a Thai having studied in Australia for 3 years and travelled quite a bit. 

There are absolutely no glaring age related differences and it’s one of the healthier relationships I’ve had.

[F4UCorsair]

1 hour ago, MadMuhammad said:

I disagree. My ex-fiancée was 11 years my junior, a relationship I had for 7 years in Australia. I’ve just turned 40 and my partner now is 25. She is quite worldly for a Thai having studied in Australia for 3 years and travelled quite a bit. 

There are absolutely no glaring age related differences and it’s one of the healthier relationships I’ve had.

 

Likewise, I've been with mine for 8 years, and she's 18 years my junior.

 

However, I think where a western man living in Thailand and takes up with a woman 20+ years younger, there will be issues for most, not all, but most, not only age, but also cultural.

[Been there done that]

1 hour ago, F4UCorsair said:

 

Likewise, I've been with mine for 8 years, and she's 18 years my junior.

 

However, I think where a western man living in Thailand and takes up with a woman 20+ years younger, there will be issues for most, not all, but most, not only age, but also cultural.

There will be issues for most - you wrote. Good to read from you that those issues have to do with age but also cultural. 

 

What a nonsense. The overwhelming majority of thai women only stay with "us" to receive a paycheck. Sooner then later. Only on this forum i read often about true love. Jeeeezzzz what a joke !

[steven100]

2 minutes ago, Been there done that said:

There will be issues for most - you wrote. Good to read from you that those issues have to do with age but also cultural. 

 

What a nonsense. The overwhelming majority of thai women only stay with "us" to receive a paycheck. Sooner then later. Only on this forum i read often about true love. Jeeeezzzz what a joke !

but my wife always tells me it is true love just when I'm giving her the 20,000 baht on the 30th of each month.

[F4UCorsair]

5 minutes ago, steven100 said:

but my wife always tells me it is true love just when I'm giving her the 20,000 baht on the 30th of each month.

 

It is!!    She loves money!

[F4UCorsair]

14 minutes ago, Been there done that said:

There will be issues for most - you wrote. Good to read from you that those issues have to do with age but also cultural. 

 

What a nonsense. The overwhelming majority of thai women only stay with "us" to receive a paycheck. Sooner then later. Only on this forum i read often about true love. Jeeeezzzz what a joke !

 

And I see that as a cultural difference, so we agree.   Many/most Asian/Thai women marry for security (read 'pay check'), no more, whereas in the west, most (I think) marry for love, although a solid bank balance may tip the scales.

Edited November 8, 2017 by F4UCorsair

[xylophone]

14 hours ago, kenk24 said:

Trust is potentially momentary and often dependent on chance. Maybe someone can trust their wife today and rightfully so, but what if tomorrow she meets someone else?

In that case, we have different perceptions of the word trust.

 

IMO it is something that runs through the relationship and deeply so, to the point that it is not momentary, but is in fact the glue and can withstand the ebb and flows of relationships and emotions.

 

To take your example, if my wife (if I had one) met someone else tomorrow with whom she felt some attraction, then because of the trust we had in our relationship, she would weigh up in her mind, that which we had; the good times, the good life and the feelings for one another and would not sacrifice those things for something which was an unknown, perhaps a "once off" – – I would trust her to do this, just the same as she would trust me to do it.

 

In fact just think of how many relationships have fallen apart because of an infidelity/breaking of trust, whereby the erring partner begs forgiveness of the other but to no avail and the marriage falls apart, sooner or later. And as timedres said in his post, "If you love someone, trust them. If they break that trust, you will be forced to assess your ability to accept it", and it is the ability, or lack of, to accept the breaking of that trust that will determine the future of the marriage/relationship.

 

It seems that some can accept and some can't, and I think that for those who believe it is just a minor blip and accept and get on with the relationship, then good on them, but for others who believe that trust runs so deep in their relationship and is the glue which holds it together, it is very difficult, even heartbreaking to consider.

 

 

[1FinickyOne]

Interesting points, but it can come down to a matter of degrees and differences of what is important.. thanks for noting that you are not married... things change - feelings change - some people can love and honor one person forever, but not many... 

 

And timedres had a wonderful quote as you cited... 

 

Love changes too - not many of us in long term relationships love their spouses w/the same passion as before... so, it becomes a matter of what one might trust. I would like to think that the basic character of a person, the core honesty and decency that drew people together remains, whereas situations and life changes and it does not necessarily need to be defined as 'betrayal' just life happening... at least in the case of fidelity. 

[Gruff]

2 hours ago, xylophone said:

In that case, we have different perceptions of the word trust.

 

IMO it is something that runs through the relationship and deeply so, to the point that it is not momentary, but is in fact the glue and can withstand the ebb and flows of relationships and emotions.

 

To take your example, if my wife (if I had one) met someone else tomorrow with whom she felt some attraction, then because of the trust we had in our relationship, she would weigh up in her mind, that which we had; the good times, the good life and the feelings for one another and would not sacrifice those things for something which was an unknown, perhaps a "once off" – – I would trust her to do this, just the same as she would trust me to do it.

 

In fact just think of how many relationships have fallen apart because of an infidelity/breaking of trust, whereby the erring partner begs forgiveness of the other but to no avail and the marriage falls apart, sooner or later. And as timedres said in his post, "If you love someone, trust them. If they break that trust, you will be forced to assess your ability to accept it", and it is the ability, or lack of, to accept the breaking of that trust that will determine the future of the marriage/relationship.

 

It seems that some can accept and some can't, and I think that for those who believe it is just a minor blip and accept and get on with the relationship, then good on them, but for others who believe that trust runs so deep in their relationship and is the glue which holds it together, it is very difficult, even heartbreaking to consider.

 

 

If you have been in a situation where a wife / gf has had an affair and also in a situation where a wife / gf has prevented you from seeing your own children you can then take some real perspective on the seriousness of infidelity.

[Gruff]

16 hours ago, connda said:

Which is exactly what makes me different from you and most of the population who allow their lives to be dragged hither and yon by emotions that were ingrained via cultural conditioning at an early age by paragons of virtue who influenced your emotional development, as opposed to truly looking at your life, accepting responsibility for what you are and who you became, and taking it for what it is - good, bad, and indifferent.  I've never claimed to be part of the established moral majority nor do I claim to share commonly accepted narratives, mindless customs, or overly-righteous mores that most of my acquaintances claim to share with each other - and yet, I consider myself to be a moral, honest, and compassionate human being.  I'm monogamous, but I definitely don't share many of my fellow men and women's obsession with being emotionally crushed by their partner's infidelity, cheating, betrayal < add your own synonyms for personally feeling screwed over by your mate because they bumped genitals with someone else >.  Without all the drama most of you seem to be compulsively obsess by, such as 'spousal betrayal' or 'lack of spousal commitment' - trust me - I carry significantly less baggage than most of you.  I come to grips with the crap life hands me, approach it with a degree of compassion and understanding, and then let it go.  
But if you and others like you need to grind away your lives in a cycle of resentment fueled by betrayal and treachery - well, God only know there are plenty of pharmaceutical companies, psychologists, and psychoanalysts who will be happy to take your money with promises of salvation through psychotropic induced counseling which does little but reinforce the cultural and societal prejudices that brought you to that state of betrayal in the first place.
And as far as me being a cuckold Mr. 'theguyfromanotherforum', perhaps you should check for the stick in your own eye sir before commenting on the dust in my own.  I know more cuckquean who are the wives, girlfriends, and significant others of male acquaintances, male friends, and male work cohorts of mine than I care to contemplate.  Do a bit of self reflection before you start tossing stones of moral turpitude with self-righteous abandon. How clean is your past?  I truly dislike hypocrites, especially those who tend to toss around derisive terms without a whole lot of personal reflection. "Cuckold" <laughs>. I choose to live my own life; what you think of how I chose to live my life is actually pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
And just an observation: you should consider working on your vulgarity.  It tends to be symptomatic of the person who lies beneath the verbal crassness. 
"Unless she's letting you watch, I'd dump her."
Nice touch sir.  Nice touch! 

And of course our moral conditioning come from parents but in turn in reality it comes from Governments and Religious organisations. And we all know how moral they are !  So many people never re-assess there moral compass !

[xylophone]

3 hours ago, Gruff said:

If you have been in a situation where a wife / gf has had an affair and also in a situation where a wife / gf has prevented you from seeing your own children you can then take some real perspective on the seriousness of infidelity.

I have, I have and I do.

 

But then as "timedres" has said, "it all comes down to your ability to accept it, (or not)". If you can accept someone's infidelity and get on with your life as if nothing had happened and work at staying together, then nothing will change much for you. However if you can't then the end result can be marriage/relationship breakup and all that goes with it.

 

Personally, I know I couldn't deal with it, so for me infidelity/the breaking of trust is a relationship breaker.

[MaeJoMTB]

2 hours ago, xylophone said:

Personally, I know I couldn't deal with it, so for me infidelity/the breaking of trust is a relationship breaker.

What if she was faithful but repeatedly stole money from your wallet?

What if she was a compulsive liar?

 

You seem to fixated on sex as an issue, but trust covers many bases.

Edited November 8, 2017 by MaeJoMTB

[xylophone]

1 hour ago, MaeJoMTB said:

What if she was faithful but repeatedly stole money from your wallet?

What if she was a compulsive liar?

 

You seem to fixated on sex as an issue, but trust covers many bases.

True, trust covers many bases and I'm not sure that I would want to be with someone who repeatedly stole or was a compulsive liar, no more so than I would if the person was a philanderer.

 

Your assumption that I seem to be fixated on sex as an issue is not correct, as all breaches of trust can be damaging to a relationship.  However a betrayal which touches the very heart of your physical and emotional interaction with somebody can be hard to deal with.

 

It all depends how one wants, or is able, to deal with them.

 

 

 

 

[Gruff]

1 hour ago, xylophone said:

True, trust covers many bases and I'm not sure that I would want to be with someone who repeatedly stole or was a compulsive liar, no more so than I would if the person was a philanderer.

 

Your assumption that I seem to be fixated on sex as an issue is not correct, as all breaches of trust can be damaging to a relationship.  However a betrayal which touches the very heart of your physical and emotional interaction with somebody can be hard to deal with.

 

It all depends how one wants, or is able, to deal with them.

 

 

 

 

 

I know what i am trying to put across and i believe others are as well. Your attitude and your vews on trust have developed from childhood and have been instilled / conditioned in you. Re=assessing what really matters can do no harm.

[Gruff]

On 11/7/2017 at 10:06 AM, 473geo said:

Unless they get the urge to compensate for the hate and vitriol espoused by the failures who cannot move on - then it is more confidence in their own relationship as evidence of success with a Thai woman

 

Really quite harsh and unpleasanr language but i guess in some cases that may be correc,t a while back there were a few Posters on here trying to open up some positivity threads on relationship issues. My belief though is that most of  those who talk on an anonymous forum about their perfect relatonships are more lkely to  be akin to those embellishing about there previous life as a successful Businees man or a member of the Seals or SAS.  Of course there will be some ex Seals and  SAS here in Thailand and some guys  with great relationships but they are unlikely to be boasting about it here.

[Been there done that]

31 minutes ago, Gruff said:

 

Really quite harsh and unpleasanr language but i guess in some cases that may be correc,t a while back there were a few Posters on here trying to open up some positivity threads on relationship issues. My belief though is that most of  those who talk on an anonymous forum about their perfect relatonships are more lkely to  be akin to those embellishing about there previous life as a successful Businees man or a member of the Seals or SAS.  Of course there will be some ex Seals and  SAS here in Thailand and some guys  with great relationships but they are unlikely to be boasting about it here.

Well written. Easy to spot the liars/delusionals on here. 

[473geo]

Edited November 8, 2017 by 473geo

[473geo]

3 hours ago, Been there done that said:

Well written. Easy to spot the liars/delusionals on here. 

I guess that about wraps the thread up.... for me anyway......when you guys cannot stomach others success to the point where your best response is to accuse them of being liars, you have sunk to the lowest level possible.

 

 

[MaeJoMTB]

3 hours ago, 473geo said:

I guess that about wraps the thread up.... for me anyway......when you guys cannot stomach others success to the point where your best response is to accuse them of being liars, you have sunk to the lowest level possible.

I know quite a lot of forum members, most of their relationships are train wrecks (including mine) .

My relationship in the UK, complete nightmare, I just hadn't noticed ...............

Edited November 8, 2017 by MaeJoMTB

[MadMuhammad]

4 hours ago, 473geo said:

I guess that about wraps the thread up.... for me anyway......when you guys cannot stomach others success to the point where your best response is to accuse them of being liars, you have sunk to the lowest level possible.

 

 

I agree, very sad. Because some people don’t have the ability to form a loving, caring relationship and quite obviously choose the easiest (and cheapest at times) option rather than building something the old fashioned hard way they seem to discount others successes. 

Just because they chose poorly or had a bad experience doesn’t automatically mean all others are delusional or embellishing. 

All this does is reinforce why their relationships didn’t work in the first place IMO

[MaeJoMTB]

3 minutes ago, MadMuhammad said:

building something the old fashioned hard way

It's gone, nothing you do or say will bring it back.

Women have changed, the way relationships work have changed, probably not for the better (IMHO).

Your nostalgia, and (senile) delusions can't change reality, move on, accept the world as it is.