Moments before her husband’s funeral, a widow took one final look at his body.

To her horror, she saw that he was wearing a brown suit whereas she had issued strict instructions to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in a blue suit.

 

She sought out the undertaker and demanded that the suit be changed. At first he tried to tell her that it was too late but when he could see that she wasn’t going to back down, he ordered the mortician to wheel the coffin away. A few minutes later, just as the funeral was about to start, the coffin was wheeled back in and, amazingly, the corpse was now wearing a blue suit. 

 The widow was overjoyed and, at the end of the cremation, thanked the undertaker for his swift work. ‘Oh, it was nothing,’ he said. ‘It so happened there was another body in the back room and he was already dressed in a blue suit. All we had to do was switch heads.’ 

 

 

 

A man angrily called over to his neighbour one morning and shouted: 
‘Did you hear me thumping on the wall last night?’ 
‘Oh, don’t worry about it! We were making a fair bit of noise ourselves.’ 
 

Alternative Definitions 
 Denial - long river in Egypt 
 Depend - where one can find the best swimmers 
 Dogma - a puppy’s mother 
 Doldrums - Barbie’s bongos 
 

A six-year-old boy was standing with his father in front of the polar bear enclosure at the zoo.

The father was telling the boy how dangerous polar bears were and that, of all the animals in the zoo, they were the ones that the keepers feared most, especially when they escaped. 
 Eventually the boy said:

‘Dad, if the polar bear escapes and eats you up .. . ?’ 
 ‘Yes, son?’ 
 ‘Which bus do I catch home?’ 

 

What do you get when you cross:- A spider with a rabbit? A hare net. 
 

Chat-up Line:-"All those curves, and me with no brakes to stop my wandering hands"
 

25 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said:

The Knights who say "NI"