Kids v no kids

[Sparktrader]

Do kids make your life better? I never had any. 48yo still could but cant be bothered really. Sometimes I wish i had 1 or 2.

 

What you do you think?

If you had no kids are you happy with decision?

If you had kids was it worth it?

 

 

[1FinickyOne]

I have had kids fall into my life. We are raising a soon to be 17 year old niece. She's great. 

 

I think someone, maybe you, recently raised the question of 'purpose in life' - - when in my 20s a freind of mine and I used to talk about this - she told me that she spoke w/another friend who said, 'when you have a kid, you stop asking that question.'

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

I have no kids and I don't want any kids. Here are some reasons.

 

If I would have kids then I would try to do my best for my kids. That includes good parental care, good school, a house with a garden, etc.

 

Kids, especially in Thailand, are very expensive. Spending 1 million THB per year or even more for one child in a good school is not unusual.

I think kids should grow up in a house with a garden, maybe in a quiet street, something like that. Up country that is easy, in Bangkok that is very expensive.

I don't think it is a good idea to let the grand parents look after the children all the time. But it seems that is what happens in Thailand a lot. Is that great for the kids? I have my doubts.

I am sure if I would have a pretty girl as my child I would worry a lot. I know some fathers who bring their girls everywhere with a car because they don't want that the girls are alone on the streets.

I know lots of fathers with kids and an ex. They still pay for them but often the kids don't want to see the father and/or don't like the father.

 

If someone really likes kids and is ready to spend lots of time with the kids and is able to afford them and has a loving wife then please go ahead. If not then don't.

And don't have children with the idea in the back of your head that they will take care of you when you are old. They won't! Or ar least you can't rely on the fact that they want to take care of you.

Edited April 20, 2022 by OneMoreFarang

[Bangkokhatter]

I was a committed no kids person until my mid 40's.

 

That was until i had a long term relationship here with a girl who had 2 kids (only 1 lived with us). Unfortunately the relationship did not work out but it did open my eyes to how much different life with children is, and i found i quite enjoyed the difference.

When courting the wife she made it clear she wanted kids so after some thought i agreed.

Now the proud father of a 6 year old daughter and have absolutely no regrets. 

Marrying her mother is a different story ????

[richard_smith237]

It's a completely individual preference and choice for most people. 

 

I have friends who are perfectly happy without kids (UK and Thailand).

I have friends who tried so hard to have kids (succeeded eventually) - (UK and Thailand).

I have friends who didn’t want kids, but ended up with them (UK and Thailand).

 

Personally, I always wanted kids...  I’m happy I met my Wife and we both wanted kids... 

I was late 30’s when my Son was born, I wish I’d had children earlier and perhaps two instead of one. 

 

But... having kids is expensive, school fee’s are incredible (about 800k baht per year), then of course there is simply the additional costs....  But wow is it worth it...  

 

I didn’t bother with the 'purpose in life thread’....   but this one I’ll add, having a child gave my life new purpose. Before my purposes in life was to enjoy it, that meant working hard, so I could enjoy life. 

 

Now, the purpose in life means being prepared to make compromises I never would have before to ensure a stable life and future for my son....   the goal is to enjoy life as much as possible with my Wife and Son, but its also to guarantee security for his future - that means providing the be possible education I can for him while providing the most stable and grounded parenting for him.

 

That involves doing what I like, what I enjoy, what my son likes, what he enjoys, what my Wife likes what she enjoys....  and the sometimes doing our own things... ensuring we are all happy and sometimes that involves compromise by each of us - we make a good team and I enjoy it a lot.

 

 

 

 

 

[richard_smith237]

Kids vs no kids is always going to be a difficult discussion because those without kids have no idea what its like. Those with kids have no idea what it's like to be at that stage of their life without kids. 

 

So, had I never had children I could have been perfect happy. But now that I have a child I am exceptionally happy.

[Grecian]

after 50 i found living for my own pleasures doesn't seem to cut it anymore.

I'm 54 now and 55% of me wishes I had found someone when l was your age and banged one out. ????

[Sparktrader]

7 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

Kids vs no kids is always going to be a difficult discussion because those without kids have no idea what its like. Those with kids have no idea what it's like to be at that stage of their life without kids. 

 

So, had I never had children I could have been perfect happy. But now that I have a child I am exceptionally happy.

I raised a step daughter. Its not 100% the same cause in your head not yours. Got all the experience though.

 

I wanted a kid but kept putting it off.

 

 

[1FinickyOne]

20 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I am sure if I would have a pretty girl as my child I would worry a lot.

it won't matter how pretty - every girl will be attractive to someone.. 

[Sparktrader]

3 minutes ago, Grecian said:

after 50 i found living for my own pleasures doesn't seem to cut it anymore.

I'm 54 now and 55% of me wishes I had found someone when l was your age and banged one out. ????

Thats what i feel

Sex is boring

Hitting 50

Wish i had 1

 

 

[Sparktrader]

Just now, 1FinickyOne said:

it won't matter how pretty - every girl will be attractive to someone.. 

Better to have a boy. Go fishing. Drink beers. Girls fuss over shoes and <deleted>. 30 min showers.

[Sparktrader]

If i find a good woman under 35yo i think i bang one out. 

 

Main bucket list item. My mate had one at 57yo. He seems happy.

[OneMoreFarang]

4 minutes ago, Sparktrader said:

Wish i had 1

For what reason?

So that life for you is not boring?

To guide your child in the direction you want?

It seems lots of kids want something other than their parents. Would you accept that?

 

I think lots of people dream about this wonderful idea of a happy family. But then, looking around at reality, how many happy families exist?

[1FinickyOne]

2 minutes ago, Sparktrader said:

I raised a step daughter. Its not 100% the same

I am raising a niece since she was 1 year old - I can't imagine any way in which it is different...

 

13 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

But now that I have a child I am exceptionally happy.

Yes, I too have been happy and lucky w/raising my niece. However, I have friends in USA who have major problems. These are great people who are devoted parents w/plenty of resources and they have girls who at age 14 start taking off, runaways w/serious drug problems and living in slums, do not come back for months at a time, doing who knows what for their next fix..

 

But, we are both lucky to have good kids... my friends have had every advantage and worked hard for financial success and they live in misery and worry until they see their daughter again and then struggle to find help... 

[Sparktrader]

Just now, OneMoreFarang said:

For what reason?

So that life for you is not boring?

To guide your child in the direction you want?

It seems lots of kids want something other than their parents. Would you accept that?

 

I think lots of people dream about this wonderful idea of a happy family. But then, looking around at reality, how many happy families exist?

I feel something missing. I gave the step daughter a great life. She took it for granted. Very selfish.

 

I would mind having my own kid. But Id want a boy. Girls are just a problem.

[Sparktrader]

3 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

For what reason?

So that life for you is not boring?

To guide your child in the direction you want?

It seems lots of kids want something other than their parents. Would you accept that?

 

I think lots of people dream about this wonderful idea of a happy family. But then, looking around at reality, how many happy families exist?

Ok so what do you do in spare time? Drink? Sport?

 

Im.bored.

[1FinickyOne]

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

But then, looking around at reality, how many happy families exist?

I think in first and new world countries, not many - but more so in developing countries as they tend to share. 

 

If people are strapped, it is a financial burden and can be a problem, yet somehow poor people manage to have kids and delight in them. 

[Sparktrader]

Just now, 1FinickyOne said:

I think in first and new world countries, not many - but more so in developing countries as they tend to share. 

 

If people are strapped, it is a financial burden and can be a problem, yet somehow poor people manage to have kids and delight in them. 

Its weird. Poor more happy in many ways.

[Golden Triangle]

I had two kids in the UK, one is now close to 48 & the other not far behind, my g/f doesn't want kids which to me is a blessing, they are hard work, exhausting & expensive, I enjoy a quiet existence these days, and at 68 pushing 69 I really don't need to be busy with kids. ????

[Sparktrader]

Its something that bothers me. What would the kid look like? I never know if I dont have one.

[1FinickyOne]

5 minutes ago, Sparktrader said:

Its weird. Poor more happy in many ways.

interesting subject - maybe poor people have lower expectations and have less pressure and stress... ??

 

Been said that a Westerner has a big house, 2 cars, several computers, several tv's and is miserable while a poor Thai has a small house w/a hammock underneath, a little b&W tv and a small plot of land to grow some veggies and he is in heaven... 

[Golden Triangle]

1 minute ago, Sparktrader said:

Its something that bothers me. What would the kid look like? I never know if I dont have one.

Fortunately for my two they got their looks from their mother ????

[Sparktrader]

1 minute ago, 1FinickyOne said:

interesting subject - maybe poor people have lower expectations and have less pressure and stress... ??

 

Been said that a Westerner has a big house, 2 cars, several computers, several tv's and is miserable while a poor Thai has a small house w/a hammock underneath, a little b&W tv and a small plot of land to grow some veggies and he is in heaven... 

More debt in west. Hate job, trying too hard to be rich.

 

 

[Grecian]

I've never committed to anything ever! Don't even like buying a return ticket that I can't change the date! Lol

must be nice to know someone will be in your life till your last day.

[Kwasaki]

First wife I had my first son when I was 20 and a daughter at 22.

Second wife a son at 30.

Third wife a daughter at 34 and a son at 41.

After 14years met my Thai wife adopted her son at 55 and we adopted daughter as well.

I have 16 grandchild and 3 great grandchildren.

[Sparktrader]

2 minutes ago, Kwasaki said:

First wife I had my first son when I was 20 and a daughter at 22.

Second wife a son at 30.

Third wife a daughter at 34 and a son at 41.

After 14years met my Thai wife adopted her son at 55 and we adopted daughter as well.

I have 16 grandchild and 3 great grandchildren.

So you are too blame for over population and co2 levels.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Sparktrader said:

If you had kids was it worth it?

I've had 6,

Two in the UK & finished the job

Two in the UK I abandoned (not by choice)

One in Thailand & finished the job

One in Thailand work in progress

 

All worthwhile, wish I'd had a few more.

I've had to buy a few rabbits to keep the love coming.

Edited April 20, 2022 by BritManToo

[Grecian]

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I've had 6,

Two in the UK & finished the job

Two in the UK I abandoned (not by choice)

One in Thailand & finished the job

One in Thailand work in progress

 

All worthwhile, wish I'd had a few more.

May I ask. I know from your other posts that at least one of these isn't your biological

 offspring. Did that make any difference in your assessment?

[kwonitoy]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Kids, especially in Thailand, are very expensive. Spending 1 million THB per year or even more for one child in a good school is not unusual.

You defiantly don't have any kids if you think you've got to spend a million plus for one child for one year.

 

As to the OP, I didn't want any kids until later in life, and after my ex's 4th miscarraige the doctor said it's finished, not medically possible.

Fast forward 4 years, come home from Saudi and knock the little woman up.

I was 53 and my wife was 42 when out son was born. The first year of sleep deprivation is brutal for two old folks but we survived.

My son is now 11 and just went out the door for school.

Couldn't be happier

[Kwasaki]

15 minutes ago, Sparktrader said:

So you are too blame for over population and co2 levels.

Nah my one eyed one headed monster is to blame.