Frustrated Husband Follow Up

[arcturaz]

I posted a while back about how frustrated I am with my current situation. The topic was FRUSTRATED FARANG HUSBAND. I am just doing a quick follow up to outline a plan of action for improving the situation. No matter how many times I have broached the subject of separation my wife just repeats the same mantra of - We will always be together no matter what. This position is much easier for her to maintain as; 1 - She has never worked a day in 16 years - 2 - Was caught many times in extramarital affairs - 3 - Trucked in the whole family with the endless stream of tribulations, and poverty et. al. - 4 Has not shown the slightest interest in physical intimacy, or sex for many years. I could go on and on, but let's just say she hasn't been the best companion a man could ask for. Obviously, the only real solution is to separate myself from her, physically, financially, and spiritually. The situation is compounded by the fact we have two children (ages 5 and 8 ) who will be directly impacted. I can see no other choice than taking a new residence and trying to rebuild my life. Maybe even finding a woman who likes to sleep with just one man. I am currently looking for a new house. I already own a couple of cars, so I will just take one of them. I hope to first establish a regular life separate from this person, and then hire a full-time nanny for the kids. I have a written agreement from my so-called wife about custody of the children but am skeptical about anything related to Thai-law (possibly an oxymoron). The saying no money, no honey can also be reversed, no honey..... I think you get the idea. I am open to any suggestions at this point and welcome any positive, constructive comments. Cheers. 

[catman20]

not an easy one mate, best of luck. i see many farangs continually making the same mistake getting married. WHY ? and then theirs the kid thing, just to really fxxx your life up. good luck and hope you get things workout OK.

[arcturaz]

Thanks, Catman. Well, the kids are great really happy with them, but the lady is a Tr...... as opposed to the Lady and the Tramp :-)  Cheers

[BritManToo]

14 hours ago, arcturaz said:

4 Has not shown the slightest interest in physical intimacy, or sex for many years.

Maybe even finding a woman who likes to sleep with just one man.

 

Sounds like my former English wife. She was banging someone else all the time she wasn't banging me.

I've not had much luck with finding women who only sleep with one man, and when I did, that man was never me.

Edited September 27, 2018 by BritManToo

[catman20]

1 minute ago, arcturaz said:

Thanks, Catman. Well, the kids are great really happy with them, but the lady is a Tr...... as opposed to the Lady and the Tramp ???? Cheers

im sure the kids are great and you love them to bits and i know you cant change the past. get away from her ASAP good luck.

[bkkgriz]

Good for you and best of luck. Be very careful though. A woman scorned and all that.

[stevkob]

You have to stop thinking like a foreigner pal, this is Thailand. Disappear and start another life far away. Take the kids they are young enough to bounce back real quick and you can sleep soundly without the nagging fear of retribution. A Thai woman who is losing her income stream is not something you want nearby...

[baansgr]

Personal experience, she will continue to make your life a misery by using the kids as leverage. Was your written agreement  from going through Family Court? Move as far away as possible and although it may seem cruel,  but if possible keep the children's contact with her and the extended family to a minimum.

[robertson468]

20 minutes ago, stevkob said:

You have to stop thinking like a foreigner pal, this is Thailand. Disappear and start another life far away. Take the kids they are young enough to bounce back real quick and you can sleep soundly without the nagging fear of retribution. A Thai woman who is losing her income stream is not something you want nearby...

I would agree entirely with this advice.  Move and move far away and don't let her (or let the kids tell her) where you are.  It's not only the loss of income that Thais get angry about, but the loss of face as well, which if anything is more important.  Would suggest you see a lawyer with your Wife's Agreement abou the children and get them to verify it, if possible with her present.  Once you have that disappear and do it quick.  To restore your faith a little, there are thousands of good Thai Ladies who would like a good partner and their main objective in life is to look after him (and the children) as best as she possibly can.  How do you find one..........stop thinking with your "bell end" and whilst you may lust the next one very much, step back and be subjective about her and her character, not only judge her by her stunning looks.  Take your time and think, is this the person I want to be with 24/7, can we have fun together, do things together and enjoy life together.  If you have the slightest doubt, she is NOT the one.  I have a wonderful Thai Wife and have many Friends who have equally wonderful Thai Wives, but it took me about five years of living together before I committed 100% to her and then turned over our Villas (we have a small resort), land and everything else to her having judged her honesty, attitude to me and our marriage, looked at her Friends and her Family et al.  Not easy, but at the end of the day it is worth the effort.........at least it is for us.  Good luck.

[PerkinsCuthbert]

I'd agree with the advice above - get everything regarding your separation and your kids as legally watertight as you can (in Thai, written up by a trustworthy lawyer of your choice, not your wife's or her family's), then sever the ties that bind as far as ever you are able, given the children. Move far away and if you need to leave a channel of communication open, let it be by something non-geographical - like email or Line.

[TPI]

Go, go quickly with the kids to the furthest place in the kingdom you can afford, get a friend to rent a place using his name and disappear, sell the car (if you can) and buy another one in your name or the name of a friend! Get out of there! Now!

[wwest5829]

1 hour ago, stevkob said:

You have to stop thinking like a foreigner pal, this is Thailand. Disappear and start another life far away. Take the kids they are young enough to bounce back real quick and you can sleep soundly without the nagging fear of retribution. A Thai woman who is losing her income stream is not something you want nearby...

I would agree on strong advice of caution but would observe this is not limited to a Thai woman losing the income stream as many a farang male here in Thailand, I think, would agree.

[chippendale]

Stop thinking with the little head. What attracted you to her in the first place ???

Think with the big head.

 

Think of your sanity. Choose a happy life.

Take your kids away from her ..... far away.

Live happily elsewhere. Choose your women wisely.

 

Your children will thank you for it.

[petermik]

I,m surprised you put up with this for so long....walk away don,t look back,don,t give her any indication as to your whereabouts as others have said....plenty of decent ladies here to restore your faith...good luck

Edited September 27, 2018 by petermik

[Petchou]

in my opinion, you need to put in place a plan that you execute quitely without her knowing anything until you are done.

in other words, you have to leave, prepare a place where you want to move, seek help if necessary from friends.   get your necessary stuff out of there in very discreet way and gradually or in one shot if you plan to get her out and far for a day or longer.

don't share where you have moved with anyone who is common friend to your present wife.

once out, you get into contact with your lawyer to look at custody issue.

for cars and any property, you can start selling or moving what you can.

you behave like nothing is happening.

if you are discreet enough and once out you avoid by any mean meeting her without presence of police or at your lawyer office you will succeed going out safely.

key word is planning and discretion.

[ronaldo0]

Take everything you can sell and sell it. If you are leaving her a house or whatever then check there are no loans etc she has taken out on it in joint name without you knowing.

Offer a sum of money to separate on good terms and get her to sign a document in a lawyer of your choice saying she will let you look after the kids, see them and that she is not entitled to any more from you financially . If that works then all good and start again , but if not then I suggest giving the kids new phones or ipads and switch the gps location on them to on and download a tracing app like find my ipad etc. That way if she takes the kids and tries to keep them from you then you should be able to find them as the kids will always have the phone or ipad around them .

[NCC1701A]

be careful about following advice given on this forum. make sure you are within your rights to take the children. 

 

talk to a lawyer and then talk to another one to know your real options.

Edited September 27, 2018 by NCC1701A

[oldrunner]

Oh solo meo. The webs we weave. See a good lawyer, preferably CBLaw, Bangkok (American/Thai), after advice, haul children and self very far away leaving no trace, no car, no money. Provide hire-a-Nurse for children (do not get involved with Nurse), have lawyer get children's school records. Protect yourself and your children.

[connda]

Get 1000 posts under your belt and you'll understand Thailand much better! 

[CH1961]

23 hours ago, arcturaz said:

many times in extramarital affairs

Please post a picture from her and the mobile number ????

[SOTIRIOS]

...it seems like you let this go for too long...

 

,,,cannot understand how or why you have kept the cash flowing for so long...

 

...essentially financing the enemy....

 

...take whatever you have in your name...being gracious is not endearing to them...

 

...they consider it weak and stupid...

 

...if she has signed the papers...get them notarized (?)...or certified...(how...a lawyer would know)*

 

*(By the way...would be nice of members shared safe, reliable contacts such as professionals)

 

...then you should be free to take your children and go...do not hesitate...!!!

 

... (haven't you recently read how 'family' treats the 'best-intentioned' foreigners...???)

[Nemises]

Go, go quickly with the kids to the furthest place in the kingdom you can afford, get a friend to rent a place using his name and disappear, sell the car (if you can) and buy another one in your name or the name of a friend! Get out of there! Now!

Good advice although I would not buy another car in your name because she WILL know someone who knows a policeman, who will look-up the registered address of the car owner.

[The manic]

Do not take the kids! Not only is it kidnapping and thus illegal..they are of no value. Just mere sentimental attachments.  Your weakness.  Your Achilles heel. Forget about them. You can always make more. Think like a Jamaican ..or an African American...The kids will be alright...Look after yourself

[catman20]

1 hour ago, The manic said:

Do not take the kids! Not only is it kidnapping and thus illegal..they are of no value. Just mere sentimental attachments.  Your weakness.  Your Achilles heel. Forget about them. You can always make more. Think like a Jamaican ..or an African American...The kids will be alright...Look after yourself

very strong words that wont be very popular here but i have to say agree 100% with you but i never had the balls to write it. 

[rixalex]

2 hours ago, The manic said:

Do not take the kids! Not only is it kidnapping and thus illegal..they are of no value. Just mere sentimental attachments.  Your weakness.  Your Achilles heel. Forget about them. You can always make more. Think like a Jamaican ..or an African American...The kids will be alright...Look after yourself

If that is where your moral compass is, a good-for-nothing wife who cheats would be a good match.

[catman20]

28 minutes ago, rixalex said:

If that is where your moral compass is, a good-for-nothing wife who cheats would be a good match.

i agree with manic on the basis his wife is a cxxx and we all know his wife will use the kids as a weapon against him for money and blackmail and anything else she and her family can think of to make this poor mans life a misery for as long as they can.

im sure it would not be easy for any European to leave his kids behind but if push comes to shove i think he should and i would too if i had kids under those circumstances. 

Edited September 29, 2018 by catman20

[tingtongtourist]

On 9/27/2018 at 7:37 AM, BritManToo said:

Sounds like my former English wife. She was banging someone else all the time she wasn't banging me.

I've not had much luck with finding women who only sleep with one man, and when I did, that man was never me.

you sound much like Rodney Dangerfield.

555.

 

about OP tho: 

he put on shackles when having kids unfortunately very bad move that now cannot be undone.

unless he want to dissapear like thai style man, but that is not our farang way.

 

best thing just devote to your kids and P4P..dont make same mistake again.

 

as for his ex and her playing around. 

The thinking of Thai lady like this one always boil down to this:

 

- i can play around..because i get money (or something) from the other guy. so this justifys it and she thinks this is always perfectly ok.

 

-YOU however cannot play around because you will be giving your money (or her money) to some other Thai women.

 

that is simply how it is. all business and $ to them.

if you think its lust or something or thai lady thats really loving farangs or big willys or whatever

 

...well ..lol you dont really know this type of woman. best you quit while ahead or go search a better class of lady

[The manic]

9 hours ago, rixalex said:

If that is where your moral compass is, a good-for-nothing wife who cheats would be a good match.

There is no moral virtue in being abused. Better for his kids that he is an absent father who they never knew than for them to wittness the abuse and exploitation of this pitiful guy.  It takes a special kind of moral courage to do the right thing. 

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, tingtongtourist said:

he put on shackles when having kids unfortunately very bad move that now cannot be undone.

unless he want to dissapear like thai style man, but that is not our farang way.

I know loads of white guys who walked away from their children, happens in 50% of western divorces.

Dumped two myself.

[tingtongtourist]

16 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I know loads of white guys who walked away from their children, happens in 50% of western divorces.

Dumped two myself.

Of course i dont know your story but going from some stories i cant blame you. 

In Thailand its easy. not so much in other countries.

I read on here some time ago, they forced and Australian guy to pay a huge amount off his alimony debt at the airport before they would let him fly out the country.