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Some posts have been removed as per the following forum rule:

 

8. You will not post vulgarities, obscenities or profanities.

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and

A new charity single is being released to help flood victims in Pakistan.
Raindrops keep falling on Amhed….

I accidentally drank some invisible ink earlier.

Now I'm in hospital, waiting to be seen.

I bought a book about the dangers of deforestation.

The first page says, “You’re not helping”

Amazingly, 25 years on, and I can still remember what I was doing the moment I heard Diana was dead.

I was at an all-night panel beaters in Paris getting my Fiat Uno fixed.

Two down and outs were sitting side by side on the street, begging.

One turned to the other and said. "What brought you to this state?"  "Was it the same as me, drink and drugs?"

The other guy replied, " No mate!  I forgot to turn my light off when I left the house."

23 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Two down and outs were sitting side by side on the street, begging.

One turned to the other and said. "What brought you to this state?"  "Was it the same as me, drink and drugs?"

The other guy replied, " No mate!  I forgot to turn my light off when I left the house."