'Trapped'

[KiChakayan]

On 3/11/2019 at 6:54 PM, BritManToo said:

Don't give her or the kid any money, it's gotta be your way or the highway.

Probably the most stupid comment I have read on TV in the 18 months since I have joined.. Maybe I should died my hair and join the youngsters on r....t/thailand..

[holy cow cm]

More info needs to be brought forth by you to really see what is going on. How the parents are as in people- personality, how they are with the daughter and what they do with her with time spent, what you do and spending your time, this also includes with your wife and certain other things that will show what you are dealing with. How old your wife is and small things she does. I had my day with my mother in law, but always it comes back to normal. 

 

So there is no real answer until one knows the total situation. 

[Tomahawk21]

On 3/11/2019 at 6:54 PM, BritManToo said:

Stand your ground, and live your life. Don't argue, don't discuss, avoid her family.

Don't give her or the kid any money, it's gotta be your way or the highway.

yes agree, man up, i dont understand why so many farangs put their selves in these crazy positions when they come here to live the dream and end up living a nightmare, having kids then being blackmailed. good luck something tells me your going to need it.

[Odin Norway]

6 hours ago, sanemax said:

I am a sicko and have a serious problem, because I wouldnt sleep in a bed with children who are not mine .......................OK

I would be careful with that also. No need to put your self in any questionable situation. Did it when her sister was 6-7 but it felt wrong to me. Now 10-11 years later I 

wouldn't mind at all ????

[BTB1977]

Grow some balls and tell her your moving back to the condo.  She is more than welcome and you will support her and the child. If she stays you will support the child only at 50%. as she is responsible for it too.( a Thai man would just walk away). Child support is less than 5,000 baht. With her 5,000 that is 10,000.  If she loves you she will follow her husband.  If not she has no husband.

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, BTB1977 said:

Grow some balls and tell her your moving back to the condo.  She is more than welcome and you will support her and the child. If she stays you will support the child only at 50%. as she is responsible for it too.( a Thai man would just walk away). Child support is less than 5,000 baht. With her 5,000 that is 10,000.  If she loves you she will follow her husband.  If not she has no husband.

Why would anyone pay for a child that isn't living with them?

10,000bht is a months wages to most Thais, they can bring up a family of 4 on that.

[totally thaied up]

3 hours ago, bungcheese said:

He made his bed, now I am afraid he must lay in it. He can demand moving out from the in-laws residence, but keeping the family in tact is important.

No, you do not have to lay in it if it is toxic

 

I have had toxic relationships before and it is not good for him, his daughter or his wife. Sounds like wifey and the parents are not a good fit. Daughters what is keeping it together and that is never good. You both need happy partners, not in it because he supports them.

 

Much better to be single that sitting in a toxic mess and I know this from experience. Keeping the family together is not good or important if things are not working out. Time out for the OP to get his head together is needed. He sounds like he misses his family but do they miss him or is it the same old story - the support he garners is what they miss. I have not seen too many Thai women pony up when the money gets low or when he/you needs emotional support. 

 

Love is supposed to be a 'two-way street'

Edited March 13, 2019 by totally thaied up

[totally thaied up]

36 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Why would anyone pay for a child that isn't living with them?

10,000bht is a months wages to most Thais, they can bring up a family of 4 on that.

I would have to know more then 50 women that have children to Thai men and the men have left them and the child. NO support comes from the Thai guy for the children (in 99 percent of the cases, the girls have not seen the husband for years) so why should it be any different for a farang?

 

If the child is not living with you, how can you be certain the child is getting the money as I know so many village girls that drink and gamble and don't give a hoot about the child. In many cases, I have seen the child left at the Grandparents place to rot.

 

No, I agree with BM2 here. Either the child lives with you or it is just a lost race on your behalf.

[Briggsy]

5 minutes ago, totally thaied up said:

I would have to know more then 50 women that have children to Thai men and the men have left them and the child.

Where did you meet these "more than 50 women"?

 

Don't tell me, I think I know.

[totally thaied up]

20 minutes ago, Briggsy said:

Don't tell me, I think I know.

For your information, I am married, my wife has a massive social circle of friends and no, they don't come from the bars. Just normal <deleted> up relationships that did not work.  Just about everyone I meet has a child and most are not married. It is a shame that some of my wife's friends do have children that are not supported. An ex-girlfriend of mines mother had two different fathers to her three children and the children have never met their respective fathers. Of course, there are many marriages as well that have worked but I am truly shocked at how many that have not. 

Edited March 13, 2019 by totally thaied up
Edit - add content

[Pdavies99]

So you married a girl doted on by her parents and still gets her own way and they don't like you!!  (Surely you must know that?) She is spoilt and unfortunately this is never going to change and there is absolutely nothing you can do about that!

 

She has most likely as a guess never really worked or supported herself without Daddy and like you state her parents are very conservative!

 

I'm sorry to say that you cannot win...the parents want you gone! Accept it!

 

[AlexRich]

4 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I divorced the daughter, still stuck with MiL though. 

Hopefully she'll leave soon.

 

I never had to worry about FiL, he died in CM jail a few years back.

No worries about my step-daughters dad either, been in jail 20 years, another 5 to go.

 

I guessed, from your posts, that you were consorting with Hi-So society. What did he get 20 years for? Got to be drugs or murder?

 

 

[Will E Vormer]

Just an update. I made contact first, told the wife to bring her and the kid over to stay for the weekend. Hopefully resolve rather than fight. I have to fly back to UK, so this needs sorting out asap. 

Of course there's this typical save face thai thing, sees me making contact as a weakness, so now blaming me for abandoning the kid. Sometimes you cant win those arguments so best I keep the endgame on course. Ie we need to live together in a suitable family place, preferably the F outside of Bangkok, but close enough so she can visit the parents or v versa.  

Will update and thanks again for all your thoughts! Not offended in the least by some of the answers, all good

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, Will E Vormer said:

Will update and thanks again for all your thoughts! Not offended in the least by some of the answers, all good

 

[Will E Vormer]

10 hours ago, Essex Reject said:

My advise is that you need to man up and grow a pair. Sounds like you lead a pitful existance, dude.

Pitiful- Deserving or arousing pity.

Not looking for either and appreciate you comment. 

[myshem]

You sound like a real man who can control his life !

Don't you know that balls are not made to be used only once in life when we want kids ?

 

[myshem]

17 minutes ago, Will E Vormer said:

Pitiful- Deserving or arousing pity.

Not looking for either and appreciate you comment. 

 

You like it or not this is just the truth ! And many more guys are just living in hell in Thailand because they are not able to control Thai who are the easiest people in the world to countrol.

 

 

[myshem]

4 hours ago, BTB1977 said:

Grow some balls and tell her your moving back to the condo.  She is more than welcome and you will support her and the child. If she stays you will support the child only at 50%. as she is responsible for it too.( a Thai man would just walk away). Child support is less than 5,000 baht. With her 5,000 that is 10,000.  If she loves you she will follow her husband.  If not she has no husband.

 

That is already too nice.

 

 

[AlexRich]

1 minute ago, myshem said:

 

You like it or not this is just the truth ! And many more guys are just living in hell in Thailand because they are not able to control Thai who are the easiest people in the world to countrol.

 

 

The OP needs to get some respect and compromise in his relationship, a bit of mutual respect and balance. Controlling his wife will just make her miserable, so not a solution. He needs to find that balance or simply go his own way and use money as the carrot to ensure access to a child ... but for it ever to work they both need to be happy.

[BritManToo]

7 hours ago, Benroon said:

Until they're caught !!

However keep telling yourself that 

I don't know any grown men sleeping with unrelated 6 year olds - maybe I mix in different circles to you (thankfully)

It's funny how you love Thailand and all Thai culture, and slam us for not going along with everything.

Then when some of us go along with a few Thai ways that are different to the west you slam us for doing it.

You just can't please some trolls.

[freedomnow]

23 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Thai way - everyone sleeps in the same bed.

I found it strange at first, but I'm used to it now.

I refuse to have my mother-in-law (former) in my bed though.

Screw that. Never heard of that. I'd not be sleeping in the same house, nevermind the same-bed...or same region of Thailand actually.

Though I do know my g/fs parents shower together at the same time which was funky/weird/sexy/strange all at once as they are 50+

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, freedomnow said:

Screw that. Never heard of that. I'd not be sleeping in the same house, nevermind the same-bed...or same region of Thailand actually.

Though I do know my g/fs parents shower together at the same time which was funky/weird/sexy/strange all at once as they are 50+

That's because it's her duty to wash him in the shower.

My first gf insisted on doing that for me too, my wife did it for the first week we were married, then gave up.

Sort of traditional.

[freedomnow]

3 hours ago, BritManToo said:

That's because it's her duty to wash him in the shower.

My first gf insisted on doing that for me too, my wife did it for the first week we were married, then gave up.

Sort of traditional.

Haha, cool. Never knew that was traditional.

[sanemax]

8 hours ago, BritManToo said:

It's funny how you love Thailand and all Thai culture, and slam us for not going along with everything.

Then when some of us go along with a few Thai ways that are different to the west you slam us for doing it.

You just can't please some trolls.

As you got a schoolgirl pregnant , you must be attracted to underage girls , for that reason alone , you shouldnt be sleeping in the same bed as an underaged girl

[totally thaied up]

1 hour ago, freedomnow said:

Haha, cool. Never knew that was traditional

For the past three years, my wife has bathed me daily/washed my hair (or when she is not working and makes time for it) and it is nice. Same goes for the clothes - they are always put out for me to wear after the shower.

[Spidey]

18 hours ago, Benroon said:

Hmmm I'm struggling to get round being called a paedophile by someone who sleeps with 6 year old boys but moving on...

 

Yes I am saying that - his mother is his mother. You are not even related. I am not for one minute suggesting anything untoward but its not right full stop. By the way when will you stop ?

 

OK put another way - its not doing wonders for Michael Jacksons legacy is it !

I presume that you don't have kids. Back in the UK I have 2 kids, a boy and a girl. If, in the night, they woke up, having a nightmare they came into our room and climbed into bed between myself and my wife. Should I have said, " You must go back to your bed, you can't sleep in our bed, Daddy might be a paedophile"?

 

No, of course not. And if my wife woke up early and left me and my son/daughter sleeping in the bed, would that be wrong?

 

My son in Thailand, has never known his real father, I'm his dad and he is my son, no different to my son in the UK. I see him as the same and treat him the same as my biological son.

 

It's quite normal for kids to get into bed with their parents in Thailand, the UK even the anal, bible belt US.

 

The only people that see it as wrong are people with paedophile tendencies, or when the people around them suspect that they have paedophile tendencies.

[Pilotman]

On 3/11/2019 at 6:32 PM, uhuh said:

So it turns out Thailand is not an island dream. 

It is a developing country. 

The way of life of ordinary Thais is not very attractive.

 

Girls who will follow your island dream are usually in it for the money. 

Ordinary girls lead very ordinary lives here, I can understand that you don't like it. It may defeat the whole purpose of coming here.

 

I invested many years in a similar situation,  no improvement at all. 

In the end I gave up and broke up. 

 

where exactly it is 'developing'? 

[Spidey]

3 hours ago, sanemax said:

As you got a schoolgirl pregnant , you must be attracted to underage girls , for that reason alone , you shouldnt be sleeping in the same bed as an underaged girl

Whenever Webfact starts a thread about some paedophile being arrested in Thailand or wherever, some posters try to subtly defend them. Clearly there are paedophiles posting on this forum. I would never post photos of my children on this forum.

 

To Sanemax and Benroon, "I think thou doth protesteth too much". Be careful that you don't get labelled.

Edited March 14, 2019 by Spidey

[sanemax]

8 minutes ago, Spidey said:

I presume that you don't have kids. Back in the UK I have 2 kids, a boy and a girl. If, in the night, they woke up, having a nightmare they came into our room and climbed into bed between myself and my wife. Should I have said, " You must go back to your bed, you can't sleep in our bed, Daddy might be a paedophile"?

 

No, of course not. And if my wife woke up early and left me and my son/daughter sleeping in the bed, would that be wrong?

 

My son in Thailand, has never known his real father, I'm his dad and he is my son, no different to my son in the UK. I see him as the same and treat him the same as my biological son.

 

It's quite normal for kids to get into bed with their parents in Thailand, the UK even the anal, bible belt US.

 

The only people that see it as wrong are people with paedophile tendencies, or when the people around them suspect that they have paedophile tendencies.

Although I was referring to a guy who , going by his posts , seems to be very interested in sex , most of his posts are about sex , usually sex with young woman , hes also had a sexual relationship with a schoolgirl, getting her pregnant and hes sleeping with a 7 year old girl without the mother , or anyone else being there . 

   I just find that rather untoward

[Spidey]

6 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Although I was referring to a guy who , going by his posts , seems to be very interested in sex , most of his posts are about sex , usually sex with young woman , hes also had a sexual relationship with a schoolgirl, getting her pregnant and hes sleeping with a 7 year old girl without the mother , or anyone else being there . 

   I just find that rather untoward

If that girl was his daughter and he's a normal father, then there's nothing untoward about it at all.