Being pressured to pay off wife's mother's large debt.

[Aust24R]

17 hours ago, theblether said:

I have to commend the OP, this is an all too rare example of standing by a red line issue. 

 

The marriage is dead. Walk away, don't look back and I wish you a long and successful retirement. 

Thank you Sir

[Aust24R]

18 hours ago, Felton Jarvis said:

As many problems as I have, AT LEAST I don't have THAT problem.  I truly feel compassion for your situation. It is amazing how Thai wives will ruin their marriages over money, especially a relative's debt.  It's just plain immoral.

I know what you mean Felton, the debt however was just the beginning of the turmoil 

[Aust24R]

19 hours ago, BritManToo said:

That's a good start. Next sever all communications with her, just walk away. You can still enjoy your retirement without her, plenty of nice places to choose from as a single man. Nice houses to be rented in Chiang Mai from 10kbht/month or wherever you choose to live.

You don't need her and her bad choices dragging you down, the world is there for you to claim as your own.

 

Good luck!

Look forward to your retirement in 4 months.

Your words are reassuring and supportive BMT, really, thank you 

[Aust24R]

On 4/1/2024 at 10:55 AM, TroubleandGrumpy said:

Mate - I am sure that advice below is OK in some circumstances. But it sounds to me like that is not the case here. If it is that bad, she will respond to you telling her by delaying, crying, begging, etc etc - and then if you stay then she and the family will get whatever they can get. 

If it is that bad and the decision is made by you to get a divorce - then you should go see a lawyer and start the proceedings.  He will probably tell you to move out ASAP and take everything you want to keep with you - and not tell anyone where you have gone - no one. Doing that takes planning and smarts - get advice.  If you want a lawyer who is an Expat send me a PM.

 

 

Got it, will do T&G thank you

[Aust24R]

On 3/30/2024 at 7:55 AM, Artisi said:

Does mum have any tangible assets like land, gold etc. If yes - exchange the assets for the debt. 

She sold the land I bought to help service the debt repayments. I doubt with her situation she has tangible assets Artisi. Only the obvious ones like the biggest red truck in the village and the latest iPhone again i imagine. The debt I feel has been instrumental in this whole saga, the pivot upon which my wife left several months ago to work. Leaving her husband working in China for 9 months to honor an employment contract. The debts now, whilst pivotal are a bit of a moot point in the bigger picture. But certainly a catalyst. 

[Aust24R]

On 3/30/2024 at 7:49 AM, stupidfarang said:

yes walk, and you say she wants a divorce. It is hard to leave someone when you love them, yet what they are doing to you now is not from someone who loves you, the hurt and anger will only get worse if you stay. Many of us have been in the same situation, life will be a lot better once you get past her.

SF thank you, I know you speak the truth mate

[Aust24R]

Got it GP thank you

[Aust24R]

On 3/30/2024 at 7:49 AM, stupidfarang said:

yes walk, and you say she wants a divorce. It is hard to leave someone when you love them, yet what they are doing to you now is not from someone who loves you, the hurt and anger will only get worse if you stay. Many of us have been in the same situation, life will be a lot better once you get past her.

I know this wisdom must come from your own experience SF, thank you sharing this. I've taken your advice on board. Rgds

[Aust24R]

On 3/30/2024 at 7:11 AM, stupidfarang said:

Sorry to hear the bad news. Think of this as a game of chess, plan your next moves carefully especially if children are involved. many of us have had simalar experinces, one thing I know if they are seeing other men then very unlikly they will stop. Wishing you all the best.

Thank you SF

[Aust24R]

On 3/29/2024 at 12:24 PM, Dolf said:

How much were you paying a month?

25 Dolf, and it was never enough

[Aust24R]

On 3/29/2024 at 12:45 PM, brianthainess said:

Sorry not read all posts but just where does her debt come from, my guess is gambling, you already brought land for her, that she has sold, jeez mate.

Run forest run. I would refuse point blank. "Are you kidding me Tilak? she sold land I paid for now want's more money, it ain't going to happen"  Bye Bye.

Thank you for the support mate

[FruitPudding]

On 3/29/2024 at 11:23 AM, Aust24R said:

I wanted to say thanks again to those replying with constructive help thank you. The mother's demands to help pay off her debt has almost become a moot point overnight. I'm working in China until July,  my wife went back to Thailand in November as she wanted to try a job. I've been absorbing her anger for months from a distance. Overnight (after I started this post), I managed to talk with her on video. It wasn't good. She admitted she'd been with other men in these last months on Samui since she left here. Again, the mothers demands have almost become incidental compared to the bigger picture. We are still married. I have a right to see my wife and talk. But now it'll be limited to knocking on her door as she's refusing to talk and has blocked. Yet she still happy took this months salary a few weeks ago. No more i can tell you. I'm trying to keep my head above water with it all. Regards

 

So, what's the problem at this point?

 

She isn't talking to you. Good.

 

Why can't you just walk away a free man?

[Aust24R]

4 minutes ago, FruitPudding said:

 

So, what's the problem at this point?

 

She isn't talking to you. Good.

 

Why can't you just walk away a free man?

Thank you mate, you are right. I will need to do just that

[stupidfarang]

On 4/5/2024 at 5:59 PM, Aust24R said:

Yes @TroubleandGrumpy she said she has a huge load on her shoulders and her mother I think has tasked her with paying off the 1M. I have held firm on a no. She said she is the pillar of the family and has intense loyalty to her mother. I doubt she wants to leave the country,  she certainly doesn't want to return to China to be with her husband until the contract ends in 4 months,  and I feel this would be the only way to stop her going out and sleeping with other men. I like @BritManToo 's idea of not agreeing to any divorce.  Yet. I mean, both the debt and infidelity stuff have arisen suddenly 4 months away from retirement. Sigh. @Kinnockhas been a solid support for me, thank you to the words and advice from everything. I'm just trying to navigate this as best I can. Money is offshore. Mother has sold land I bought to pay off debts. After arriving here yesterday, I told her the only way to stop her going out with the intention of meeting other men is for her to get on a flight with me back to China for 4 months as my wife. Or for me to immediately resign from this job.  Her response tonight 'you can't stop me'. What I have stopped immediately is all financial support. Thank you, I gain from your words, really, rgds

Four months left on your contract, stick with the contract would be my advice, gives you time to focus on work and time to get over what is happening. I know from experince that if a partner is seeing other men, that will not change plus you say she has asked for a divorce so you know already she is not staying. 

 

Life will get better.

[Aust24R]

5 hours ago, stupidfarang said:

Four months left on your contract, stick with the contract would be my advice, gives you time to focus on work and time to get over what is happening. I know from experince that if a partner is seeing other men, that will not change plus you say she has asked for a divorce so you know already she is not staying. 

 

Life will get better.

Thank you mate, I'm very grateful for your words

[Aust24R]

A bit of a postscript. Discovered wife had taken on freelance work to pay off mother's debt. Her anger towards me hadn't subsided, nor had calls of divorce from 6000 kms away when I'm working. I'm doing my best to cope, some days easier than others. I'm especially taking your advice @BritManToo and @Kinnock to walk and not do anything when i arrive back in 8 weeks time. I've gained from everyone's advice here that remind me what I need to do thank you. I won't be spoken to like dirt anymore as had been her defence. Will try and enjoy my retirement

Edited May 25 by Aust24R

[scubascuba3]

10 hours ago, Aust24R said:

A bit of a postscript. Discovered wife had taken on freelance work to pay off mother's debt. Her anger towards me hadn't subsided, nor had calls of divorce from 6000 kms away when I'm working. I'm doing my best to cope, some days easier than others. I'm especially taking your advice @BritManToo and @Kinnock to walk and not do anything when i arrive back in 8 weeks time. I've gained from everyone's advice here that remind me what I need to do thank you. I won't be spoken to like dirt anymore as had been her defence. Will try and enjoy my retirement

Find someone new, start again, no shortage in Thailand