Married to Thai girl, found out she's cheating while USA green card/visa is in process

[mikehongpark]

Hello All,

I met my wife 3.5 years ago in Myrtle Beach, SC USA during her work/study abroad, while I was on vacation. She is an engineering graduate and have been working as an engineer for the last 2 years. We got married (in Thailand) 11 months ago, in order to get the green card paperwork started. We had a small ceremony/reception with just her side of the family in Feb 2018. I've vested $150,000+ dollars since we met: on vacations, gifts, airfares, Sin Sod, 24K golds, and the wedding costs last year. Yes, I was stupid and flashed my money on my 1st visit to meet her in Thailand 3 years ago, and took her to 4 different countries and gave her a few gifts. Stupid as stupid goes, and lesson learned.

 

The 2nd wedding reception which will be an American style wedding in Thailand and is scheduled for next month and we were planning to have babies once her green card/visa is approved. I currently have 30+ confirmed flight bookings to BKK for my wedding. We met in Europe last month for a 2 weeks vacation and returned to our respective countries. However, today I confirmed that she has cheated on me. She has  admitted to cheating (only after I had indisputable proof) then blamed the long distance and not having anyone to talk to during stressful times, as we have a 13 hour time difference and we are both working. She has cried over the phone and has been apologetic, but it can be just an attempt to hold on to the better life. During our relationship, I had plenty of chances to have other women, but I always did the right thing. I just turned 48 and I have never cheated on a significant other and plan to keep it that way.

 

Ironically, the National Visa Center just sent an approval email to proceed yesterday. I have thoroughly enjoyed my life as a single man and have travelled all over the world, but decided that it is time to settle down and have kids. I am 48 and she is 26 and I really want to have kids and feel that I might lose the chance to have kids if I move on as I don't want to have kid after 50 yo. Don't want to be the grandpa/dad, even though I know that I can be one of the best dad. I know that I must move on, as the trust have been lost.  But, I ask myself, can the trust be regained? 

 

I have the choice to move on or give her a chance, but I'm so confused and feeling pretty pathetic right now.

1) Move On:

* I must notify 30+ friends with confirmed flights to Thailand. 

* Fear of not having kids.

* Not sure if I will find a companion to have kids with, within a year.

* A lot of money has been vested into this relationship

* Have to divorce, before ever having to cohabitate with the wife

* Do I ask her to give me the 20 1 Liter bottles of Johnnie Walker Gold Reserve that was accumulated for the wedding next month or just move on?

 

2) Give her a chance:

* Start working on having kids this year.

* Will take time to earn my trust.

* Relationship will be rocky for a while, at least until she gives me the gift of a child as the love for a child will change all mindsets.

 

Any advice will be appreciated, as I am trying to weigh in on the good and the bad. I am hoping that I get both female and male responses for a different perspective. I'm leaning towards moving on.

[lemonjelly]

Enjoy being single. ...... 48 and want kids?.... my wife had our first kid when I was 48, it can be really hard work, I sometimes just want to chill rather than deal with a naughty kid at this stage of my life...... the 20 bottles of JW.... let it go, move on before she screws you over again.

[manarak]

OP, only facts in your post but the decision should be based on your both feelings and personalities.

The forum can only give you a safe answer, i.e. "walk away", but is unable to weigh pros and cons of any other option.

[LomSak27]

Up2 U

 

But if you do move on, trying to get back your JW is understandable but laughable.sorry if we peanut gallery types have a well deserved guffaw on this.

 

Yes you are in it deep. I would make your decisions in the next 24 hours and then get on the phone to your 30 friends. You are in deep but truth is it will be cheaper just cutting it and you know better next time.

 

Sorry about what happened, but you played a part too didn't you?!  

[cornishcarlos]

1 hour ago, mikehongpark said:

I am 48 and she is 26 

 

That's where I stopped reading... She's young enough to be your daughter and also have a 4yr old kid !!

I know love works in mysterious ways, but come on.....

[colinneil]

How many times is this same story going to keep appearing here?

Same thing but written differently, same 30 friends with confirmed flights to Thailand.

[BigT73]

1 hour ago, mikehongpark said:

2) Give her a chance:

* Start working on having kids this year.

* Will take time to earn my trust.

* Relationship will be rocky for a while, at least until she gives me the gift of a child as the love for a child will change all mindsets. 

Mike you sound like a noble, chivalrous guy stuck in the wrong century.  She wont try earn your trust as she feels justified in cheating, she even managed to make partly your fault.

A child will NOT change her mindset, it will get complicated later on and will not be fair for the child.  

Dont let this taint your feelings to thai women in general, there are alot here that would jump at the chance you are offering and would invest real feelings and loyalty to your relationship. 

[BigT73]

2 minutes ago, colinneil said:

How many times is this same story going to keep appearing here?

Same thing but written differently, same 30 friends with confirmed flights to Thailand.

Cause its the same guy.

[mikehongpark]

7 minutes ago, colinneil said:

How many times is this same story going to keep appearing here?

Same thing but written differently, same 30 friends with confirmed flights to Thailand.

Sorry, but the other thread was to get help in translating Thai language, and with the help of the members I have confirmed that she has cheated to her admission.  I started this new thread for advice as this is a very important decision.

[SheungWan]

This story is a total tragedy. You are never getting the 20 bottles of Johnnie Walker Gold Reserve back.

[phutoie2]

41 minutes ago, cornishcarlos said:

 

That's where I stopped reading... She's young enough to be your daughter and also have a 4yr old kid !!

I know love works in mysterious ways, but come on.....

hmm, 23 years between myself and wife and together 15 yrs now, it is indeed a mystery.

Yours:

worried of Phu Toei.

[watgate]

It's a very difficult situation and one I would not want to have to deal with but with that said I think you should cut your losses while you still can. If she truly loved you she would have not cheated  knowing she had found a real gem of a man with a kind and generous heart. She is now panicking and doesn't want to lose her cash cow and will resort to anything and everything to keep you. So much of Thai society is predicated on wealth and status and with you she has both. I agree that a child will add more significant problems and her past behavior will always keep you on edge wondering if and when she will cheat on you again. Lastly. as another poster stated, there are many woman in Thailand who would kill to be with a man of your credentials and would not cheat on you. The challenge is to find one and to cut your losses before a child enters the picture and things then get really complicated and messy such as child support, etc.

[anon537687643]

How many times is this same story going to keep appearing here?

Same thing but written differently, same 30 friends with confirmed flights to Thailand.

Yes Colin!

[anon537687643]

Yes Colin! It’s all bullshit and the guy is actually already married .hahaa

 

 

[SheungWan]

Shut it down.

 

 

[HighPriority]

50 minutes ago, colinneil said:

How many times is this same story going to keep appearing here?

Same thing but written differently, same 30 friends with confirmed flights to Thailand.

No, it’s a different story today, the other day he wasn’t married yet, but today they married 11 months ago... ????

I’ll really miss my Johnny Walker. 

[kannot]

2 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

she gives me the gift of a child as the love for a child will change all mindsets.

hilarious............

[mikehongpark]

2 minutes ago, HighPriority said:

No, it’s a different story today, the other day he wasn’t married yet, but today they married 11 months ago... ????

I’ll really miss my Johnny Walker. 

I shortened the version for language help on the other topic, when I started the thread. If you see my responses on the other thread, I did clear up that I'm already married 11 months ago and having a 2nd wedding reception for my friends and family from USA. Take it as you will, but I'm just looking for advice before calling 30 friends. Need to fully think it through.

[HighPriority]

1 minute ago, mikehongpark said:

I shortened the version for language help on the other topic, when I started the thread. If you see my responses on the other thread, I did clear up that I'm already married 11 months ago and having a 2nd wedding reception for my friends and family from USA. Take it as you will, but I'm just looking for advice before calling 30 friends. Need to fully think it through.

I read from start to finish, I don’t recall how many pages, I didn’t see any mention of being already married.

i don’t understand what you think you are getting in here... ?

You asked your question in your original thread, got the forums wisdom (which we now know to be correct) and you still don’t know what to do ? ????

 

I also agree with a previous poster, next time get one that’s only 10 years younger than you.

 

 

 

[KhunProletariat]

It's a sad fact of life that nice guys finish last. It sounds like she has taken you for a ride due to your openness and sincerity. 

 

The golden rule whilst dating a Thai girl from any social/economic background is to let them know who's boss. If you don't stamp your authority on the relationship early on, then she will see you as a door mat and use you as she sees fit.

 

Lay down the law early on, grow a pair and show her you mean business. In your case it's already too late. DO NOT take her back. No forgiveness. She will cheat on you again and again because you did not safe guard yourself early on. 

 

Find someone else and use the above as a guide for future interactions with Thai girls.

 

KP.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, cornishcarlos said:

2 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

I am 48 and she is 26 

That's where I stopped reading... She's young enough to be your daughter and also have a 4yr old kid !!

I know love works in mysterious ways, but come on.....

I agree, she is definitely too old. He should have picked an innocent 18 year old girl without kid.

[simon43]

KP's post above has good advice.  If you definitely know that she has cheated on you, then I'd lay it on hard.  (That includes demanding your bottles of JW...).

 

Forget trying to break up softly - she'll only go and do the same again with another trusting guy.  

 

Since you're legally married, according to Thai law, you are also entitled to monetary compensation from the Thai guy (I assume he's Thai?) who's been f**king your wife.  I'd inform her that you are contacting a lawyer to pursue that man for damages, as well as your divorce of course.

 

Of course, make sure that you inform the relevant authorities about her Green Card application...

[cornishcarlos]

1 minute ago, simon43 said:

Since you're legally married, according to Thai law

 

Is he ? I thought he says he just had a Thai wedding ceremony, no mention of registering the marriage at the Amphur.. Maybe I missed that bit though.

If not, just pack your bags and walk away, looking over your shoulder just to be safe ????

[Lacessit]

Women can be extremely vengeful if a male cheats on them. Why should they be expecting to be treated differently when they are cheating themselves?

Walk away. If it's happened once, it will happen again. Guaranteed.

 

 

[theguyfromanotherforum]

On 1/6/2019 at 5:42 AM, mikehongpark said:

I am 48 and she is 26

 

In your first post regarding the facebook chat with "Zen", you conveniently forgot to add this fact.

 

You are too old. You are even to old for a mid 30 Thai woman.

 

If she is cheating on you know while you are showering her with gifts and money you are thinking about giving it a chance (probably after sleeping on it and ignoring all the advice from the previous thread). Just imagine how much she will love you true when you hit 50 and she is 28. Even better when you are 60 and she is 38. Even at 40 years she could have dozens of foreigners lined up on her chat apps while you are one foot in the grave.

 

As for your reasons and the one including that too much money has already been invested

 

On 1/6/2019 at 5:42 AM, mikehongpark said:

2) Give her a chance:

* Start working on having kids this year.

* Will take time to earn my trust.

* Relationship will be rocky for a while, at least until she gives me the gift of a child as the love for a child will change all mindsets.

 

Surely I do  think now that this is a  troll post as no one could be this dumb?

[HighPriority]

Yep @ 48 he can pork her all night long but fast forward 10 years and he is struggling a bit... ????????

[Lunchbob]

Luckily, you found out the truth before you became even more tied up to her with kids, more debt, etc...Consider closely why you want to imprison yourself with this woman and risk your happiness, freedom and sex life.

[mikehongpark]

25 minutes ago, cornishcarlos said:

 

Is he ? I thought he says he just had a Thai wedding ceremony, no mention of registering the marriage at the Amphur.. Maybe I missed that bit though.

If not, just pack your bags and walk away, looking over your shoulder just to be safe ????

The marriage ceremony/reception was all legally registered at the Amphur 2/23/2018, with no one from my side in attendance as it was a decision to get the green card paperwork started. The 2nd wedding reception for my USA friends and family is scheduled next month on 2/23/2019. Basically, I was having another reception (American style) for my USA side. 

[puukao]

This one is EASY.  Of course you get rid of her, BUT have your friends come to Thailand (the ones who can't cancel their tickets) and enjoy being single again.

 

When you get sick, she will cheat.  When your money gets "low," she will cheat.  If she thinks you will cheat, she will cheat.  If you think she is cheating, well, that's a nightmare.  It's always 100% over if someone cheats.  I'm sure there are more, or many more times than you think.  maybe all-day, all-night, all-day, all-night...yea, put that in your mind.  it's horrible.

 

hope you learned a good lesson.  money gone, heart broken, but it's ok.  impossible to trust her, impossible.  

 

people say thailand is cheap, but then they lose $150,000.  it's not that cheap.  lol.

 

don't be the sucker who stays with girl that cheats on you. see, lose-lose.

 

good luck.  

 

 

[Skallywag]

Am confused - if you have been married 11 months and have not gotten her pregnant by now  ?! How is having another wedding ceremony going to expedite having a child?!?  When the kid is 16 and you are 62 - yes you will be a grandpa in some ways - just my opinion