1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

Not Everyone gets the Joke................................

 

Sorry I can't get it as I am too far ahead of you.

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

That's just a stupid conspiracy theory!

I wonder what planet they are on?

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

The guy who invented the Ferris Wheel never met the guy who invented the Carousel.

It turns out they worked in different circles.

Did they ever get around to meet in the same circle of friends, if so I wonder how it turned out?

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I was in Turkey on holiday last week & came across one of those Turkish bath houses.... They shaved with a solid steel stoneground cut throat razor, singed the hairs inside the ears and nose, waxed off the chest hairs and plucked all the hairs out of the <deleted> crack, all finished off with a moustache trim and alcohol rub-down. Honestly, the missus has never looked so good!
 

Is she now your "Turkish Delight"?

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I'm not sure about the electrician I hired to do some work in my basement.
I came home early and not only is he down there sleeping on the job, he's also now wearing his hair in a full afro.

Shocking what these tradesmen get upto nowadays. They really should be well grounded before starting work.

7 hours ago, fangless said:

Is she now your "Turkish Delight"?

More like my Ottoman. Dumpy with thick legs and a flat top.

7 hours ago, fangless said:

Shocking what these tradesmen get upto nowadays. They really should be well grounded before starting work.

I thought that would spark a response.

8 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Not Everyone gets the Joke................................

 

is there a groan emoji

What a bargain!!

I am not being catty but 

 

 

 

I hope you do too!

 I thought they were supposed to help not hurt!

It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
 

An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. 
They visit a shopping mall for the very first time and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). 
As they watch, an elderly lady is wheeled in through the strange silver doors in a wheelchair and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down again. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, 

"Son, go get your mother and her nurse!"
 

Never mind COVID!

A highly dangerous virus called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer' (WORK) is currently going around.
If you come in contact with this WORK virus, you should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief (BAR)” center to take antidotes known as "Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE), "Radioactive UNWORK Medicine’(RUM), "Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter ’(BEER) or 'Vaccine Official Depression Killing Antigen’ (VODKA). 
Please re-post to raise awareness!!!

 

 

PS; Other BAR related remedies are available!
 

I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a “person of limited growth and height” (a DWARF or Midget to you and I or whatever you are supposed to call them nowadays!)
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' 
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well if that’s the case then which one are you?'
 

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be The Man Of Your OwnHouse."
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, 
"The funeral director would be my first guess."