Great Farang-thai Relationships...(marriage...whatever)

[villagefarang]

I can't believe that I'm the only happily married guy out there. Speak up and give your ideas on what it takes to have a really great Thai-Farang relationship. How do you do it? Maybe you can help some guy who doesn't have a clue.

Edited May 22, 2007 by villagefarang

[GuestHouse]

Rest assured, you are not the only guy happily married to a Thai woman.

I live in marital bliss with my wife, despite her being Thai...

I think the basis of our good relationship is good foundations, mutual respect, shared expectations, shared experience, shared values.

A great deal of good fortune and the ability to take something positive together when fortune has not been so generous.

And last but not least, a huge dollop of good humor.

[LoveDaBlues]

I hate GH. He always gets it right. Well, almost always!

I would add this. If you live in Thailand and don't have the ability to laugh at yourself from time to time then you probably won't be happy here. Come to think of it, I guess that applies almost anywhere!

[girlx]

one word: communication

[jackmuu]

Speak the language

Learn the customs

Respect the traditions

Take charge and be the boss (most important)

[phazey]

Trust & Friendship.

[Dakhar]

I think the language is a key ellement if not the key ellement.

I know my relationship was much better in the US where we both could function. Her Englsih is excellent. Now in Thailand we have a lot of rocky times. I know part of it is the psychological impact on me... due to language difficulties & I have been here for a year.

Hard roads lay ahead, and I just hope we survive.

It is hard to take control, as suggested when you don't have the language skills.

[villagefarang]

It can't be that simple. I agree with everything you say for the most part but there must be something else. In cross cultural relationships there is perhaps less chance of have things in common but there are added layers of complexity that can make things more interesting or more difficult. As well a humor and not taking yourself too seriously I think you need to figure out who is bringing what to the dance. Even with a 20 year age gap and very different background and initially very different expectations ours still works. And it definitely isn't because I'm the "boss". I got great results by helping her to find out who she was. Giving her greater responsibility helped to create a more responsible person. A little care, support, confidence building and understanding and I marvel at the growth and progress. I figure you get better results by providing a fertile environment to grow than by bossing then into submission. I have never had to say no or raise my voice. We just talk things out. It did help in the beginning that I spoke Thai but now we converse in English much of the time.

[Maigo6]

My other half is very quiet and is never confrontational ( maybe she suffers in silence ) !

As you will note from my posts, I am also non confrontational, so we get along just fine.

[uptou]

imo time away from each other is important.being together 24hrs a day can get strained.

[villagefarang]

imo time away from each other is important.being together 24hrs a day can get strained.

We are together all the time and companionship is probably our strongest trait. That coming from a guy that was voted least likely to ever settle down by the guys that knew him best. After 20 years of philandering I was a very bad bet but we have been inseparable since we met 10 years ago. The hardest thing for me was to find a girl who was open to new things and Thai-enough but not too Thai. How many Thai girls have you known who will hike the Grand Canyon or Skydive in Hawaii or spend weeks on the road exploring nature and not shopping, smoking, gambling or drinking? How many can cross the social divide and hang with high-so or low-so with equal ease and grace.

Edited May 22, 2007 by villagefarang

[jetjock]

I do not believe that what it takes for a great Thai-farang relationship is any different than any other type of relationship. I believe that desire, trust, respect, and commitment are essential and communication is the main key to any type of long lasting love relationship. The big difference in a Thai-farang relationship is that the some of the essentials for a great relationship are harder to achieve due to the cultural and language differences.

If you have those essentials in your relationship and you can honestly say that your spouse is your best friend, lover and companion then you have definitely won the lottery. I have a Thai wife and I consider myself to be the biggest jackpot winner of all time. I hope that all of my fellow members on TV have found or will find similar good fortune.

[torito]

I have always felt that love is something I have inside myself, and that a woman is the light that enable this feeling to be unchained. So I can love a woman even without have a relationship with her. I call it love. It may be something else. But it is the only I feel.

Love dies in me with frequency, but it does it just to be born again.

I have great fun with the girls I have been with as my girsfriends. I will not marry becuase I know I will be unfaithfull, so I have never given them a false expectation. I cannot comit myself to something I know I will fail. But in contrast with this I have always beleived that a relationship demand responsibility.

Becuase I have a notion of a Thai reality, I have taken care of my girfriends (and their families) the best I have been able to, ensuring that they have a better future than when we met. Things have worked well for me and I think I have had great relationships in that way, as I think I am understood. I have always given my best and I have always received back what I price millions times of what I have given.

When I see couples that appears loving each other, or when I read in here guys talking with so much love for their wifes I have a great feeling of happiness and emotion, and I wish them the best.....it should be the greatest thing in life to love a person, and just this person, all one's life.

[Ijustwannateach]

one word: communication

This is very important- especially the willingness to learn what the other partner considers to be communication.

On my side, I've learned more of the non-verbal cues that Thais would expect others to recognise, and to anticipate very quickly based on what I know about them what they need, and try to help out appropriately.

On their side, I would expect a greater than usual willingness to try to verbalise their thoughts and feelings.

As a combo, we may have to have more discussions than a Thai couple would normally have about things, but would formulate them less frequently as arguments or confrontations than an American couple.

"S"

[colino]

not speaking the same lingo ,,, works for us ,,

only joking being relaxed and letting go of some western ways and a sence of humour helps alot

[Edonista]

I can't believe that I'm the only happily married guy out there. Speak up and give your ideas on what it takes to have a really great Thai-Farang relationship. How do you do it? Maybe you can help some guy who doesn't have a clue.

Money. A lot of it.

That's why I prefer not to do it.

[Edonista]

Rest assured, you are not the only guy happily married to a Thai woman.

I live in marital bliss with my wife, despite her being Thai...

I think the basis of our good relationship is good foundations, mutual respect, shared expectations, shared experience, shared values.

A great deal of good fortune and the ability to take something positive together when fortune has not been so generous.

And last but not least, a huge dollop of good humor.

Are you serious ?

[villagefarang]

not speaking the same lingo ,,, works for us ,,

only joking being relaxed and letting go of some western ways and a sence of humour helps alot

For me communication is important but Thais often think we talk things to death. I used to agree that limited language skills helped to keep people from over-talking things. That was until I got so I could over-talk things in Thai too. Now I'm back to speaking English and not really doing anything Thai.

[torito]

Edonista, you are a sick man...

you are a young fellow and your soul is already f**** up....go and do something for yourself and live alobe those who believe in something...

---------------------------------

A poem for those in love with their wifes....

THE QUEEN

Pablo Neruda

I have appointed you queen.

There are greater than you, greater.

There are purer than you, purer.

There are more beautiful than you, there are.

But you are the queen.

When you walk through the streets

no one recognizes you.

No one sees your crystal crown, no one notices

the carpet of red gold

you tread as you pass,

the carpet that does not exist.

And when you appear

all the rivers roar

in my body, bells

shake the heavens,

and the world is filled with a hymn.

Only you and I,

only you and I, my love,

only we, hear it.

Edited May 22, 2007 by torito

[villagefarang]

I was hoping that this thread would not lead to name calling. I was never a believer in marriage and told my wife from the beginning that I didn't want to get married or have kids. I still stick by the no kids rule but have never been happier than I am with my married life. If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone. Remember it took me 20 years and some pretty embarrassing numbers before I changed.

[villagefarang]

Sorry I think I hit the wrong key.

Edited May 22, 2007 by villagefarang

[Maizefarmer]

I can't believe that I'm the only happily married guy out there. Speak up and give your ideas on what it takes to have a really great Thai-Farang relationship. How do you do it? Maybe you can help some guy who doesn't have a clue.

Same things that make a marriage/relationships work elsewhere in the world - no less, no more.

[qwertz]

It doesn't really matter who or what you partner is, it will be a shaky relationship when based only on love, passion, money or physical attraction.

If it begins without friendship it will almost certainly end without it too.

[garro]

We both share similar interests.......me.

Only joking. Neither of us take ourselves too seriously. We laugh a lot. My wife understands my moods and I usually understand hers. We don't press each other's buttons. We hardly ever argue. Neither of us is money motivated which is just as well I will never have much.

My wife is very nurturing and now that she is pregnant she is completely blooming.

The ability to communicate is very important.

Somebody once told me, and I think it makes sense, that a relationship is more likely to work if you both share either the same culture or religion. If both of these are different it makes it harder. I was Buddhist before coming to Thailand ( in fact it is the reason I came) and I think it does help mutual understanding.

[villagefarang]

It doesn't really matter who or what you partner is, it will be a shaky relationship when based only on love, passion, money or physical attraction.

If it begins without friendship it will almost certainly end without it too.

Not sure I agree with that one. We started off with the physical being the most important thing. Fortunately it grew into something more but we both still like the idea of being a sexual object in each others eyes. There is something very primal and reassuring about being seen as attractive and desirable by your spouse.

[Ijustwannateach]

Great poem, Torito, thanks for that. I haven't read enough of his work; I'm sure it goes even better in Spanish, too.

[bkkmick]

Another important word patience. Sometimes being from different cultures can be testing and to be patient at those times is very important. We've just passed the six years happily married. There were times I guess that we both could have smacked the each other but a bit of patience went a long way.

Edited May 22, 2007 by bkkmick

[villagefarang]

We both share similar interests.......me.

Only joking. Neither of us take ourselves too seriously. We laugh a lot. My wife understands my moods and I usually understand hers. We don't press each other's buttons. We hardly ever argue. Neither of us is money motivated which is just as well I will never have much.

My wife is very nurturing and now that she is pregnant she is completely blooming.

The ability to communicate is very important.

Somebody once told me, and I think it makes sense, that a relationship is more likely to work if you both share either the same culture or religion. If both of these are different it makes it harder. I was Buddhist before coming to Thailand ( in fact it is the reason I came) and I think it does help mutual understanding.

You are probably right but being tolerant and understanding can do the job sometimes. My wife believes in much of the Thai stuff and I on the other hand have no time for any kind of superstition, magic or gods. It doesn't seem to be a problem though as we don't need to reinforce our beliefs by forcing them on each other or anyone else.

[Dakhar]

regarding control

by control, i mean control of one's self. Language ability gives one the control over ones needs etc.

For example, I needed some glue.... now, in the US, I just jump in the car & go get some glue.

Here... I either bother the wife, or I wait until we happen upon some glue while out on the town together.

So I just wait for the glue, rather than bother her...... Eventually these small little sacrifices of control adds up, and when the wife does something that may appear to intentionally take what little control the husband may have over their life.... things start to escalate pretty rapidlly.

I guess control can also mean... "space." I don't know what the answer is, I just hope we can survive, and in my case, I think the language is key.

[canuckamuck]

It’s not so much of meeting the right person as being the right person. I know that’s a cliché, but it is how I navigate the frustrating parts.

Communication disconnect, is the source of most of the friction, and the fact that making bad decisions is a 90 percent probability among the gang I hang out with.

Just because there is a better way to do something, doesn’t make it more important than being a team player.

But you don’t have to be a shmuck either. I pick my battles, and insist on having things my way quite often. When you get it right, they forget you didn’t play by the rules. And if you keep a cool head you won’t look the fool either way. Love is patient.

My marriage just keeps on getting better, and I think she really enjoys seeing a bigger perspective than what she grew up with.