Worst Joke Ever 2024

[Zyxel]

[Thailand]

[ravip]

[ravip]

[ravip]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[oxo1947]

.

[Crossy]

[owl sees all]

On 1/11/2023 at 5:51 PM, Beachcomber said:

So far, Humpty Dumpty is having a terrible winter.

Which sucks because he had a great fall.

 

On 1/11/2023 at 5:51 PM, Beachcomber said:

 

Took the dog for a walk on Christmas eve, the wife came along too, suddenly it started pouring down, TORRENTial, the wife said 'oh dear, look at poor Daisy (our dog), she's soaking wet now, I replied 'that will be the rain dear'
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I accidentally drank holy water with my laxatives.

I will start a religious movement anytime now.
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If walking is good for your health, the Postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, only drinks water and is fat.

A rabbit only eats vegetables, runs and hops all day long and only lives 5 years.

A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing energetic, yet it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to exercise! I don't think so.
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My friend just texted and asked “what does IDK stand for?”

I replied: “I don’t know.”

they replied back: “Damnnnn! Nobody knows!”
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There was excitement when a group of archaeologists thought that they had unearthed the mass graves of a thousand Snowmen only to discover it was a field full of carrots.
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My wife has very bad laryngitis, I told her if she gave it to me I would never speak to her again
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My biggest fear is being trapped in a small room with Santa.

I have Claustrophobia
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My friend was showing me his tool shed, and pointed to a ladder.

"That's my stepladder," he said.

"I never knew my real ladder
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It's only a 5 minute walk from home to my local pub.  It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.  The difference is staggering!
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What’s the absolute best Christmas present?

A broken drum — you can’t beat it!
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My wife asked me if i had seen the dog bowl.
I replied i didn't know that the dog could.
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The pope wanted his Bishops to be on their toes so he raised all the urinals in the Vatican
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I was mugged on the way home, late last night
The robber pointed a knife at my throat and growled ' Your money or your life'
I am afraid I crumbled in fear, shouting 'I am married, I have no money, I have no life'
The robber hugged me and we cried together
I was a beautiful moment !!
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jack john and harry have been on a desert island for a few years when suddenly jack finds a magic lamp on the beach, a genie appears and says I will give you all a wish each seen as you have released me from the lamp, john said I wish I was back home with my wife and kids, zap hes gone, next harry says the same thing and he is gone, next it was jacks turn and the genie said what is your wish jack, jack said its so lonely without those two I wish they were back here
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My friend called me for help, claiming he had turned into a harp.

I raced over there only to find he was a lyre.
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I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

She's a singer songwriter, or sew it seams.
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Did you hear about the new Origami Children's channel?

It was paper view only, but I have heard that it has just folded!
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I got in touch with my inner self today.
That's the last time I buy one ply toilet paper
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What did Adam say to Eve?
Stand back Eve i don't know how big this thing is going to get

I object to that ''joke''.

 

The other jokes were fine, but not the Humpty Dumpty' one. I won't use the word 'sucks' but enough to say it's in poor taste.  It is stereotypical, and for many, it would invoke distressing undertones. Could even be termed by some as racist, and definitely could upset the WHU2C++ community.. Also has 'global warming' denying connotations. And, quite naturally - some would say - leads ineluctably, and ultimately, into endless 'chicken' and 'egg' corundi..

 

After all, let's us not forget; Humpty Dumpty was real.

[billd766]

2 hours ago, Zyxel said:

Looking at this photo makes me feel like Twiggy.

[Crossy]

They don't make 'em like they used to ???? 

 

[overherebc]

1 hour ago, Crossy said:

It's always the missing 13mm

[jvs]

1 hour ago, owl sees all said:

 

I object to that ''joke''.

 

The other jokes were fine, but not the Humpty Dumpty' one. I won't use the word 'sucks' but enough to say it's in poor taste.  It is stereotypical, and for many, it would invoke distressing undertones. Could even be termed by some as racist, and definitely could upset the WHU2C++ community.. Also has 'global warming' denying connotations. And, quite naturally - some would say - leads ineluctably, and ultimately, into endless 'chicken' and 'egg' corundi..

 

After all, let's us not forget; Humpty Dumpty was real.

The chicken/egg thing has been solved already.

 

[Crossy]

Must be a mistake. I only wanted a cheese and Marmite roll and a coffee, but the man in Starbucks seems to have charged me for an Audi R8!

[Crossy]

No way to get away with this now ???? 

 

 

 

[oxo1947]

.

[owl sees all]

1 hour ago, jvs said:

The chicken/egg thing has been solved already.

 

Right you are jvs.

 

We all know that Humpty Dumpty represents something, and I happen to know what. But in the fable it/he was an egg; so who/what laid HD?

[jvs]

15 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

Right you are jvs.

 

We all know that Humpty Dumpty represents something, and I happen to know what. But in the fable it/he was an egg; so who/what laid HD?

An Owl?

 

[Martin71]

[VBF]

1 hour ago, Crossy said:

No way to get away with this now ???? 

 

 

 

The man was a genius! ????????????

[owl sees all]

When I got with my 'Seven Day Adventist' g/f, she was always on about me having a river baptism, and how good it would be for me. First time we went to Jamaica together there was a visiting minister who was doing the baptisms not far from us at Flatbridge. Of course I had to get involved?!

 

We took the bus, and I joined the queue at the river. The non-believers were in and out the water so quick that is was soon my turn  Wearing only shorts, I waded out to the minister in the middle of the river. "Do you want to find Jesus young man?" "Yes," I said confidently. With that he grabbed me at the back of the neck and forced me head under. On the count of five he let me up for air. I didn't resist, as the g/f was at the bank watching excitedly. "Have you found Jesus?" "Not yet." I replied. Down went my head for a count of 10. Up again. "Have you found Jesus?" As I recovered my senses I replied, "no".

Twenty seconds later he repeated the question. "Have you found Jesus?" Again I replied, "no". Now me maths weren't that good, but I could see that he was doubling the stay underwater every time. The g/f said he had a fantastic conversion rate. No wounder, I was thinking. What could I say to get out of this debacle? Again I was under water; 37, 38. 39, 40 and up.

He asked in desperation. Not wanting to drown me I guess. He just didn't want me saying 'no'."Have you found Jesus yet?" I couldn't face 80 seconds without air.

 

"I heard he fell in further downstream at Troja."

Edited January 13, 2023 by owl sees all

[roo860]

[owl sees all]

35 minutes ago, roo860 said:

If the wife sees this I'll be in trouble.

[still kicking]

[jvs]

[chickenslegs]

[WorriedNoodle]