My english father in law

[Sarah123456]

Hi I'm looking for advice my father in law is in hospital in thailand he went in with pains in his hip since being in there his health has deteriorated rapidly to the point our family were told to prepare for the worse my husband flew out to be with his brother and very sick father he has been on a breathing machine for 10 days.

Theytried bringing him round a couple of times they had to resuscitate him as his heart stopped beating they had to shock his heart.The family were told he had less than 20 percent chance of surviving, they said he can only be on the machine for 14 days.

Since being there they said he had pneumonia and they was treating him for that as they also said he had cancer and they couldn't do a ct scan as he was too poorly. He was sedated for 9 days, they said he had something wrong with kidneys and he might have to have dialysis, also he was being treated for sepsis.

I work in care in the uk, my husband sent me a pic of a bed sore on his bottom which I would grade a 5, it is shocking they are now saying he might have to have a permanent pipe in his throat to help him breath.

 

All this treatment is mounting up, so far the family have spent £13000  on treatment and have run out of money, we dont no what to do we are trying to find a government hospital over there, there is enough money left for 1 more day of treatment, after that we dont no what we will do and would be grateful of any advice.

I'm starting to think they are just adding to the problems for more money my husband asked for his dad to be turned yesterday to relieve pressure to his bottom only to hear one doctor say to another the flanges wants turning when he first became poorly he was in a government hospital but they were charging him more as he is what they call a flang 

[CelticBhoy]

I've never read a sentence that long before.

Totally puffed me out, so it did.

[soalbundy]

I'm sorry to be so blunt but why isn't dying an option ? There is obviously nothing to be gained for the poor man by keeping him alive like this, he is dying accept this and let him go, do not resuscitate.

[Rhys]

Use the resources of your family....all the best.

[Sarah123456]

Soalbundy this is for you would you say that about one of your parents he is not unconscious now but still very poorly dont need comments like your so I suggest you remove it 

[colinneil]

Sarah why did your husband not turn his father?

You speak about grade 5 bedsore, well i had 1 that was grade 5 ( i would post a photo, but is too disgusting for people to see ).

I spent 7 months in a government hospital here, and it was up to my wife to turn me, hospital staff never turned me.

[soalbundy]

4 minutes ago, Sarah123456 said:

Soalbundy this is for you would you say that about one of your parents he is not unconscious now but still very poorly dont need comments like your so I suggest you remove it 

Yes I would say that for one of my parents and for myself. I found nothing offensive about my comment, dying is a natural process and this man appears to be going through it, keeping him artificially alive is both pointless and cruel.

[robblok]

57 minutes ago, soalbundy said:

I'm sorry to be so blunt but why isn't dying an option ? There is obviously nothing to be gained for the poor man by keeping him alive like this, he is dying accept this and let him go, do not resuscitate.

I feel the same but I guess its hard on family, if I ever get in a situation like that id prefer to die. Big supporter of euthanasia. Its available in my home country the Netherlands but still find it limited. Still better then nothing.  

[robblok]

3 minutes ago, soalbundy said:

Yes I would say that for one of my parents and for myself. I found nothing offensive about my comment, dying is a natural process and this man appears to be going through it, keeping him artificially alive is both pointless and cruel.

It depends a bit on the guy himself if he wants to die or not. It should never be up to the family but to the person in question. That is as long as its clear what he wants and he is sound of mind and so on. 

[colinneil]

1 minute ago, robblok said:

It depends a bit on the guy himself if he wants to die or not. It should never be up to the family but to the person in question. That is as long as its clear what he wants and he is sound of mind and so on. 

Spot on mate, it should be up to the patient themselves, nobody else.

As many on here know i went through a very serious situation myself, i was saved twice by doctors/ nurses.

When i was finally able to speak with my wife/ doctors, i said if i get in a bad way again, do not  keep me alive by machine, let me go, i was asked to sign a form stating my wishes, and i was told my wishes would be respected.

[robblok]

6 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Spot on mate, it should be up to the patient themselves, nobody else.

As many on here know i went through a very serious situation myself, i was saved twice by doctors/ nurses.

When i was finally able to speak with my wife/ doctors, i said if i get in a bad way again, do not  keep me alive by machine, let me go, i was asked to sign a form stating my wishes, and i was told my wishes would be respected.

For me that is logical, it almost goes without saying however I mentioned it because not everyone thinks the same.

 

I need to check with my parents to be sure but I believe they are the same having seen their parents go through bad times they told me so. Just have to confirm now they are older. 

[Crossy]

@Sarah123456 what are you actually asking?

 

With no punctuation or whitespace your post is very difficult to read and find the important information.

 

 

[Mikisteel]

I agree with Soalbundy it sounds like the guys on his last legs. Little chance of survival and not much to look forward to in terms of quality of life.

 

Let the man go with his son by his side and family around him, what more does he really need.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Gumballl]

2 hours ago, CelticBhoy said:

I've never read a sentence that long before.

Totally puffed me out, so it did.

The family has spent so much on medical care that they cannot afford to buy frivolous things such as a period.

[Gumballl]

10 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Chances of ever recovering from sepsis are very low.

Most people die within the year.

 

Let him die.

Ahh, such a heartwarming sentiment.

[soalbundy]

2 hours ago, Gumballl said:

Ahh, such a heartwarming sentiment.

Look at it logically, the man is on a breathing machine, has sepsis, pneumonia, cancer his kidneys aren't working and his heart has had to be shocked several times, life is waving a flag saying let me go for God's sake.

[kingdong]

On 8/1/2019 at 1:08 AM, Sarah123456 said:

Soalbundy this is for you would you say that about one of your parents he is not unconscious now but still very poorly dont need comments like your so I suggest you remove it 

whats the patients chances of recovery?

[from the home of CC]

as asked prior, what is it you're looking for here?

[shy coconut]

My father died a couple of years ago after being bed ridden for 2 years following a

serious stroke. The last few months of his life he was heavily sedated, suffering

bed sores and oblivious to visitors.

 

My poor mother stayed by her husband of 50 plus years bedside every day, and the psychological

toll on her was immense. It was an absolute relief to be holding his hand as he passed away

as the great man was finally did of his torment.

 

He was in his mid eighties and had lived a full and interesting life, but was never going to

get well again, instead he was being kept alive artificially due to ridiculous laws which

prevent a merciful end to his suffering.

 

I do have sympathy towards the OP but sometimes it is better to let life take its natural

course rather than prolonging pain and loss of dignity.

[colinneil]

On 8/1/2019 at 1:48 PM, Sarah123456 said:

If people wanna put shit like that dont bother <deleted> <deleted> 

Sarah why on earth did you come on here?

You came asking for advice, people advice/ make suggestions and you go off on one, why?

I more than most members on here am in a position to comment, having been to hell and back, bedsores grade 5, paralyzed.

Stop blaming hospital staff for your husbands laziness.

[Mavideol]

On 8/1/2019 at 6:24 AM, Rhys said:

Use the resources of your family....all the best.

sorry if I sound heartless but anytime anybody has the slightest problem in Thailand they post in TV to ask for financial help how can we believe any of it, so I say nope.... start GoFundMe acct it solves everything

[CharlieH]

A callous remark and responses removed.

[anterian]

It seems he went in with the usual old age degenerative hip problem and then the hospital kept finding more and more problems. I guess they thought they had found a rich farang. 

[from the home of CC]

19 minutes ago, anterian said:

It seems he went in with the usual old age degenerative hip problem and then the hospital kept finding more and more problems. I guess they thought they had found a rich farang. 

or maybe they felt they were doing their job of diagnosis and treatment..

[alacrity]

On 8/1/2019 at 9:01 AM, Gumballl said:

The family has spent so much on medical care that they cannot afford to buy frivolous things such as a period.

Never knew women had to purchase such things.

 

Doesn't matter how much is spent on medical care, there comes a point when the inevitable happens to all. Even millionaires and billionaires.

 

Wanting to preserve some-ones life is a natural and honourable thing. Yet that thought needs to be lessened at some point. A difficult thing to do, but you don't know how much unnecessary suffering your delay may unintentionally cause.

 

Hope you can find the strength to carry on.

[IraqRon]

i have always felt and believed that people have a duty to die under such circumstances.

[soalbundy]

10 hours ago, IraqRon said:

i have always felt and believed that people have a duty to die under such circumstances.

duty is the wrong word, nobody should be forced to die out of a sense of duty to the state or family. They should however be presented with the honest facts as gently as possible. In the end nature always wins. I saw a program on Youtube where an old American man was in hospital, cancer and stroke, he was discussing plans with his wife about going to their holiday home after release from hospital, the doctor then gently asked if they had plans for a hospice near that home. you could see reality suddenly hitting home and the slow blooming of acceptance the inevitable.

[RJRS1301]

On 8/1/2019 at 10:17 AM, colinneil said:

Sarah why did your husband not turn his father?

You speak about grade 5 bedsore, well i had 1 that was grade 5 ( i would post a photo, but is too disgusting for people to see ).

I spent 7 months in a government hospital here, and it was up to my wife to turn me, hospital staff never turned me.

Turning an unconscious or impaired patient at least every two hours, and having them on a "eggshell or air-mattress" is standard basic nursing care. The only reason pressure areas occur is incompetence 

[Orton Rd]

Turning off what is keeping him alive is the last thing a Hospital here will do unless payment stops- he is income to them and they will be happy to see him suffering as long as the money is coming in. End of life should be helped along with as less pain and discomfort as possible, not prolonged for profit.

[colinneil]

12 minutes ago, RJRS1301 said:

Turning an unconscious or impaired patient at least every two hours, and having them on a "eggshell or air-mattress" is standard basic nursing care. The only reason pressure areas occur is incompetence 

Have you ever been in that situation?

In my case, nobody was able/ allowed to turn me, due to my serious condition.

When things changed, my wife, or others at my bedside had to turn me, nurses never did.

You are thinking of hospitals in the west, things are different here, in the west do they allow your relatives to stay under your bed at night? Answer no.

So according to you my grade 5 bedsores were due to incompetence.

Shattered spine, spinal cord severed, broken hip/pelvis/femur, think again about what you have posted.