Worst Joke Ever 2025

[Andrew Dwyer]

Couldn’t wait, I’m adding my own !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Yup !!

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him intoher quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

 

Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

Two men are changing in the dressing rooms after playing a game of badminton.

After showering, one of them puts on bra and pants. 
"Heh, what's going on here?" asks his mate, "how long have you been wearing these?" 
"Ever since my wife found them in my car," he replies. 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

A man went along to a 'spooks' evening at the local Town Hall to hear guest speakers talk about their strange experiences. Sitting at the back, he couldn't hear all that was being said and he began to doze off when suddenly one of the speakers asked loudly, 
"Now come on, don't be shy, there must be someone here whose had a relationship with a ghost?" 
Without thinking, the man put his hand up and was asked to come down to the front. 
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this gentlemen here has kindly volunteered to tell us about his intimate relationship with a ghost. Please give him a warm hand." 
But the man had come to a sudden halt. 
"Ghost!" he exclaimed. "I thought you said goats." 

[scottiejohn]

[ballpoint]

[remorhaz]

So a technical recruiter I've been working with, a gorgeous young blond, called me up and said "Great news!  I've got 2 openings for you!"  I immediately answered in my most salacious voice "I know... ????  " there was a pause for a minute then she just sighed and said "<deleted>" and I said 'Actually I prefer the other one" 

[remorhaz]

So a fat woman came into the bar walked up behind me and slapped me on the ass and said "Hey!  Can I have your number?" and I said "Sure - have you got a pen?"  she answered "I sure have!" and I said "Well you better get back into it before the farmer notices that you're gone".

[Andrew Dwyer]

Most people go for a “ Bob “ !!

 

( apologies to all the Roberts on here ).

[Andrew Dwyer]

Waxing and cleaning in one go !!
What’s not to like ??

[scottiejohn]

51 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Most people go for a “ Bob “ !!

 

( apologies to all the Roberts on here ).

I would have thought a "bob" (old shilling) was cheap for his services or would that be a quick bob in and a bob out before *rsing about and parting good friends? I am of course talking tongue in cheek as the two gay friends Gerald Fitsbob and Bob Fitzgerald commented.

[scottiejohn]

52 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Waxing and cleaning in one go !!
What’s not to like ??

A sticky end?

[Andrew Dwyer]

I would have thought a "bob" (old shilling) was cheap for his services or would that be a quick bob in and a bob out before *rsing about and parting good friends? I am of course talking tongue in cheek as the two gay friends Gerald Fitsbob and Bob Fitzgerald commented.

I was thinking about the “ bob “ hairstyle but your dirty mind was on overtime..... again!!

[scottiejohn]

1 minute ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

I was thinking about the “ bob “ hairstyle but your dirty mind was on overtime..... again!!

And I see you have come again!

[Andrew Dwyer]

[chickenslegs]

[Andrew Dwyer]

[faraday]

Yes Andrew, I did try to play it!!

 

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[scottiejohn]

What is the difference between Oral and rectal thermometors, is it just a matter of taste?

[bluesofa]

8 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

What is the difference between Oral and rectal thermometors, is it just a matter of taste?

I saw a doctor with a rectal thermometer behind his ear. He told me, "Some bum's got my pen."

[scottiejohn]

36 minutes ago, bluesofa said:

I saw a doctor with a rectal thermometer behind his ear. He told me, "Some bum's got my pen."

I wonder what colour the patients medical charts end up being coloured in with in this instance!