dd1988 Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 (edited) Been dating thai gf for 1 year. Ive been in thailand off and on since. Her kid speaks english ok but wont speak it around me unless forced bt her mother. She hasnt made eye contact with me since my recent visit either. I dont get a sa wad dee either unless forced by mom. Is this normal? Kind of pisses me off. I was considering moving them to my home country but could not tolerste her rude brattish behavior Edited December 18, 2019 by dd1988 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CharlieH Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 In my experience, no it isnt normal. You need to either speak with the Mother and the child together and find out whats going on. Express your opinion and how it makes you feel and ask them to explain. 13 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post dd1988 Posted December 18, 2019 Author Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 (edited) 3 minutes ago, CharlieH said: In my experience, no it isnt normal. You need to either speak with the Mother and the child together and find out whats going on. Express your opinion and how it makes you feel and ask them to explain. maybe the kid is just shy? I asked gf why she is like this and she said she doesnt know what to say to me. Id say she could start with hello though Edited December 18, 2019 by dd1988 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fishtank Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 I think your GF should teach her kid some manners. 19 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumbastheycome Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 No easy way to say. Each situation is different. How old is she? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CharlieH Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 3 minutes ago, dd1988 said: maybe the kid is just shy? I asked gf why she is like this and she said she doesnt know what to say to me. Id say she could start with hello though It doesnt require words to smile and "wai" and shows respect, something the child is shown and told on daily basis in school. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dd1988 Posted December 18, 2019 Author Share Posted December 18, 2019 Just now, Dumbastheycome said: No easy way to say. Each situation is different. How old is she? 12. Her mom has to yell at her to get her to say hello to me. My gut tells me that her kid is slightly narcissistic and maybe recieves to much praise from her mom. Her kid does not get enouhh socialization outside of school maybe this is a contributing factor. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dd1988 Posted December 18, 2019 Author Share Posted December 18, 2019 Just now, CharlieH said: It doesnt require words to smile and "wai" and shows respect, something the child is shown and told on daily basis in school. felt rude when i didnt even get that after not seeing her for 7 months 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CharlieH Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 Just now, dd1988 said: felt rude when i didnt even get that after not seeing her for 7 months That's exactly my point, that show of respect and acknowledgement does not require speech and crosses all language barriers. I have a 3 yr old and 5 yr old grand children and as young as they are its the first they do when they see me. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard_smith237 Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 No eye contact... Autism? Is the child communicative with Thai strangers ? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Momofarang Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 Dunno, but I don't see how a 12 years old girl would accept a "new" dad, possibly "alien" , just because her mum decides she has to do so. At 12 she a Thai girl isn't a child anymore. 21 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post HaleySabai Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 This sounds like classic "step-father/mother" syndrome. The kid is usually very bitter about the family break-up or whatever and resents someone else stepping into the role of her dad (imagined or literally) not to mention what she may feel about you poking her mother et... Very common behavior with tweens & teens, exasperated even further with the serious biologic changes happening to them at that stage of life. No advice really other than be cool and try to understand where she is coming from. Someday she may come around with the proverbial olive-leaf and accept/tolerate you as "friend". "Baggage" is never easy. 18 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post anterian Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 Girls in my village are very friendly, wai say hello etc, up until about 7 years of age then they develop farangphobia I suspect generated by school propaganda. 9 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post TallGuyJohninBKK Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 2 minutes ago, HaleySabai said: This sounds like classic "step-father/mother" syndrome. The kid is usually very bitter about the family break-up or whatever and resents someone else stepping into the role of her dad (imagined or literally) not to mention what she may feel about you poking her mother et... Very common behavior with tweens & teens, exasperated even further with the serious biologic changes happening to them at that stage of life. No advice really other than be cool and try to understand where she is coming from. Someday she may come around with the proverbial olive-leaf and accept/tolerate you as "friend". "Baggage" is never easy. Perhaps it's because the OP (no offense meant) is the latest male "daddie" that the Thai mom has paraded thru her life, only to be replaced not long after by a new one, then rinse and repeat... So perhaps the daughter is figuring you're not likely to be around very long anyway. 20 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Inn Between Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 9 minutes ago, dd1988 said: My gut tells me that her kid is slightly narcissistic and maybe recieves to much praise from her mom. Her kid does not get enouhh socialization outside of school maybe this is a contributing factor. In my experience almost all Thai children are doted over excessively by their mothers and receive heaps of praise from them, especially when an only child is involved. Perhaps the lack of social skill development is more of a factor, or perhaps she's just completely bought in to a xenophobic belief that no farang is good or should be trusted. I only hope that her mother's insistence to show you gestures of respect don't create a lot of resentment. It's a bit of a rock and hard place situation, I'd think. IMO, just giving her space and time to come around (or not) is best. Forcing the issue or insisting that she behave in a certain way to show respect can only make things worse. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumbastheycome Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 6 minutes ago, dd1988 said: 12. Her mom has to yell at her to get her to say hello to me. My gut tells me that her kid is slightly narcissistic and maybe recieves to much praise from her mom. Her kid does not get enouhh socialization outside of school maybe this is a contributing factor. So many variables. Only you have any real knowledge of the situation but the most obvious is that there is now an adversarery element that is 3 ways. Your GF wants to protect her relationship with you and her daughter. The daughter wants the same with her mother. A degree of jealousy? Who are you to her?. You want what? Do you have children already to understand family ways? If she understands English she understands what you say to her Mother. In that conversation do you include her in any inclusive way other than maybe against? Even your facial expression can say a lot she does not like. Or you her's. At 12 she knows what is expected socially/culturally but if she refuses then best way is to ignore it but always greet or speak directly to her in the nicest manner. And ask your GF to not yell at her but just quietly suggest. As I said there are so many variables specific to a relationship. Up to you collectively to work it out. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Kwasaki Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 (edited) 35 minutes ago, CharlieH said: It doesnt require words to smile and "wai" and shows respect, something the child is shown and told on daily basis in school. Straight away I thought something to do with father or gossip at school in my experience. A sit down talk as you suggest is necessary. Edited December 18, 2019 by Kwasaki 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post elliss Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 (edited) Been there and done it , no win for farlang .. Edited December 18, 2019 by elliss 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post orchis Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 maybe the child has seen enough mother's boyfriends 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post DannyCarlton Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 12 minutes ago, Dumbastheycome said: At 12 she knows what is expected socially/culturally but if she refuses then best way is to ignore it but always greet or speak directly to her in the nicest manner. And ask your GF to not yell at her but just quietly suggest. Exactly this. Just persist, not in a forceful way just do it naturally, say good morning but don't expect a response, bring her a present when you visit but don't expect thanks. It'll eventually just start happening. The breakthrough for me was when my wife, in fustration, was a bit harsh with him. I stepped in and protected him, not thinking anything of it. It was like throwing a switch and we've been best mates since. Patience and kindness is all that is needed, mostly plenty of patience. 10 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Nakmuay887 Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 2 minutes ago, DannyCarlton said: Patience and kindness is all that is needed, mostly plenty of patience. I acted similar to this when I was a child because my mom was always bringing home "new potential dads" for me. Took me close to 2 years to finally accept and warm up to the guy she ended up marrying. He was patient and tried hard with me, looking back I regret being a little twerp to him 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post HuskerDo Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 Look at it from the girls point of view. You are a guy from another country that comes and goes. She probably hears all that goes on at night between her mother and you. Most likely other guys doing the same thing with mom when you are gone. Probably just a nice kid that sees what her mother has to do to get thru life and doesn't like it. Lighten up. She's a kid. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Nakmuay887 Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 5 minutes ago, DannyCarlton said: Exactly this. Just persist, not in a forceful way just do it naturally, say good morning but don't expect a response, bring her a present when you visit but don't expect thanks. It'll eventually just start happening. The breakthrough for me was when my wife, in fustration, was a bit harsh with him. I stepped in and protected him, not thinking anything of it. It was like throwing a switch and we've been best mates since. Patience and kindness is all that is needed, mostly plenty of patience. This really is spot on advice. Top to bottom 5 minutes ago, DannyCarlton said: Exactly this. Just persist, not in a forceful way just do it naturally, say good morning but don't expect a response, bring her a present when you visit but don't expect thanks. It'll eventually just start happening. The breakthrough for me was when my wife, in fustration, was a bit harsh with him. I stepped in and protected him, not thinking anything of it. It was like throwing a switch and we've been best mates since. Patience and kindness is all that is needed, mostly plenty of patience. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maprao Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 Thai step children especially boys will always be a problem. Even after they become adults. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightfox Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 Of course its normal, Your not her real dad and Your dating her mom and expect her to not have feelings for you, may it be positive or negative???... How would you feel if the shoes is on the other hand......Its not a Thailand thing as many kids all in all countries behave like that towards others dating their parents at first as dont take it to personal. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yinn Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 1 hour ago, richard_smith237 said: No eye contact... Autism? Is the child communicative with Thai strangers ? I think about that also. Autism. Is common in Thailand, sometimes hard to see it. If not, the mother so lazy to teach. Or maybe daughter rape before. Hate man. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Bluespunk Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 None of us reading your post have any idea what this child has gone through, and have no right to ask about such things as we are not the ones trying to be part of her life. If she has had either a very loving relationship or equally an abusive one with her father or any men in her life, that is going to affect how she reacts to you. At 12 she is probably going through a lot of personal and physical changes in her life as she approaches her teens. This is difficult enough in a child’s life and the added factor of a new man in her mothers (and her life) is not helping matters here, especially if her mothers attempts to get her to speak to you are conflictual. If you are serious about this relationship you are going to have to give the child time to get to know you and accept she is not talking to you. It might well be she just doesn’t trust you or it might be she resents your presence in her mothers life. Shouting and going at this like a bull in a china shop is not going to work. You need to show patience and not react negatively to her behaviour if you are ever going to get through to her. You may also have to accept the fact you never will. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post JHolmesJr Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 very common Thai female behaviour...crack open a crisp 500baht bill and see if you can turn that frown upside down. 1 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post FritsSikkink Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 (edited) 1 hour ago, dd1988 said: 12. Her mom has to yell at her to get her to say hello to me. My gut tells me that her kid is slightly narcissistic and maybe recieves to much praise from her mom. Her kid does not get enouhh socialization outside of school maybe this is a contributing factor. Nice surrounding for the kid, her mom has to yell (why can't she talk normal to her kid and explain the situation) Her new dad wants to punch vendors in the face when he is asked for a price which is too high. I think the kid is ok but the parents need some anger management course. Learning Thai can be helpful too. Edited December 18, 2019 by FritsSikkink 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post seajae Posted December 18, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2019 very similar with me when I was first with my wife, her daughter would only grunt at me, if I held her mothers hand or hugged/kissed her the daughter would go off her nut. Same continued after we were married, daughter was put out because she was no longer sleeping in her mothers bed or sitting in the front seat of the car, I did everything I could to get her to change even my wife helped but it took a few years before she actually accepted me enough to smile at me and talk to me. Daughter was a bit arrogant and probably still is but we get on really well now and she even wants me to adopt her, change was slow but we kept at it, its all you can do. She refers to me as her father and did so at school and when she started uni, the big deal for me was when she first invited me to her school on fathers day and got on her knees in front of me and gave me a card she had made, changed everything. Thai kids can be a bit arrogant and self centered, all you can do is let them know you are there for them as well as their mother and include them in everything you do as a family, they do change eventually 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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