Dowary

[a2396]

These are roughly the current prices:

100,000 for an educated virgin with a degree.

60,000 for a shop girl with high school and also a virgin.

30,000-40-000 for a divorced single mother

0 for a divorced single mother (ex bargirl)

0 for a non-virgin bargirl or ex bargirl

Interesting figures as I know a few Western and Thai men in the last 2 years who have been paying in excess of 400,000. If someone offered me 100,000 sin sod for my daughter they would be wearing their skinflint tight arse for a hat.

You mean 100,000 is to much or not enough?? Good luck you that you will find the "loony tunes" that will pay 400,000 ++. NUTTIER THAN A FRUITCAKE!!!!!

[srifah]

You mean 100,000 is to much or not enough?? Good luck you that you will find the "loony tunes" that will pay 400,000 ++.

Yeh, why pay at all, some of them are better off with the beer!

[viciouskitty74]

You are talking about 'some form of dowry', I'm talking about sin sod.

I went to read up on the write up pinned by the mods.

And errmmmm.....sinsot is brideprice actually. Not dowry. Though the lines can be blurred sometimes with the following example:

In chinese culture, it can also be called dowry because certain country gals are too poor and their fathers was not able to provide a dowry for their daughters, so the male side of the family, especially when he is richer, will not only provide the bride price to the parents, will also provide some items as a gift to the gal.

Which the gal will bring back to her husband when she marries. In some cases, these gifts are considered the gal's property and not her husband. Its about the same as, the groom family gives cash and presents to the gal, and the gal's family returns some items to the groom.

[t.s]

"What's the next off-topic topic going to be?"

what did you have for dinner and what music were you listening to when having your dinner squeezing the housemaids butts when she served and trying to ignore the angry looks of your wife.

you have a housmaid with more than 1 butt? that must be something to see.

[richard_smith237]

A Good friend of mine just paid 400,000 sinsod to his future parents in law... and before people run off on a tangent, both parties are Thai.

In discussions with an ex a few years ago - from an extremely wealthy background 2 MB was mentioned. It was also pointed out that this was just a symbol - it would be returned in the form of a lovely new apartment and probably a rather nice car too...

Later girlfriends (of the Post Grad overseas education level) have mentioned 400,000 to 1 MB level to be reasonable gesture and that the money would be returned anyway... again - just a symbol to show that I have enough wealth to take care and provide for their daughter.

With this in mind – I would happily pay and maintain face and good image.

But I guess it all depends on the girl, her background and the impression she and her family give off, as is the impression the man gives off too..

[torito]

With this in mind – I would happily pay and maintain face and good image.

Well said richard... a man in love should do what he has to do..

I found this a sort of romantic stuff...a sort of, a man doing whatever he can to get the woman he wants.

If I am on love with a woman, and she is all I want in this world....I give all that I have for her.

Women are perfect....and there is nothing in this world that worth more than them! (edit: I guess this should be said for all types of love!)

Edited May 26, 2007 by torito

[Naam]

"What's the next off-topic topic going to be?"

what did you have for dinner and what music were you listening to when having your dinner squeezing the housemaids butts when she served and trying to ignore the angry looks of your wife.

you have a housmaid with more than 1 butt? that must be something to see.

i apologize and ask for lenience as english is my third language. however, defending my case Your Honour, i would like to argue that the expression "butt" (used as singular) is the short form of "buttocks" which is clearly plural and therefore Your Honour and Honourable Jury i claim the right to use "butts".

summing up: our housemaid has indeed two buttocks but... by far not as sexy as those of my wife.

[TAWP]

I have np problems with people doing what Richards wrote. Unfortuanly, a lot of guys think, usually a fueled perception by the bride to be's family, that the money is in fact something that should be _payed_ to the parents. It's a security for the bride, not Mekong-money for the parents.

Edited May 26, 2007 by TAWP

[torito]

i apologize and ask for lenience as english is my third language

Indeed it is not your first language my dear Dr....If you would be English you will use "i" with a capital letter!

[nickbk]

To come back to the original question.

In Thailand there is a tradition about dowry (or whatever people would like to call it) and it is intended for the parents, not for the bride.

However 200,000 baht is too much, half should be enough.

There is effectively now a tendency to get that money back, either as a wedding present or discretely the next day. Another tendancy is to give that money to the bride and not to the parents, but tradition is still strong in many places in Thailand and the parent will probably keep the money.

After many people here seems to advise you to refuse this idea, that depends on you. It IS the tradition. After accepting it or not is your choice. For you info I paid and I don't regret it.

The most important thing is: Make sure to make it clear that it will be the first and the last time you give money to your wife's family That will save you a lot of trouble.

[scousemouse]

Hi i have been with my thai gf now for 3 years and we want to get married next year ans she has told me about the dowary thing,which i know about,she says that 200,000b would be ok as we dont have that much money,she said that her sister got married to a thai and that is what he paid,i have heard that farang pay anything into the millions,is 200,000b a fair price to be paid to her family,her dad is dead now and she has no children yet.any help would be good.thanks.

Dont listen to all the negativiy Bill. Choosing to marry a thai girl in thailand , then it only cricket (fair) to abide by thai traditions.

Good luck and congrats mate .

[torito]

Hi i have been with my thai gf now for 3 years and we want to get married next year ans she has told me about the dowary thing,which i know about,she says that 200,000b would be ok as we dont have that much money,she said that her sister got married to a thai and that is what he paid,i have heard that farang pay anything into the millions,is 200,000b a fair price to be paid to her family,her dad is dead now and she has no children yet.any help would be good.thanks.

Dont listen to all the negativiy Bill. Choosing to marry a thai girl in thailand , then it only cricket (fair) to abide by thai traditions.

Good luck and congrats mate .

Right.....the woman you love worth its weight in gold! Go for it. All the best from me too!

[scousemouse]

Hi i have been with my thai gf now for 3 years and we want to get married next year ans she has told me about the dowary thing,which i know about,she says that 200,000b would be ok as we dont have that much money,she said that her sister got married to a thai and that is what he paid,i have heard that farang pay anything into the millions,is 200,000b a fair price to be paid to her family,her dad is dead now and she has no children yet.any help would be good.thanks.

Dont listen to all the negativiy Bill. Choosing to marry a thai girl in thailand , then it only cricket (fair) to abide by thai traditions.

Good luck and congrats mate .

And anyway , 200,000b IS a fair price and you'll be in the wife's good books for a good while .

[jackmuu]

These are roughly the current prices:

100,000 for an educated virgin with a degree.

60,000 for a shop girl with high school and also a virgin.

30,000-40-000 for a divorced single mother

0 for a divorced single mother (ex bargirl)

0 for a non-virgin bargirl or ex bargirl

Interesting figures as I know a few Western and Thai men in the last 2 years who have been paying in excess of 400,000. If someone offered me 100,000 sin sod for my daughter they would be wearing their skinflint tight arse for a hat.

You mean 100,000 is to much or not enough?? Good luck you that you will find the "loony tunes" that will pay 400,000 ++. NUTTIER THAN A FRUITCAKE!!!!!

I think you know I meant that it is not enough. Just because some people are cheap charlies' doesn't mean we all have to be. I will pay more than 400,000, (my choice) and I will be honest if I was a rich man I would pay a lot more.

There is no way I would cheapen our marriage 'negotiating' the money, I stated the amount and they will accept it. If you can afford it, what is the problem? Some people have different views on marrying over here, and yes, the rules would be different if I was marrying her in the UK.

What manner of a man could say to a womans' parents' that their daughter is not worth a decent sin sod.

[Gary A]

MOST of us will not be marrying an educated virgin. Most likely we will be getting a girl/lady who has been married before who probably has children. My best friend got married just this week and he paid nothing. His wife had been married before and has a grown son. My wife has never been legally married and has no children. I paid nothing. I would have been willing to pay sinsod to make her a big face but she said it wasn't necessary.

[KireB]

Hi i have been with my thai gf now for 3 years and we want to get married next year ans she has told me about the dowary thing,which i know about,she says that 200,000b would be ok as we dont have that much money,she said that her sister got married to a thai and that is what he paid,i have heard that farang pay anything into the millions,is 200,000b a fair price to be paid to her family,her dad is dead now and she has no children yet.any help would be good.thanks.

Dont listen to all the negativiy Bill. Choosing to marry a thai girl in thailand , then it only cricket (fair) to abide by thai traditions.

Good luck and congrats mate .

Wrong. In a cross cultural marriage both weddingly partners should abide by the traditions of two cultures!

[qwertz]

Hi i have been with my thai gf now for 3 years and we want to get married next year ans she has told me about the dowary thing,which i know about,she says that 200,000b would be ok as we dont have that much money,she said that her sister got married to a thai and that is what he paid,i have heard that farang pay anything into the millions,is 200,000b a fair price to be paid to her family,her dad is dead now and she has no children yet.any help would be good.thanks.

Dont listen to all the negativiy Bill. Choosing to marry a thai girl in thailand , then it only cricket (fair) to abide by thai traditions.

Good luck and congrats mate .

Wrong. In a cross cultural marriage both weddingly partners should abide by the traditions of two cultures!

That would mean one party paying a dowry and the other sin sod.

According to my elementary arithmetic, this would cancel out any mutual obligation.

And in case you haven't heard the news, cricketers too write their own rules these day.

The game isn't "cricket" any more.

[torito]

Hi i have been with my thai gf now for 3 years and we want to get married next year ans she has told me about the dowary thing,which i know about,she says that 200,000b would be ok as we dont have that much money,she said that her sister got married to a thai and that is what he paid,i have heard that farang pay anything into the millions,is 200,000b a fair price to be paid to her family,her dad is dead now and she has no children yet.any help would be good.thanks.

Dont listen to all the negativiy Bill. Choosing to marry a thai girl in thailand , then it only cricket (fair) to abide by thai traditions.

Good luck and congrats mate .

Wrong. In a cross cultural marriage both weddingly partners should abide by the traditions of two cultures!

That would mean one party paying a dowry and the other sin sod.

According to my elementary arithmetic, this would cancel out any mutual obligation.

And in case you haven't heard the news, cricketers too write their own rules these day.

The game isn't "cricket" any more.

It will be cheaper to pay than making the thais to understand these logic and calculations

[qwertz]

Yo Torito, ain't that the truth!

This is not just a Thai thing.

Logic tends to disappear when it comes to parting with money.

[scousemouse]

MOST of us will not be marrying an educated virgin. Most likely we will be getting a girl/lady who has been married before who probably has children. My best friend got married just this week and he paid nothing. His wife had been married before and has a grown son. My wife has never been legally married and has no children. I paid nothing. I would have been willing to pay sinsod to make her a big face but she said it wasn't necessary.

[/quote

I dont think you quite get it Gary , its not about paying , its about showing respect to your future wife's traditions.

Most of the time the women who don't want "sinsid - dowry" are the ones who have either been married before , have children from a previous relationship or have been around the block a few times ( I must emphasise no offence to anyone ) , thus they are tainted and happy to get a second chance ( in accordance to thai tradition , not us westerners ).

Just because every now and again you get some thai girl who thinks it is respectable for the future husband to show his respect by GIVING ( not paying ) a "sinsod - -dowary" does'nt make them money grabbers.

[qwertz]

Quote scousemouse

Most of the time the women who don't want "sinsid - dowry" are the ones who have either been married before , have children from a previous relationship or have been around the block a few times ( I must emphasise no offence to anyone

I wouldn't count on them refusing if it was offered.

[scousemouse]

Quote scousemouse

Most of the time the women who don't want "sinsid - dowry" are the ones who have either been married before , have children from a previous relationship or have been around the block a few times ( I must emphasise no offence to anyone

I wouldn't count on them refusing if it was offered.

Sawadee cap qwertz , of course the type of women I was referring to would refuse a dowry if they were offered it , my point was simply because they have had a previous relationship they would not care so much if they got a dowry or not , they would just be happy to have a loving husband .

[scousemouse]

Quote scousemouse

Most of the time the women who don't want "sinsid - dowry" are the ones who have either been married before , have children from a previous relationship or have been around the block a few times ( I must emphasise no offence to anyone

I wouldn't count on them refusing if it was offered.

Sawadee cap qwertz , of course the type of women I was referring to would refuse a dowry if they were offered it , my point was simply because they have had a previous relationship they would not care so much if they got a dowry or not , they would just be happy to have a loving husband .

Sawadee cap qwertz , of course the type of women I was referring to would'nt refuse a dowry if they were offered it , my point was simply because they have had a previous relationship they would not care so much if they got a dowry or not , they would just be happy to have a loving husband .

[Nebukanezar]

Man it seems like every month someone asks this question. really and truly it doesn't matter what anyone here says about a exact amount. It's like this, how valuable do you find a good relationship with her family to be? If you think a good relationship with them is of interest of worthwhile for you then by all means work something decent out. If they are more of a hindrance than help, do as you will. It really has less to do with the girl and more to do with how much you desire a good relationship with the family.

Simple as that.

[qwertz]

Quote scousemouse

Most of the time the women who don't want "sinsid - dowry" are the ones who have either been married before , have children from a previous relationship or have been around the block a few times ( I must emphasise no offence to anyone

I wouldn't count on them refusing if it was offered.

Sawadee cap qwertz , of course the type of women I was referring to would refuse a dowry if they were offered it , my point was simply because they have had a previous relationship they would not care so much if they got a dowry or not , they would just be happy to have a loving husband .

Scouse, careful how you use that word. Buying into any arrangement, wherever you are, in a society that equates love, respect and consideration with the amount you fork over is a kind of loving that you could later come to regret.

Remember the old Beatles song?

[Dakhar]

I didn't pay a dime, or give a dime! I scoff at the idea of it and my wife says her her market price was 2 million.... It anoys her when I laugh at that. I ask her if this is a business arangement, what do you bring to the table?

Ok I didn't pay a dime, big man eh? No I paid for her MEd in the US, and I paid for a turn key 7 unit town house complex.....

I should have paid the 2 million, found a comfortable hammock and let her sell noodles, you know, keeping with tradition & what not. At least then I would be retired. (essentially)

[Eastender]

I'll give my example. I paid 200,000 Baht. I was happy doing this as the next day the family took it and used it to buy the adjacent land and house which was empty since being in dispute with their cousins after a grandparent had died. Now they live in the new house. They didn't ask for any dowry though, it was my wife who insisted so she could leave her parents and live with me and have some piece of mind that her parents were living in a concrete home instaed of the ramshackled wooden home. After the wedding her parents gave us some pawned land which we've unpawned and will build on in the future. My wife was happy that her parents were comfortable. I was happy that she was happy. Me and my wife now live in the UK and are paying off debts because of this, but so what. On our last trip we stayed in the concrete house, was taken care of by the family, and checked out the land where we will build our future home.

[viciouskitty74]

Can we readjust the descriptions instead?

Dowry is what the wifes family gives to the gal to bring along after a marriage. It can be a gift from the family to the gal or the family to the couple.

Bride Price is Sinsod. The money/land/gifts to the Gal's Family.

Its less confusing this way.

PLEASE!

Edited May 26, 2007 by viciouskitty74

[a2396]

Any man who pays this sort of bribery is KOO-KOO. The whole concept is a corrupt practice that should have gone by the wayside 100 years ago. The reason that it exists is that it is a quick money maker for the families who will benefit. In many cases, such as mine, the couple and/or the wife get nothing back. The end result is a relationship that is tainted by money. Would she have married you, if you did not pay up? In most cases the answer is no. Would she rather have married a Thai man, who she really loved, but he had not enough money? The answer may be yes. I know two (cases) like this whose families refused the Thai man, because he did not have any (or enough) money. The alternative for the girl - marry a Farang. Not exactly the formula for a lasting and loving relationship.

[KireB]

Man it seems like every month someone asks this question. really and truly it doesn't matter what anyone here says about a exact amount. It's like this, how valuable do you find a good relationship with her family to be? If you think a good relationship with them is of interest of worthwhile for you then by all means work something decent out. If they are more of a hindrance than help, do as you will. It really has less to do with the girl and more to do with how much you desire a good relationship with the family.

Simple as that.

Money doesn't buy respect!

And if it does, I don't want it.

It's so easy to give in and have an relaxed realtionship with her family, but on the long term it might hurt you more and more. Stick with your principles and if she stays with you, she really loves you.

You might have to move back home one day (visa problems, civil unrest, sickness in your family) and you better be sure that she and your future offspring will follow you. If she loves you, she will.

You can support the family in a different way, you can buy them food, you can buy school supllies for the kids, you can put your gf/wife through a good university, you can.....