Thought for the day!

FBI agents have discovered an estimated 16 million pictures of men's genitals, also known as “dick pics", during a raid on an NSA employee's home this week.
Federal prosecutors have charged Hillary Wang, a National Security Agency employee for 14 years, with theft of government property and unauthorized removal and retention of data.
 

 I was in town earlier and I saw people collecting for Parkinson's, and they were all shaking their tins,
which I thought was a bit insensitive.
 

I was woken up last night by the bulimic upstairs vomiting loudly, 
so I banged on the ceiling going, "Oi, keep it down!"
 

What word is always pronounced incorrectly?

-

Incorrectly!
 

What do you get when you cross:- A cat with a lemon?

 

A sourpuss. 
 

Chat-up Line:- Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back with interest.
 

Fred and Mary got married.
But they can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Ok, ok, tell me what you think!!!"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

I’ve just been on Trip Advisor.
Nothing about how to deal with a cut knee or stubbed toe.

You can lead a horse to water but it's pretty crowded there
because of all the men you taught to fish in that other proverb.

I recently spent £6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow.
I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbour's cows!
He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him . . . . . . but they kind of taste like peppermint.