19 minutes ago, ravip said:

I think the sequence should be Prepaid. PAYG and Contracted!

I had 17 weeds in my garden, so I used some of that roundup.
Now I have 20.

I posted a review about the damaged paving outside my local shop and it got deleted.
That's the last time I'm using TripAdvisor.

I went to report my cat missing. They asked if it was chipped?
I said, well it does have the corner of an ear missing.

 

A lady was arrested at the airport today after officers found a stash of cocaine hidden in a 42GG bra.
They confirmed it was a big bust.

We've got really good pet insurance...
While our dog was at the vet,
they gave us a courtesy cat.

I bought a used Jack in the box at a charity shop, but it doesn't work.

I'm not surprised.

People who like rock music are rockers.

People who like pop music are popsters.

There's an awful lot of country music fans about.

Bureaucrats are getting too officious these days;
There are some very dodgy questions on some of the forms they send out now adays!
A recent loan form application said Sex!
I put, ‘occasionally’ if I have any money left"  

 

PS; I nearly said that is why I need the loan as I am going blind living on my own!

A little old lady went to the doctor and said: 
‘Can I have some more sleeping pills for my husband please?’ 
He said: ‘Why?’ 
She said: ‘He keeps waking up!’

How many students does it take to change a toilet roll? 
Nobody knows!

— it’s never been done before.

ADAM AND EVE AFTER A FEW YEARS TOGETHER!