40 minutes ago, Zyxel said:

You found it!

42 minutes ago, Zyxel said:

Wasn't it meep meep, not beep beep?

5 hours ago, tomazbodner said:

Wasn't it meep meep, not beep beep?

What the Bleep are you on about?

It's ok I'll run away and get my coat now!

????

6 hours ago, Zyxel said:

You do know why the roll is hidden in the cupboard don't you?  It's because they hang the roll back to front with the hanging down bit next to the wall!

My mate just got sacked from the dodgems, he is doing them for funfair dismissal.

I bought a Thesaurus today. It's nothing to write house about!

David Beckham was asked his thoughts on what's going on in Syria at the moment.

He said its early days but Juventus should pip AS Roma to the league title but he still prefers the English Premier League!

Apparently there are no pain killers left in the jungle as the parrots eat em all!

My next door neighbour had a penis extension.
His house looks really stupid now.

I went to library after work and asked if they have any books on coincidences.
The librarian says, "Here's one that just arrived."

I've been trying my hand at writing.
So far, it's a lot more successful than using my foot.

I just bought the Beatles version of Cluedo, but it's rubbish.
Every game, the answer is Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

I've just been stopped in town, a woman in a yellow jacket said, "Would you like to put your hand in your pocket for Children In Need."
I said, "Sure. I normally give money, but if you think it will help."

I've got my first kick boxing class tonight.
Hopefully I'll be able to quit boxing for good this time.

I asked the barber if I could have my hair cut like Tom Cruise.
He  raised the chair and made me sit on a cushion.

Not liking the previous haircut, I went to a hairdresser and asked her if she could cut my hair like Liam Gallagher.

She put a parka on, picked up her scissors and said "Alright then, sit down knobhead!".

 

Finally, I went to a third place and said "I'm glad you're open with all this Covid going on.  My hair needs cutting really badly".

So he did.