A moral dilemma

[poppysdad]

I’m sure many in the past have been in a similar predicament so looking for thoughts. My Thai wife has just informed me that her elder brothers father so I assume it might be her step father is seriously ill in hospital. He is registered for health in Bangkok but he was never registered for Hua Hin where he is now in hospital and seriously ill with kidney failure. So far a bill of 10,000 baht had been run up which will have to be borrowed so my wife has asked me for it hence my moral dilemma. Do I give it to her knowing full well there might  be many more requests for money as he is never going to get better and indeed might never leave the hospital. I’m not wealthy but reasonably ok financially but as I’ve just explained to my wife that I in a couple of months time have got to find an excessive amount of money to buy health insurance just to even stay in the country and I certainly cannot afford to be paying for her relatives health care that could last for a very long time.

So, how have others dealt with this problem?

 

[BritManToo]

Get him to register in Hua Hin.

Change his house book to a house in Hua Hin, then he just needs the house book and ID card.

Alternative, offer to pay for the ambulance to ship him back to Bangkok.

 

Giving them money because they're too lazy to get some easy paperwork done, never.

Edited December 21, 2019 by BritManToo

[ezzra]

It is a well known fact that Thai people  bonds and loyalty to their family is very strong and many marriages were broken just because the spouse didn't seems to pay much attention or care for the wife's family in times of needs, so it's really up to you if you want a happy life than it  means a happy wife, show her that you're doing all you can to help her father and you will rewarded amply...

[sirocco]

a silly question:
can't your wife work, ????
  is she too old ???

[4MyEgo]

Personally I wouldn't.

 

But I would first ask you this.

 

1) How long have you been married to your wife ?

2) Sounds like you have never met her step father ?

 

If my father-in-law was sick tomorrow, I would assist best I could, but I have known him for 13 years, he is not a stranger or a step father of my wife.

 

It could be true that he is sick, but is it your problem, based on what you have told me, no, and if you can't afford to look after your own affairs first, then you shouldn't even be thinking of it.

 

If your wife gets upset, then that is her problem, loss of face or whatever, you didn't marry her family or for any status issues that she may feel may cause her loss of face.

 

It's ok to say NO !

 

We are not ATM machines, and my wife's family, relatives, and friends know that because my wife tells them all to fark off, in the nicest possible terms, although doesn't stop them from still trying, like I said, not your problem as anyone outside of my immediate family is not my problem, but if you know the bloke, then up to you, but would advise against it, because you will open the flood gates, word spreads like a bush fire here.

Edited December 21, 2019 by 4MyEgo

[poppysdad]

Sirocco, what a sick person you are, do you spend your time scouring the forum to give thoughtless replies to every subject. 
Thanks to the others even though some are completely opposite to others. 
I decided to give my wife at least the initial amount on the understanding that the rest of the family (she is one of eight siblings) contribute to any future money needed. 

[cleopatra2]

11 minutes ago, poppysdad said:

Sirocco, what a sick person you are, do you spend your time scouring the forum to give thoughtless replies to every subject. 
Thanks to the others even though some are completely opposite to others. 
I decided to give my wife at least the initial amount on the understanding that the rest of the family (she is one of eight siblings) contribute to any future money needed. 

The real issue is as you have identified the cost of future care.

 

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, poppysdad said:

So far a bill of 10,000 baht had been run up which will have to be borrowed

I guess one way to handle this is to pay something and make sure everybody understands that's it.

I.e. you can tell them you are able to help with 5k or 10k but that's all you can do.

I think it's likely that they will accept that.

And then tell them: I give you now amount x and that is all I can do for this. I won't give you any more money in a week or a month of a year for this. Is that clear? Make sure they all agree and make sure they all see each other agreeing to it.

And if they ask again remember them about what you said.

I don't pretend that will work forever but at least it should make the situation more bearable for you.

 

Possibly you can also add that you can give them money until date X when you have to pay your health insurance. And then you want to get the money paid back so that you can get insured. It might be interesting how they react.

[mauGR1]

1 hour ago, ezzra said:

 so it's really up to you if you want a happy life than it  means a happy wife, show her that you're doing all you can to help her father and you will rewarded amply...

That's probably true, at least until you have money.

[Sheryl]

There is another option which is to contact the NHSO and explain the situation. The requirement to get care in the hospital where one is registered does not apply in emergencies. In that case any government hospital is required to provide care free if it is a life and death situation and the person cannot safely be transferred back to their place of  registration. However it often needs NHSO intervention to enforce this. Most Thais don't even know about the NHSO hotline or if they do, are afraid to "complain".

 

Another option depending on his condition would be ambulance transfer to his registered hospital in Bangkok. This too NHSO can advise on.

 

Worst case even if you had to pay for it the ambulance would be cheaper than continuing to pay for care in Hua Hin plus you'd know it was a one time payment with free care after that.

 

https://www.nhso.go.th/eng/FrontEnd/index.aspx

 

Hotline 1330

[samuttodd]

I'm in agreement with onemorefarang,  Cover this one and say that is it,  they need to get the papers up to speed.  You'll have done your family obligation and given them solid direction on how to proceed.    If they do not take your advice,  rest assured they will take your money.

[Monomial]

On 12/21/2019 at 12:00 PM, Sheryl said:

There is another option which is to contact the NHSO and explain the situation. The requirement to get care in the hospital where one is registered does not apply in emergencies. In that case any government hospital is required to provide care free if it is a life and death situation and the person cannot safely be transferred back to their place of  registration. However it often needs NHSO intervention to enforce this. Most Thais don't even know about the NHSO hotline or if they do, are afraid to "complain".

 

Another option depending on his condition would be ambulance transfer to his registered hospital in Bangkok. This too NHSO can advise on.

 

Worst case even if you had to pay for it the ambulance would be cheaper than continuing to pay for care in Hua Hin plus you'd know it was a one time payment with free care after that.

 

https://www.nhso.go.th/eng/FrontEnd/index.aspx

 

Hotline 1330

 

Sheryl is absolutely correct. Keep in mind if you are currently on a cash basis the hospital administration may be adamant that what you are asking is impossible, he can not be transferred, etc. Just keep telling them they have no choice because the family has no money, so they can either treat him gratis (because nobody will agree to be responsible for him), or follow the correct government procedures.  If they become beligerent, tell them you will contact the NHSO and have them explain the correct procedure to the hospital. Also remind them how effective social media is these days. Through it all though, be polite. But be determined.  He is entitled to free treatment somewhere. If it is not deemed an emergency, you may need to transport him to Bangkok by yourself. But if it is not an emergency, then why aren't they releasing him? They either have to say this isn't life threatening and discharge him, or they have to arrange for care. They can not hold him hostage.

 

While settling the existing bill may require some negotiation (you can't undo what has already transpired), there is absolutely no reason for you to continue to pay. This is not a moral dilemma. It is simply an annoyance that, unfortunately, you may need to become involved in. Too often Thais simply bow to authority rather than standing up for their rights.

 

[spornb]

Follow Sheryls advice, and do NOT pay local bill ( suggestion only) if it is a govt hospital, say get back from my local hospital, 30 BHatt scheme

 

Thais generally do not know the rules, I was about to be hit for step kids dental costs, until I said how do their friends manage these bills, local hospital has dentist four days a week,  kids now go there, my wife goes there as well, regular maintenance covered

[Number 6]

You've already received some excellent advice. I'd follow that.

 

I often kick in 5k when a relative dies. This is an uncle you don't owe much of anything in that relationship.

 

Given them 5k which is half now, do as others suggest about logistics. It's not on you and let your wife know that clearly.

 

Also, let your wife know the #1 thing for her too is you getting insurance because this allows you to continue to stay and support her. If your balances or financial commitment breaks, it's game over for you and your marriage.

 

But do give 5k it really let's you off the hook for a small price to pay

 

Help the family organize, understand but do not facilitate the issue between family and hospital!! Stay out.

 

 

 

My wife has never, ever pressed me for money in ten years. FYI.

 

Good luck

Edited December 22, 2019 by Number 6

[Sheryl]

Definiteltycontact the NHSO now rather than pay any bill. If something has already been paid that money is gone but I have known a single call from the NHSO to magically make bills go away. Assuming his condition is life threatening they are required to treat him under the 30 baht scheme even though he is not a resident of their catchment area.

 

They can, if it can safely be managed, transfer him to his usual hospital and they will become much more cooperative about doing so once told they can't ask him or his family to pay. An ambulance with a nurse in attendance will still save them money over continuing to tteat him.

 

The way the "30 baht" scheme works is that each hospital receives a budget from the government based on the population living in their catchment area (Thai citizens only); it is calculated as a flat amount per person. So naturally they do not like to have to treat someone from out of their catchment area unless it is on a fee for service basis, since they receive no funds from govt budget for the care of that person. It's a particular problem for hospitals that receive a lot of them and they will often try to charge the patient even in clear emergency. But the law is that they have to.

 

The NHSO hotline exists for a reason.

[WayWokeWhiteGuy]

Seriously/? I hate my sister's husband, but if he were dying I would help him.

 

Why would I not help my wife's brother?

 

Follow Sheryl'a advice and try to get it free or cheap but unless you're planning on getting divorced, you have to help.  It's going to cost the same whether you end up a hero or an a-hole.