Worst Joke Ever 2024

[fangless]

Why does the bar association code of ethics prevent sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

[fangless]

[fangless]

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[fangless]

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[WorriedNoodle]

[overherebc]

11 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

Should that be Britain's tallest Geordie Muslim? 

His cousin is the Geordie Chinese carpenter.

Hoya ya hamma oua heea hinny.

[ravip]

John was a very dull boy. His peers called him "Father of fools"

 

When he was in a Private school he got the following results:

 

Maths = 2%
English = 5%
Science = 0%
Social Sciences = 1%

 

He was taken to a Government school and got the following results:

 

Maths = 0%
English = 1%
Science = 0%
Social sciences = 0%

 

His parents were very disappointed but still decided to put him in a Catholic school even though they were not catholic.

 

The First term John passed and was the  first in the class.

Maths = 90%
English = 93%
Science = 95%
Social sciences = 89%

 

His parents could not believe it. They asked him how he managed to pass and he said;

*"When I saw a man nailed on the Cross at every corner of the school building, I knew that these teachers don't joke with students here, they will nail me too...''*

 _*The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom!*_

[overherebc]

????

[tomazbodner]

[sanuk711]

On 6/11/2021 at 9:17 AM, sanuk711 said:

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 You guys are defiantly smarter--I posted this on an American site--and the only response was 7 people saying they didn't understand it....  Had to go back and write at the top----- Yob =Job /Yale = Jxxx.........

[ravip]

An engineer was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle.

Suddenly he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop. He went to him & said.. "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back"...So why do I get such a small salary? and u get huge sums....! 

The doctor smiled at the engineer and came close to his ear and said.... "Try the same when the engine is running."

*Continuation*

 

The engineer smiled back came close to doctors ear and said...

I can pick any dead engine and make it alive,  can you ???

[ballpoint]

It really has been a bit of a strange day
First, I found a hat full of money,
and then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar..

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

A tramp goes into the ironmongers, walks up to the counter and says "Gissa bottle o' meths."

"Be off with you, "you'll drink it!"

"Shan't," says the tramp, "Go, on please."

"I told you, you can't have it 'cos you'll drink it!"

"Promise I won't," says the tramp.

"OK, OK - here you go, 85p," says the ironmonger.

"Any chance of one from the fridge?"

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

Just finished playing football down the old quarry
We won, 3 - 1 on aggregate

[ballpoint]

Whoever put that 'b' in subtle is a genius.

[ballpoint]

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter flight for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early next Saturday (June 19th) morning from Don Muang and will fly to Samui, where we will have breakfast and then on a yacht for a champagne lunch.
We will then fly back along the coast to see the sights and land at Hua Hin, go out for dinner, then fly back home.

If interested please pm me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.
 

[ballpoint]

[billd766]

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the check-out counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, ``Son, how old are you?''

``Eight,'' the boy replied.

The man continued, ``Do you know how these are used?''

The boy replied, ``Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for my brother, he's four.

``We saw on TV that if you used these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one.''

 

The Man's Prayer

 

Our Beer

Which art in bottles, 

Hallowed by thy sport.

Thy will be drunk, 

I will be drunk, 

At home as it is in the pub.

Give us each day our daily beverage

And forgive us our spillage, 

As we forgive those who spillest against us.

And lead us not into poofy wine tasting

And deliver us from Tequila,

For mine is the bitter,

The totty and the footy,

For ever and ever,

Barmen!

 

Little Johnny is coming home from the store swinging a loaf of bread in one hand, and the other hand in his pants pocket.

Along comes Father Joseph and he thinks to himself, ``This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to the boy.''

He walks up to Little Johnny and says, ``I see that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?''

Little Johnny replies, ``A loaf of bread, Father.'

[Hamus Yaigh]

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision?

Suture self.

[Hamus Yaigh]

[VBF]

On 6/4/2021 at 6:47 AM, roo860 said:

Mores the pity☹️