Worst Joke Ever 2024

[ballpoint]

Woke up this morning a bit late, about 8:15 ish. Called down to the wife and got no answer.

Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was,

Face down on the floor. Dead!

At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes..............

Then a moment of pure inspiration........

....McDonalds do Breakfast until 11:00!

[ballpoint]

Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear.

Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half.

It was only when I got to the very top I realised I was still on the bus home.

[ballpoint]

I start a new job in Seoul next week.

I thought it was a good Korea move.

 

(Unlike my buddy, who got a job in Pyongyang.)

[ballpoint]

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee four two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong

Eye have run this poem threw it
am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

[dcsw53]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[VocalNeal]

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I start a new job in Seoul next week.

I thought it was a good Korea move.

 

(Unlike my buddy, who got a job in Pyongyang.)

Korea. The country has Seoul. But the cars don't.

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[Martin71]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[VBF]

12 hours ago, ballpoint said:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat.
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat.
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine.

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

4 The Italians drink a lot of red wine.
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats.

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

CONCLUSION.....

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Corrected CONCLUSION.....

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking a strange contorted form of English is apparently what kills you.

 

Thank me later.....????

[ozimoron]

[ravip]

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

 

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

 

This time, the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. 

 

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. 

 

The man replied... 

"Well, your Honour, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming," and I grinned. 

 

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling," and I had to smile. 

 

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick," and I could hardly contain myself. 

 

BUT, your Honour, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"...

 I just lost it...

 

"CASE DISMISSED!"

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[dcsw53]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]