Is Sin Sod (Dowry) due when gay Thai/Brit couple partner in UK?

[PeeJayEm]

I'm Brit - 67 y.o.

He's Thai, - 40 y.o. - lived in UK for 17 years and Brit citizen.

We civil partnered in UK this month - small affair - registry office and 9 UK based Brit and Thais guests.

His parents are in Isan, Thailand.  They are both well off - both pensioned school teachers, plenty land, two houses and a forestry business.

 

The parents feel that Sin Sod is appropriate - in order to feel that our union is completed.

 

The  minimum amount mentioned by him is Bt1 million.  Financially that probably is of more consequence to me that his parents.

 

Do I need to do this?

Edited July 30, 2023 by PeeJayEm

[Swiss1960]

First, Sin Sod is never "due", it is a completely voluntary gift to the parents of a partner. I is up to you - probably after consultation with your partner - whether or not you give Sin Sod or not. My wife told me to NOT give Sin Sod to her parents.

 

That said... you might p* off his parents, if you do not give what they ask for, but if you live far enough away from then, it should not be an issue. With regards to the amount, you should let your partner negotiate the amount down, if he also feels that it is too much.

 

But if your partner agrees with his parents, knowing your and their financial situation, maybe the partnership was not such a good idea... things like Sin Sod should must be discussed and decided  beforehand.

 

Just to add: the sexes of the partners are completely irrelevant. 

Edited July 30, 2023 by Swiss1960

[stoner]

1 hour ago, PeeJayEm said:

The parents feel that Sin Sod is appropriate - in order to feel that our union is completed.

tell the parents to toss off. 

 

in their position i find it totally inappropriate and disrespectful for them to ask you..... especially that you haven't lived here for 17 years. 

 

and seeing as you are not in thailand maybe they should give some thought to your culture and its practices. 

 

why is it always only 1 way when it comes to respecting cultures and practices. 

[Kenny202]

1 hour ago, Swiss1960 said:

First, Sin Sod is never "due", it is a completely voluntary gift to the parents of a partner. I is up to you - probably after consultation with your partner - whether or not you give Sin Sod or not. My wife told me to NOT give Sin Sod to her parents.

 

That said... you might p* off his parents, if you do not give what they ask for, but if you live far enough away from then, it should not be an issue. With regards to the amount, you should let your partner negotiate the amount down, if he also feels that it is too much.

 

But if your partner agrees with his parents, knowing your and their financial situation, maybe the partnership was not such a good idea... things like Sin Sod should must be discussed and decided  beforehand.

 

Just to add: the sexes of the partners are completely irrelevant. 

Just doing something monetarilly so it doesn't p$$ off the parents will be the biggest mistake of your life. Mill baht is serious money...what do you think the next request and following requests will be? Sinsod for a 40yo gay man? Thais themselves would be rolling around on the floor laughing and the parents and ur bf seem to be in on the joke. Maybe parents are trying to test your IQ see if u really are that stoopid? Simply tell them sorry, no. Its not your belief to do so and you would not feel good about "buying" their son. End of story. Just because they were teachers by the way doesn't mean they are well off. More than likely in debt up to their necks. This is not an anti gay post by the way. I've lived here over 10 years. Simply the facts of life here. Sinsot would not even be paid for a 40yo woman. Their next request will be 500k for the wedding party. Nip it in the bud now or they will run u into the ground. Its simply wrong. If they don't like it stiff cheese

[grain]

In Thai culture sin sot is paid by the male husband to the parents of the female bride. Sons of Thai families do not get sin sot. This Thai family asking for 1 million THB for their son is absurd, it is just another cunning attempt to get money from a farang. In this situation, a male marrying another male, if the Thai family believe they qualify for a sin sot for their son, then op's family can equally say they want sin sot for their son. So PeeJayEm tell the Thai family that your family respects Thai traditions and wants 22,701.78 pound sterling sin sot from them.

[Gaccha]

2 hours ago, Swiss1960 said:

Just to add: the sexes of the partners are completely irrelevant. 

Really?

 

I've never heard of the money moving from the woman's household to the man's household, such as in India.

 

Your claim makes for an interesting sociological and historical analysis of sin sod, and the changes with gay marriage. It's fascinating because it's not legal for gays to marry in Thailand, and yet his parents are claiming by historical analogy a right to sin sod.

[Dan O]

3 hours ago, Swiss1960 said:

 

 

Just to add: the sexes of the partners are completely irrelevant. 

Do you understand the purpose of SinSod and why the tradition began and why it was paid?

[sirineou]

Not really necessary , even among heterosexual unions.

If you have a good relationship with the family 

If you have a formal ceremony where friends of the family are invited then a show is made with a money tree and afterwards the money is returned , That's what fappened in our heterosexual wedding. 

As I said if you have a good relationship with their family the parents should be happy their child is in a good relationship. The shinsode and benefit for them would be all the support you will provide to them over the years, 

Good luck, and  Congratulations on your wedding! Wishing you a lifetime of love, happiness, and many wonderful memories together. 

[Denim]

Simply put, no blushing bride means no sin sot necessary.

[brewsterbudgen]

Isn't sinsod rather out of date these days, and if it is part of an engagement or marriage ceremony, it's just for show?

[Scott]

A colleague many years was engaged to a young lady from a wealthy family.  He was working and finishing his graduate degree at Chulalonghorn University.  Her family was VERY wealthy.  He was not, but the family demanded 1 million baht sin sod.  That was an amount that was way, way above the amount he could pay.  

 

The girls father (through an intermediary) told his future son-in-law that it would be insulting to accept less than 1 million, but he understood his financial situation and told him to get the money, present it to them as cash and gold and it will be returned to him after the wedding. 

 

You may be able to negotiate something that is reasonable for all concerned, however, unless you are having a formal wedding in Thailand I would forgo paying them.  

 

Should you decide to have a traditional Thai ceremony at that point it would be up for discussion, IMO.

 

[RandolphGB]

If your husband wants you to pay them, probably a good idea to pay something as a goodwill gesture. If he doesn't, don't pay them. 

[Kenny202]

I have never met a Thai I would trust to give 100 baht back, let alone a mill. Put sin sod on the table, photos taken. Be very hard to get back if they can't resist the opportunity / temptation

[Kenny202]

7 hours ago, RandolphGB said:

If your husband wants you to pay them, probably a good idea to pay something as a goodwill gesture. If he doesn't, don't pay them. 

If you give them less than they asked they won't be happy anyway. Better save your money. This is them testing u out. Best sort it out and nip it in the bud now. Your gonna have siblings, uncles etc all.with their hand out for a "loan" and you are going to be the solution when any family member has financial issues...real or fictional. You worked hard for your money and they'll only pess it up the wall gambling and such and come back for more. 

[BritManToo]

Sinsot is paid for buying a woman.

It's not applicable to men.

 

I'd dump the guy just for asking.

Edited July 31, 2023 by BritManToo

[grain]

11 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Sinsot is paid for buying a woman.

It's not applicable to men.

 

I'd dump the guy just for asking.

Yep, that's what I thought too. The 40yo Thai man knows damn well that the sin sot tradition doesn't apply to gay unions, yet he cooks up this BS with his parents: "The  minimum amount mentioned by him is Bt1 million." Nice try Somchai. 

[orchis]

you are getting played.
sinsod for a man ????
how long have you been together?
in a thai gay context, at 40 he should be so lucky to get off the street with or  without sinsod,
also with him having lived overseas for 17 years he'd know better.
some people...

Edited August 11, 2023 by orchis