Coach for relationship needed

[Doctor Martin]

Hi there,

my long term gf turns more and more into a psycho. I still believe in our relationship and we would like to try a coach or psychologist to find out what is going wrong between us. If anybody has a serious recommendation it would be appreciated. No <deleted> comments please.

Thanks and happy Easter

[BritManToo]

the norm seems to be, at the start of a relationship the lady only allows you to see her false self, then as the relationship progresses she lets her real self slip out. usually their real self is a lot worse than their false self. accept her for what she really is  (psycho woman) or move on are usually your only choices.

 

there's a Thai saving,

the first week your new love is attentive and feeds you from her plate

the second week your new love is gentle, kind and loving

the third week your new love barks like a dog

[Liverpool Lou]

15 hours ago, BritManToo said:

the norm seems to be, at the start of a relationship the lady only allows you to see her false self, then as the relationship progresses she lets her real self slip out.

So just the same as any man also, in any potential relationship, in any part of the world, then!

[BritManToo]

Just now, Liverpool Lou said:

So just the same as any man also, in any potential relationship, in any part of the world, then.  

can't say about other men, but i'm the same from day 1 to the end.

i never bother to pretend to be something i'm not,

you must be one of those pickup artists.

[Liverpool Lou]

9 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

can't say about other men, but i'm the same from day 1 to the end.

i never bother to pretend to be something i'm not,

you must be one of those pickup artists.

"...you must be one of those pickup artists".

No, I'm not involved in automotive painting but what are you doing on day one if you're not trying to give a good impression of yourself?

[BritManToo]

9 minutes ago, Liverpool Lou said:

"...you must be one of those pickup artists".

No, I'm not involved in automotive painting but what are you doing on day one if you're not trying to give a good impression of yourself?

usually sitting in a bar drinking beer with my mates.

worked for my brit wife and every brit girl i ever dated  (around 10)

worked for my thai wife and every asian girl i ever dated had sex with (around 50)

[AlfHuy]

21 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

usually sitting in a bar drinking beer with my mates.

worked for my brit wife and every brit girl i ever dated  (around 10)

worked for my thai wife and every asian girl i ever dated had sex with (around 50)

That must be more than 50. I guess closer to 1000.

[KannikaP]

To Doc Martin. If I were you I would boot her out.   LOL

[simon43]

Don't waste your money and time on a relationship coach.  Kick her out!!  

[AlfHuy]

3 minutes ago, simon43 said:

Don't waste your money and time on a relationship coach.  Kick her out!!  

Could we first see a photo please. Make we can help him out.

[Surelynot]

2 minutes ago, AlfHuy said:

Could we first see a photo please. Make we can help him out.

Taking a wild guess here and assuming you mean of her...not him?

[AlfHuy]

4 minutes ago, Surelynot said:

Taking a wild guess here and assuming you mean of her...not him?

Referring to the OP

[Andy from Kent]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

i never bother to pretend to be something i'm not,

 

 

????????????

[CharlieH]

When you can understand WHY Pizza is made round.

Its then packed in a square box

And eaten as a triangle.........then you will begin to understand women. (IMHO)

[Doctor Martin]

Actually I thought this is a kind of serious forum where someone can ask a serious question and get some serious answers. Obviously this is not the case.

 

[Mister T]

13 minutes ago, Doctor Martin said:

Actually I thought this is a kind of serious forum where someone can ask a serious question and get some serious answers. Obviously this is not the case.

 

The responses were serious, a lot of Thai women are almost bipolar but will never seek help. The best thing you can do is find a senior monk who speaks English, you might be surprised at her acceptance of his advice.

[OneMoreFarang]

My recommendation is that you inform yourself how Thai men (in general) treat their wives. And also educate yourself about the hierarchical structures in Thailand.

A simple example is the following: No Thai tells you just about his sister or his brother. He/she will always tell you always about the younger sister/brother or the older sister/brother. Why? Because they treat each other differently. They have different "jobs" in the family and the hierarchy.

 

It seems one big mistake which many foreigners make in Thailand is to pretend we are all equal. Like we are in a relationship with same rights and we share the homework and all that. As far as I know something like an equal right relationship does not exist in Thailand. There is always one "boss". I think most Thai women expect that the guy is the boss. He decides what to do, where to live, etc. You will often hear "up to you". So what happens if you don't decide what do to? Then after a while it's up to her. Then she is the boss. And she will tell you what to do. And when that happens some guys will wake up after a while and realize that is not what they wanted. They wanted an equal partners relationship only to find out that didn't work. And it seems very few guys are able to reverse the situation once the woman decided she is the boss.

 

Obviously I don't know if that describes your situation. Maybe it does. If it does then I recommend look for a new relationship and make sure you are the boss from day one. Because if you are not the boss then she is the boss and you probably won't like that.

 

Or listen to a psychologist who charges you for 100 hours with a similar result. ???? 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

40 minutes ago, Mister T said:

The responses were serious, a lot of Thai women are almost bipolar but will never seek help. The best thing you can do is find a senior monk who speaks English, you might be surprised at her acceptance of his advice.

That reminds me of my first gf in Thailand. As some stage we had a huge argument and problems. Her solution? Lets go to the expert, the fortune teller. 

Yes, it really happened.

[soi3eddie]

On 4/4/2021 at 5:11 AM, AlfHuy said:

That must be more than 50. I guess closer to 1000.

Stop counting and just enjoy as much as possible.

 

On 4/3/2021 at 12:53 PM, Doctor Martin said:

we would like to try a coach or psychologist

A more relevant question to the OP; is does she really want to do that? Don't think that's a Thai thing or is that from you only? Also, how "long term" is long term? After 7 years of marriage I realised there was no hope. Hung on for another 7 years for sake of my son then baled out. On reflection it was a good call. Tried reconciliation and mediation. Hopeless. Move on is my advice. Lot's of other opportunities here with less hassle. Go where you're treated best.

 

[Meat Pie 47]

On 4/4/2021 at 12:49 PM, CharlieH said:

When you can understand WHY Pizza is made round.

Its then packed in a square box

And eaten as a triangle.........then you will begin to understand women. (IMHO)

[Airalee]

On 4/3/2021 at 6:53 PM, Doctor Martin said:

we would like to try a coach or psychologist to find out what is going wrong between us.

Is that “we” or it it you that wants to try a coach or a psychologist.  I tried it with my (now ex) girlfriend and basically had to bring her kicking and screaming.   I was told (in private) by the doctor that she wasn’t going to change and that I had to ask myself “is this what I really want”?  I tried to be positive about it and the relationship dragged on for another 2 years.   She also went to monks and fortune tellers on her own and constantly pleaded with me that we were soul mates and that she loved me.  Gaslighting in the extreme.  Finally had to let her go.  I could go on and on with all the unnecessary details but the bottom line is that I should have cut my losses long before I did.

[OneMoreFarang]

In lots of comments here farang guys seem to blame the Thai women when things go wrong.

I think to be fair we have to admit that different expectations are a huge problem.

Farangs think about a relationship with their logic and what they experienced and what they learned in their life (in farang land).

Thai women not surprisingly look at the situation from their point of view - which is often very different from what the farang guy thinks.

Who is right and who is wrong? Nobody. Lots of people, not only in Thailand, start relations with this feeling that all looks fine and the rest will sort itself out. And both have often totally different expectations and both don't talk about it and/or think they will convince the partner after a while that his/her way is the correct one. Obviously that does often not go according to expectations.

One main field is often the family. For many (all?) Thais their family is very important. And many farangs are only interested in their darling and don't care about her family. What could possibly go wrong...

[BritManToo]

Just now, OneMoreFarang said:

Farangs think about a relationship with their logic and what they experienced and what they learned in their life (in farang land).

 

and both don't talk about it and/or think they will convince the partner after a while that his/her way is the correct one.

How well did that work with relationships in our home countries?

Most of us lost at least half a house and half a pension to a woman who contributed nothing to either.

 

I never bothered, she can leave any time she feels dissatisfied, plenty more women waiting to move in and have a go.

[Fat is a type of crazy]

I don't think a psychologist will help. Keep in mind a psychologist is a psychiatrist without medical training. My girlfriend has gone badly crazy a few times in between a lot of happy times and it normally has to do with her perception that I didn't care about her. I think part of it comes down to having my hand on the purse strings. Its not easy for a beautiful  youngish girl to feel her financial security is at the whim of a forty something and now fifty something guy who doesn't want to get married. The explosive part is just a girl's temperament - it won't go away no matter how many doctor's you see if you set it off. 

By describing her as long term girlfriend you might have your answer right there - she craves security. She may still have the temper but it may not be set off if you give her more security. 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

8 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

I don't think a psychologist will help. Keep in mind a psychologist is a psychiatrist without medical training.

I think that is a bad summary. Let me try.

If someone has a chemical imbalance or a brain tumor (something that can be measured) that is a job for the psychiatrist.

If someone behaves strange or bad maybe because of crazy parents for PTSD or something like that then that is work for the psychologist.

The psychologist talks to the patient, the psychiatrist gives him medications.

I am sure that summary is not exact but it covers the basics.

[OneMoreFarang]

40 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

How well did that work with relationships in our home countries?

For me that was easy. I was only satisfied with "the best". Pretty girls without stupid attitudes. 

Where I came from there were very few of those. And most of them were not at all interested in me.

I was not ready to make too many compromises. No pretty young girls at home? Let's move to another country with girls according my MO. ???? 

[Airalee]

56 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think that is a bad summary. Let me try.

If someone has a chemical imbalance or a brain tumor (something that can be measured) that is a job for the psychiatrist.

If someone behaves strange or bad maybe because of crazy parents for PTSD or something like that then that is work for the psychologist.

The psychologist talks to the patient, the psychiatrist gives him medications.

I am sure that summary is not exact but it covers the basics.

You explain it well, however, most Thai women won’t see either as it’s just not something done in this culture.  My ex didn’t want to go to either as (her words) “I’m not crazy”.  Therefore, it’s next to impossible to come up with an appropriate diagnosis for their behavior and hence what kind of therapy is appropriate.  
 

For mine, I would suspect that she had BPD (borderline personality disorder).  I had a former girlfriend who was BPD.   I had gone to her psychologist to try to get some insight into her issues (which were similar to my Thai ex) but although he could talk to me in general terms, due to client/patient confidentiality he couldn’t really say anything.  As soon as my (US) ex and I went for “couples” counseling, there was no more client patient confidentiality.  Subsequently, when I went on my own, the psychologist told me point blank “she is BPD...run and don’t look back”.

 

I have a feeling that I understood my Thai ex girlfriend better than she understood herself.

[Fat is a type of crazy]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think that is a bad summary. Let me try.

If someone has a chemical imbalance or a brain tumor (something that can be measured) that is a job for the psychiatrist.

If someone behaves strange or bad maybe because of crazy parents for PTSD or something like that then that is work for the psychologist.

The psychologist talks to the patient, the psychiatrist gives him medications.

I am sure that summary is not exact but it covers the basics.

I take your point - I just feel a psychiatrist has the skills to do both if they are good at what they do. I personally feel a psychologists skills are a bit so so and most of us could do a similar job but I am sure there are good ones out there. I suppose they do have access to services and support in a way that a psychiatrist may not. 

[AlfHuy]

17 hours ago, soi3eddie said:

Stop counting and just enjoy as much as possible.

 

A more relevant question to the OP; is does she really want to do that? Don't think that's a Thai thing or is that from you only? Also, how "long term" is long term? After 7 years of marriage I realised there was no hope. Hung on for another 7 years for sake of my son then baled out. On reflection it was a good call. Tried reconciliation and mediation. Hopeless. Move on is my advice. Lot's of other opportunities here with less hassle. Go where you're treated best.

 

Tried reconciliation and mediation

 

You forgot the "meditation".

[BritManToo]

14 minutes ago, Airalee said:

For mine, I would suspect that she had BPD (borderline personality disorder).  I had a former girlfriend who was BPD.   I had gone to her psychologist to try to get some insight into her issues (which were similar to my Thai ex) but although he could talk to me in general terms, due to client/patient confidentiality he couldn’t really say anything.

As far as I can see BPD is just another way to describe normal female behaviour.

If you don't like it, or can't live with it, date men.

 

Every woman I ever met displayed all 9 signs, if I got to know her well enough.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm

 

• Fear of abandonment. 
• Unstable relationships. ...
• Unclear or shifting self-image. ...
• Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. ...
• Self-harm. ...
• Extreme emotional swings. ...
• Chronic feelings of emptiness. ...
• Explosive anger.
• Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality.

 

They seem to have missed narcissism from their list.