Why do we like to torture ourselves? I'm breaking my 2 rules for posting, now, don't post whilst drunk & don't post when feeling sorry for yourself, so I'll be embarrassed in the morning (another form of torture).

It's 1 year tomorrow that my BF died (19th March 11pm exactly) & I've managed to keep busy all day (not hard). So, what am I doing tonight? Drinking (i pretty much gave up at NY, so I was tipsy on 2 cans; this is no.5) & sitting alone listening to rock music (he was a rock musician). <deleted> is wrong with me? Am I trying to feel bad? Answers on a postcard, please....

Please tell me that the rest of you torture yourselves too...

Why do we like to torture ourselves? I'm breaking my 2 rules for posting, now, don't post whilst drunk & don't post when feeling sorry for yourself, so I'll be embarrassed in the morning (another form of torture).

It's 1 year tomorrow that my BF died (19th March 11pm exactly) & I've managed to keep busy all day (not hard). So, what am I doing tonight? Drinking (i pretty much gave up at NY, so I was tipsy on 2 cans; this is no.5) & sitting alone listening to rock music (he was a rock musician). <deleted> is wrong with me? Am I trying to feel bad? Answers on a postcard, please....

Please tell me that the rest of you torture yourselves too...

Natural defence mechanism NR

I can only imagine what you are going through.

You sound a great girl, stay strong, get the tears out of the system and as they say time is a great healer

maybe you are angry at what has happened and are directing the anger within with self-torture etc because there is no other obvious target. maybe. I guess its all part of the grieving process of a loved one.

perhaps frame the situation a little differently, otherwise as J&D says, time is a great healer.

I used to torture myself until i realized it just dulled the pain temporarily .. That doesn't mean to say don't drink and listen to rock music, heck, you never need to stop that, thats a life source. Just watch your thoughts and let them go like passing clouds. They will float away. All the best to you during this difficult period of time. My thoughts are with you. Now go and bang your head and let it all hang out...

Why do we like to torture ourselves? I'm breaking my 2 rules for posting, now, don't post whilst drunk & don't post when feeling sorry for yourself, so I'll be embarrassed in the morning (another form of torture).

It's 1 year tomorrow that my BF died (19th March 11pm exactly) & I've managed to keep busy all day (not hard). So, what am I doing tonight? Drinking (i pretty much gave up at NY, so I was tipsy on 2 cans; this is no.5) & sitting alone listening to rock music (he was a rock musician). <deleted> is wrong with me? Am I trying to feel bad? Answers on a postcard, please....

Please tell me that the rest of you torture yourselves too...

There's nothing wrong with your feelings. It's normal to grieve about your BF who died a year ago. Let the tears come and yes, maybe feel sorry for yourself since it has been such a great loss for you and your boy.

If you're still able to read this:

* drink lots of water before you go to bed...

* take one paracetamol/aspirine

* buy some beautiful flowers tomorrow, in his rememberance.

* treat yourself and your boy on a nice meal tomorrow night, in a nice restaurant......he derseves it too, you know...and talk about 'him' the whole evening, it will bring peace to both you and the boy.

Take care of yourself!

LaoPo

The Buddha taught that all things are temporary and this is a great cause of dukkha (dukkha=stress, pain, unease, unsatisfactoriness, disquiet,etc.) which is what you seem to be feeling right now. Drinking really won't make it go away...nothing will...it is the nature of life...that things are inevitably unsatisfactory. The Buddha also taught that drinking actually helps to keep you stuck in the dukkha you are feeling.....but of course most people don't believe this.

I almost forgot...the fact that things are temporary might be the cause of alot of dukkha but it is also a good solice at times.....like right now you can remember that your present angst is only temporary and will soon change.

Chownah

Have a good cry and let it all out, theres nothing wrong with the way you feel.

You'll feel better after, you have to get on with your life, but that doesn't mean you have to forget.

My thoughts are with you.

NR.....

Rob put it very well. cherish the good memories....and yes the pain will also be there for sometime. for some it may never disappear.....but its how we deal with it. some think they need to forget and move on, but personally i dont think this need to always be the case. and at times you might find dealing with the situation easier if you come to terms with the fact that you can actually continue to think of him for years to come, even after 10 years or even more. theres no rule no fixed date about when u need to stop thinking of him.

theres also nothing wrong or to feel guilty about if after many years you think of him less. in the beginning it must be almost every minute of every day...but as time goes by with all that is going on in your life this may decrease. dont give yourself a hard time over that. you know, and he knows it how much you value your relationship. but there is nothing wrong with continuing with your life.

take good care.

big hug to you and your son.

Why do we like to torture ourselves? I'm breaking my 2 rules for posting, now, don't post whilst drunk & don't post when feeling sorry for yourself, so I'll be embarrassed in the morning (another form of torture).

It's 1 year tomorrow that my BF died (19th March 11pm exactly) & I've managed to keep busy all day (not hard). So, what am I doing tonight? Drinking (i pretty much gave up at NY, so I was tipsy on 2 cans; this is no.5) & sitting alone listening to rock music (he was a rock musician). <deleted> is wrong with me? Am I trying to feel bad? Answers on a postcard, please....

Please tell me that the rest of you torture yourselves too...

Yes, I feel that we have an inherent nature to torture ourselves, but a Doctor once told me that life can sometimes be hard, so don't beat yourself up over having a drink or two.

So my advice is the same, don't beat yourself up for having a drink or for feeling a little glum and please do not feel embarassed tomrrow, you have many friends here.

As Mig has said, treasure the memories and although it is hard right now, look to the future.

You are a Rose amongst Thorns on here NR.

Trust me, the pain will ease, if never quite go away.

Moss

Yo NR, you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Love ya, Girl. Hope you go to the temple and say a prayer, too.

I was always intrigued by how you got a rock musician for a boyfriend and a dog rescue centre for a vocation. Maybe you will tell us one day.

Thinking of you!

Remember the past and look forward to the future, having a few beers along the way is usually not a problem.

My father passed away on Christmas Day 1977, he still pops into my mind quite frequently, especially at Christmas. Now, I only remember the good times.

Remember the past and look forward to the future, having a few beers along the way is usually not a problem.

My father passed away on Christmas Day 1977, he still pops into my mind quite frequently, especially at Christmas. Now, I only remember the good times.

This is the best way.

Hope today was better than yesterday, NR. And tomorrow will be better than today. Its a terrible cliche but also very true, time does heal wounds. We've all had bad/sad moments in our lives and I think everyone has the tendency to relive them.

You'll be ok, just keep remembering that.

Because it is easier. Destruction is easier than creation. Pain like entropy is the natural order of life. Blaming yourself and feeling the pain is simple, because it's right there, like taking the closest exit. You don't have to think around it to another opinion, just give in.

This is why we hold up those who can over come pain and suffering. This is why those who suffer yet stand before us alive and whole are our heros.

Strength, Wisdom and Patience. The lesson is to overcome, there is no time limit, there is only you.

Thanks for everyone's replies & concern. I'm fine today. Went to the temple yesterday (with pic & ashes) to tam buhn for him. A friend took little boy & me out to dinner last night as well. Not a good day, overall, as 2 pups were diagnosed with parvo & the vet has just phoned to say they both died, but today's a whole new day, and that's all the milestones gone (first birthday, first Christmas, first...). So, thanks again.

Glad to hear it

Hang in there and know that all of Bedlam (and us ladies) are behind you

Glad to hear it

Hang in there and know that all of Bedlam (and us ladies) are behind you

I love how you separate Bedlam and "us ladies".