THE WEEK THAT WAS Rooster’s Saturday sermon: On learning Thai and finally growing up in a bilingual household!

[webfact]

 

For those caught by surprise at last week’s column appearing early, join the club! It’s a permanent feature now meaning that Christians will not be tempted by the snake that is Rooster, possibly missing Sunday church, while the rest of us Pagans can enjoy a decent laugh a day  earlier.

 

So welcome to my Saturday Sermon now in its 304th Edition. 

 

Before I give a rundown of the main points of interest in this week’s Thai news on ASEAN NOW, events in my household this week had me musing on learning Thai and growing up in a bilingual household. Not just my chicks aged five and nearly nine; Rooster and the wife are growing up too, little by little.

 

I’m penning this in the hope that some of my experiences might help the reader, particularly those with children in Thai/Non-Thai relationships who may be a little more enlightened and hopefully more relaxed about parenthood and language acquisition. 

 

For the rest of you without kids….get a life by making some. Or hopefully just have some laughs along the way.

 

Firstly a little about my background in work, marriage and rearing nippers. (Please feel free to skip a few paragraphs if you think you've heard it all before, you probably have, but I think this is pertinent for new readers. If you do persevere I can guarantee a few new titters).

 

I married a schizophrenic (I was later to find out) Thai woman in 1990 so I didn’t have to go to Penang every few months to get a visa stamp.

 

The only slight impediment to my new life of freedom, 24/7 in Thailand, was that two screaming kids followed in 1992 and 1994. When the first of these arrived Rooster and Mrs R version one decided to live together. 

 

I was blessed. My wife drove me to distraction but I fell in love with the children who taught me responsibility and took the edge off my big-headedness. Just the edge you understand.

 

Soon after their birth I became a Thai teacher at Bangkok Patana international school. This after I’d been a complete failure at languages at school (I bungled A-level French miserably despite having a bilingual dad and learning Francais since I was 8.I put my middle finger up to languages in my first lesson German after Mr McCloy said: ”Das ist ein Finger”, suggesting Deutsch was a breeze. Result was grade “D” at O-Level. Nicht sehr gut, mon vieux.)

 

I’d thrown myself 16 hours a day into learning spoken Thai in the mid 1980s but got lucky realizing the potential down the line of being able to read and write. I taught myself via Linguaphone and quickly became half decent by reading crime magazines about the gore on the roads and the latest rapist or murderer. There were plenty to keep me occupied. 

 

At Patana I learned the trade of school mastership, though my Thai didn’t improve as much as my ability to tolerate shortsighted headmasters. I wrote a Thai for foreigners curriculum that grew dust. The hierarchy didn’t see the value in Thai for non-Thais and I was eventually relieved of my employment. 

 

Relief being the operative word for in 1998 I was offered a chance to triple my salary and front the Thai Studies department at Harrow (now in Don Muang). My own kids who had enjoyed free education at Patana followed me to Harrow. I had to pay 15% of their fees for a few years - quite a tidy sum - but later this was stopped. The headmaster who changed that bugbear became a friend despite him being a Doctor of Theology. 

 

At Harrow I taught both foreigners and Thais to speak, read and write, as appropriate through language lessons and via a cultural curriculum I devised. My motto was to teach kids something their Thai parents didn’t know about their culture, usually based on something obscure in the North East. It worked.

 

I was instrumental in setting up the Cambridge First Language Thai exams in Thailand that have now been sat by thousands of Thais (mostly) in the kingdom. 

 

My daughter got a B (to go with her seven A* at IGCSE) while my son got a G!    

 

Questions raised about the head of department in light of his own children’s performance? Not a bit of it. 

I was always quite practical about the problems similarly faced by Thais and “luuk khreaung” (the term for mixed nationality children) at international schools. 

 

The Thais were overwhelmingly encouraged to speak and think in English. At one point some misguided expat teachers tried to instigate a “no Thai” policy in the corridors as well as classrooms. I responded to this violation of their human rights by putting a Thai sticker with a “tick” on it outside my classrooms. 

 

I walked a political and cultural tightrope at Harrow. When I slipped the safety net was always the support of the pretty ladies in my department as much as personal guile and political acumen.

 

It was true to say that the Hi-So parents were understandably more keen about English and ensuring their children went to swanky foreign universities; many did just that thanks to the considerable talents of teachers far more able than I.

 

But the humble Rooster (don’t laugh) was determined that the Thai students should A) never forget their Thai heritage (quite easy) and B) should not forget the value of learning to read and write Thai (much harder).

 

However, I was quite successful even in the latter. One day the wife of the owner of Poseidon massage parlor (recently it has gone down the pandemic pan) came to my office to demand that her precious son be allowed to forgo the Cambridge exam and, in her words, do something more useful.

 

Keep calm, Rooster, you’re under attack. Fight back. 

 

I smiled my best Thai smile (that in reality reeks of “not on your life you disgraceful hussy”), got up from behind my desk and did something I only did a few times over a 15 year career at Harrow.

 

Shut my office door lest my Thai ladies who did most of the donkey work in the department heard my tirade and led to a loss of face for Mrs Poseidon).

 

She left with her flipper between her legs ten minutes later after I reminded her of her and her son’s  nationality and we ‘agreed’ that he would sit the exam after all.

 

My underlings had heard my Thai tirade through the door and smiled when she’d left. Rooster 1 Poseidon 0, after extra time with no own goals.

 

My kids grew up in an international school bubble. Their friends were all English speakers (they shied AWAY from Thai speakers and though they learned spoken Thai from their doting mother, their English was dominant and in reading overwhelmingly so). 

 

With the added impetus of annual holidays in England and Scotland (where English is also semi-spoken) they became Thais who were very Anglofied, if I may coin a term.

 

My son lives in Liverpool where he checks up on people with Covid (a job with prospects) and my daughter is some kind of financial whizz (I once saw a paper she wrote at Oxford using language I didn’t recognize...it was English).

 

I quit the chalk-face in 2013 and have never returned. But, in a new relationship with the current Mrs Rooster, we have had two more children. One has a Scrabble name and the other’s initials are THFC. Yes, at age 52, despite the raised eyebrows of some former colleagues, I embarked on Family #2. But differently...

 

‘Triple Word Score’ and ‘Spurs' are having a very different bilingual and school upbringing. I’m no longer rich and can’t afford international school. In fact I don’t really want it for them. They go across the road from my condo (or did pre-pandemic) to a Thai school (fees about 150K a year for two compared to Harrow at closer to two million) with a strong English language program. 

 

Like with my first two kids despite my quite reasonable Thai I only speak English, model my mother tongue with them. (It is regretful that my own father, as a native French speaker, did not pass on his language to me. He spoke English with my Cockney mum and I appreciate why. Me and my siblings would have ignored him. But I was determined to not make the same 'mistake'. In fact at Harrow and Patana I cautioned many Thai parents - anxious to impress - NOT to speak English with their offspring but pass on THEIR native tongue and leave English to us natives at school).

 

My first brood only spoke English together. And how they loved to diss their unaware mother! My second set, overwhelmingly immersed in Thai through their school and a mother who, admittedly, spends more time with them than me, speak Thai when alone together.

 

When they speak Thai together when in a three with me I usually admonish them mildly. I did this a little too forcefully this week, prompting some strife and hence this article. 

 

As a family of four we all switch happily from one language to another (if I want to make a specific rude point with the missus I use Japanese which usually sends her off into a tirade about how I love the Japanese more than Thais; I once had a girlfriend from the Land of the Rising Sun who got a rise outa me…)

 

I do feel, despite some things in this piece that might sound like edicts, that one shouldn’t be too ‘anal’ about your own language learning or that of your children. Stick to the basics and immerse your kids in language - whatever it is. Concentrate on their language environment. Educate them to THINK and REASON in both by setting a good example. 

 

My second brood may well work and settle down in Thailand, something my older ones are unlikely to ever do. At least that will give their mother something not to complain about!

 

Yes, immerse your children in ideas, words and correct syntax. And avoid my mistakes. One was banning cartoons in Thai for my elder ones. My mates and I were so worried about their English at the time; this was unwarranted.

 

And try your best with your Thai spouse - whether male or female - to instill a love of reading in two languages. This is not easy but worth persevering with.

 

After all being truly bilingual is really a Holy Grail. 

 

It’s something I will NEVER achieve though I usually think in Thai when speaking it, producing my 80-90% correct syntax! 

 

My own Thai language development is quite interesting. Spoken Thai has remained relatively static having plateaued in the early 1990s. But reading and writing is a very different 'kettle of fish' (เรื่องยุ่งเหยิง reuang yung yerng and not really หม้อปลา,mor plaa, as Google translate suggested!)

 

Google translate, though improving, is still absurd and keeps us translators in Thailand in a job. To wit, I started translating at Thaivisa, now ASEAN NOW, in 2016 which leads me onto my final point.

The value of that immersion.

 

Since 2016 I must have read tens of millions of words of Thai and opened my online dictionary thousands of times. This has enormously improved my Thai reading and my writing somewhat. 

 

At Patana I got an A in a translating exam but I would only have got a C in the native speaker Cambridge exam that I never sat for fear the Head of Department might be rumbled!

 

However, now I’d sail an A* with luuk cherry on top….

 

For those struggling with spoken Thai I urge you to persevere and if possible immerse; the benefits are enormous and never think you’re too old to learn. That’s a tame excuse and one I’m debunking now. 

 

And never underestimate the value of learning to read and write Thai alongside speaking. It can help enormously with figuring out the correct tonal sound of Thai without trusting western ears. 

 

And who knows, like me it could one day become the most valuable “thing” you possess. 

 

Except those wonderful bilingual children of course!

 

With a new selector of stories to translate this week after my previous editor sought pastures new, readers might be forgiven for thinking there was an explosion of crime. 

 

No, Thailand has always been like that. Wild and very dangerous for the unwary!

 

Many stories featured this week involved rape - one of a father’s own son’s 15 year old girlfriend - and Ya Ba rampages, one by a loony who threatened to burn down his mother’s house after she refused to give him enough for another pill and who got enraged when she put in CCTV for her own protection!

 

A lady boy with a machete smashed up a bank crying “Let me into my home”. This was a faithful Rooster translation from Sanook so don’t blame the messenger please. 

 

Acquaintances of a seller of  “luuk chup” (marzipan imitation fruits) said she’d disappeared with 20 million baht of their money. One called her an e-dork online. That’s not an e-flower by the way, more like a wilted rose of Nana fame.

 

Big Joke - Lt-Gen Surachate Hakpan, once head of Immigration -  appeared everywhere; it was like days of yore, popping up to solve illegal fishing then going to a temple to sort out crime against children. 

 

Methinks history may repeat itself and lead to a second downfall unless the Jokester has learned from his previous booboos stepping on toes. 

 

In the Bangkok suburbs a Ya Ba and booze fueled man hijacked an 18 wheel truck/trailer at gunpoint then led Highway Plod on a 54 km chase. When he eventually crashed he blurted out that he’d shot and killed someone. 

 

Fortunately other motorists in Samut Sakhon and Thonburi survived this nutter.

 

Meanwhile road accidents too numerous to mention made sure that Thai population expansion was kept in check. Like me you’ve probably become somewhat inured to the carnage. Maybe that’s the aim of the political elite - just let it carry on until we ignore it….

 

Anutin was rarely off the news pages again this week, less because of Covid and more because of his favorite hobby-horse, marijuana. 

 

But despite the rhetoric - and his Bhumjai Thai party’s manifesto  boasts - the only thing that is getting high in Thailand is the prices at the supermarkets. The weed you’ll be allowed to grow - after getting permission - is hemp. Maybe with some help you could extract some legal oil to alleviate some medical complaints. 

 

I find that just makes me hungry so I’ll probably die of obesity rather than a bad back. 

 

On Wednesday we were told about a Hungarian who was really in the goulash. Immigration threw him into the Suan Phlu gulag after he was caught on 4,254 days overstay having scampered from Hungary on a tourist visa in 2010 because he’d committed a huge insurance fraud.

 

Incidentally the new chief at Suan Phlu is Lt-Gen Phakphumphiphat Sajjaphan. Quite a mouthful and deterrent enough to anyone thinking of overstaying their visa!

 

Though I expect given time he’ll be Big This or Big That so that his name rolls off the Thai tongue with increased aplomb.

 

We were introduced to a new term for the inability to sleep during the ongoing pandemic - CORONASOMNIA. 

 

Personally, me and Mrs R have no problem entering the land of Seesip Winks. We’re too knackered after teaching our kids online all day.

 

Still light is at the end of the tunnel; apparently the Thais are soon to unilaterally declare that the pandemic is now endemic. Thank goodness for that.

 

All hail Prayut, our leader who art in khaki, hollow be thy name. (Apropos, some readers last week seemed a little foxed by irony and satire - I was not off my rocker just teetering on the brink!).

 

In international news this week I’d like to refer to sport and by that I don’t mean the Hunting of Boris by the UK press and baying public.

 

England’s cricketers collapsed again this time in Hobart and failed to score even one innings of 300 in the series against Australia. 

 

The Aussies deported Novax apparently pleasing the majority and thoroughly upsetting Serbia. 

Everton sacked Spaniard Rafa Benitez after a chaotic seven months.

 

Australian Neil Robertson was kindly let in by the Brits and promptly won a quarter of a million sobs at the snooker Masters at Alexandra Palace.

 

I once played a Scrabble championship there - I won an out of date dictionary. 

 

Back in Thailand it was good to see that the locals had got their priorities right. A coconut plantation owner had shored up a leaning banana tree after fruits had mysteriously appeared out of the trunk.

 

What with a frond resembling a Naga it was clear that this would herald a lottery win. I didn’t remember to check if the number of bananas and “wiis” (combs) had come up in the draw - I didn't need to.

 

Mrs R gleefully bounced in and  announced that she’d won 2,000 baht and we would enjoy a slap-up dinner. She then asked for 500 baht to buy it.

 

Why do I always lose even though I never buy a lottery ticket?

 

Finally, loathe him or hate him, My Mate Nate reared his head above the YouTube parapet again this week.

 

Yes, Nathan Bartling, erstwhile son of Utah, was splitting up with his Thai wife Wannabe Mee (no thanks).

It was complicated but they’d agreed, amid the tears, to go their separate ways. Sniff, sniff.

 

JonnyF said it best on the forum:

“This is terrible news. Ruined my day”.

 

Garygooner asked: “Is this really even news?” Well ASEAN NOW got three pages of comments and more clicks than a wonky Thai made gun.

 

Jingthing said more pertinently that (11 million) subscribers was really amazing especially for a channel aimed at Thais. Very true.

 

As for Rooster…..

 

I miss the weekly exploits a few years ago of aging and bald US businessman Harold and his ex-porn star wife Nat. 

 

Now that was really news!

Rooster
 

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[BritManToo]

That was a long one.

[Tropicalevo]

Whatever happened to Harold?

[topt]

14 minutes ago, Tropicalevo said:

Whatever happened to Harold?

Who cares......if you had said Nat then that may have generated more interest 

[Lacessit]

I was talking today with a 51 yo massage lady, who complimented me on my Thai. Not that it is fluent, but adequate. She spoke quite reasonable English. She was lamenting the fact her English boyfriend ( 67 yo ) had mastered the Thai language to the extent of sawadee krap and kopkhun krap.

Which leads me to this question - is the willingness or reluctance to learn Thai correlated with nationality, age, or IQ?

[unblocktheplanet]

Forgive my maths, but I think Rooster said it costs B75k to send each Scrabbler to a Thai school. Isn't Thai education free? Or do they go to a bilingual school or Thai school with English programme?

 

For most parents, this is not affordable!

[BritManToo]

4 minutes ago, unblocktheplanet said:

Forgive my maths, but I think Rooster said it costs B75k to send each Scrabbler to a Thai school. Isn't Thai education free? Or do they go to a bilingual school or Thai school with English programme?

 

For most parents, this is not affordable!

My local government school charges 6kbht/term.

It's supposedly free but if you don't pay for the 'extras' they won't let your kid attend.

Some might consider it extortion. 

[BostonRob2]

19 minutes ago, unblocktheplanet said:

Forgive my maths, but I think Rooster said it costs B75k to send each Scrabbler to a Thai school. Isn't Thai education free? Or do they go to a bilingual school or Thai school with English programme?

 

For most parents, this is not affordable!

Thai school with quite a few good expatriate English teachers. Total fees for two kids per year with add ons about 150/160K. I don't consider that very much. 

[crouchpeter]

13 hours ago, Lacessit said:

I was talking today with a 51 yo massage lady, who complimented me on my Thai. Not that it is fluent, but adequate. She spoke quite reasonable English. She was lamenting the fact her English boyfriend ( 67 yo ) had mastered the Thai language to the extent of sawadee krap and kopkhun krap.

Which leads me to this question - is the willingness or reluctance to learn Thai correlated with nationality, age, or IQ?

As my wife explained to the girls at the Amphur, we don't learn Thai because we're here under sufferance, have no rights or security, and it's a subtle way of showing our contempt for the Thai bureaucracy!

[Lacessit]

12 minutes ago, crouchpeter said:

As my wife explained to the girls at the Amphur, we don't learn Thai because we're here under sufferance, have no rights or security, and it's a subtle way of showing our contempt for the Thai bureaucracy!

I never fail to be amused by the description, used by US officialdom of any other nationality, as aliens. Yes sir, I have landed in my space ship from Alpha Centauri and would like to enter America.

You think Thai bureaucracy knows or cares about your contempt? That's like an ant crawling up the backside of an elephant with intent to rape.

I've found every path is smoother being able to converse in Thai, from getting a leaking tire fixed, to inquiring when an avocado will be ripe for eating.

Thais love a joke, and they do get my attempts in somewhat clumsy Thai. Works quite well with the ladies, as well as the men.

It's somewhat sad you don't realize your anger at a very minor component of life here is blocking you from greater enjoyment of this country.

[unblocktheplanet]

13 hours ago, BostonRob2 said:

Thai school with quite a few good expatriate English teachers. Total fees for two kids per year with add ons about 150/160K. I don't consider that very much. 

Too much for most ordinary Thais who want their kids to do better than they, though.

[ivor bigun]

31 minutes ago, unblocktheplanet said:

Too much for most ordinary Thais who want their kids to do better than they, though.

our son did his junior years in school in Britain ,then here in Thailand at a private school ,they even got him to teach English classes in his final year ,he now runs a company ,every penny we spent on him was worth it 

[sawadee1947]

I didn't read to the end. 

Too boring.

Too much bragging.

????????

[GarryP]

4 minutes ago, sawadee1947 said:

I didn't read to the end. 

Too boring.

Too much bragging.

????????

Boasting, are you? 

[clivebaxter]

13 minutes ago, sawadee1947 said:

I didn't read to the end. 

Too boring.

Too much bragging.

????????

It always is, but interesting he got the sack from Patana, the best School in Bkk IMO and went to Harrow. Been to both, Harrow is like a championship team, Patana more like the top of the premiership. ????

[MUSTYJACK]

Rooster is an apt name for the author of this  strutting self congratulating cocksure piece of fluff.

 

Just wondering though, where did you obtain your teaching qualification? Was it in the UK before you moved to Thailand? 

 

 

[Stevemercer]

'And try your best with your Thai spouse - whether male or female - to instill a love of reading in two languages. This is not easy but worth persevering with.'

 

I sometimes wonder if the rather simple structure of written Thai hinders or enhances Thai literature.

 

For example, English literature is rich and vafied with a long history. Maybe Thai is too within the constraints of the smaller population speaking the language. 

 

Is English or Thai better for creating great literature, fiction or in disseminating new learnings. Maybe it just depends on the culture one is brought up on. For example, I've got no doubt Thai would be much better for Thai bilingual readers in story-telling, fiction based in Thailand or in telling Thai history, given the cultural nuances/meanings. 

 

Maybe it is the same for English literature. A Thai (bilingual) reader might miss many of the nuances that a native reader would appreciate.

 

[DefaultName]

So, Rooster on a Saturday.

Is this tied in with no news email on a Sunday?

[KhunMorris]

I've heard some exquisite Thai spoken around the Chonburi area. Only last night did I hear a gentleman enquire if a young lady would 'Boom boom toot mai'.

 

Just colourful and poetic vernacular.

 

Lovely.

 

Kudos to the expat community for making such an effort.

 

Sincerely 

 

MORRIS

Ex Bar Owner 

[BostonRob2]

6 hours ago, clivebaxter said:

It always is, but interesting he got the sack from Patana, the best School in Bkk IMO and went to Harrow. Been to both, Harrow is like a championship team, Patana more like the top of the premiership. ????

Both schools have their merits, though Harrow has a far superior Thai department. ????

 

[BostonRob2]

2 hours ago, DefaultName said:

So, Rooster on a Saturday.

Is this tied in with no news email on a Sunday?

Yes. Every Saturday from now on. 

[BostonRob2]

6 hours ago, MUSTYJACK said:

Rooster is an apt name for the author of this  strutting self congratulating cocksure piece of fluff.

 

Just wondering though, where did you obtain your teaching qualification? Was it in the UK before you moved to Thailand? 

 

 

Qualifications are overrated; children are far better off in the hands of inspirational teachers. 

[Stargeezr]

Say. Does anyone know where Phuket extra, news video went to? I haven't hear from JP Mestanza

since December. Sorry I did not know where on the forum to ask this question.

[Neeranam]

On 1/22/2022 at 11:42 AM, webfact said:

My own Thai language development is quite interesting. Spoken Thai has remained relatively static having plateaued in the early 1990s. But reading and writing is a very different 'kettle of fish' (เรื่องยุ่งเหยิง reuang yung yerng and not really หม้อปลา,mor plaa, as Google translate suggested!)

Interesting, my Thai hasn't improved much since 2000. I never read these days.