Lack of gratitude in a Thai relationship

[KIngsofisaan]

9 hours ago, Iamfalang said:

maybe deep down she is giving you emotional support, PRICELESS!!!   Why is money the metric to determine the worth of an individual?   it's only money, give her love.  true love.  the deepest love possible.  forget money.

 

yea, this is why I'll never give a Thai more than 1000 baht.  lol.  I've helped a lot of Thais with stuff and some with very small amounts of money (free food, 100 or 200 baht stuff), but there is no way I'm playing this game.

 

this is a fool's game.  and you will get very, very bitter for being played.

 

but maybe this is the way, and you should thank her.   

 

we come here to get fleeced.....some do.  

It's a fool's game when you fool yourself, that you are a super rich, handsum, wonderful fellow that all Thai women should bow down to.

 

The only men that bitch about so little amounts of money, is proof they have little themselves.

 

If you have to live your life on the value of such small amounts of money, I feel sorry for you.

 

Seriously.

[Baron Samedi]

7 minutes ago, Lucky Bones said:

So, you want to be a westerner doing only westerner things in Thailand?

What has Christianity got to do with it?

You eat westerner food only?

Very strange post.

Why not just stay in your westerner country?????????

1) I don't know what "doing westerner things" really means. I eat, I sleep, I work and I entertain myself. Those things seem to be pretty universal.

 

2) The idea that Christians ought to evangelize the world is deeply rooted in the western psyche. We have a long history of telling people what to do and how to do it.

 

3) I like Thai food also.

 

4) I travel for the same reason everyone else does: the quest for novelty, preferably on the cheap ????

[Baron Samedi]

15 minutes ago, KIngsofisaan said:

You ever think how many farangs are trash cans themselves?

 

The majority wouldn't be in Thailand if they were worth any salt at all.

I would tend to disagree with this statement. Of course some expats are real jerks or complete halfwits but their behavior is usually less harmful to Thais than the other way around. Westerners rarely plan to scam or assault Thais but scams targeting farangs are pretty common and the potential for violence is real. An example of this would be the infamous jet ski scam.

[473geo]

1 hour ago, Brian Nose said:

It's really not that at all. In my humble experience, women seek boundaries like children. They feel secure when boundaries are clearly delineated. 

 

For example: 

Woman: "can I have $200 for shopping"

Man: "of course darling"

Woman (in her head): 'really!? <deleted>'

 

Next month: "give me $300 for shopping"

 

Next year: "I want to go on vacation with some men from work. You promised me we would go on vacation!"

 

If you think this example is stupid  - I'm using a real example of a friend. 

 

BTW. He let her go on the vacation. The pictures she posted on Facebook were mortifying.

 

I don't blame the girl - I blame the guy. Treated her like a queen before she ever earned it. 

 

I knew her, she wouldn't have dared do any of that <deleted> with me and she'd be a lot more content. 

 

It's not because I'm young, rich and good looking but because I demonstrate a dynamic of:

 

'I'm more valuable than you, be careful,  or you'll lose me'.

 

What dynamic you are demonstrating is something you have to think about. 

Ok thought about it, the dynamic I demonstrate is being me, seems to have worked well so far, I don't wish to make my wife feel insecure in any way, after 15 years the understanding of how our relationship works is not beyond her comprehension 

 

[scorecard]

46 minutes ago, KIngsofisaan said:

You ever think how many farangs are trash cans themselves?

 

The majority wouldn't be in Thailand if they were worth any salt at all.

I'll put that another way. I lived in Sth. Pattaya for several years, with Thai wife and son, when I worked at Mar Tha Put. 

 

Several times farang made comments to my wife (she spoke perfect English, a Dr. of Medicine with a Ph.D. in Sociology from Auatralia) about being a gully (very nasty word meaning prositute). Also nasty comments to my son about his pro mother etc.

 

Worst of all i had an older fat brit guy ring my door bell. I went to the gate, he quickly explained that he carefully scans/monitors the public notice board at Friendship supermarket for new ads and therefore tel. numbers new to him. (We had put a notice on the notie board and for a reason I can't remeber we put our addresss.) 

 

He continued "I can be quick, just wondering if you have any contacts for 12 year old virgin girls". My wife heard him, she came out of the house with her cell phone and yelled at him, In english 'I've just called the police and my son has taken your photo!'

 

The brit guy fled.

 

Bottom line, many times when I lived in Pattay I thought about farang ai had seen / noticed in supermarkets etc 'I wouldn't allow you to ever set foot in my  house'. 

 

Not trying to be elitist/superior, just my thoughts on life and some of the scaly deadbeats who live in Pattaya.

 

 

Edited August 20, 2022 by scorecard

[473geo]

2 hours ago, Brian Nose said:

Is it a lack of display of gratitude, or a lack of gratitude? Important distinction. 

 

If it's a lack of gratitude, you can be dropped for a 'better' man at any moment. 

There will be younger, more handsome, more wealthy men out there, but I am confident my wife is aware finding a better man would take some doing 

Just as I am aware there are few Thai women that carry the qualities of my wife ????

 

[stoner]

14 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Also she seemed be embarrassed that I wasn't prepared to loan money to the many people that asked her. Loss of face or something. I wasn't going to throw money at people I know I would never be returned just because she had difficulty saying no.

this.

[stoner]

10 minutes ago, scorecard said:

He continued "I can be quick, just wondering if you have any contacts for 12 year old virgin girls". My wife heard him, she came out of the house with her cell phone and yelled at him, In english 'I've just called the police and my son has taken your photo!'

 

The brit guy fled.

you put up a notice and a guy shows up at your door looking for 12 year olds. sounds legit or ummm what exactly did your notice say.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, KIngsofisaan said:

You ever think if you picked the right one, you wouldn't have to fantasize about dressing her up like a clown?

I will not restrict my fantasies because you don't understand it.

There are also people who only do missionary. If you want that, fine, do it.

[plus7]

Hi,

I read only the middle. I don't understand why you chose a girl from a very poor village ?

On my opinion, relationships must lead to somewhere, you both should share same goals and your partner (or family) must have same status as you in your country.

 

[KIngsofisaan]

1 hour ago, Baron Samedi said:

I would tend to disagree with this statement. Of course some expats are real jerks or complete halfwits but their behavior is usually less harmful to Thais than the other way around. Westerners rarely plan to scam or assault Thais but scams targeting farangs are pretty common and the potential for violence is real. An example of this would be the infamous jet ski scam.

Scams are part of every third world country in the world.

 

Expat behavior? Expats move 10,000 miles from their home for a reason.

 

All one has to do is read the forums here.

 

You would be lucky to find 5% that were decent human beings in their own countries before they moved to Thailand

[KIngsofisaan]

36 minutes ago, plus7 said:

Hi,

I read only the middle. I don't understand why you chose a girl from a very poor village ?

On my opinion, relationships must lead to somewhere, you both should share same goals and your partner (or family) must have same status as you in your country.

 

When you read only the middle, you end up with dumb questions that were already answered.

 

I didn't choose a girl for her economic background.

 

I choose a girl I wanted to be with.

 

I did my part in getting her a western education and US citizenship.

 

She is now on my level and can hold her own.

 

As far as status?

 

Pretty darn sure she now has financial and social status higher than 99% of the expats in Thailand.

 

Too many expats never give their wife the opportunity to be nothing more than a house slave.

 

Fear of losing them, losing their cheap ass condo, losing low pension, whatever the reason.

 

Some people, given the opportunity, can certainly rise way about your level and status.

 

I kind of think if you had a high level and status, you probably wouldn't be settling for Thailand?

 

 

[Baron Samedi]

7 minutes ago, KIngsofisaan said:

You would be lucky to find 5% that were decent human beings in their own countries before they moved to Thailand

????????????

Why are you still part of this community then ?

 

[alien365]

11 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Never give flowers lol. First time I gave a woman here flowers they were apparently funeral flowers and extremely bad luck. The second I was asked do for what....what you do? I gave up then

I bought my wife flowers and she said to never buy her flowers again (about 10years ago). Every few months now she mentions in passing that she'd like some...

[rattlesnake]

"live with farang for what"

 

This excerpt from the OP sums up what I see very often in Thai-Western relationships (not all of them, thankfully, but many): the girl "puts up" with a farang who doesn't understand Thai ways, often doesn't even speak the language or make any effort in this respect, and the one reward she expects for this is the financial security which the average Thai man can't give her. When it becomes obvious that this expectation is not going to be fulfilled, it leads to frustration. Then there are the misunderstandings, what p**ses off a Thai is incomprehensible to a farang and vice versa. Making a relationship work requires work and commitment, and this is tenfold in cross-cultural relationships. I just think lots of people aren't equipped for that (which is why the vast majority of people choose a mate from their own country).

 

The key to success in Thailand is to master the language and culture, it allows you to understand and be understood. Otherwise you're just moving around in fog.

 

And to Thai women "looking for a farang boyfriend" with all sorts of expectations in mind, I often suggest looking for a good Thai man (there are plenty) but of course they don't listen, as Einstein once said, "it is easier to break an atom than a prejudice".

Edited August 20, 2022 by rattlesnake

[swissie]

6 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Agree 100%. It was two years before I moved from casual to committed.

Yes Sir. A lot of grief could be avoided during a 2 year "no comittement" phase. Some actresses/chameleons may be able to fake their character for 2 months, but not for 2 years.

 

[swissie]

3 hours ago, KIngsofisaan said:

The OP still hasn't figured out, it was never about him, and he is finding that out the hard way where whatever he does is never enough.

 

I married a super poor Isaan girl and it is the exact opposite of the OP

 

I am perplexed while years and years later, she never lets me forget how much she appreciates everything I do for her. I would have thought that she would have grown out of this by now, but no sir.

 

I listen to my wife and what I feel will make her happy. I can be happy with anything.

 

I also took the time to invest in her education, US citizenship, get her to stand on her own 2 feet in any country. 

 

While many men don't have the cahones for fear of getting dumped, limited financial means or whatever, I went into the relationship knowing full well and good it would make me happy to make her happy.

 

I never had to give one thought to any financial means or what I wanted in my life. I worked hard and planned well.

 

Unlike some people's thoughts, Thailand is not my home. I just happen to reside there with my wife. It is her house for all legal purposes and I am 100% fine with that. I am a guest in her country. I cannot expect any different.

 

We have a home in the US. Good for me. Good for her. Both our names on this house.

 

The Thailand house is her design, her plan. Her village, her family. I bought some land, she inherited much more land. Makes me extremely happy to see her so happy that she has something and can help her family.

 

Got married in that village. The time of my life, the party of the century. Her father was king for a day. Villagers amazed one of their own was getting married to a farang. She has never let me forget how important that day was to her and for everything I did. Amazing experience. Company brought 25 different wedding dresses for her to choose from, makeup specialists, 6 large circus tents with decorated tables and chairs, large stage with live music, DJ, Coyote Dancers, guest singers, roast pigs, stuffed fish, food galore. Did the traditional wedding march to her house with all the villagers, a tray full of gold and sin sod. What a blast! When she was called on stage to give a speech, she started crying her head off. She said, " I will never forget what you have done for me" and to this day, she never has.

 

I grew up in a good family, got an advanced education and pretty much bought whatever it was I thought I needed or didn't need my whole life. I have no regrets and no longer find things I need or want. Have a whole house full of things in the US.

 

My wife on the other hand, never had one toy growing up.

 

It makes me damn happy to fix that now and for her to have what ever she wants or missed out on growing up.

 

The difference her, is she has never forgot where she came from or how she got to where she is today. 

 

Thailand has never been about me. 99% of the men here could never accept that for ALL their own reasons.

 

But I do, because it is exactly what I wanted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lot's of Farangs have settled in the Isan over the years. A few of them might be called "high rollers". Clearly, the descripton of your lifestyle and your truly Royal wedding, would easily qualify you as a premier "high roller" in the Isan. Fine, no crime.

But still leaving the impression, that thanks to your massive "financial muscle" (surely causing a veritable financial Tsunami in the village), the wife plus family found themselves in a position of "an offer that can't possibly be refused", them knowing  well that something like this is only happening once in a lifetime?

Out of curiosity: Do such thoughts ever cross your mind?

In the same situation, I myself would be pragmatic: "I paid the band and as long as the band plays, I will keep on dancing".

[Brian Nose]

1 hour ago, KIngsofisaan said:

When you read only the middle, you end up with dumb questions that were already answered.

 

I didn't choose a girl for her economic background.

 

I choose a girl I wanted to be with.

 

I did my part in getting her a western education and US citizenship.

 

She is now on my level and can hold her own.

 

As far as status?

 

Pretty darn sure she now has financial and social status higher than 99% of the expats in Thailand.

 

Too many expats never give their wife the opportunity to be nothing more than a house slave.

 

Fear of losing them, losing their cheap ass condo, losing low pension, whatever the reason.

 

Some people, given the opportunity, can certainly rise way about your level and status.

 

I kind of think if you had a high level and status, you probably wouldn't be settling for Thailand?

 

 

Pretty scathing, angry post for a happy man. Are you happy on the inside? ????

[swissie]

1 hour ago, Baron Samedi said:

????????????

Why are you still part of this community then ?

 

Not give it much thought. A pompous elitarian "nuveau riche" from the US, having found his kingdom in a Thai village, far away from home.

[KIngsofisaan]

22 minutes ago, Brian Nose said:

Pretty scathing, angry post for a happy man. Are you happy on the inside? ????

Look up the word scathing.

 

You obviously are overcome with jealousy and have no idea what it means

 

How is the lady boy search coming along?

[KIngsofisaan]

36 minutes ago, swissie said:

Lot's of Farangs have settled in the Isan over the years. A few of them might be called "high rollers". Clearly, the descripton of your lifestyle and your truly Royal wedding, would easily qualify you as a premier "high roller" in the Isan. Fine, no crime.

But still leaving the impression, that thanks to your massive "financial muscle" (surely causing a veritable financial Tsunami in the village), the wife plus family found themselves in a position of "an offer that can't possibly be refused", them knowing  well that something like this is only happening once in a lifetime?

Out of curiosity: Do such thoughts ever cross your mind?

In the same situation, I myself would be pragmatic: "I paid the band and as long as the band plays, I will keep on dancing".

It happened and that is that.

 

I am exactly where I want to be and with who I want to be with.

 

Extremely happy with the way things turned out.

 

When people sell out for the wrong reasons, male or female, kharma usually sees they get what they deserve.

 

Every once in a while, thinks actually work out.

 

Is she the lucky one or me?

 

I feel pretty lucky so that is plenty good enough for me!

[Sticky Rice Balls]

5 hours ago, Baron Samedi said:

If you don't want to be treated like garbage, just don't date trash cans.

Simple as that, dear OP ????

 

A country girl from Isaan - brought up in a dodgy family and then sent to a redlight district to siphon as much easy money as possible - simply doesn't see the world the way you do. She doesn't have the same values, expectations, dreams, etc... She doesn't want to be saved or loved; she want you to be the tool that will enable her sick delusion of grandeur in which she is the superstar of the village - admired by neighbors and praised by parents.

 

I know this pains many farangs but Thailand isn't great because of its brainwashed people or conservative culture but because it is cheap. I'm not saying you won't find nice people there but they won't be especially nicer than in Europe or Australia.

 

My humble take on all this: don't get married in Thailand, don't invest in Thailand, don't buy a house in Thailand, don't open a bank account in Thailand, etc... Rent an affordable place, have fun, work online for a western company, use an international bank to access your money, get yourself a decent health insurance and that's it ! Honestly, don't even rent a motorbike unless you absolutely must ????

 

Being pragmatic is often seen as being cynical but in the end, it's the right way to go if you wanna have a smooth ride - it's all about finding the optimal balance between risks and benefits and understanding that Asians don't give a damn about your christian-oriented mindset (idealism is a western concept).

Has been working for me here for the past decade......pragmatic indeed...balance

[Grecian]

If you were being fed by your partner, but they were old and or ugly how much gratitude would you show?

[Lacessit]

8 hours ago, rattlesnake said:

"live with farang for what"

 

This excerpt from the OP sums up what I see very often in Thai-Western relationships (not all of them, thankfully, but many): the girl "puts up" with a farang who doesn't understand Thai ways, often doesn't even speak the language or make any effort in this respect, and the one reward she expects for this is the financial security which the average Thai man can't give her. When it becomes obvious that this expectation is not going to be fulfilled, it leads to frustration. Then there are the misunderstandings, what p**ses off a Thai is incomprehensible to a farang and vice versa. Making a relationship work requires work and commitment, and this is tenfold in cross-cultural relationships. I just think lots of people aren't equipped for that (which is why the vast majority of people choose a mate from their own country).

 

The key to success in Thailand is to master the language and culture, it allows you to understand and be understood. Otherwise you're just moving around in fog.

 

And to Thai women "looking for a farang boyfriend" with all sorts of expectations in mind, I often suggest looking for a good Thai man (there are plenty) but of course they don't listen, as Einstein once said, "it is easier to break an atom than a prejudice".

I am reasonably competent in Thai, I can't say I will ever master it. Same with the culture, there are some mindsets I can comprehend, others which are alien to me. I don't worry about it. Jai yenn yenn.

 

IMO the expectation of women everywhere, not just Thailand, is the man should be a good provider. Those  are pretty thin on the ground in Thailand, due to low wages, particularly in rural areas.

 

It's hardly surprising Thai women should prefer an old foreigner on a Western pension to a Thai man their own age that is a shiftless, gambling, abusive drunk. That's not prejudice, just pragmatism.

 

 

 

 

[Danderman123]

22 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

Because the "relationship" is flawed from the off as it's based on money and when you get to the age where you need the woman to take care, she may well despise you.

 

Single is great, then when you need to be properly taken care of, get one

Any time someone is in a relationship but doesn’t love the other person, there is a cancer in the relationship.

 

I lived with a Farang lady for 9 years, but didn’t love her (very long story).  She was blonde, busty, and horny, but I wasn’t into it. So I was not a happy camper. If I were a female being supported by a man, I would probably try to get through it via accumulation of material wealth to the point I could leave my customer.

[Danderman123]

18 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

 

 

It's hardly surprising Thai women should prefer an old foreigner on a Western pension to a Thai man their own age that is a shiftless, gambling, abusive drunk. That's not prejudice, just pragmatism.

 

The ladies I know have as their #1 goal to find a Thai man. They will marry a Farang, but have a Thai man on the side. Of course, the Thai man will “wait” for her but live with a new lady.

 

Sometimes, those arrangements get pretty convoluted, the Thai man’s new lady may have a Farang boyfriend, as well. 

[Danderman123]

11 hours ago, Baron Samedi said:

An example of this would be the infamous jet ski scam.

My current “girlfriend “ used to run a jet ski rental shop. She has told me that having a good relationship with the police was absolutely essential to the business, since they were required to settle disputes with customers.

 

Perhaps she has a side to her that I don’t know.

[Lacessit]

22 minutes ago, Danderman123 said:

The ladies I know have as their #1 goal to find a Thai man. They will marry a Farang, but have a Thai man on the side. Of course, the Thai man will “wait” for her but live with a new lady.

 

Sometimes, those arrangements get pretty convoluted, the Thai man’s new lady may have a Farang boyfriend, as well. 

You may be right, for Thai women in their twenties and thirties. IMO it's different when they are in their forties and fifties, after they have been discarded by their Thai men for something younger.

 

I have regular ( legit ) massages at a shop staffed by women in their forties and fifties. If I wasn't already taken, I'd stand as much chance as a honeycomb with a bear. They are always asking me if I have any farang friends that could take care of them.

 

For women their age, it's a pretty bleak future. When they can no longer work, it's back to the village, with a government pension of 600 baht/month when they reach 60. I would spend twice that in a single day.

[Danderman123]

6 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

You may be right, for Thai women in their twenties and thirties. IMO it's different when they are in their forties and fifties, after they have been discarded by their Thai men for something younger.

 

I have regular ( legit ) massages at a shop staffed by women in their forties and fifties. If I wasn't already taken, I'd stand as much chance as a honeycomb with a bear. They are always asking me if I have any farang friends that could take care of them.

 

For women their age, it's a pretty bleak future. When they can no longer work, it's back to the village, with a government pension of 600 baht/month when they reach 60. I would spend twice that in a single day.

We are on the same page. 

 

Older Thai ladies want a Thai man, but can't get one, so they settle for a Farang. 

[hotandsticky]

12 hours ago, KIngsofisaan said:

You ever think how many farangs are trash cans themselves?

 

The majority wouldn't be in Thailand if they were worth any salt at all.

 

 

Pointless, and defensive, comment.

 

 

Everyone is equal until proved otherwise.

 

 

 

Obviously, it does not take long to establish the difference in equality in a relationship between a Farang and an Isaan farm girl.

 

 

 

Edited August 21, 2022 by hotandsticky