How Do You Deal with your Feelings of Jealousy?

[GammaGlobulin]

My Friends,

 

Let us say that you are in a relationship.

 

Maybe, for example, you think you are extremely close with a hot number.

And yet, you are not so sure how close she might feel, to you.

 

And then, for whatever reason, one evening, she stays out late.

Maybe she has an unbelievable reason for being out late.

 

And then, the same thing happens again, and maybe again.

You get the same old tired excuses.

 

Sure, you had always promised to trust her.

And, you had always hoped that you could.

And gradually, you begin to suspect that you may have trusted her, just too much.

 

You start to realize that the time she spends on her phone, and the unexplained absences, can no longer easily be explained.

 

Maybe you begin to check her purse or pocketbook. You do this at first only in an attempt to allay your irrational fears.

 

And then, the more you worry that she might be seeing someone else, the more your dread begins to grate on you, as time goes by. 

 

You begin to imagine, irrationally, that someone else might be holding her, and even kissing her, in some sort of cheap short-time hotel, for example.

 

And, every time you think of her kissing someone else, your heart beats rapidly, you feel dizzy, you begin to hyperventilate, and you can't concentrate on your work; You become convinced that this is the end of your world.

 

You realize that you are smitten with her, and besotted by her, most irrationally.

 

And so, what do you do?

 

How do you solve this problem?

 

How do you deal with these baser, illogical feelings which are controlled by the limbic system, the most primitive part of your brain.

 

What are the ways you use to rid yourself of these feelings, in order to avoid destruction of your life?

 

Many a great man has inadvertently been brought down, and laid low, by some B-girl.

 

And, in this type of milieu, even the likes of Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec may have been laid low, many, many times, one might imagine.

 

Therefore, how best to deal with jealousy?

 

Especially, jealousy when one is dating a woman who is a working woman?

 

I never was able to keep my emotions in check, in such circumstances.

 

Some guys, I have been told, have the 3-day rule.

 

However, what about if one has been dating for a year?

How does one avoid that sick feeling brought on by the green-eyed monster?

 

Regards,

Globule

 

 

 

[GammaGlobulin]

Each one of us may have our own solution for ridding ourselves of feelings of jealousy.

 

My solution is celibacy.

 

Is celibacy just too high a price to pay?

 

Not in the least.

 

Finally, I am completely free of jealousy.

 

Feels great!

 

What about you?

Are you in a relationship?

 

Are you enjoying it?

 

Or, is the jealousy you feel taking years off your life?

 

Mark my words:  You cannot escape it.  Even if you try, the woman you are with will always pique your feelings of jealousy, just when you least expect it.

[GinBoy2]

Hmm, interesting question.

 

I've never been jealous, it's just not in me.

 

Curiously my lack of jealousy has pis****ed off my ex wife and current wife and driven them insane at times, since they interpret it that I don't love them enough to be jealous!!

 

Human nature and interactions are a curious minefield

Edited May 21, 2022 by GinBoy2

[Lacessit]

My former wife was extremely jealous, I suppose that was a form of aversion therapy for me.

 

I can understand other people becoming jealous. However, it's not part of my own mindset, so it's an emotion I do not have to deal with.

 

If my present GF was to say I've met someone else, I would say fine, off you go. Sorry, my financial support ends here.

 

Not jealous or envious of the possessions of others, I'm happy with what I have.

[GinBoy2]

6 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

My former wife was extremely jealous, I suppose that was a form of aversion therapy for me.

 

I can understand other people becoming jealous. However, it's not part of my own mindset, so it's an emotion I do not have to deal with.

 

If my present GF was to say I've met someone else, I would say fine, off you go. Sorry, my financial support ends here.

 

Not jealous or envious of the possessions of others, I'm happy with what I have.

You are right, jealousy isn't just romantic jealousy, but sometimes it eats folks up why someone has more than they do.

 

Another part of jealously I've never really had. I'm happy with what I have, never really worried or thought about what someone else has more than me

[RichardColeman]

I'm not in the least bit jealous of my current wife, we have a 5 year old kid and she never goes anywhere. I trusted her in the near 2 years I was away due to covid. She is not a bar girl but an educated woman - I say that as ever bar girl I know who's 'boo' was stuck abroad was at least partially with a a guy - some a girl - whilst they were away.

 

My wife is extremely jealous of me, I look quite young for my age and she fears me going out - mostly as most of the men we know have left their ex Bar girl wives at home - probably on the phone to their other men - and are off to the bar where they chat with other women !

 

It's rather sad we do not know one other couple - like us - who at least one of the party is not playing away or keeping another 'interest' on hold. 

 

That said, I'm also an avid toy collector and the wife hovers over me on the net telling me to buy stuff rather than go out and spend money on beer, food and women - suits me. 

[Lacessit]

14 minutes ago, RichardColeman said:

I'm not in the least bit jealous of my current wife, we have a 5 year old kid and she never goes anywhere. I trusted her in the near 2 years I was away due to covid. She is not a bar girl but an educated woman - I say that as ever bar girl I know who's 'boo' was stuck abroad was at least partially with a a guy - some a girl - whilst they were away.

 

 

When I was away in Australia for six months selling my house, I had no concern over whether my Thai GF played around or not. If she was not there when I came back, move on. It's not as if I was a saint.

I don't know if she did have other guys, and I never asked. It's in the past.

[Kenny202]

There is irrational jealousy and warning signals where you know something is wrong, which you couldn't describe as jealousy...more self survival instincts. In the case you cited it would appear to be the latter. It's not jealousy when you are being cheated and lied to. How do you deal with that? Pack her bags and move her on

[bert bloggs]

I have no need to be jealous,as i trust my wife,but i suppose when i was young i used to sometimes get jealous,but that was a long time ago.

[BritManToo]

I don't care what they do when out of my sight, but all/any babies will be DNA tested.

[1FinickyOne]

so, you ruin a potential future relationship because you are afraid that a relationship will get ruined? 

 

why not just assume it will be ruined and enjoy whatever time you have... you can be the 'fill-in' guy before her next relationship.. 

 

 

[GinBoy2]

22 minutes ago, bert bloggs said:

I have no need to be jealous,as i trust my wife,but i suppose when i was young i used to sometimes get jealous,but that was a long time ago.

It might be mens jealousy decreases with age while female jealousy increases with age.

 

Although I might suggest that get, men and women into you late 50's and 60's we all call it quits

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

Although I might suggest that get, men and women into you late 50's and 60's we all call it quits

Sex didn't really start for me until I entered Thailand age 52.

Hasn't stopped yet at age 66, although less variety now.

[HappyExpat57]

What do I do? I rent. No jealousy.

[bert bloggs]

9 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Sex didn't really start for me until I entered Thailand age 52.

Hasn't stopped yet at age 66, although less variety now.

You should have been with me in the 60s in London,was friends with a very well known pop singer ,went to more partys than i can remember same as the sex ,so much so young, wow i was so lucky,right place right time.

[Kenny202]

1 hour ago, Lacessit said:

When I was away in Australia for six months selling my house, I had no concern over whether my Thai GF played around or not. If she was not there when I came back, move on. It's not as if I was a saint.

I don't know if she did have other guys, and I never asked. It's in the past.

I was in exactly the same situation back in Australia waiting to sell my home. I did see warning signs but put it out of my head. All will be well be well when I get there. And besides....no shenanigans going on in these temple worshipping villages lol.

 

What I didnt expect was that she'd be diagnosed with HIV 4 months after I arrived (I was negative). Young guy across the road and I assume quite a few others. Blokes hanging around our home like love sick puppies...following us around at markets. She must of been taking on all comers...literally. The young guy across the road died a horrible death a couple of years ago. Mine got on meds early enough. She didn't even tell the guy.

 

Jealousy isn't always a negative connotation to the jealous party. Often it is the brains natural warning / defence mechanism. I follow my instincts now and as far as Thai women go "if it smells like $ht" it most likely is. 

 

After we split up she immediately returned to the bar where I assume she is receiving a premium price for bareback. Had a couple of boyfriends too who would have been unaware. Be careful boys

Edited May 22, 2022 by Kenny202

[Kenny202]

14 minutes ago, HappyExpat57 said:

What do I do? I rent. No jealousy.

Only way to go here ????

[Lacessit]

5 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

I was in exactly the same situation back in Australia waiting to sell my home. I did see warning signs but put it out of my head. All will be well be well when I get there. And besides....no shenanigans going on in these temple worshipping villages lol.

 

What I didnt expect was that she'd be diagnosed with HIV 4 months after I arrived (I was negative). Young guy across the road and I assume quite a few others. Blokes hanging around our home like love sick puppies...following us around at markets. She must of been taking on all comers...literally. The young guy across the road died a horrible death a couple of years ago. Mine got on meds early enough. She didn't even tell the guy.

 

Jealousy isn't always a negative connotation to the jealous party. Often it is the brains natural warning / defence mechanism. I follow my instincts now and as far as Thai women go "if it smells like $ht" it most likely is. 

You got a bad one, I got a good one. I had two bad ones in Australia.

IMO her commitment to me became unconditional after two years when she presented me with a health certificate dated the previous day, and said " No more condom." About 7 years ago now.

 

Edited May 22, 2022 by Lacessit

[KhunLA]

Never was the jealous type, and the chickies in my relationship pointed that out.  Seems to be an issue they have to deal with.  One actually asked me why, and your shouldn't ask questions you don't want to hear the answer to.

 

"you're all simply too easy to replace, so why stress over it"  ... next ????

[Gottfrid]

5 hours ago, GammaGlobulin said:

Therefore, how best to deal with jealousy?

Jealousy??? Why would you need to be jealous of someone that you think do not want you anymore? There are always new models around the corner. Instead, see it as she did you a favor which made it possible to upgrade. However, if the neighbours dog could bark the national anthem, then I would be jealous.

Edited May 22, 2022 by Gottfrid

[Kenny202]

11 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

You got a bad one, I got a good one. I had two bad ones in Australia.

IMO her commitment to me became unconditional after two years when she presented me with a health certificate dated the previous day, and said " No more condom." About 7 years ago now.

 

Oh I had some good ones too. Unfortunately things don't always click aka chemistry. For me anyway I need to feel some connection, attraction or closeness. Most of the girls here asking if you love them after the first date. A relationship is for an Asian women seems to be more of pragmatic practical thing rather than a free choice based on feelings. Others were in themselves great but too much other baggage, debts, issues. 

 

I've just about given up trying to find the "right one" here. I have a young son I need to take care of and don't have money to throw around indulging women with homes etc. And of course the woman here entering into a relationship expects a home and some security, as would a woman anywhere....particularly if she's a lot younger than the guy. Has to be some payoff for her and understandably so. It's just such a bad position to put yourself in....you and all of your possessions, not to mention your future in her hands. 

[Kenny202]

5 minutes ago, Gottfrid said:

Jealousy??? Why would you need to be jealous of someone that you think do not want you anymore? There are always new models around the corner. Instead, see it as she did you a favor which made it possible to upgrade. However, if the neighbours dog could bark the national anthem, then I would be jealous.

I wish Thai women understood that concept! They go into a relationship with all of these fantasy expectations of living with a farang. They soon become bitter and unsatisfied but refuse to leave as they have few choices, resulting in a horrible uncomfortable life for both parties. Know so many guys in this position...often the guys themseleves stuck as the house in teelacs name. For us yeah plenty of fish in the sea here. I don't get jealous but refuse to be made a fool of. Funny how they can be on their phone 24/7, messages coming and going all day on several social media platforms and the moment you pick up the phone to check the news or something you are accused of all sorts of stuff lol 

[BangkokReady]

5 hours ago, GammaGlobulin said:

And so, what do you do?

 

How do you solve this problem?

If she's close with a male "friend" and staying out late, that isn't jealousy, that's unacceptable behaviour.

 

You shouldn't be with someone who has that kind of relationship with another man.  You should aim to vet for that beforehand, or end the relationship if something like that occurs.

 

Get out of there and find someone who actually wants to spend time with you.

 

5 hours ago, GammaGlobulin said:

How do you deal with these baser, illogical feelings which are controlled by the limbic system, the most primitive part of your brain.

You don't "deal with it", you listen to it.  If your gut says something isn't right, then probably something isn't right.  There's nothing "illogical" about jealousy, don't let women gaslight you.

 

The limbic system is your friend when it comes to trust, as your conscious mind can be lied to easily.

 

Trust your gut.  If you think something is wrong, it probably is.

 

Unless you are in an open relationship.  If that's the case, and your gut is saying "don't do this", an open relationship is not for you.

 

I'm not sure why anyone would want to be with someone who is going out so much and acting so suspiciously that you could imagine they are having an affair.  That's a major red flag, even if they aren't actually cheating.  Sure, they could do it in secret also, but that's no reason to tolerate it if you see it overtly.

[BangkokReady]

2 hours ago, RichardColeman said:

That said, I'm also an avid toy collector and the wife hovers over me on the net telling me to buy stuff rather than go out and spend money on beer, food and women - suits me. 

What do you like to collect?  Any particular type?

[BangkokReady]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

I don't care what they do when out of my sight, but all/any babies will be DNA tested.

This should be standard.  It should be done at the hospital at birth, or even prenatal, as a rule.

 

Of course women won't like it, they will be scared to be caught out or want to pretend that women would never do things like that.  It's like the "a woman would never lie about rape/sexual assault". Just a pretence that women are always perfect and perpetual victims.

[Simple Jack]

Concerning women. Always trust your gut.  Red pilled & rent. Best way to go imo.

[BangkokReady]

22 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

Most of the girls here asking if you love them after the first date.

I'm not sure they even experience love in Asia in the same way we do in the west.  It seems that love is for the family and relationships are more about money and sex.  It seems almost like they "choose" to love someone, but it's really more like they choose someone and then say that they love them, like they've chosen to be with you so that is love.

[Kenny202]

8 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

This should be standard.  It should be done at the hospital at birth, or even prenatal, as a rule.

 

Of course women won't like it, they will be scared to be caught out or want to pretend that women would never do things like that.  It's like the "a woman would never lie about rape/sexual assault". Just a pretence that women are always perfect and perpetual victims.

Hospital's here aren't even under obligation to share pregnancy / HIV results with the husband! (mandatory test 3 months into pregnancy). At the very least the husband or father should be notified of the possible risk to the child, if not himself...as more often than not the mother will do a runner and leave the child with the father. I mean the husband could also be positive and left undiagnosed. Works both ways too as often the poor woman got it from her Thai husband. You only have to look around people seated at the HIV clinic. Some very normal everyday looking women, many well to do. Used to really pity the embarrassment they must have felt.  

 

As far as paternity I remember reading a study they did in the States. Was a huge percentage of married couples had children in the marriage, and the child was not related to the father. From memory the result was 20%+. Can only imagine what the figures would be here. My friend plays the field a bit here. He's had girls try and stitch him up 3 times. getting sold a pup so to speak. he always has a good laugh when he tells them he had a vasectomy 10 years ago lol

Edited May 22, 2022 by Kenny202

[BritManToo]

37 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

Most of the girls here asking if you love them after the first date. A relationship is for an Asian women seems to be more of pragmatic practical thing rather than a free choice based on feelings.

I'm not convinced women have lasting feelings. 

 

Mine says, "do you love me" 

I reply, "if I say yes, you'll ask for money, if I say no, you'll throw a tantrum" 

 

Can't win that game. 

Edited May 22, 2022 by BritManToo

[KhunLA]

8 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

Hospital's here aren't even under obligation to share pregnancy / HIV results with the husband! (mandatory test 3 months into pregnancy). 

 

You only have to look around people seated at the HIV clinic. 

Dr / patient privilege worldwide, and info not shared, to anyone.  As it should be.

 

Do you visit a lot of HIV clinics ? ... ????

 

Prejudice is a terrible thing.