My Thai girlfriend got pregnant (4.5 months) - we've thought this through and think adoption is the best option

[greenmonkey]

Before you do anything I think you should tell your parents and seek advice from them. After all you are talking about their Grand daughter - this affects them too. I know it must be hard (the thought of telling them) but being able to discuss this with someone you love and respect will hopefully help you see things clearer and help with your decision making. And remember - you haven't done anything wrong. This is Life!

[Kadilo]

11 minutes ago, Christiano9321 said:

 

 

The fact that we even consider adoption apparently makes me evil in some people's eyes. So be it.

It touches on a lot of people’s emotions. There will be those for whatever reason could not have children to those who almost lost theirs by doing what you plan to do. 

 

Dont take it to heart.  There are people from all nationalities and walks of life on here. At the end of the day you take what you need and even if you pick up one good piece of advice (which I think you already have) it will be worth it. 

[Christiano9321]

3 minutes ago, greenmonkey said:

Before you do anything I think you should tell your parents and seek advice from them. After all you are talking about their Grand daughter - this affects them too. I know it must be hard (the thought of telling them) but being able to discuss this with someone you love and respect will hopefully help you see things clearer and help with your decision making. And remember - you haven't done anything wrong. This is Life!

Thank you. Yes this is extremely difficult

[Christiano9321]

4 minutes ago, Kadilo said:

It touches on a lot of people’s emotions. There will be those for whatever reason could not have children to those who almost lost theirs by doing what you plan to do. 

 

Dont take it to heart.  There are people from all nationalities and walks of life on here. At the end of the day you take what you need and even if you pick up one good piece of advice (which I think you already have) it will be worth it. 

Thank you.

[Kadilo]

32 minutes ago, greenmonkey said:

Before you do anything I think you should tell your parents and seek advice from them. After all you are talking about their Grand daughter - this affects them too. I know it must be hard (the thought of telling them) but being able to discuss this with someone you love and respect will hopefully help you see things clearer and help with your decision making. And remember - you haven't done anything wrong. This is Life!

It’s a tricky one I think. I can totally see where you are coming from but I think a lot depends on what sort of relationship you have with your parents. Is it one of love and respect or is it one where they have a strong moral code or views which he knows will oppose his and just end up on more arguments. 

 

The reason i say this is because i always try and view things from what would I do in a situation. My son I’m guessing is around the same age as Christiano, and if he came to me I would sit down and go through every option in an adult compassionate way. If it was my parents I was going to with the same scenario  it would be a totally different  situation as my Dad is the original know it all, everything his way etc etc so going to them would only make matters worse from his point of view. 

 

Probably not explained that very well but I don’t think parents have to be involved unless they can really add positive  discussion and advice. 

Edited August 13, 2018 by Kadilo

[jenny2017]

14 minutes ago, greenmonkey said:

Before you do anything I think you should tell your parents and seek advice from them. After all you are talking about their Grand daughter - this affects them too. I know it must be hard (the thought of telling them) but being able to discuss this with someone you love and respect will hopefully help you see things clearer and help with your decision making. And remember - you haven't done anything wrong. This is Life!

I think he made that pretty clear that his family won't know anything about it. Asking your parents is not always a good solution. I'd think that the OP has at least got some ideas and that's all that matters now. Many Europen countries' hospitals have an easy solution for a baby, It's possible to just leave it there, which would perhaps be better than any social services here in this country. Anyway, best of luck finding the right decision!

[seahorse]

You should have thought about it before you had sex.

 

I feel sorry for this child no matter what your decision is.

[FritsSikkink]

"I take full responsibility for this mistake and will never run away from it"

BS, you don't, you run away from it. 

Take care of your kid, should have use protection, that you are ONLY 2 years together isn't an excuse, man up and do the right thing. 

 

[Christiano9321]

4 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

"I take full responsibility for this mistake and will never run away from it"

BS, you don't, you run away from it. 

Take care of your kid, should have use protection, that you are ONLY 2 years together isn't an excuse, man up and do the right thing. 

 

So you think putting a baby up for adoption = running away?

[Christiano9321]

I met a girl in Bali, my age, who told me she got pregnant by a german guy who immediately blocked her from social media and left the country. She went through an abortion by herself. 

 

This is what I call not taking responsibility.

 

Weighing all options, staying with the girl throughout the whole process, and trying to figure out together what the best option is for the kid in my opinion is the right thing to do.

 

That doesn't automatically mean raising the kid yourself. It's an extremely delicate situation with many factors to keep into account.

[mommysboy]

I really think you should seek some counselling: having a baby is one of the best things that can happen, and it would be a shame if you were to miss out on this.  I think you are possibly admitting that this is something of an emotional crisis for you.

[Christiano9321]

28 minutes ago, mommysboy said:

I really think you should seek some counselling: having a baby is one of the best things that can happen, and it would be a shame if you were to miss out on this.  I think you are possibly admitting that this is something of an emotional crisis for you.

I'm open to considering it.

 

Edited August 13, 2018 by Christiano9321

[Led Lolly Yellow Lolly]

Quote

What baffles me is people acting so extremely hostile towards this without knowing much of anything about us.

 

You don't even know eachother for phvk's sake. Human behaviour is pretty easy to predict and understand. It's just a calculation of sex, money and love. You're girlfriend stopped taking the pill because she wanted to get pregnant and now you're failing to understand what's happened to you. She'll keep the baby anyway so stop kidding yourself.

 

Forgive me for not reading through all of this topic but here's my advice anyways. Nothing would separate me from my son. When the news was covering the boys stuck in the caves in Chiang Rai, I remember wondering how the parents could sit and wait for news, because I'd be tearing up the mountain with my bare hands to get him out. There are three takeaways from this. . .

 

• Nothing could separate me from my son
• Nothing could separate me from my son
• Nothing could separate me from my son

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

Edited August 13, 2018 by NilSS

[stud858]

On 8/12/2018 at 9:14 PM, sanemax said:

 

   You are suggesting that he should kill this ?

He created. It's his.  Nobody elses decision but his and his lady's. 

 

But it looks like abortion is not an option as it wasn't mentioned. 

 

Good on you for that.  I'm not pro abortion.  But I wouldn't dare override your decision or the laws for that matter 

 

[BEVUP]

Reading the Title again " My G/F got pregnant "

 

OP said she was on the Pill = So she went of the Pill 

 

As mentioned it does not happen over night once she went of the Pill, it takes months for the female body to adjust back.

So who wanted the baby - YOUR G/F, & she will not give the baby up no matter what YOU say

 

I think OP has no idea as to how a Thai family operate

 

It would of been the old MIL pushing the subject of " when are you going to have a baby " , especially a Luke Krung

To ensure he may be tied to her ( family) for life

[brewsterbudgen]

Are you living with the pregnant girl? If not, your input may be minimal as, rightly, it is up to her to decide what to do. If you are together, investigate adoption if it's by mutual agreement. However, I don't think it's a straightforward process. Good luck.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[Christiano9321]

2 hours ago, brewsterbudgen said:

Are you living with the pregnant girl? If not, your input may be minimal as, rightly, it is up to her to decide what to do. If you are together, investigate adoption if it's by mutual agreement. However, I don't think it's a straightforward process. Good luck.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

Thank you I appreciate it. Yes I do live with her.

 

As for the other guy, she did not get pregnant on purpose. I pretty much know this for a fact and saw her take the pill all the time.

[FritsSikkink]

12 hours ago, Christiano9321 said:

So you think putting a baby up for adoption = running away?

How would you call it? Being a responsible parent who takes priority in taking care of the human being he put on this earth? You are a business owner and fit, so it isn't the best thing for the kid to happen, it is the best for you and your girlfriend. You rather have a easy life with a lot of fun than taking care of your kid. 

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Oh, he's a good guy. He didn't block her on Facebook and leave the country.

 

Gtfo

[cms22]

I am 50 and have five wonderful children with my ex and current wives.

 

Believe me, there is no 'right' time to have children. There is always something that is not right, ie, not enough money, work conditions, other family business, disruptions etc etc etc.

 

But (and this is the key) because it is your child you move heaven and earth to make it work. And in the end it does work because life just goes on. You say you want to take full responsibility, then that responsibility, my friend, is to love and take care of that child. 

 

Be a man, own up, don't run away. There will never be a perfect time to have children, you just have to make it work. It's called 'love'. 

[WebGuy]

Man, keep the baby and you won't regret. It may be tough at the beginning but later it will pay off and you will never regret for such a decision

[crazykopite]

If you both truly don’t want the baby then get your girlfriend to have an abortion it’s no good bringing a baby into the world just to hand it over to someone you don’t know . With so many birth control products available I am sorry but I cannot show you any sympathy do the right thing and have an abortion .

[Tikky]

My Thai wife and I ( USA ) living in Thailand can not seem to have a baby.  We would be interested in talking about this.  She is in her early 30s and I am older and settled and some say well off so giving the child a good home would be easy.   If you are interested is talking about this please contact me at   [email protected]

[sanemax]

37 minutes ago, crazykopite said:

If you both truly don’t want the baby then get your girlfriend to have an abortion it’s no good bringing a baby into the world just to hand it over to someone you don’t know . With so many birth control products available I am sorry but I cannot show you any sympathy do the right thing and have an abortion .

Wait until the baby is born , then kill the baby , choose whatever way you want to kill the baby after its been born  .

   Be nice to the baby , wait a week before you kill it , give the baby a chance to eat , breath and drink for a few days before you murder it , 

[hansnl]

On 8/12/2018 at 8:29 PM, Frogmountain said:

Many families, in and out of Thailand, would be thrilled to adopt your baby. You must go through the Thai adoption agency. Private adoption is illegal as there is too much potential for abuse.

Research open vs. closed adoption and think about whether you would like your daughter to know who you are or be able to find you later. 

Best of luck. 

Contact info: 

Child Adoption Center
Department of Social Development and Welfare
255 Ratchawithi Road
Bangkok 10400 Thailand
Phone: 02-354-7500, 02-354-7509, 02-354-9234 ext. 412-419, 
02-306-8834-35
Email: [email protected]

Keep trying the phones if they don't pick up on a particular day. You can also stop by the office during business hours; there is always someone who speaks English. 

That said, adopting a child is a very lengthy process in Thailand, and the number of children in orphanages is staggering.

I wonder if adoption is an option that will bring any good to the child.

Maybe rethink your responsibility?

(Yes, I adopted)

[seancbk]

16 hours ago, BestB said:

16 hours ago, Christiano9321 said:

Because I don't see us being together long term. That's one of the many reasons.

You have been together for 2 years but do not see being together long term? Why did you waste her time to begin with?

What has being together for 2 years got to do with anything?   After 2 years maybe he knows he doesn't want to marry her but also doesn't want to break up.   Do you break up with girlfriends just because you realise after a few years they are not marriage material?   Or are you one of those people who after only a few months gets married?

I dated an Indian girl for 7 years when I was 23-30, didn't marry her though as I wasn't financially secure at the time.   We did talk about doing it one day, but in the end she moved back to India so that was the end of it.  

I wouldn't marry someone until I had lived with them for at least 2-3 years, and I wouldn't live with someone until I'd been exclusively dating for at least a year or more.   

The OP has been with this girl for 2 years but we don't know if they live together or just see each other whenever they can like a regular BF/GF situation.

 

[Kadilo]

6 minutes ago, seancbk said:

What has being together for 2 years got to do with anything?   After 2 years maybe he knows he doesn't want to marry her but also doesn't want to break up.   Do you break up with girlfriends just because you realise after a few years they are not marriage material?   Or are you one of those people who after only a few months gets married?

I dated an Indian girl for 7 years when I was 23-30, didn't marry her though as I wasn't financially secure at the time.   We did talk about doing it one day, but in the end she moved back to India so that was the end of it.  

I wouldn't marry someone until I had lived with them for at least 2-3 years, and I wouldn't live with someone until I'd been exclusively dating for at least a year or more.   

The OP has been with this girl for 2 years but we don't know if they live together or just see each other whenever they can like a regular BF/GF situation.

 

He said they live together

[xtrnuno41]

You didnt expect to stay in Thailand so long, you dont expect to be with the gf for longer period(but you are already for 2  years), you dont expect to be a father for your daughter.

You can change all your expectations and think out of your box now..

You already did twice, as you are still in Thailand and still with your gf

However you cant push your gf into this decision, she will still change more and more(mother hormones), growing your child. Its a natural process, bonding with child, more then you ever will.

 

FOr you it really gets started when YOUR girl is there, then you will change. You will be a father, with all feelings to it. Dont be afraid, but embrace the situation.  

Expectations can be altered, you can change in your expectations. I think you are still in between, would be glad if someone pops up and tell you "i will have it"

On the other hand maybe think you are wrong. Everything can happen, it's life !

Maybe if you think in an other box, you'll find yourself extremely happy raising a family. Only time can tell.

No one can tell you what to do, only you make your decision.

 

[seancbk]

15 hours ago, Christiano9321 said:

15 hours ago, Rhys said:

Well, you have heard the tribe.... now it is time to choose... some options here for YOU.... however, what will be best for the Child... and for the Mother... That only you can decide.... you can do it, you have too.. 

Thank you. At the end of the day I always knew it was a decision between us.

 

Just thought maybe theres more too it that I could learn from people in terms of legal or bureaucratic stuff.

 

You never know what you don't know, and in my opinion it's always wise to collect data especially when you've never encountered this situation in your life before. I'm still young so I want to see how others have handled it in the past since historically its obviously not an isolated incident. 

 

What baffles me is people acting so extremely hostile towards this without knowing much of anything about us.

 

People saying I lack empathy. I understand where they're coming from but to me it says more about their empathy and self awareness. How ironic. 

 

Anyway I appreciate those of you who try to help. I just need to figure out what's best for the kid. Dont know yet if me raising it will be best for the kid. Need to do more soul searching. 

I think you are doing the right thing by carefully weighing up all options.  I think your 'straight to the point' style of talking about this difficult situation shows you are taking it very seriously. 

I don't know enough about your situation to really comment, except to say I wish you both luck.  

[Cereal]

Abortion is the smart thing to do. You can always pump out another kid if you're ever ready and willing. Although, for all the Gods in all the universes I cannot figure out why anyone would want kids. They destroy your life. Get rid of it and live happily ever after.