Thai wife won't let me hold our newborn

[shootrrdave]

She says she's too small. I must wait 1 month until she is bigger. I'm dying here. Want to hold her so bad. Is this a common thing here? Do Thai men not hold their babies? Or is this my wife's way of saying she thinks I am too clumsy? 

 

There are no issues with the baby. She is healthy and was 4kg and 50cm at birth. She's a week old now and I've only gotten to hold her once and only because my wife was in another room when the baby started crying so I picked her up. She calmed right away but my wife took her away from me immediately when she returned to the room.

 

I am so jealous. Every lady in the village has held her by now, but I note that none of the men have. Am I going to have to wait another 3 weeks? 

[worgeordie]

Maybe your wife thinks you are clumsy ?

regards Worgeordie

[shootrrdave]

1 minute ago, worgeordie said:

Maybe your wife thinks you are clumsy ?

regards Worgeordie

I will admit that I am not the smoothest guy you've ever met. ????

[SteveK]

I'd be furious.

[Skallywag]

Wife controls your life now, baby is now an additional bargaining chip, hold or no hold you are looking at 18 years of support at whatever amount wife decides is necessary.  Better have a good job, pensions are never enough. Keep fit and don't make waves

Yes cynical to a fault am I 55 

 

Good luck, and dog bless

[ezzra]

Old wife tales and superstitions, you tell her me no hold baby you no hold my wallet...

[Joe Mcseismic]

Kinda reminds me of the saying "never look a gift horse in the mouth".

[tlandtday]

I'd personally tell her if husband cannot hold baby it is best for wife to stay out of house until can hold.  Man up.

[watcharacters]

6 minutes ago, Skallywag said:

Wife controls your life now, baby is now an additional bargaining chip, hold or no hold you are looking at 18 years of support at whatever amount wife decides is necessary.  Better have a good job, pensions are never enough. Keep fit and don't make waves

Yes cynical to a fault am I 55 

 

Good luck, and dog bless

 

Sounds like his life as he once knew it is now over. ????

 

[seajae]

I held all my children(3) when they were born, one I even took home from the hospital by myself when she was only a few days old as they wanted to keep her mother in there due to problems, I also bathed them and changed their nappies. Sounds like an overly possessive mother to me, you need to tell her as the babies father you need to be able hold her too. You really need to stand up for yourself here, this is totally wrong and more than likely just so she can

get her way, stand up to her and demand your rights as the babies father, her excuse is pure fantasy, you need too bond with the baby as well as her so she knows you as well as the mother, no ifs and buts, demand your rights

 

Edited August 7, 2019 by seajae

[mike787]

15 minutes ago, Skallywag said:

Wife controls your life now, baby is now an additional bargaining chip, hold or no hold you are looking at 18 years of support at whatever amount wife decides is necessary.  Better have a good job, pensions are never enough. Keep fit and don't make waves

Yes cynical to a fault am I 55 

 

Good luck, and dog bless

Skallywag has it right....18 to life man.  Good luck. Learn to be a YES man.  make it easier. 

Edited August 7, 2019 by mike787

[GarryP]

The baby needs to bond with you too and these first few weeks are really important. You should demand that you be allowed to hold the baby.  It really is not a matter to be laughed off. And she would not even have that baby if it were not for you. 

[Bredbury Blue]

When she's not there, pick the baby up. If she sees you doing it and goes off on one, wait till later and pick the baby up again. Continue with this until she accepts you have equal rights. It is as much YOUR baby as her baby.

[Vacuum]

18 minutes ago, tlandtday said:

I'd personally tell her if husband cannot hold baby it is best for wife to stay out of house until can hold.  Man up.

.....and if she doesn't comply, engage plan B.

[sammieuk1]

Just tell her you cant find your bank book and she needs to look for it the baby will be in your arms in an instant????

[RichardColeman]

1 hour ago, shootrrdave said:

Do Thai men not hold their babies?

I guess most Thai women probably don't let Thai men hold the babies as they are too drunk most of the time !

[Isaanbiker]

Stop giving her money and you'll be able to hold your daughter. 

[stupidfarang]

If you are married in the full legal sense then that is better for you as you have equal rights. (if you are not married then under Thai law you have no rights at all). You need to be strong and say this is the way things will be to the wife. You hold the baby and be part of looking after baby. I have a two year old son but am not married and am separated from his mother, I look after him most of the time, he lives with me. I had to be strong and say what I wanted and what I will do but all ways in a polite way, no fighting, I not say anything bad about the ex to anyone, I not argue as you will not win, just stick to what you want and what is fair. My mantra is the child comes first and only interested in the welfare of the child. Not easy but it works. Ignore the comments about 18 years of support. Under thai law you are if married responsible for the child to the age of 20, in fact you are responsible for life under thai law. Also under thai law the child is responsible to look after the parents in later life. I would suggest that you do not start handing over large sums of money, set up a bank account under babys name with only you as the main name on the bank account. BKK Bank can do this and they also have accounts where you can get an investment for the child i think until they are 20 years old. Going forward check everything like schools yourself and pay directly to the schools. Suggest not buying expensive farang clothes for the baby as the baby out grows them fast. That way you have a clear input into the childs future. Hope this helps

[Date Masamune]

Does she let her "brother" hold the bay?

[geoffbezoz]

Just now, Date Masamune said:

Does she let her "brother" hold the bay?

or "Uncle" or perhaps a "cousin" in the next village ?

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, shootrrdave said:

I am so jealous. Every lady in the village has held her by now, but I note that none of the men have. Am I going to have to wait another 3 weeks? 

Stop giving her money until she changes her mind.

Don't pay the rent, stop food shopping, eat out alone, go out alone in the evenings, come home drunk and smelling of women's perfume, stay out overnight without warning or excuse, show absolutely no interest in the mom or the baby, etc.

 

She needs you, you don't need her, let her think about that and stop being a doormat.

'Dread game' works.

 

Oops,

Isaanbiker beat me to it.

Edited August 7, 2019 by BritManToo

[shootrrdave]

7 minutes ago, geoffbezoz said:

or "Uncle" or perhaps a "cousin" in the next village ?

Well this got ugly fast. We are legally married and there are no other men in her life and as I said before none of the village men have held her. Only the women. Whenever a couple visits the guy stands around the same as me while the ladies oooh and aaah and pass the baby around. 

[shootrrdave]

9 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Stop giving her money until she changes her mind.

Don't pay the rent, stop food shopping, eat out alone, go out alone in the evenings, come home drunk and smelling of women's perfume, stay out overnight without warning or excuse, show absolutely no interest in the mom or the baby, etc.

 

She needs you, you don't need her, let her think about that and stop being a doormat.

'Dread game' works.

I refuse to engage in destructive behaviour. We are both adults (and no she was not a bargirl). We've known each other for over 5 years now. I don't think this is malicious behavior on her part. 

 

I think she truly believes that I am clumsy and since this is my 1st child I need to be broken in slowly. 

 

On the plus side I don't have to change diapers...lol

[Orton Rd]

Tell her you only want to hold the falang half of baby, really quite sad! Of course you can't let anyone say the baby is cute unless that attracts the evil spirits who might come and take it away!

Edited August 7, 2019 by Orton Rd

[BritManToo]

Just now, shootrrdave said:

I think she truly believes that I am clumsy and since this is my 1st child I need to be broken in slowly

She believes you're weak, can't say I disagree with her.

The more nonsense you accept, the worse she will get.

[geoffbezoz]

8 minutes ago, shootrrdave said:

Well this got ugly fast. We are legally married and there are no other men in her life and as I said before none of the village men have held her. Only the women. Whenever a couple visits the guy stands around the same as me while the ladies oooh and aaah and pass the baby around. 

Well so glad to here that and just remind her it is both of yours child, not some doll to pass around the village females.  In that case my suggestion is tell your wife exactly what your expectations are regarding your baby. No ifs or buts and remember some cranky ideas now will only expand later in your marriage if you don't nip it in the bud now. I am surprised however that you had no inkling of your wife's strange ideas prior to marriage and/or birth.

[kellersphuket]

Just stop her allowance. 

 

She will be practically begging you to hold the baby then ????

[geoffbezoz]

12 minutes ago, shootrrdave said:

I refuse to engage in destructive behaviour. We are both adults (and no she was not a bargirl). We've known each other for over 5 years now. I don't think this is malicious behavior on her part. 

 

I think she truly believes that I am clumsy and since this is my 1st child I need to be broken in slowly. 

 

On the plus side I don't have to change diapers...lol

If that is the way you approach your relationship then you deserve all the strange things that will be coming your way.  If you knew someone for 5 years as you have claimed then that means you learned zero about your wife.  You say you are both adults yet you allow her to behave in child like manner. As I said grow a set of ba$$s or just shut up and accept that is exactly how you want your marriage to go as surely it will.  And by the way why mention she was not a bargirl ?

[ThaiPauly]

Have you got hands like shovels?????

 

Congratulations by the way

Edited August 7, 2019 by ThaiPauly
Congrats added

[geoffbezoz]

Just now, kellersphuket said:

Just stop her allowance. 

 

She will be practically begging you to hold the baby then ????

Or looking for someone who stands up to her like a real man rather than a mouse probably.