https://www.theonion.com/cdc-recommends-also-wearing-face-mask-on-back-of-head-i-1841669382

ATLANTA— “Look, this is a disease that plays dirty, and in that respect, it’s much worse than SARS. You’ll need to have all your wits about you if you intend to stay one step ahead of its wicked grasp. ...........You never know when it could creep silently behind you and infect you from the rear, to fully protect yourself from any particularly wily strains of the virus sneaking up behind you and catching you unaware,” 

 

 

 

 

11 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

 

needs an Update?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel..

 When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.

She demanded to know why the charge was so high?

 "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.

She insisted on speaking to the Manager.

 The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced:

 "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."

"But I didn't use them."

'Well, they are here, and you could have."

 He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous.

"We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."

"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."

"Well, we have them, and you could have."

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied,

 "But I didn't use it!"

 and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.

"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"

"That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."

"But I didn't!"

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."