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Worst Joke Ever 2026

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"Hey, June, how about a bit of slap and tickle tonight?"

"Sshh, John, don't talk like that in front of the children. Let's use code. Whenever you feel like it, just say, 'How about turning the washing machine on.' "

A few evenings later, June turned to her husband and said, "Shall I put the washing machine on tonight?"

"Don't bother, love, you looked a bit tired so I did the washing by hand."
 

There had been an awful car accident resulting in a flashy sports car hitting a roadside tree and badly injuring the two passengers. When the emergency services arrived, the man was screaming hysterically.

"Try to calm down, sir," said the paramedic, "and we'll try to see what's wrong. At least you weren't flung through the windscreen like your girlfriend."

 

"Aargh!" screamed the man even more. "Have you seen what's in her mouth?"
 

The chairman turned to his secretary and said,

"I'll never forget that week we spent together in the Paris, will you?"

"I don't know," she replied,

 

"it depends how much it's worth."
 

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The rich hirsute young man presented his girlfriend with a beautiful fur coat made out of skunk.

"I'm amazed," she said,

"that such a gorgeous coat could come from such a stinking, ugly little runt of a hairy beast."

"Well, sod off," said the boyfriend.

 

"I didn't expect a lot of gratitude, but there's no need to get so personal."
 

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"I don't know..." 

May be a cartoon of text 

 

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Is Pool still okay with Woke?

May be an image of 3 people and text that says 'IS POOL STILL OKAY? I MEAN... David DavidSchll Schel THE WHITE BALL IS KNOCKING CKING ALL THE COLORED BALLS AROUND.'

 

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I bet you can't...

 

May be an image of text that says '1bet bet you can't turn around in the Suez Canal. Hold my Beer! EVERGREEN' 

 

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Lance...

May be an image of text that says 'Lance isn't a common name these days, but in medieval times, people were named Lance a lot.' 

 

 

They can...

May be an image of outdoors and text that says 'They can close our beaches, close our rivers and close our public swimming pools but they cannot close our potholes' 

 

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