Cultural Misunderstanding or Cultural Incompatibilty?

[sqwakvfr]

22 hours ago, Kwasaki said:

No you won't until you've commit to a relationship with a Thai lady and her family.

I understand perfectly well, get it wrong sometimes but that's down to me. 

Thanks.  I think you have answered my question.   I won’t be doing that.  

[2009]

14 hours ago, Mark Nothing said:

Foreigners do not have a place in societal hierarchy so ignore them as if they don't exist.  Disregard these beggars and concentrate on your own needs.  

 

If you give your left arm they will demand your right.

Well said.

[billd766]

15 hours ago, Mark Nothing said:

Foreigners do not have a place in societal hierarchy so ignore them as if they don't exist.  Disregard these beggars and concentrate on your own needs.  

 

If you give your left arm they will demand your right.

I never found that happening to me. 

 

How can I concentrate on my own needs when there are so many people worse off than me.

 

If I can give some baht and it helps other people, it makes ME feel better.

[billd766]

2 hours ago, sqwakvfr said:

Thanks.  I think you have answered my question.   I won’t be doing that.  

I did. It was, and has been, the best decision in my life for the last 22 years we have been married, and the 7 years before that.

[billd766]

47 minutes ago, 2009 said:

Well said.

Piffle.

[orchis]

white man's burden,

[Kwasaki]

26 minutes ago, billd766 said:

I never found that happening to me. 

 

How can I concentrate on my own needs when there are so many people worse off than me.

 

If I can give some baht and it helps other people, it makes ME feel better.

My funny story Bill I was a bit green as they say when I first toured with my wife. 

We were in CM and at a off main street marketplace my Mrs was looking at fruit and stuff when there was a tap on my side,  looking down there was cute little kid with her hand out with the most miserable face she could manage.

My Mrs said don't give her money and looked back at the stall, I gave her 10 baht putting my finger over my mouth as a shush sign. 

A few minutes later about 5 little  boys and girl cute kids turned up, and of course I got the death stare from Mrs.  ????????????

[timendres]

In the past week:

Pizza delivery guy. Tipped 20 baht, very polite wai and genuine "Thank you".

Lineman. Tipped 18 baht (the change). Genuinely surprised and three times "Thank you".

Beggar who comes into moo ban every few days. Handed twenty baht. Polite wai.

 

Edited May 29, 2022 by timendres

[Kwasaki]

3 minutes ago, timendres said:

In the past week:

Pizza delivery guy. Tipped 20 baht, very polite wai and genuine "Thank you".

Lineman. Tipped 18 baht (the change). Genuinely surprised and three times "Thank you".

Beggar who comes into moo ban every few days. Handed twenty baht. Polite wai.

 

Can I message you my bank account number. ????

[timendres]

1 minute ago, Kwasaki said:

Can I message you my bank account number. ????

Sure. I am certain twenty baht will make your day!

[Kwasaki]

43 minutes ago, timendres said:

Sure. I am certain twenty baht will make your day!

Packet of crisps. ????

[Bruno123]

On 5/28/2022 at 4:14 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

a) Maybe you are just a faceless farang to her. You know, they look all the same like for us some Thais look all the same.

 

b) Don't expect too much thinking from a homeless person. If her brain would work well then probably she would do something different.

 

c) It was explained to me by Thais that the Thai "thinking" works similar to this: The poor people and beggars give us the opportunity to do something good. We give them money and because we give them money we feel good because we did something good. So basically beggars do us a favor for giving us the opportunity to feel good.

I don't know how true this is but it sounds reasonable (for Thai thinking) to me.

It's also my thinking...

[cdemundo]

I often hear it said that Thailand is a non-tipping country.

Yet in bars and restaurants there is a convention of the "hand tip".

The "hand tip" is when you place the tip directly in the hand of the waitress rather than leaving it on the tray.

A tip on the tray must be shared with staff, a hand tip is for that person alone.

 

So if Thailand is a non-tipping country how is it possible to have such a convention/tradition as the "hand tip"?

Apparently, in some cases tipping is expected.

[sharksy]

I was on Soi Boakhow at an ATM.  Just got my cash out, and a farang politely asked me for money, stating why he was in this unfortunate position and he needed to buy breakfast.

 

I smiled at him and told him that I too was about to eat breakfast and he was welcome to join me.

The dismay on his face was priceless.

[Hummin]

4 hours ago, cdemundo said:

I often hear it said that Thailand is a non-tipping country.

Yet in bars and restaurants there is a convention of the "hand tip".

The "hand tip" is when you place the tip directly in the hand of the waitress rather than leaving it on the tray.

A tip on the tray must be shared with staff, a hand tip is for that person alone.

 

So if Thailand is a non-tipping country how is it possible to have such a convention/tradition as the "hand tip"?

Apparently, in some cases tipping is expected.

So why many places charge for service? 

[BritManToo]

On 5/28/2022 at 9:55 AM, sqwakvfr said:

So I do not have any major complaints but I just don't understand the people of LOS.  My guess is I never will. 

Move to the Philippines, they're much more like us and will better fit your expectations.

[Dante99]

1 hour ago, Hummin said:

So why many places charge for service? 

Yes really hard to figure that.

[MrBrad]

[FriendlyFarang]

13 hours ago, cdemundo said:

I often hear it said that Thailand is a non-tipping country.

Yet in bars and restaurants there is a convention of the "hand tip".

The "hand tip" is when you place the tip directly in the hand of the waitress rather than leaving it on the tray.

A tip on the tray must be shared with staff, a hand tip is for that person alone.

 

So if Thailand is a non-tipping country how is it possible to have such a convention/tradition as the "hand tip"?

Apparently, in some cases tipping is expected.

Never heard of or seen this convention, and I've been in Thailand quite a few years.

[sqwakvfr]

5 hours ago, MrBrad said:

Just a little courtesy.  In some cases this is asking for too much.  LOS is the only country where even an acknowledgement of kindness or generosity is a rare thing. But this will stop me.  I will continue to tip and be generous when I can.  

[Lemsta69]

1 hour ago, FriendlyFarang said:

Never heard of or seen this convention, and I've been in Thailand quite a few years.

I've been doing this for some time with wait staff that I really like but I've recently had it confirmed by a Bangkok BG that it's a "thing". she told me her friend was really peeved one night because one of her regulars gave her an 800 baht tip but he put it in the "box" instead of her hand. once it goes in the "box" supposedly no-one can touch it except the cashier. box meaning the little tray they bring your bill/change on.

Edited May 30, 2022 by Lemsta69

[JimmyJ]

On 5/28/2022 at 10:24 AM, CharlieH said:

Whilst I am  sure there are many genuine cases , I personally NEVER give cash. Buy them some food, absolutely, give them a bottle of water etc. NOT CASH.

It always reminds me of the true story of a "homeless" person begging each day outside a London tube station.

The truth was he made so much money from it each day, he had his Mercedes parked in the area and drove home to his million £ home each night !

 

So no, no cash from me, if things really are as they seem, the food or water will be welcome.

 

 

Link?

Any sort of proof?

 

In the USA, there are people begging standing at freeway on and off ramps.

 

Some have signs and sometimes the sign says "Will work for food".

 

It's amazing how many people - on forums or in person - have the same story - "A friend of mine in his car said to the guy "I have work for you" and the guy with the sign turned him down".

 

Yet not one of these storytellers ever had it happen to them.

 

I'm sure this probably happened to someone somewhere.

But the story is always related as if it is the norm.

 

Urban legend.

 

[PS - CharlieH - I think it's very good that you give food/water.

 

But "Mercedes"/"million dollar home" while begging - I call bs].

Edited May 30, 2022 by JimmyJ

[Lemsta69]

8 hours ago, Dante99 said:

Yes really hard to figure that.

General Manager needs new Pirellis for his M3?

[cdemundo]

12 hours ago, FriendlyFarang said:

Never heard of or seen this convention, and I've been in Thailand quite a few years.

A quick google search for "what is a 'hand tip' in Thailand" returns:

 

https://www.bangkokpost.com/opinion/opinion/285598/service-charge-reaches-tipping-point

"Only some customers will leave the tip directly for the staff member as an individual reward - just to tell them how proficient their service was. The "hand tip" varies - coins, 20 baht, 100 baht or maybe a bit more. Usually, the sum is much less than the 10% service charge"

 

https://www.gayguides.com/forums/topic/12103-how-much-do-you-tip-waiter/

"I hand tip directly to waiter/mamasan and leave coins /20 B notes in the check bin wallet."

 

https://www.tripadvisor.co.nz/ShowUserReviews-g293919-d2062068-r131141159-The_Glass_House_Pattaya-Pattaya_Chonburi_Province.html

"Suddenly our waiter appeared and suggested that we give him an “in the hand” tip."

 

from ASEAN NOW ("Lady Drink Etiquette" thread and this thread)

" I have a tendency to tip moderately generously (hand tip of 100 baht) when ..."

 

"one of her regulars gave her an 800 baht tip  but he put it in the "box" instead of her hand . once it goes in the "box" supposedly no-one can touch it except the cashier. box meaning the little tray they bring your bill/change on."

 

So now you have heard of it.

Examples from Bangkok, Chiang Mai, and Pattaya so maybe in your "quite a few years" you never went to those cities.

As it says "only some customers",  and "moderately generous"; so committed non-tippers will of course never have heard of this.

Edited May 30, 2022 by cdemundo
addition

[Airalee]

12 hours ago, JimmyJ said:

Link?

Any sort of proof?

 

In the USA, there are people begging standing at freeway on and off ramps.

 

Some have signs and sometimes the sign says "Will work for food".

 

It's amazing how many people - on forums or in person - have the same story - "A friend of mine in his car said to the guy "I have work for you" and the guy with the sign turned him down".

 

Yet not one of these storytellers ever had it happen to them.

 

I'm sure this probably happened to someone somewhere.

But the story is always related as if it is the norm.

 

Urban legend.

 

[PS - CharlieH - I think it's very good that you give food/water.

 

But "Mercedes"/"million dollar home" while begging - I call bs].

https://abc7.com/pregnant-panhandler-rich-fake-beggar-mercedes-benz/391377/
 

There was another story in NYC that made the news back in the 90’s if I remember correctly where the couple were allegedly bringing in $250,000 annually. 

[amexpat]

On 5/30/2022 at 12:08 AM, cdemundo said:

The "hand tip" is when you place the tip directly in the hand of the waitress rather than leaving it on the tray.

A tip on the tray must be shared with staff, a hand tip is for that person alone.

So she doesn't have to share it with anyone who prepares your food, cleans the place, busses the table, washes your dishes, etc. 

[cdemundo]

1 hour ago, amexpat said:

So she doesn't have to share it with anyone who prepares your food, cleans the place, busses the table, washes your dishes, etc. 

That's right you understood the implications very well.

[BritManToo]

I've never encountered any of these problems because I only think of me.

Weak white men who want to cater to other people's needs generally fail in Thailand.

 

My advice, think only of yourself and what you want.

Then life in Thailand is easy.

[sqwakvfr]

9 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I've never encountered any of these problems because I only think of me.

Weak white men who want to cater to other people's needs generally fail in Thailand.

 

My advice, think only of yourself and what you want.

Then life in Thailand is easy.

I am not White.  

[Dante99]

6 minutes ago, sqwakvfr said:

I am not White.  

So what?