Mental Health/drugs Problem With Thai Wife

[thaigerd]

Simon,

Have you ever thought about making a serious effort to learn to speak Thai?

Imagine if you could and discuss your problems with your wife in her own language.

Now there's a challenge.

FYI

Simon can speak, write and read Thai.

Have a nice evening!

Gerd

Well that's great then.

ไซมอน ถ้ามีใครก็ตามที่ต้องการส่งข้อความถึงคุณ งั้นต้องลงชื่อคุณGerd ?

Have to wait until my wife comes back home for translating it to me

[simon43]

Thanks for your support Thaigerd )

Although on medications and continuing hospital treatment, I still have major problems with her. 2 weeks ago, she signed to buy a house for 2.5 million baht (didn't tell me even though it was my money..) <deleted>????

Now, I spent all last week trying to resolve a problem to extend my B visa. Finally solved it by signing up for a Masters degree in Thai Studies at Chula university. Very interesting course and I was looking forward to starting the course AND getting my visa extended for being a student.

Yesterday, my wife managed to spend all of my course fees!!! (I mean that she gave a 100% legal and binding promise to a company to pay for something using my course fees). Now, I either have to honour this legal contract (which is legally binding on me as her husband), and forego attending Chula AND extending my B visa,

OR - I don't know what.....

If it were not for the fact that I have a baby son by her, I would jump ship immediately. Her actions are self-destructing and pulling me down with her The important comment is that she is totally unaware of the damage that she is doing by her actions.

I really don't care anymore about what happens to her, but what on earth can I do with our son? He does not yet have a British passport (because my wife also has to attend the embassy for this).

Simon - not a happy guy any more

[Mid]

run , forrest , run

[Prakanong]

run , forrest , run

If not for the son I would be shouting that from the rooftops too

The guy is stuck between a rock and a very hard place.

Is there anything that can be signed to say she is mentally incompetent to sign for houses, contracts so they are not binding?

Edited May 26, 2007 by Prakanong

[lannarebirth]

Thanks for your support Thaigerd )

Although on medications and continuing hospital treatment, I still have major problems with her. 2 weeks ago, she signed to buy a house for 2.5 million baht (didn't tell me even though it was my money..) <deleted>????

Now, I spent all last week trying to resolve a problem to extend my B visa. Finally solved it by signing up for a Masters degree in Thai Studies at Chula university. Very interesting course and I was looking forward to starting the course AND getting my visa extended for being a student.

Yesterday, my wife managed to spend all of my course fees!!! (I mean that she gave a 100% legal and binding promise to a company to pay for something using my course fees). Now, I either have to honour this legal contract (which is legally binding on me as her husband), and forego attending Chula AND extending my B visa,

OR - I don't know what.....

If it were not for the fact that I have a baby son by her, I would jump ship immediately. Her actions are self-destructing and pulling me down with her The important comment is that she is totally unaware of the damage that she is doing by her actions.

I really don't care anymore about what happens to her, but what on earth can I do with our son? He does not yet have a British passport (because my wife also has to attend the embassy for this).

Simon - not a happy guy any more

Simon, I'm sorry to hear of your most recent travails, but from what you've posted here previously, I can't say I'm surprised. It's time to see a lawyer Simon. A good one. I think a good lawyer could make the case for diminished capacity or mental illness and prevail in your securing your assets, your son, and can most likiely unwind whatever continuing contractual economic damage your wife is inflicting on your marriage. Best of luck to you.

[bkkmadness]

Totally agree, forget the doctors get a good lawyer.

[nonthaburial]

and a cerificate from someone in the medical field stating that she is unfit to care for her son !!!!!!!!

[simon43]

I agree that it's time to run! I have already secured 50% of my assets (which is really the best that I can do in a legal marriage). There is a legal scenario where she can be deemed 'quasi-incompetent' (thanks to Greg for previousl finding this info), - and not allowed to sign legal documents. All her family members support me to go for that legal decision.

But in the current circumstances, it's too late to consider, and all I can do is look after number 1 and use the courts to try to get custody of my son.

What a complete waste of several years with her, trying to help her with business, family etc.

Right now, I'm angry, very angry with her. But I also recognise my own stupidity as well. From now on, it's academia for me and sod the women

Simon

[thaigerd]

Wish you all the best Simon!!!

Someone takes care for your lovely resort right now?

Gerd

[britmaveric]

Sorry to hear the bad news Simon - I was pulling for your wife to get better. However in these cases one has to really hit rock bottom (she hasnt yet) to realize how they fk themselves and everyone around them. Its apparent she will absolutely ruin you if you stick around. Time to get lawyers involved and see if you can get a passport for your son and then leg it out of Thailand.

Edited May 26, 2007 by britmaveric

[LaoPo]

Simon, I feel deeply sorry for both you and your wife. I know that you did -more than- everything possible to help your wife and it must be so frustrating that your efforts and battles for her recovery failed.

I second Brit's words in his last post.

I wish you all the best and hope you can get custody for your son with the help of the Court, the Embassy and/or a good lawyer.

With respect!

LaoPo

[lannarebirth]

I agree that it's time to run! I have already secured 50% of my assets (which is really the best that I can do in a legal marriage). There is a legal scenario where she can be deemed 'quasi-incompetent' (thanks to Greg for previousl finding this info), - and not allowed to sign legal documents. All her family members support me to go for that legal decision.

But in the current circumstances, it's too late to consider, and all I can do is look after number 1 and use the courts to try to get custody of my son.

What a complete waste of several years with her, trying to help her with business, family etc.

Right now, I'm angry, very angry with her. But I also recognise my own stupidity as well. From now on, it's academia for me and sod the women

Simon

I hope your distribution of assets allows for total separateness and not sharing 50:50 in future revenue streams. Because if it does she'll continue to drag you and your son down. At some point in the future she'll come back after you through your son, divorcerd or not. I hope you make a very clean break with her Simon.

[markr]

This truly is a sad story, I can offer no advice but to wish you the best of luck for you and your child.

Mark

[sriracha john]

Right now, I'm angry, very angry with her. But I also recognise my own stupidity as well. From now on, it's academia for me and sod the women :)

Simon

I can understand your anger... but really think that it is misplaced. If your wife is truly suffering from bipolar disorder, then your anger should be directed at the disease itself and not the person that suffers from it. She did not choose to be one of its victims nor is there much in the way of self-control that can exert over it.

In regards to that issue, might we inquire as to what medications she is on that you referenced earlier.

Have her current doctors confirmed the diagnosis reached by the earlier physician who evaluated her?

Edited May 26, 2007 by sriracha john

[Jet Gorgon]

Hi, Simon.

Just found this thread. You built up so much and did so much, I am truly sorry this turned so sour for you.

Wishing you all the best, and wishing I had a magic wand to make your wishes come true immediately.

Best of luck with a good outcome.

[leisurely]

Nothing more to add to what other posters have written. Does your son have a Thai passport that you take him out on?

You have been very dignified in what has been a total sh1tstorm, is there any possibility that your wife will recover and you could return to your previous harmonious life together? If not, as the others have said - Run Simon run.

[Irene]

Right now, I'm angry, very angry with her. But I also recognise my own stupidity as well. From now on, it's academia for me and sod the women

Simon

I can understand your anger... but really think that it is misplaced. If your wife is truly suffering from bipolar disorder, then your anger should be directed at the disease itself and not the person that suffers from it. She did not choose to be one of its victims nor is there much in the way of self-control that can exert over it.

In regards to that issue, might we inquire as to what medications she is on that you referenced earlier.

Have her current doctors confirmed the diagnosis reached by the earlier physician who evaluated her?

simon,

Of all the input, sriracha john's comments make most sense. Of all the diseases, bipolar is one and only disease that defies our common sense and normal sense of proportion. It might be too late now but it is better for you to know of the unusual nature of those inflicted. The disease needs a close supporter going into the mind of the patient. To open your eyes if bipolar is the case for your wife, log into this guy's website, david oliver, www.bipolarcentral.com He is now caring for his mother and has developed a website of a commercial level. You may not need to subscribe to him but read some of his write-ups, you would have understood this disease better and may or may not find some of the answers to your problem. GP doctors do not understand this disease that inflicts on 1% of the population and is genetical.

I share your pain. I hope you have a better luck this time.

[simon43]

Well . . . I ran! And already I feel much better in myself.

Sriracha John is absolutely correct. I should not be angry with my wife but with her illness. However, over the 6 months that she has been 'severely' ill, I have felt myself being drawn down with her. The strain of trying to cope with all the problems created by her was turning me into a bitter and angry man.

Our agreement is to sell our hotel and land, and split all funds 50/50. Our hotel is a fully operational (and profitable) concern, which has been managed very well by my wife's sister/family since her illness. I am already in contact with a lawyer re the divorce and my son.

I agree with comments re the future if my assets were tied to hers. I can guarantee 100% that she will lose all the money that she gets out of this divorce. I need to warn her family of this, (I think they know already and fear such an event).

When I took a break from her about 6 weeks ago, I made the mistake of returning after 1 week. I have no intention at all of doing likewise this time.

I fully intend to remain in Thailand. I love the country and the people. But I am a wiser man now from all these events. But I still have no intention of taking up golf:)

I can't begin to thank everyone for all their help and advice over the past 6 months or so. Now I just want to rest and to try to regain my previous, happy personality.

Simon

[sriracha john]

Well . . . I ran! And already I feel much better in myself.

Sriracha John is absolutely correct. I should not be angry with my wife but with her illness. However, over the 6 months that she has been 'severely' ill, I have felt myself being drawn down with her. The strain of trying to cope with all the problems created by her was turning me into a bitter and angry man.

Our agreement is to sell our hotel and land, and split all funds 50/50. Our hotel is a fully operational (and profitable) concern, which has been managed very well by my wife's sister/family since her illness. I am already in contact with a lawyer re the divorce and my son.

I agree with comments re the future if my assets were tied to hers. I can guarantee 100% that she will lose all the money that she gets out of this divorce. I need to warn her family of this, (I think they know already and fear such an event).

When I took a break from her about 6 weeks ago, I made the mistake of returning after 1 week. I have no intention at all of doing likewise this time.

I fully intend to remain in Thailand. I love the country and the people. But I am a wiser man now from all these events. But I still have no intention of taking up golf:)

I can't begin to thank everyone for all their help and advice over the past 6 months or so. Now I just want to rest and to try to regain my previous, happy personality.

Simon

Dealing with a loved one who is suffering from Bipolar Disorder is certainly no easy task. What helps with that is educating oneself about the illness and seeking guidance and support from others who are in a similar situation.

I don't wish to sound judgmental with you or your decision to end the relationship, which is absolutely and entirely up to you, but I would like to point out that had you been able to accomplish what I was referring to, the whole situation might have developed differently.

Certainly one of the aspects that interfered with you and her progressing into a situation where the condition was not so destructive to your relationship is the lack of proper treatment she received, which, unfortunately, is an all-to-common experience in Thailand. I would heartily recommend that any one else that encounters a situation as yours to seek the assistance of the professionals that I referenced to earlier in this thread.

I am sorry that that things didn't work out for you and her, but if anything positive can come of this, it is that, hopefully, your experience can serve as a lesson to someone else faced with the same situation as yours in the future. Given the numbers of people afflicted with this condition... that someone else will be similarly affected... is a certainty.

Best of all possible futures to you, Simon... and to your wife.

Edited May 28, 2007 by sriracha john

[Sheryl]

Simon,

Dealing with someone who is bi-polar is indeed very, very difficult and stressful. I have a loved one who is bipolar; fortunately in this case he accepts that he has a problem and cooperates with the medical regime, but that is at largely because he has a mixed type of the disorder and the manic aspects usually manifest as anger/hostility rather than euphoria. Such people are naturally more amenable to treatment since they feel miserable all the time. People with Types I bipolar disorder enjoy powerful and euphoric feelings and see no need for treatment, or accept it only while they are in the depressive mode and then abandon it again. If on top of that they are not well educated and come from a culture with little awareness of mental illness, it is all the more difficult to get them to stick with the life-long treatment they require.

Sri Racha John and Irene are absolutely right in their comments. Please do keep in your mind that this is a disease and that your wife didn't chose it and can't control it. It is especially important that you understand this well, even now that you are divorcing her, because you will need to help your son understand it. You can divorce your wife, but she will always be your son's mother and as he grows he will need help in understanding why she is the way she is and how to deal with it.

I don't blame you for leaving. It is a very difficult condition to live with and furthermore it is a life-long one. While you might have with time been able to find ways to limit some of the damage she does and to get her condition better managed, life would still have been very difficult with her and frought with crises --- hardly a fulfilling marriage.

One other point-- even without treatment, she may have periods of remission during which she is back to her old self (and remorseful over what she has done). These will not last unless she is on regular maintainance medication. Some partners are lulled into reuniting in the expectation that the problem is in the past, only to face the whole thing all over again sooner or later.

While you should not mistake any return to normalacy with cure, you can take advantage of such periods to let son have contact with her. You will of course need to shield him from her during symptomatic periods.

Take care

[simon43]

A lot of good advice here. Frankly, if we had been living in a western country, with easy access to suitable medical/hospital resources etc, then maybe the outcome would have been different. But I was placed in the situation where her family members did not understand her mental problems, and were unwilling or unable to help in any way. (Eg - I tell them in Thai never to let my wife go out alone when I'm not with her. What do they do? They let her wander out alone on several ocasions and I then have to spend many hours trying to find her, - sometimes many hundred of kms away!). That was extremely frustrating.

Most of the doctors that I consulted just offered heavy sleeping pills so that she could not physically walk and hence run away. The only doctor who offered decent advice/treatment then gave me a bill for 12,000 baht per night! Since my wife had recently either stolen or given away more than 300,000 baht of my money, it was rather difficult to pay this bill!.

So, I was left on my own to try to help her. And there was only so much that I could try to do. She had no mobile phone or access to money. She refused to let me go out alone, even just for shopping, and would sometimes physically cling to my legs to stop me going to Tescos. Yet when we ventured out together, she would try (and often succeed) in getting very drunk with friends who encouraged her. She would always try to gamble and would cold-shoulder me as soon as she started playing. Yet when I tried to remonstrate with her, her friends would turn on me for spoiling her fun and she would go into a deep depression!!

To be frank and very selfish, I did not travel halfway around the world to have such hassles. I got better treatment from my ex-wife in the UK, and she is a real cow:)

Anyway, I am taking a short holiday by driving around the hills and villages in the Lanna region of Thailand. And I'm going alone!!

Simon

[farangsay]

Enjoy your break Simon.

You certainly deserve it !

[LaoPo]

With the utmost respect to some previous posters I'm defending Simon's decision to 'run'...

It's an almost impossible mission for anyone to live and/or try to help and cure a patient like Simon's wife.

Having followed the story from the beginning I fear that Simon's wife (but it's just an assumption) have been taking drugs -Yaba and/or Ecstasy- in the period she was hanging out on Patong Beach with a.o. the Bar- & Ladyboy-scene.

Of course I'm not sure, but the fact she changed so dramatically in just some 6 months makes it more suspicious that she indeed took drugs; pushed, convinced or not by others.... Simon (please correct me if I'm wrong) didn't know for sure if she did or not...but 99% of the people who take drugs will deny it, no matter to whom or whatever.

People (patients) with a 'sleeping' Bipolar disorder are much more sensitive to those drugs than other people and the brain will be severely damaged; incurable!

I personally know of the same story, more or less, with a good friend who 'lost' his wife and children (marriage broke up), his Top-job and much more, due to his exctasy tokens.

He is now suffering from the most extreme form of Bipolar disorder and will never be cured again despite his medication.

10 days ago I heard he's even using the same drugs (again) and even dealing xtc....but he's denying it although his photo showed up -on a certain website- taken in a notorious bar known for drugs-abuse.

All I'm trying to say is that, no matter what 'we' say or think about Simon's decision, it's 'Mission Impossible' for him.

I know he tried the utmost; more than most of us would have done or tried.

LaoPo

[backflip]

I don't think Simon needs our affirmation. The only thing I'd reconsider is his desire to be with his son, an admirable goal, and not realistic. Who's in a better place to nurture his son: him, or her family? I'd vote for the latter, especially if they're willing and able to do so. I'd liquidate the assets as much as possible, and head for a new life, alone and wiser.

[TAWP]

Reading through this thread now for the first time I cannot help but to get a little worried. She seemed to be able to spend money, write checks, sign contracts, things she - in part- shouldn't have been able to do. Is there something regarding how husband and wife are viewed (as one entity?) in Thailand I'm not aware off or did Simon just fail to protect his assets properly?

Are others at risk, if they trip over a wife that does the same thing, but on purpose?

Edited May 31, 2007 by TAWP

[simon43]

Tawp, this is why:

- Write cheques. Our business bank account requires both of our signatories on the cheques. She wrote blank cheques for her friends, signed them herself and forged my signature. Bank cashed them and refuses to refund me or to investigate the matter.

- Sign contracts. We are legally married. My debts are hers under Thai law. If she signs a contract then refuses to honour it, I am jointly liable.

- Spend money. Cash only and not a lot. Most of the damage was done by the 2 scenarios listed above.

I did take advice from Greg at Sunbelt who found a very useful Thai law that would allow me to apply to the Thai court to become her 'guardian' in all financial matters and would allow any financial transactions conducted by her alone to be declared null and void. I was going down that path until recent events mean that a divorce is now going to solve this last problem.

Simon

[MiG16]

hi Simon

just want to wish you and son the best....and can only hope that in time your wife will also be able to get through her ordeal.

and remember that when u need to talk about things again we will still be here. take care.

[Dakhar]

hi Simon

just want to wish you and son the best....and can only hope that in time your wife will also be able to get through her ordeal.

and remember that when u need to talk about things again we will still be here. take care.

GOO GOOOO Simon!!!! Spread those wings smell the air and feel free.

[hgvneil]

Hi Simon,

Another well wisher here who has read your whole story aswell.I personally think you had been very,very patient and caring towards your wife,but everyone has a limit right ? Previous posts were telling you long ago to ditch her,but you were adamant to stick it out and help her even when it sounded like a lost cause (myself included).But like you said,if your mental state is starting to suffer from all the stress that you must be under then there must be a cutting off point.

For people who think you have given up on her,well maybe if they were in the exact same position as you they would know how you have come to the decision.Whats the point in both of you hitting rock bottom and no-one can take of your child.

When divorce is all finalised and hopefully you have full care of your child,i would move far away from your ex and start again where you cannot be pestered by her.Then like you said,her money will soon be gone,but will her family keep an eye on her a bit better than when she was still with you ? I think we know the answer.

Good luck to you and son in future.

Neil.

[cleggit]

Just another post to wish you all the best Simon.

I really hope everything works out for you.