The perfect marriage

[cornishcarlos]

56 minutes ago, Mavideol said:

based on what are you calling me a loser

 

I think he was trying to say, in 4 failed marriages, you were the common denominator..

Well that was my interpretation anyway !!

[Pique Dard]

"The perfect marriage"

 

there is no such thing like a perfect marriage because no human being is perfect

[marcusarelus]

9 minutes ago, Pique Dard said:

"The perfect marriage"

 

there is no such thing like a perfect marriage because no human being is perfect

Gymnastics there is a perfect score.  Bowling there is a perfect score.  Golf there is a hole in one.  The husband judges marriage scores for himself and the wife judges marriages scores for her - not you.  

[Aussieroaming]

My wife is sweet. 7 years in.

 

Many to go I hope. 

[Aussieroaming]

8 hours ago, colinneil said:

I find it sad because you called me a liar.

For those not aware fibbing is another way of saying liar.

Colin you are far from a liar. After years of reading your post I always feel inspired by your strength. Enjoy life with your wonderful wife.

 

Chèers, Aussieroaming

[Mavideol]

6 hours ago, soistalker said:

O-for-4 in 4 countries. You must be a real catch.

life is not perfect and the truth is out there but not many have the balls to tell the truth, I had the courage to leave when abused, matter of opinion and it should be respected, can be commented but with respect

[Mavideol]

7 hours ago, villagefarang said:

I am sure we are all eager to take advice from a four time loser. ????

for a person top insult somebody without know the facts it shows how low the QI is, you must be a farmboy, goatherder or sheepherder in other words a poor pity red neck countryside shmocko

 

[Mavideol]

1 hour ago, cornishcarlos said:

 

I think he was trying to say, in 4 failed marriages, you were the common denominator..

Well that was my interpretation anyway !!

still doesn't give him or anybody else to call me or somebody else a loser without knowing the facts or the person, only some poor farmboy/goatherder would jump to conclusions

[villagefarang]

3 hours ago, GreasyFingers said:

7 hours ago, villagefarang said:

Smoked ham, cheese and egg panini. It was very good. 

 If you eat what is in the photos every day you must happy and fat. Only joking.

Normally I am into IF and only eat once a day. Primarily plant based food. When we are away from home I have to be more flexible. 

[villagefarang]

How can anyone with four failed marriages see themselves as an expert on relationships and competent to give advice to others?????

[Gecko123]

14 hours ago, Mavideol said:

sorry to disagree but there's no such thing as perfect marriage, all have ups and downs and mostly downs.... have been married 4 x to 4 different ladies from 4 different countries, all from different education and wealth backgrounds, it all started well but than down hill, most here are making jokes and claiming to have fantastic relationships, good for them but would be nice if they were honest and told it how it is or better yet, should ask their partners opinions, quite sure we would have some funny surprises

i'm afraid your candor has made you an easy target for those with a need to perhaps feel superior. Getting divorced doesn't make you a loser, just as never getting married. or never having kids doesn't make you a loser.

 

You didn't say anyone who claims to be happily married is lying through their teeth. You merely pointed out - quite accurately, I might add - that it is easy to paint a one-sided rosy picture of your marriage on the internet and that one's spouse, if given the chance, might give a less glowing report. I agree that perfect people are rare and so-called perfect marriages are rarer still. How often have we seen reports in the media of couples previously lauded as "perfect" only to discover that behind closed doors things were radically different? 

 

I am speaking up in your defense because the honesty you showed needs to be encouraged, not belittled.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎6‎/‎14‎/‎2019 at 7:59 AM, geronimo said:

the first few years were tough, but once we got through that, it was downhill all the way.

Shouldn't that be "uphill"? Downhill, IMO, indicates the marriage is not good and getting worse.

Tell me if you disagree.

Plain sailing might have been a better metaphor.

[thaibeachlovers]

15 hours ago, Mavideol said:

sorry to disagree but there's no such thing as perfect marriage, all have ups and downs and mostly downs.... have been married 4 x to 4 different ladies from 4 different countries, all from different education and wealth backgrounds, it all started well but than down hill, most here are making jokes and claiming to have fantastic relationships, good for them but would be nice if they were honest and told it how it is or better yet, should ask their partners opinions, quite sure we would have some funny surprises

Genuine reply.

Anyone can have a failed first marriage, and then try again with different partner, different practice, but surely after 2 failures, does one not begin to think that either marriage is such a sham anyway ( as I do ) or that there is something that one does not or can not bring to a marriage to make it successful, that one would not go through all that again?

Even if I won the Euro lottery, I'd never, ever get married again, and that's after 2 goes at it.

[geronimo]

41 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Shouldn't that be "uphill"? Downhill, IMO, indicates the marriage is not good and getting worse.

Tell me if you disagree.

Plain sailing might have been a better metaphor.

Poor choice of words Sir I agree. What I mean to say was that it got easier.

[geronimo]

Refreshing to see so many expats who also have a great relationship with their other half.

 

Perhaps there is no such thing as the perfect marriage, but you can get real close if you're lucky.

 

 

[Gecko123]

2 hours ago, geronimo said:

Refreshing to see so many expats who also have a great relationship with their other half.

 

Perhaps there is no such thing as the perfect marriage, but you can get real close if you're lucky.

 

 

Well, Geronimo, I appreciate your desire as the OP to strike a positive tone and all, but I went back and counted how many people on this thread claimed to be happily married. The grand total? Thirteen:

 

• Geronimo, cornishcarlos, colin neil, ivorbigun, villagefarang, kinnock, spiderman007, tranam, greasy fingers, kenk24, marcusarelus, Aussieroaming, biikqth

 

You have to admit that's not exactly an Anaheim or Wembley stadium full of guys claiming to be happily married to Thai women, is it? Doesn't that tell you anything?

 

You could probably fit the thirteen of you in a minivan. Maybe someone should organize a weekend marriage retreat at the seaside where the secrets of a lasting marriage can be explored more deeply, away from all the negativity of this forum.

 

Just yanking your chain, Geronimo. I'm genuinely happy for you and anyone else who has found happiness here.

 

[transam]

2 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

Well, Geronimo, I appreciate your desire as the OP to strike a positive tone and all, but I went back and counted how many people on this thread claimed to be happily married. The grand total? Thirteen:

 

• Geronimo, cornishcarlos, colin neil, ivorbigun, villagefarang, kinnock, spiderman007, tranam, greasy fingers, kenk24, marcusarelus, Aussieroaming, biikqth

 

You have to admit that's not exactly an Anaheim or Wembley stadium load of guys claiming to be happily married to Thai women, is it? That doesn't tell you something?

 

You could probably fit the thirteen of you in a minivan. Maybe someone should organize a weekend marriage retreat at a seaside resort where the secrets of a lasting marriage can be explored more deeply, away from all the negativity of this forum.

 

Just yanking your chain, Geronimo. I'm genuinely happy for you and anyone else who has found happiness here.

 

Your "happy" list is 90% of TVF members though....????

[BritManToo]

9 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

You could probably fit the thirteen of you in a minivan. Maybe someone should organize a weekend marriage retreat at a seaside resort where the secrets of a lasting marriage can be explored more deeply, away from all the negativity of this forum.

Provide for her without having sex with her, and your marriage will last until you die.

The 'not having sex with her' is the most important part of her 'happy marriage'.

 

[villagefarang]

Those who say how bad things are and dismiss those who have a great relationship as being dishonest, seem to get praise from some corners.  I disagree with the practice of putting these people on a pedestal.  I guess it makes some people feel bad when they can't seem to find the same level of happiness in their lives that others can.  I am not going to apologize for being happy or pretend that I am not.

 

The level of misogyny displayed by many on this forum is something else I am not a big fan of.

[bert bloggs]

I cant say my marriage is perfect ,but its bloody wonderful, we laugh and joke all the time , have done for 20 years .

[Odysseus123]

It's all in "The Art of the Deal" as espoused by some twittering polly or another.

 

At 66 I have had the rough edges knocked off.

 

Is it perfect?No..not by any means..but we rub along ,one way or t'other.

 

When I die ( a distinct possibility in the near future) one half of my ashes will be cast on a beautiful river in Australia and the other half will reside in the family plinth in Thailand.

 

One could not ask for any better then that.

[rumak]

I am with a beautiful thai girl quite a bit younger than me.  Not only beautiful but smart and wise and a great athlete.  The days fly by as we are on cloud nine and have so much in common, though we of course

have our own hobbies as well.  I enjoy racing up mountains in my bare feet and she is a licensed sky diver who often leads teams of local women on expeditions to the Himalayas.  We are so in love and do not ever go more than a few minutes without telling each other how wonderful we are as we gaze out on our view. This truly is amazing thailand !  Did i mention how beautiful and smart my lady is ?  I am sure it is because I also am handsome and so wise.   Wait a second.   What was the question asked by the OP ?  

[cornishcarlos]

31 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

Maybe someone should organize a weekend marriage retreat at the seaside where the secrets of a lasting marriage can be explored more deeply, away from all the negativity of this forum.

 

Swinging holiday ?? Hahahaha

[Pharoticus]

32 minutes ago, rumak said:

I am with a beautiful thai girl quite a bit younger than me.  Not only beautiful but smart and wise and a great athlete.  The days fly by as we are on cloud nine and have so much in common, though we of course

have our own hobbies as well.  I enjoy racing up mountains in my bare feet and she is a licensed sky diver who often leads teams of local women on expeditions to the Himalayas.  We are so in love and do not ever go more than a few minutes without telling each other how wonderful we are as we gaze out on our view. This truly is amazing thailand !  Did i mention how beautiful and smart my lady is ?  I am sure it is because I also am handsome and so wise.   Wait a second.   What was the question asked by the OP ?  

Yes, very funny. 

 

Once in a while it can be fun to pick some of that low-hanging fruit. 

[Saltire]

Happy to see a positive topic on TV ????

 

We are so happy in our 3 year relationship that we now plan to marry (as soon as I can find out what the local Amphur needs from me!). For me it will be number 3. Number one was a UK chronic alcoholic who died 2 years after I divorced her in her early 40's. Number 2 was the smartest, most beautiful Chinese girl but she couldn't settle in the UK, nor I in China, so we parted very amicably and are still online friends.

 

Between relationships I relished the single life for long periods, never actively looking for love, but seizing it when it comes along. In no way do I see myself as a 3 time loser as the other poster was accused of. For me, life is about taking risks of varying degrees.

 

I am not looking for 'perfection' in anyone, I believe that would be too high an expectation. 

 

 

[rumak]

4 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

i'm afraid your candor has made you an easy target for those with a need to perhaps feel superior. Getting divorced doesn't make you a loser, just as never getting married. or never having kids doesn't make you a loser.

 

You didn't say anyone who claims to be happily married is lying through their teeth. You merely pointed out - quite accurately, I might add - that it is easy to paint a one-sided rosy picture of your marriage on the internet and that one's spouse, if given the chance, might give a less glowing report. I agree that perfect people are rare and so-called perfect marriages are rarer still. How often have we seen reports in the media of couples previously lauded as "perfect" only to discover that behind closed doors things were radically different? 

 

I am speaking up in your defense because the honesty you showed needs to be encouraged, not belittled.

 

BRAVO !   Many successful people will point out that they learned a lot more from their mistakes/failures then they did from their successes.   The few that come across as feeling superior on forums are the ones I know are not truly happy.   In my opinion empathy is to be valued much more than comparing ones self to others in an attempt to receive praise and validation.    Saying this does NOT mean that posting positive experiences is a bad thing.    When said with humility they are nice stories.

[Pharoticus]

51 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Provide for her without having sex with her, and your marriage will last until you die.

The 'not having sex with her' is the most important part of her 'happy marriage'.

 

I actually think that providing for her very generously may be more important than the sex part. 

 

The easiest way to have a long-term marriage in Thailand is to find a girl at least 20 years younger than you. Obviously she'll only be interested in you for the money, so give it to her. And then continue giving. Buy her a house, car, expensive holidays etc, and all will be fine.

 

The final step is to tell complete strangers on anonymous forums how happy you are. If you repeat it often enough, you may even start to believe it.   

[BritManToo]

13 minutes ago, rumak said:

Many successful people will point out that they learned a lot more from their mistakes/failures then they did from their successes.

I leaned never to trust the woman you're sleeping with.

[marcusarelus]

23 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

Would like to hear more anecdotes about the quality of interpersonal chemistry, teamwork as a couple, vibrant sex life after many years together, growing and growing old together, shared values and life goals. Talking about longevity of a relation in and of itself doesn't tell you much about the relationship dynamic.

 

I'm happy for anyone who has found happiness over here. But I'm skeptical about how truly fulfilling these marriages are over the long run, for either the guy or the woman. Yesterday I made my monthly Big C, Makro, Lotus shopping trip and I saw five foreign guys with their Thai wives. Most of the guys appeared to be between 65-75 years old, and on average the wives were probaby in the 45-55 years old range. Nobody had a super young chicky-poo at his side, and I got the impression that all of them had been together for many years.

 

Judging from their faces and interactions, I'm sorry I did not sense that these relationships were especially fulfilling for either the men or their wives. The men's faces suggested a sedate lifestyle with very limited social engagement. Set faces, not open to engagement with others, very little interaction with their spouses. In many cases, the Thai wife appeared to be more in a role not unlike a caregiver or home health care assistant. I saw little banter, interaction about which product to buy, playfulness or humor. When I made eye contact with a few of the Thai wives, more than anything what I saw were signs of loneliness and boredom. Although I am recounting my experiences only from yesterday, in general, this is what I mostly observe when I'm out and about.

 

So I guess what I'm hoping to hear are truthful anecdotes about interpersonal and physical chemistry, shared culinary adventures, deep philosophical discussions about life and religion, your teamwork as parents, her romantic and thoughtful gestures, how she places the relationship's interests above her interests, her conflict resolution skills, her listening, conversational, and storytelling skills, how you make one another laugh. How the sexual chemistry is still there.

 

That's what would make me a believer that the great farang-Thai relationship experiment is for real.

This is not your thread.  You are supposed to give us your experiences.  If you want to hear something start your own thread.

[Odysseus123]

Just now, marcusarelus said:

This is not your thread.  You are supposed to give us your experiences.  If you want to hear something start your own thread.

Nonsense-there is no such thing as "your thread"-nobody owns them except TV.

 

Those posters who think that they do are simply delusional or Walter Mitty's with their heads so stuck up their rear fundaments as to be living in a delusional fantasy of their own making.

 

Not that I am implying that you live in a delusional fantasy..far from it..????