Thai girl affair: a story about pragmatism VS naivety&jealousy... for how long?

[robblok]

6 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

I dunno.

 

Like I said.... thank god I don't have this problem with Tinder hoes in Thailand. I don't have the time or the patience like the OP to write a heartbreaking post for strangers to read on the internet. Either he is really upset to share this or he's trolling. I am a bit suspect of the later because he calls his Spaniard gf a gig?

 

I mean.... who does that?

 

 

I don't have a problem with them either, after you live here for a while and have dated a few woman you live and learn. He might be a troll who knows I don't really care plenty of sad stories around here.

 

Its easy to go wrong here when you don't live here. 

 

I really like long term far more then short term, and if looking for girls those in a bikini are a pre for me (good chance they can swim). Really when I date i always check if a girl can swim and or like the water. If they can't swim (and don't want to learn) or hate the water there is not really a chance I will stay with a girl like that. I love the ocean here too much and love doing diving and snorkeling trips. 

[BobbyL]

1 hour ago, catman20 said:

sure i hear what your saying but as you said that woman already had a husband who was trying to improve their lives and their she was as soon as his back was turned she was in the sack with someone else. that was a bit shxxy dont you think?

Very true. 

[Brunolem]

27 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

Either he is really upset to share this or he's trolling. I am a bit suspect of the later because he calls his Spaniard gf a gik?

 

I mean.... who does that?

 

 

Unlikely to be a troll...trolls usually can't write more than a few words, sometimes a full sentence, before moving on to their next victim...

 

As for the gik, maybe he was meaning geek...may sound the same in Spain...

[HooHaa]

1 hour ago, Damrongsak said:

I met my wife and her sister in a market in Loei 40 years ago.  Eventually hired her to do my laundry, and she was good at it.  I had to laugh at "  +She was (mostly, though not 100%) reluctant to physical affection during daylight. "  Hell, we still don't do that, even at night.  But the house is clean and she is a helluva cook and puts up with me.  Maybe that's Thailand 1.0 behavior.  Good luck to the OP.

wow, relevant to absolutely nothing.

thanks for sharing

[jkcjag]

Well, I've been there, done that, so to speak, and had considerable similar experiences after I first came to Thailand. The result after the initiation for me has been a successful marriage, and living and working in Thailand for 20 years since, but I think I may be in the minority. Life is rarely so idealistic so as to conform to the norms and expectations of the progressive "dating" process ingrained by social upbringing within ones home country. That's not to say that Thailand does not have similar expected processes, they do, but so many, generally girls from poorer families, realise that there are potentially better options available to them in the direction of foreign, often more wealthy, visitors to Thailand.

Her salary (probably 15-17k per month...max) is certainly insufficient for her lifestyle. If you are not contributing then others must be. Her lifestyle is generating the income to be able to live it. On that basic salary lifestyle is very limited, and she obviously has visions of attaining a better one. Look at things from her perspective. What is her objective? She needs to survive, needs to support her family, probably wants to find a foreign partner (probably does not expect to achieve it with a Thai partner) who is richer than she is, and can support her (and probably her family too), and attain far more than she is envisioning as a bank clerk.

In the interim she's not sure of your commitment so what are her options...social media, parties etc. Until she has a commitment she cannot afford to stop seeking more cash and the chance of a permanent partner, so she has to continue with or without you until a solid commitment is made that meets her target. You are not sure of her potential commitment so at some point you assess the risk and take a leap, or cut loose. Assessing that risk is key, and needs to be a serious calculated discussion between you both with clear objectives. A big part of the assessment is life and work plans, and where? Finding a well paid job with a work permit for a foreigner in Thailand is not so easy (I had desperate times for a few years), and she may not fit into the culture in another country...Thai culture is so different. When I did it, it was a leap into the unknown, but instinctively I believed it would work out.

Having mentioned risk, it's there in all relationships, but in this scenario there are certainly many more variables and parameters to consider, so the chance of a successful outcome is much lower and more difficult to achieve. You will never be able to 100% sure, so assess everything as best you can, expect it to fail, and have a solid backup plan for when it does.

 

[geisha]

I Know a lot of really nice Thai girls , ( also married to foreigners and  Thais , ) who have legitimate jobs and are not on the game. They do not dress sexy , go partying and drinking in the nights, or sleep around. 

[Berkshire]

1 hour ago, Brunolem said:

Unlikely to be a troll...trolls usually can't write more than a few words, sometimes a full sentence, before moving on to their next victim...

 

As for the gik, maybe he was meaning geek...may sound the same in Spain...

But trolls do have a tendency to disappear after the original post. 

[MyFriend You]

First post???, lots of details - but sounds very familiar, especially the "used a bit too often" word  GIK.....me thinks he may be disguising his real identity with this 'first post'  a member for a year and not even liked a post must be some sort of record.........color me skeptic.   If I am wrong, Good Luck  in LOS, you're gonna need it, better yet, stay in Spain, lots of nice girls there. 

Edited January 31, 2018 by TunnelRat69

[ToddinChonburi]

Women are women all over the world.  I think you are learning this. What are you looming for ?  Party girl ?   Girl to marry ?     

[malibukid]

i don't understand why guy's come over here looking for girls.  stick to your own country and culture/language/interest/education level  asking for trouble.  nothing against Thailand which is a beautiful country but most people do not know where to draw the line and let their little head get the best of them.  they are looking for suckers.  ever wonder why most of the hotties are dating/marrying Thai's?  leaves the gold diggers from poor families. 

Edited January 31, 2018 by malibukid

[Aussieroaming]

4 hours ago, catman20 said:

P.S.1 We’re not friends on FB yet, although we know each other profiles…

P.S.2 Months ago I read this somewhere: “You can tell how wealthy a Thai girl is by the food she leaves on the plate” Well, Joyce repeatedly leaves 40-50% of the food…

 

when someone else is paying!

You are dead right. My wife is well off ( earns it herself) and when we go out if I want to order 3 dishes she will say let's order 2 and if you are still hungry afterwards we can order more. It doesn't matter what she earns she would never waste or let me order and leave it as wastage. She grew up appreciating the value of goods. 

[Aussieroaming]

Why bother persuing this ( her). A decent chick won't be playing the field and you don't have to ask a forum whether to continue. There are plenty of genuine nice girls out there and when the right one comes along you won't have to ask a forum whether to keep dating her.

[Thaidream]

Say goodbye to this one-  she has all the making of someone who is on the game. She may have a job in a bank exchange- but her lifestyle tells me that she is a 'sideline' girl.  The vast majority of Thai girls working in a bank or other similar job do not go to Khaosan Road; stay up drinking until 4-5 AM  and have other foreign boyfriends or even acquaintances. 

 

Your are simply another 'mark'-  she will milk you until your are dry emotionally and potentially financially. 

[csabo]

6 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

Harsh medicine to prescribe but clearly you pay. You know you do. You pay all day every damn date. 

I pay for my wife's dinner. Is that what you mean?  Or were you looking in a mirror while typing? 

[khunPer]

16 hours ago, The white Rider said:

My main questions right now:

- Could Joyce’s affair ever work out if we get to remove the distance issue? Or should I run away like hell (and like Jim…) before it’s too late?

 

- How much may she be earning at her job? Is it enough to afford her lifestyle? (not too ostentatious but still an Iphone 6, reflex camera, drinking and partying 2-3 times a week, she doesn’t get money from her parents, moreover, she sporadically helps them… and the most important fact: she seems to spend the big cash whenever we both meet… (flights from Samui, fancy hotels, tours, souvenirs,…)

A young attractive Thai lady will often be on the look for a handsome provider – Thai or foreigner, often a Caucasian foreigner is preferred – and even in some level of relationship, she'll continue to look around for "the knight on the white horse" (or in the the Mercedes), in case someone more handsome and a better provider shows up; not as she may look for money here and now, but she'll be looking for an "investment" in her future.

 

In general a Thai lady has a price – and a young attractive lady, without previous marriage and children, has a higher price – the day a relationship become serious and heading into engagement, and later marriage, the price tag will normally show up as a request for "sin sot", dowry, which can be a quite high price. We Westerners may feel it's wrong – some even fell it's a level of prostitusion – but that's a cultural tradition. The more hi-so the lady appears to be, expect a similar higher price tag.

 

A bank assistant job does not sound like a big income earner, likely if the level of 15,000 to 20,000 baht a month, but can be more; however, a single lady can live (very) modest, and decide to spend her money on iPhone – which can be bought as part of a subscription from for example AIS for a modest monthly fee – and other brand name stuff. That makes face, and making face is important in SE Asian, and especially among friends that also carries iPhones, and use brand name stuff. 

 

Partying out is also quite normal at Samui – even several times a week, as it's a party island – and if you wish to meet attractive foreigners you'll party out; and especially choose the right locations depending of what kind of potential boyfriends the young lady is looking for. Typical places would be for example Ark Bar beach parties and similar spots (there are three), or some of the clubs little later in the evening. Or just heading out with friends to one of the many typically Thai-party places – not so much to look for men, but just to have a fun and cozy night out with some food (very important) and music, places like Camp Beer or similar (there are numerous) – and perhaps later a short visit to a night club, if not just heading home. Girl friends often do that at Samui, and being able to spend some money also makes face.

 

A girl saving regularly – which sounds quite normal to a bank employee – can have enough savings to spend for airline tickets and fancy hotels once or twice a year, just a few thousand baht, or five thousand baht, a month can become a nice pile of available cash. Having a "resident card" the air-ticket out of/onto Samui becomes affordable.

 

It's also very normal – actually the norm – that a Thai girl will help her parents financially.

 

So your Joyce can well be a very "normal" young Thai lady looking for love and future happiness, living out a happy life-style together with her friends – especially when living at Samui – and she might be just as skeptical about "farangs", as a foreigner is about a young Thai lady, and placing her bets on more than one horse, just in case. You also did that with the potential GF-material in in Spain...

 

I know many (good) girls like Joyce.

 

But I also know some stretching it a bit further, with more than one on-line profile, and keeping close contact with more than one potential future "investment", even being partly supported by more than one, where long-distance relationships makes all that very possible; however some of these girls might eventually happily settle with one only boyfriend/husband and become a (very) good wife; and some might just prefer to be a single party-girl forever.

 

That's the difficulty with long-distance relationships – and it can well go both ways – and furthermore, Thai birds are well known for sometimes being betting on more than one horse.

 

Some says that if you catch your girlfriend telling a lie, there might (well) be more than one; and some says one shall follow instant feelings, i.e. if it feels wrong, stop before it's "too late". However a cultural gap and misunderstandings between Western thinking, and Thai-way-of-thinking, argue against that.

 

From my experience: If you feel it's extremely wrong, then stop and move on; but if you fell just fairly comfortable then continue, and test the option with taking Joyce a trip to Spain, and eventually also show her another or other places in Schengen-Europe – just within a time-frame so she can keep her banking job – that might do the change for both of you to realize, if you're on the right track together. I talk from experience...

 

FYI: I live at Samui together with a Thai GF, you can see little more in my "About Me".

 

Edited January 31, 2018 by khunPer

[PerkinsCuthbert]

You need to man up and do the right thing; a nice vehicle (not a pickup), a condo in a fashionable district well away from other worthless farangs, and I'll bet she'll decide in your favour. Well, for a few months, at least.

[Acemaker]

7 hours ago, lannarebirth said:

Ask yourself; why would anyone want to pledge their life to someone that drops in for a few days every 6 months or so? Whatever she's up to isn't any worse than whatever you're up to IMO.

As the late great Gerry Raffertey sang ( Take the money and run ! buy youself a place in the Sun )

 

[The white Rider]

Wow, thank you all, just read all the replies, didn't expect so much feedback in so little time...!

Hard to come to terms with some stuff... but deep down I wanted an objective feedback to open my eyes... I appreciatte that, mates.

I'll try to ask and clarify some things in the next post.

[Acemaker]

7 hours ago, csabo said:

   " She used to party ... (several drinks, shots or beers during the night). Sometimes she stayed up until 4-5AM…"

 

Nuff said, shots turn into cocks at 5 AM.  I bet she has a 24sidelineth.com account with an inbox chock-full-o-cock.  555 what a loser.  Somebody find this guy a balcony with a questionably installed railing.

[catman20]

2 hours ago, Aussieroaming said:

You are dead right. My wife is well off ( earns it herself) and when we go out if I want to order 3 dishes she will say let's order 2 and if you are still hungry afterwards we can order more. It doesn't matter what she earns she would never waste or let me order and leave it as wastage. She grew up appreciating the value of goods. 

well done , when ive been out with women ive said to them order what you want, anything you order and dont eat you pay for..................and guess what it cut out all the leaving of food dishes.

[thaibeachlovers]

My penny's worth.

OP is too young to get married anyway

As long as not promised anything to GIK carry on till it isn't good anymore, and then stop. Don't even tell her, but leave, cut off all communication, and never go back there. If she starts on with the "lets get married" or "take me to Spain", leave, and don't look back. She'll make you feel so guilty you'll never escape. ( I had one ask me to take her to my country on the first morning after. )

Don't tell her how much you have back home, feign being too poor to spend a lot, and don't ever give her more than a present or cheap clothes. Especially don't give gold. ( I had one counting the gold I was going to buy her on the second day ).

They are brilliant at guilting us into giving money for something, so just don't start. Family funeral, or the buffalo is sick- not your problem.

If you "lend" money, don't expect it back.

Use a condom. Nothing is a better ATM trap than a baby.

 

Thai girls have some sort of gene that makes farangs think they found paradise, and when it's all over, she's just an ordinary girl that might have got more out of you than visa versa.

[Acemaker]

6 hours ago, Brunolem said:

The fact that you ask yourself all these qùestions is in itself an alarm bell ringing at full blast!

 

Did you ask yourself similar questions at the beginning of your relationship with your Spanish girlfriend?

Probably not.

 

From what you write, it seems obvious that, like many other Thai women, the object of your desire is not able to love someone...yet you are, and there lies the main problem.

She wants to have fun and you want to have love.

A relationship between two very different minded persons cannot work...

The OP is actually Manuels Nephew from Fawlty Towers.    

[thaibeachlovers]

3 minutes ago, catman20 said:

well done , when ive been out with women ive said to them order what you want, anything you order and dont eat you pay for..................and guess what it cut out all the leaving of food dishes.

I did that once to a very nice Thai GF and the result wasn't pleasant. I think she cried for about 2 hours, and she was ready to walk out the door right there and then.

Never saw her again, but she really was lovely, so not something I'd do again .

[thaibeachlovers]

5 hours ago, Brunolem said:

Unlikely to be a troll...trolls usually can't write more than a few words, sometimes a full sentence, before moving on to their next victim...

 

As for the gik, maybe he was meaning geek...may sound the same in Spain...

Given a geek is usually a man, I think not. He's been in LOS enough to know what a GIK is.

[pgrahmm]

They are exotic & satisfyingly enticing....

Just apply the same common sense you would elsewhere and stick to it....

In the long run that will be your best match = no compromise on either side, (she doesn't seem like she would anyway....maybe she'd just agree then change the rules as she pleases once you're tamed)......

This is Thailand & it takes time to find and build a relationship with your match....

All it takes is something you cannot give - uninterupted time invested here.....

You'll be able to try them out by the dozens (even the right type of gals).....And here, you'll really need to....

Sounds like you have a nice gal at home - might be wise to pay some attention to that also.....

You've got Thai Fever right now.....

[thaibeachlovers]

3 hours ago, geisha said:

I Know a lot of really nice Thai girls , ( also married to foreigners and  Thais , ) who have legitimate jobs and are not on the game. They do not dress sexy , go partying and drinking in the nights, or sleep around. 

Have to laugh at that. I mean, have you never been to a Thai night club where there are no farangs except yourself and seen all the Thai girls that have jobs but are not on the game all dressed up and hot to trot?

I am just guessing, but some farangs probably never been anywhere except in a farang part of town. 

[thaibeachlovers]

11 minutes ago, pgrahmm said:

They are exotic & satisfyingly enticing....

Just apply the same common sense you would elsewhere and stick to it....

In the long run that will be your best match = no compromise on either side, (she doesn't seem like she would anyway....maybe she'd just agree then change the rules as she pleases once you're tamed)......

This is Thailand & it takes time to find and build a relationship with your match....

All it takes is something you cannot give - uninterupted time invested here.....

You'll be able to try them out by the dozens (even the right type of gals).....And here, you'll really need to....

Sounds like you have a nice gal at home - might be wise to pay some attention to that also.....

You've got Thai Fever right now.....

Farang comes to LOS

Farang meets cute Thai girl

Common sense goes out the door, and lust comes in the window

Farang ruled by small head.

 

I never met a DDG Thai girl that didn't steal my common sense, or a western woman that I was that attracted to.

 

Thai Fever

I like that.

Back when I was a young fella we had a different way of describing it. "<deleted> struck".

Edited January 31, 2018 by thaibeachlovers

[Brunolem]

3 hours ago, Berkshire said:

But trolls do have a tendency to disappear after the original post. 

Actually I have seen many OPs disappear after starting a new thread...strange...

 

When I start a new thread, I always follow up by replying to comments...

Edited January 31, 2018 by Brunolem

[lormakmak]

A good 10 years ago this situation happened to me... I met Nat a cute 23 year old who spent 10 days with me and when I came back to the UK we carried on chatting etc...

I eventually got her a fiance visa after being knocked back by the Embassy... I was aware of other people in her life and I wasn't exactly a saint and had plenty of history so made the adult decision that lets not dwell on the past and draw a line in the sand and both move forward, she came to the UK, we married and it lasted 2 years before I kicked her out... first year was fantastic but then she got a job with a load of other Thai women in a factory owned by a westerner with a Thai wife... most of the other women were divorced, seperated and living the high life... she decided she wanted a bit of that and started playing up, she's still here and has citizenship now... whatever...

 

don't do what I did and jump in feet first... test the relationship as much as you can... get her a holiday visa cos basically I was used as a vehicle for Nat to get citizenship... that was always the plan I think...

 

by the way she's a lesbian these days as well 

[The white Rider]

11 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

All the red flags including her nikname.....gimme a break

Of course, I dind't use her true name on my post. It was just a reference to Private dancer, hehe