Should I tell another Farang man that the Thai girlfriend he loves is cheating on him?

[Tagged]

3 minutes ago, bert bloggs said:

Sometimes i wonder why i bother to read half the <deleted> written on Thai visa

Because you do not have anything better to do ???? 

[bert bloggs]

5 hours ago, Tagged said:

Because you do not have anything better to do ???? 

You said it ,at the moment its help clean the house ,wash the car or water the garden . which would you choose? lol

[CharlesBa]

So, I'm the OP. Thank you all for the advice so far, I've read each and every post. A quick count seems to add up to 13 for 'tell' and 12 for 'don't tell'.

 

I guess I should have said this at the outset but the dilemma is complicated by the fact that I myself was cheating when I was with the Thai woman, I told her I was single when I'm not. But I am not receiving stacks of money from my regular girlfriend, and I think that does make a difference. I am really uncomfortable with this other man being led along. We are all in our late 30s or early 40s, by the way.

 

As many of you suggested, I think a desire for revenge is one of the motivating factors behind my considering telling the other man, and that's not a good feeling. I purposefully never gave the Thai woman enough information about me that she could ever find out my home address or my girlfriend's details, I planned my deception better than she did, I'm ashamed to say.

 

I'm not going to do this kind of thing again, certainly never again without a condom. I've learnt my lesson because when we had the pregnancy scare it frightened the life out of me. I told her that if she was pregnant I'd take care of her and the baby and I meant it, but it would have meant the almost complete destruction of my life back at home and changed my relationships with practically everyone I know. I really do agree that, at least for men, probably for women too, living with your libido is like being chained to a lunatic. After the Thai woman and I had the conversation about her possibly being pregnant I remember walking down the street afterwards in a bit of a daze wondering what the f##k I had got myself into and how my life may have changed beyond recognition because of my desire for a brief holiday romance. I thought to myself, if she does a test and says it's positive I'll have to fly out immediately to supervise another test myself and then, if that's positive, pay for an expensive pre-natal dna-paternity test to make sure I'm not made a fool of. Fortunately, the test was negative. During those weeks of uncertainty, on two separate occasions whilst jogging and thinking about everything I had what I think may have been mild panic attacks, I suddenly couldn't seem to breathe properly, felt extremely short of breath and had to sit down. I've never had anything like that happen to me before and it was a bit scary.

 

I'm not going to tell the other bloke. It would be too hypocritical of me and I don't want to give in to a desire for revenge when the woman acted no worse toward me than I did toward her. To be completely honest, I'm also a little bit worried that if I did then she would do everything in her power to get back at me somehow. I feel sorry for the other bloke though, if she continues to cheat on him whilst taking his money I hope he finds out someday soon. Maybe she'll stop cheating and they will move together to live happily ever after, you never know. I hope so.

 

Thanks again, your advice has been appreciated.

Edited March 28, 2020 by CharlesBa

[ianezy0]

I met a Thai woman online and we chatted for about four months before meeting in Thailand and having a relationship, we even had a pregnancy scare (yes, I know, stupid)

 

Without reading further, I wouldn’t say stupid, I would say bloody impossible!

[lemonjelly]

Another “new member” with an unoriginal and long but well written story trying to elicit responses..... click click

[Tagged]

24 minutes ago, lemonjelly said:

Another “new member” with an unoriginal and long but well written story trying to elicit responses..... click click

Educational for those with their fresh pink glasses on (not that any inforamation will ever changen their mind about their girl. Mine is different etc), and make the paranoid more paranoid. (Cant help them anyway)

 

So what is the message and moral in the story? 

[RJRS1301]

Did you discuss monogamy with her? Did she understand that you wanted and expected it, or did you place expectation on her without her full agreement?

You are not in their relationship, you have no idea how their relationship is structured or modelled.

Not all longterm relationships are based on physical monogamy. 

 

Having unprotected sex is an unwise thing to do, many unwanted bacterial infections as well as viral ones contractable, pregnancy is a minor risk in comparison.

 

Keep ypur nose put of others relationships, and stick to your own and stop stalking her taking a moral high ground.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 3/27/2020 at 7:46 AM, Tiger1980 said:

If your girlfriend was cheating on you, would you not want to know.

No. I assumed my GF, later wife was having sex with other men. So many do, why would mine be different?

 

It's none of the OP's business what other people do, unless it's family or a close friend.

[CharlesBa]

21 hours ago, RJRS1301 said:

Did you discuss monogamy with her? Did she understand that you wanted and expected it, or did you place expectation on her without her full agreement?

You are not in their relationship, you have no idea how their relationship is structured or modelled.

Not all longterm relationships are based on physical monogamy. 

 

Having unprotected sex is an unwise thing to do, many unwanted bacterial infections as well as viral ones contractable, pregnancy is a minor risk in comparison.

 

Keep ypur nose put of others relationships, and stick to your own and stop stalking her taking a moral high ground.

 

We did discuss monogamy a little, yes. She spoke fairly often about fidelity and kept telling me that she was not talking with any other men, that she hadn't slept with anyone since she got divorced a while back (she said this after she'd asked me when I had last slept with someone). Looking back, I should have taken her frequent efforts to reassure me of her fidelity despite me not questioning it as a warning that something was not quite right. That was the funny thing, it was her who kept bringing it up and she kept talking about the future and how we could be together, she wanted me to invite her to Europe for an extended stay to see how we would get on living in a relationship as cohabitees. When we thought she might be pregnant we even discussed the possibility of marriage because it would be the quickest way to get her and the child over to Europe. She asked me if I had other girlfriends and when I was travelling around Thailand for a while by myself she said she suspected I was meeting a woman in Bangkok, I wasn't. When I left Thailand we were still getting on very well and she told me that while she wants me to be monogamous she knows how the world works and if I do have sex with someone else when we are apart then I should wear a condom.

 

I do have an idea about her relationship with the other man. When I found out about him I confronted her about it and she asked what I was going to do, saying that if X knows about me he'll split up with her. I told her I didn't know yet what I'd do. Half an hour later she told me by text message that she'd called him and confessed everything, I took this as a fairly obvious lie and a desperate attempt to fool me into thinking he knows everything.

 

Yep, dumb having unprotected sex, for a multitude of reasons. I knew I was clean before having sex with this woman and immediately when I got home I took a full STI test which told me I was still clean, fortunately.

 

I did decide to keep my nose out, and I won't check up on her either... well, let's be honest here, maybe in six months if I get drunk I'll do a quick check but it will just be to satisfy my curiosity and I'll leave it at that. I have texted the Thai woman and told her that I don't believe her story that she told X everything about us, but that she shouldn't worry because I will not contact him. After that she called me immediately in tears and we had a cathartic conversation where we both apologised to one another (I had to apologise too, see my previous post, I wasn't honest either but I confessed this to her earlier) and we ended up wishing each other well.

 

I would not repeat this experience, it has been extremely stressful and ended in a bloody great big mess, as could perhaps have been predicted right from the start.

Edited March 29, 2020 by CharlesBa

[Drax]

On 3/27/2020 at 1:46 AM, Tiger1980 said:

If your girlfriend was cheating on you, would you not want to know.

Nah I would. Many other girls worth my time better. I’d be happy to know the truth. 
 

In my case I found by myself and it sucked during the whole time I was being cheated and could have been a lot easier and saved a lot of time if someone had told me. And we did live together two years

Edited March 29, 2020 by Drax

[CharlesBa]

On 3/27/2020 at 2:22 AM, bkk6060 said:

If he is a normal healthy male, he is probably doing the same.

But, lots of hypocrisy in Thailand calling each other out.

Paying them money makes one feel like she is your possession.

Maybe have a group hug with the other 5 guys that are sending her money also.

For your information, I never gave her any money. She started talking around the subject and I flat-out told her it wasn't going to happen

[tifino]

On 3/27/2020 at 9:10 AM, jastheace said:

On 3/27/2020 at 8:58 AM, Chazar said:

Better  still tell him shes a right  good  catch to  marry asap.........this  way he "may" learn something useful for the future

no. there'll be a post a few months later 'I think my gf cheated on me, what should I do'.

then, and only then with the vast experience of us TVF posters, with our advice,  he 'may' learn something. 

... more so, after he has gone further and accessed the marriage and divorce in thailand Thread... 

[Thongkorn]

I knew of a girl who had 10+ guys on a leed, she spoke to them over the computer, Facetime. Every conversation was logged so she could carry on the conversation when next they spoke, Most if not all where sending 30,000 plus a month , She called it a Business,