Thais and their infinite love for parents

[OneMoreFarang]

7 hours ago, lovethai123 said:

Truth hurts. Isn't it? But I am not heartless like the people of los. I have feelings. I have emotions. 

On TV are lots of BS threads.

I actually believe you and your story.

Many of us experienced what you experienced - with our first Thai "girlfriend". And some learned from it and others made and make the same mistake again and again.

 

I think in reality most foreigners here give their wives and girlfriends some money. And one reason is that at least some of us earn more in an hour than most Thais for a whole day's work. And as long as we can afford it we support our beloved girl and in part even her family.

 

I think what you should think about is how much you can afford to spend and how much you want to spend.

If you can afford it and she makes you happy then pay - and don't worry.

If you can't afford it (like most of us can't afford to pay huge amounts constantly) then don't pay (a lot of money).

The problem is your current gf is used to lots of money. Now it's very difficult to impossible to stop it.

Just try and stop giving her money. Option a she will accept it. Option b is she will leave you. Just be prepared that b might happen - and in a nasty way.

 

And for the future make it clear from the beginning that you are willing to pay x but not more than that. If lady future accepts it then fine. And if she thinks that is not enough she will find another sponsor.

Thailand is full of beautiful and nice girl (in the bars and outside the bars). Try to find one which you love and can afford.

[PatOngo]

10 hours ago, lovethai123 said:

How do I tell her I want to finish the relationship with her? Please suggest.

 

It's over, find another fool! Goodbye! 

[1FinickyOne]

9 hours ago, lovethai123 said:

Nothing wrong. But now i feel that, no matter what you do for these people. It is never enough and they keep wanting more. And you will never be considered as a part of their family.

It is a 2 way street... there are good families/people and bad... we built a family compound through the years, dismantling old houses, refinishing them and assembling on our property.. when it came the turn for the father, a 600k baht re-build, he would not let me spend my $ to do it unless I assured him I had more than 10MM baht in the bank in USA... and yes, my family is always willing to help me w/anything needed, though I have few needs... and with a smile.

 

Yes, I am sure I am considered part of the family... yes, I am the cliche who married the whole family and yes, I know others as well, just don't participate on TVF.. 

[1FinickyOne]

46 minutes ago, Matzzon said:

First, trying to call me out for being a rasta, just makes you look bad. I am as far away from that as possible. Now to your question.

 

What´s wrong? That is as giving money leads to zero evolution, it will only help for the time being. The solution is like I have done. Never said that you shouldn´t help. I´ve given them the knowledge, and a one time handover to build a platform that they can live and support themself on.

That´s what is considered giving help that really leads to something.

ha ha.. you pretended to be a Rasta in your response once... hard to forget... 

 

and now you are saying that a person should only give help in the same manner as you?? we have bought farmland to help the family prosper... we have lent money for tractors that has been re-paid in full... we give money to the elderly/infirm parents so they can feel a bit more secure after a decent lifetime of hard work and sacrifice to their children, we pay for children to go to school... if we go to the sea we come back with a fresh seafood buffet for the family to cook up.. nobody evolves from this, but it is called normal sharing with family that leads to nothing more than a good meal and a good time and a good memory.. 

 

[kekalot]

I don't like to give money directly, I wouldn't mind for example to help my GFs mom by paying for an water purifier or pump to be installed cause I have seen where she lives, but no cash

used to live up north in MHS with a  GF (not anymore) and they are who I refer to here

 

GF used to have a motorbike that she rented monthly for small amounts, I think 2000 baht per month.

guy who was renting returned it, and she thought she would do a good deed and sold that bike for 20,000 baht (which is what she makes per month) and gave the cash to her mom (who is poor as <deleted>)

 

her mom took the cash and gave it to the monks.

 

she came to tell me this, I had a laugh and she was absolutely furious about this but could not say a word about it. (because it's her mom)

 

in my situation, what I do is I pay for the rent and electric/water so they save the 3500 or whatever they would have paid for a small room somewhere by living with me and then up to them if they want to send that money to their parents or whatever

 

since it's THEIR own money that they worked for they are sending away then usually the amounts do not go up, they just save more (or buy stupid stuff)

 

so for me, I pay maybe 200 baht more in electricity/water more than I would normally by renting my own place and she gets more money to spend.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, kekalot said:

GF used to have a motorbike that she rented monthly for small amounts, I think 2000 baht per month.

guy who was renting returned it, and she thought she would do a good deed and sold that bike for 20,000 baht (which is what she makes per month) and gave the cash to her mom (who is poor as <deleted>)

 

her mom took the cash and gave it to the monks.

 

she came to tell me this, I had a laugh and she was absolutely furious about this but could not say a word about it. (because it's her mom)

I think what many westers don't understand is the fact that for Thais (in general) giving something to others means doing something for their own karma.

If mother gives money to the monks then she does this likely to get born again in a good position (not as a dog). This makes her feel better. She does not really do it to help the monks, at least that is not the first thought.

At least that is how I understand why Thais act like that.

So if they give us the opportunity to give them money then they give us an opportunity to do something good for ourselves. And because we do something good that will be good for our karma and our next life. 

[Matzzon]

1 hour ago, kenk24 said:

ha ha.. you pretended to be a Rasta in your response once... hard to forget... 

 

and now you are saying that a person should only give help in the same manner as you?? we have bought farmland to help the family prosper... we have lent money for tractors that has been re-paid in full... we give money to the elderly/infirm parents so they can feel a bit more secure after a decent lifetime of hard work and sacrifice to their children, we pay for children to go to school... if we go to the sea we come back with a fresh seafood buffet for the family to cook up.. nobody evolves from this, but it is called normal sharing with family that leads to nothing more than a good meal and a good time and a good memory.. 

 

I am sure your way of give help is perfect. Only one thing, though? Is it your children you are talking about, or is it sisters and brothers children. In case of the latter, don´t you think it´s rather immature and ignorant to bring children to the world if they can´t create a good platform for them as mother and father? On the other hand, maybe they do like so many other people. They make children, leave with mother father and hoping for them to turn out as a good pension fund later in life. At least I can hear that you do what you can to contribute to that fact.

Edited March 17, 2020 by Matzzon

[sharktooth]

14 hours ago, lovethai123 said:

Ok, thanks. Let me try. 

 

I am already fed up of my money going to raise kids who aren't mine. 

Aye, that’s a very valid point.

[1FinickyOne]

5 hours ago, Matzzon said:

I am sure your way of give help is perfect. Only one thing, though? Is it your children you are talking about, or is it sisters and brothers children. In case of the latter, don´t you think it´s rather immature and ignorant to bring children to the world if they can´t create a good platform for them as mother and father? On the other hand, maybe they do like so many other people. They make children, leave with mother father and hoping for them to turn out as a good pension fund later in life. At least I can hear that you do what you can to contribute to that fact.

I am helping raise children of family members... they had children because they wanted family... that is a pretty human thing... and they combine to make a wonderful, very functional family group... 

 

you make an awful lot of nasty assumptions... I am helping good people, I am helping children have a better life... you have some problem with that? not sure what you spend your money on but don't knock me for helping some really nice people have a better life... 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 3/17/2020 at 3:42 AM, kenk24 said:

Yes, I helped my wife's family in USA... they were poor and a bit nasty too, but it made my wife feel better to help them. 

 

As to my Thai family, they would have survived just not as comfortably. 

 

If you had good fortune wouldn't you want to share some of it with the people closest to you? It makes me feel much better than if i bought a wad of gold chains... 

I didn't get married because I was some sort of charity to help out a poor Thai family- if I wanted to do that I could just give the money to any random Thai family I met. Like most farang men I got married because I thought I'd be able to have a lot of sex.

 

it made my wife feel better to help them. 

HER family, HER responsibility- not yours.

 

If you had good fortune wouldn't you want to share some of it with the people closest to you?

I did share my good fortune with my wife. Her life was immensely better because she married me.

My Thai family weren't close to me. They didn't even like me, and visa versa.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

8 hours ago, kenk24 said:

I am helping raise children of family members... they had children because they wanted family... that is a pretty human thing... and they combine to make a wonderful, very functional family group... 

 

you make an awful lot of nasty assumptions... I am helping good people, I am helping children have a better life... you have some problem with that? not sure what you spend your money on but don't knock me for helping some really nice people have a better life... 

If you want to give money to relatives by marriage, that's your business and good for you. What i don't like is the assumption by some posters that a farang is OBLIGED to support a group of strangers just because they are relatives to someone we married. Not so in my opinion.

[BritManToo]

5 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Like most farang men I got married because I thought I'd be able to have a lot of sex.

In the UK false (since 1997 when it became possible to rape your wife, and if you left you'd lose the house).

In Thailand true (because you can just leave if she says no, with no ongoing financial loss).

 

And let's face it, no matter where you live, it's the financing they married you for.

Edited March 17, 2020 by BritManToo

[thaibeachlovers]

15 hours ago, kenk24 said:

Yes, I am sure I am considered part of the family... yes, I am the cliche who married the whole family and yes, I know others as well, just don't participate on TVF.. 

You were one of the lucky ones. I'm sure that my Thai family thought I was going to be  a cash cow just like some farang that married her cousin. When they discovered I wasn't they told her to divorce me. I know that because she told me.

[BritManToo]

16 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Try to find one which you love and can afford.

I can love any of them (under 35 years old and weighing less than 50Kg).

Quite a lot I can afford for a night or two.

 

Longer than that and their expectations start to rise beyond my means.

[lovethai123]

Thanks for the replies guys. This forum is great. 

[ericthai]

On 3/16/2020 at 11:48 AM, lovethai123 said:

So yinn came to reply to my thread. I am honoured. 

 

I did more for her than her parents ever did and she accepts it. Money cannot buy love be but I have never seen a girl dating a broke man.  

 

I am man enough to work hard and provide food and shelter to her. I don't need ask my lady money. I am not thai a man who drinks , never works and drops his wife to meet new bf every night.

 

 

I know allot of very hard working Thai guys that are faithful and have wonderful families, maybe you need to expand your social network!  

 

 

[Chazar]

On 3/16/2020 at 9:42 PM, christophe75 said:

But to marry a thai woman... means to marry (a little bit) her parents too.

not when theyre  both dead when you got  married????

[1FinickyOne]

7 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

You were one of the lucky ones

Yes, I am often described as lucky and I admit to that... HOWEVER - at some point we actually have at least some effect on making our own luck...

 

I met my wife through an introduction from a friend who told me that she comes from a GREAT family... I went several times and met the family. I stayed with them. They were absolutely lovely and offered me a tiny piece of land to build a small house next to them.. I did not open my pockets and pour money on them but gradually and through time, we have built a nice life for them partly due to my luck... I share my good fortune...

 

And then, I am lucky in investing. Not just because I am lucky but I am dedicated to doing research and using my common sense and experience. Much of lucky is called "work." 

 

Through my "luck" I have more to share than most here and I understand that my 20% of sharing, might be far more that another's 90% - but, it is sad that people in this forum trash me for taking care of and helping a wonderful family. 

 

Why is it if you help out a Western wife and her family, that is cool, but if you help a Thai, you have all sorts of bad names for people. 

 

 

[Brickbat]

Good parents give their kids Roots and Wings. Thais cut off the Wings. Kids remain kids and give birth to kids. 

[geriatrickid]

On 3/16/2020 at 10:04 AM, lovethai123 said:

I don't live in Thailand. Though I visit her frequently because I am just a few hour flight away from bkk.

This a joke thread, right?

[fittobethaied]

Most conflicts in any relationship arise out of a misunderstanding or failure of expectations. Within a few weeks of having met my future Thai wife I sat her down and told her what she could and could not expect of me and asked her to do the same. I had already read and heard of the horror stories of wives/gfs asking for money for their families, so that was a major concern of mine since my gf had 7 siblings and an ailing mother who all live 4 hours from us thank God. I told her straight up that I would only give aid to her mother and two educated grown children, but only in dire emergencies that could be verified, and I made is perfectly clear that if she ever insisted otherwise that I would be GONE! After 10 years of marriage I have never been disappointed. Along the way I have done many things to help her kids to improve there standard of living, but it was always my idea to give and with no expectation of anything in return. Bottom line is....you must have that discussion with your wives/gfs; and once you have agreed on things, never allow yourself to be shaken from the boundaries that you have set unless of course it may be a life or death situation. Otherwise, it could be the death of you and your bank account.  

[micmichd]

On 3/16/2020 at 8:05 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

Welcome to Thailand!

 

You made the mistake of giving them money. Now they are used to getting money from you and they will ask for more.

And her mother will always be a higher priority than you are.

When her mother demands money then it's her job to bring money - any way she can get it. Asking you nicely, steeling it from you, getting paid for services, it does not matter. She will get the money for her mother.

 

You have two options:

a) continue like this until you are broke

b) get rid of her

c) the option that you will change her for the better does not exist. There is no c)

 

Next time try to find a girl without living mother. And don't start to give her more money than necessary. Don't even try to save anybody. It won't work. It will only cost you more money and headache.

 

Sorry, somebody had to tell you.

How can you get broke if you have permanent income or a guaranteed pension?

[Logosone]

This applies not just to Thai girls. I had a Pinay once. Two of her family members were in a bad motorcycle accident, one died. I paid 3000 USD for the operation of one of them to save her leg.

 

I actually got slammed for 'reminding her all the time that I paid the 3000', which I hardly did, but apparently when it came up she found it so annoying.

 

Then the demands for money increased non-stop. 

 

Never again.

[Isaanbiker]

On 3/17/2020 at 1:53 AM, lovethai123 said:

Will read private dancer. I have been told multiple times to read it but haven't done it yet. 

Dear OP. You can download it here. It's a PDF file and it's free.

 

  https://epdf.pub/queue/private-dancer.html

[Isaanbiker]

9 minutes ago, Logosone said:

This applies not just to Thai girls. I had a Pinay once. Two of her family members were in a bad motorcycle accident, one died. I paid 3000 USD for the operation of one of them to save her leg.

 

I actually got slammed for 'reminding her all the time that I paid the 3000', which I hardly did, but apparently when it came up she found it so annoying.

 

Then the demands for money increased non-stop. 

 

Never again.

I only know some guys who bought speed boats, houses, cars and other stuff for their Pinoy GF.

 

Then the demands got more and more. Most want to come with you, but then it turns out that the whole family clan is part of it.

 

No thanks. 

[lensta]

"Why do these girls love their parents who never did anything good for them" 

What an absolute load of sh it. Thai kids are conditioned at an early age that

it is their duty to look after their parents. It is brain washing, pure and simple.

This is the reason that Thais have kids and their thinking is the more kids they

have the more people there are to look after them when they are old. 

[Isaanbiker]

  On 3/16/2020 at 9:04 PM, lovethai123 said:

I don't live in Thailand. Though I visit her frequently because I am just a few hour flight away from bkk.

 

After reading that, the OP must be a troll. Eight pages of advice and people believing this weird story.

 

Don't feed the TROLL!!

 

    

Edited March 18, 2020 by Isaanbiker

[Logosone]

9 minutes ago, Isaanbiker said:

I only know some guys who bought speed boats, houses, cars and other stuff for their Pinoy GF.

 

Then the demands got more and more. Most want to come with you, but then it turns out that the whole family clan is part of it.

 

No thanks. 

 

Yah, the love of parents is even more extreme in Phil I find. It's a little less in Thailand.

 

As a general rule love for parents seems to decrease in direct proportion to socio-economic well being. The richer the family the less love of parents, the poorer the more the love of parents.

[Gee Ku]

You are a hard-hearted man, OneMoreFarang. You have a bad karma and will be reborn as a hard-working mother-loving prostitute in a Bangkok slum.

[pijo1234]

On 3/16/2020 at 8:55 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

My wife loved her mother so much she destroyed our marriage because of it. She also loved her sister, her nephews and her BIL much, much more than me, her husband. she loved every relative no matter how distant more than me. If they had had a dog she'd have loved that more than me too. I think she even loved our hamsters more than me. Had I known about the love she had for her family over me I'd never have married her, but she played the long con so successfully that I never knew till too late.

 

 

23 years in Thailand, enough long to say : THERE IS NO LOVE in Thailand, as we (farangs) have another idea of love between man and woman.

I lived (and married) for 18 years with a woman (34 old) from Bangkok, she never worked in a bar, has a very nice family ... but all (99.99%) of Thai women doesn't know what is love excepted in american movies or love stories. Their only "love" is for money.

Buddhism is the culprit : no guidance for personal relationship.

...

I am now a happy divorced farang and I will never be in another relationship with a Thai woman (or just for "short time" fun).

...

Very interesting topic about Thailand :

WARNING : Retire in Thailand, but at your own risks !!! Explanations

https://www.neeeeext.com/index.php?topic=260.msg669#msg669