Is being a gay expat (and/or gay retired expat) in Thailand really as great as the hype?

[Jingthing]

I think we know the hype.

For foreigners anyway, you won't have any problems being accepted for being gay. You'll likely have other problems but it won't be because you're gay.

For those so inclined there is the readily abundant commercial scene in the expat havens, as well as the apps.

So does that make Thailand a "paradise" for gay foreigners?

Perhaps not quite. 

At the end of the day, does the commercial thing corrupt the attitude of Thais making it very very hard for gay foreigners to have anything other than transactional relationships here whether explicit or covered up with face saving rationalizations?

I got this idea by watching a video from an American talking about best countries to move to for gay expats, and he was suggesting certain European countries are ultimately better than Thailand because the interactions could be more authentic and that Thailand was particularly extremely corrupted by the commercial thing.

A bitcoin for your thoughts?

Edited June 16 by Jingthing

[n00dle]

15 minutes ago, Jingthing said:

I think we know the hype.

For foreigners anyway, you won't have any problems being accepted for being gay. You'll likely have other problems but it won't be because you're gay.

For those so inclined there is the readily abundant commercial scene in the expat havens, as well as the apps.

So does that make Thailand a "paradise" for gay foreigners?

Perhaps not quite. 

At the end of the day, does the commercial thing corrupt the attitude of Thais making it very very hard for gay foreigners to have anything other than transactional relationships here whether explicit or covered up with face saving rationalizations?

I got this idea by watching a video from an American talking about best countries to move to for gay expats, and he was suggesting certain European countries are ultimately better than Thailand because the interactions could be more authentic and that Thailand was particularly extremely corrupted by the commercial thing.

A bitcoin for your thoughts?

why don't you tell us? 

[Jingthing]

15 minutes ago, n00dle said:

why don't you tell us? 

Well I agree with premise that the transactional cultural thing might be great as a tourist but kind of bad as an expat 

 

I wonder how it compares to being gay living in the Philippines. I've only been a tourist there but I got the impression that because of more English and more of a western influenced culture that things could more easily be more sincere and less transactional. Could be wrong.

 

I have a funny story. While I was still a tourist I had a long term thing with a Thai and an expat told me if I moved here someone like him wouldn't give me the time of day. I didn't understand then. Now I do.

 

Edited June 16 by Jingthing

[Juana Tenderloin]

Multiple posts removed (and a reply) for Gay People in Thailand code of conduct violation.

 

Disrespect towards LGBTQ+ people or issues 

 

Members: Please read the newly updated code of conduct for this subforum.

Edited June 17 by Juana Tenderloin

[KhunLA]

Hype ??? and which do you prefer ?

... relationship 

... sexpat (free)

... P4P

[Jingthing]

49 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

Hype ??? and which do you prefer ?

... relationship 

... sexpat (free)

... P4P

None of the above.

 

I'm here, I'm queer, and Thailand is my "home" (pending current extension stamps).

 

But enough about me.

 

I think the gist of this topic is that it's hard to refute that Thailand is a truly incredible destination for gay tourists.

 

But when those gay tourists become gay expats, sooner or later, it becomes questionable if Thalland is highly recommendable to gay foreigners for the long haul. 

 

▷ Gays in Thailand 🏳️‍🌈 Is it a LGBT paradise? [2024]

[Baht Simpson]

I think if you go to live anywhere thinking it's paradise you're in for a rude awakening.  I imagine it's even more so looking for an LGBT paradise. Tourists learn little about a country other than avenues of fun.

 

I've never been on the gay scene as such and my partner isn't that way inclined either, so I don't need any of the steretypical LGBT trappings. That makes it easier for us.  We just live a quiet life with a small circle of friends.  It's worked for us for the last 20 years.

 

 

[Juana Tenderloin]

Comment on moderation and a troll post removed.

Edited June 17 by Juana Tenderloin

[mfd101]

17 hours ago, Jingthing said:

does the commercial thing corrupt the attitude of Thais making it very very hard for gay foreigners to have anything other than transactional relationships

How is this different from 'straight' experiences & relationships?

 

For what it's worth, I met my b/f 'commercially' in late 2011, we were together longterm by mid 2012 including first visit to The Family here in Surin, followed by a village marriage ceremony mid-2013 and a year together in BKK, followed by a year together & 'partnership' in Oz in 2014-15, followed by definitive removal to Thailand in late 2015, happily settled here ever since.

[ignore it]

If they are looking for romance they should get a Joan Collins novel, as anyone coming to Thailand looking for true "love" (gay or straight or whatever) is going to get exactly what they can pay for.

 

 

[n00dle]

20 hours ago, Jingthing said:

 

I wonder how it compares to being gay living in the Philippines. I've only been a tourist there but I got the impression that because of more English and more of a western influenced culture that things could more easily be more sincere and less transactional. Could be wrong.

 

Don't delude your self the grass is not any greener. Philipinos are ruthless and the whole English-speaking thing is a myth. The upper and middle classes speak English, the rest get lost the second you go off script.  

 

Anywhere there is a wealth or expectational imbalance,  relationships will be transactional. In those situations gay doesn't age well. 

[newnative]

13 hours ago, Baht Simpson said:

I think if you go to live anywhere thinking it's paradise you're in for a rude awakening.  I imagine it's even more so looking for an LGBT paradise. Tourists learn little about a country other than avenues of fun.

 

I've never been on the gay scene as such and my partner isn't that way inclined either, so I don't need any of the steretypical LGBT trappings. That makes it easier for us.  We just live a quiet life with a small circle of friends.  It's worked for us for the last 20 years.

 

 

Same for my spouse and myself.  And, I suspect, for quite a few.

[n00dle]

13 hours ago, Jingthing said:

But when those gay tourists become gay expats, sooner or later, it becomes questionable if Thalland is highly recommendable to gay foreigners for the long hau

 

i dont see it as a uniquely gay dilemma, but rather universal

[1FinickyOne]

21 hours ago, Jingthing said:

if I moved here someone like him wouldn't give me the time of day.

Is it any different for straight people? There are many different variations on relationships... 

 

Most relationships have much more to do with what we put into to them too...

 

ps - if you want the time of day, get a watch. 

Edited June 17 by 1FinickyOne

[CharlieKo]

21 hours ago, Jingthing said:

Well I agree with premise that the transactional cultural thing might be great as a tourist but kind of bad as an expat

 

Surely that is the same for heterosexual relationships and not just for gay relationships. I'm sure there are sincere gays looking for a relationship. You just have to find the right one, as do straight people.   

[Jingthing]

31 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

Is it any different for straight people? There are many different variations on relationships... 

 

Most relationships have much more to do with what we put into to them too...

 

ps - if you want the time of day, get a watch. 

Any different?

I've never been a straight person in Thailand or anywhere so

...

Maybe bi people can have an informed opinion  on that question. 

But the topic isn't about that but people seem to want to push it in that direction. 

I can think of similarities and differences but again that isn't the topic.

As stated this topic occurred to me after watching a video by a gay man talking about good places for gays specifically to move abroad.

He made negative comments about Thailand as detailed before.

I have often seen Thailand marketed as a gay paradise specifically a gay paradise.

Obviously no place on earth is really a paradise gay or not but still, people will understandably be attracted to such promoted places regardless. 

 

Edited June 17 by Jingthing

[Juana Tenderloin]

A disrespectful post and reply to same removed.

The member didn't realize this is a gay community forum.

Kindly read tbe code of conduct pinned at the top.

[Felton Jarvis]

I am strictly a straight expat but Thailand takes the prize as the most "gay-friendly" place I have ever visited. One of my previous girlfriends was extremely proud when her daughter came out as lesbian. No fear of pregnancy and a solution to many problems to hear her tell it. Whatever floats your boat.

[Jingthing]

16 minutes ago, Felton Jarvis said:

I am strictly a straight expat but Thailand takes the prize as the most "gay-friendly" place I have ever visited. One of my previous girlfriends was extremely proud when her daughter came out as lesbian. No fear of pregnancy and a solution to many problems to hear her tell it. Whatever floats your boat.

It's subjective and I've only been there as a tourist but I felt Amsterdam was even more gay friendly.

[n00dle]

2 hours ago, Jingthing said:

Any different?

I've never been a straight person in Thailand or anywhere so

...

Maybe bi people can have an informed opinion  on that question. 

But the topic isn't about that but people seem to want to push it in that direction. 

I can think of similarities and differences but again that isn't the topic.

As stated this topic occurred to me after watching a video by a gay man talking about good places for gays specifically to move abroad.

He made negative comments about Thailand as detailed before.

I have often seen Thailand marketed as a gay paradise specifically a gay paradise.

Obviously no place on earth is really a paradise gay or not but still, people will understandably be attracted to such promoted places regardless. 

 

ok then, so to simplify, anwhere there is a massive educational and financial imbalance between partners you are likely to see more transactional relationships.  Wher cultures and finances align, that is less the case.

[Jingthing]

28 minutes ago, n00dle said:

ok then, so to simplify, anwhere there is a massive educational and financial imbalance between partners you are likely to see more transactional relationships.  Wher cultures and finances align, that is less the case.

I think there is a range of the transactional factor for ALL kinds of human relationships but I also think because of the tourism / foreigners seen as walking ATMS culture in Thailand, there are more challenges in tempering that than in most other countries.

 

We have some people posting here that either didn't feel that it was such a challenge and/or overcame the challenges and that's great, but I am speaking in generalities (which may or may not be true). 

 

I remember before I had a car (which I had at age 16) that I had friends who had cars and they could be real good friends but the fact that they had a car made them more desirable and that fact couldn't be denied so feelings of maybe using or being used were at least under the surface.

 

Edited June 17 by Jingthing

[Baht Simpson]

3 hours ago, Jingthing said:

It's subjective and I've only been there as a tourist but I felt Amsterdam was even more gay friendly.

Gran Canaria has been gay-friendly for decades and is safe and relaxing for LGBT. A few wonderul holidays there.

[1FinickyOne]

8 hours ago, Jingthing said:

Any different?

I've never been a straight person in Thailand or anywhere so

...

Maybe bi people can have an informed opinion  on that question. 

But the topic isn't about that but people seem to want to push it in that direction. 

I can think of similarities and differences but again that isn't the topic.

As stated this topic occurred to me after watching a video by a gay man talking about good places for gays specifically to move abroad.

He made negative comments about Thailand as detailed before.

I have often seen Thailand marketed as a gay paradise specifically a gay paradise.

Obviously no place on earth is really a paradise gay or not but still, people will understandably be attracted to such promoted places regardless. 

 

I think that the culture of a country is encompassed in the entire country... a permissive country will be permissive for all those alphabet letters that they use... Cm is decked out w/pretty streamers and my niece told me it is for gay pride month.... a whole month - - or why not every day? Everything is perspective... it seems pretty free here to me... 

 

Though I am not sure what goes on in the countries where people lack pigment... but I don't imagine it is any more free... especially my home country where they seem to randomly gun down everyone. 

[Juana Tenderloin]

Troll post removed.

[Caldera]

On 6/16/2024 at 2:01 PM, Jingthing said:

At the end of the day, does the commercial thing corrupt the attitude of Thais making it very very hard for gay foreigners to have anything other than transactional relationships here whether explicit or covered up with face saving rationalizations?

 

Not at all.

 

Those foreigners who can only have transactional relationships have nobody than themselves to blame - I know a few of those types, they've spent too much time with sex workers (m/f/x) and are unable to have normal interactions with normal people. 

 

Blaming Thailand for choosing this path is a bit rich!

[Jingthing]

3 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

I think that the culture of a country is encompassed in the entire country... a permissive country will be permissive for all those alphabet letters that they use... Cm is decked out w/pretty streamers and my niece told me it is for gay pride month.... a whole month - - or why not every day? Everything is perspective... it seems pretty free here to me... 

 

Though I am not sure what goes on in the countries where people lack pigment... but I don't imagine it is any more free... especially my home country where they seem to randomly gun down everyone. 

The vast majority of gay expats are in a limited number of places in Thailand so they don't deal with the culture of the entire country actually.

Why gay pride month?

I don't know. I didn't set that.

Straight people have their dominance in every nation in the world for all world history for the entire year every year, so maybe a month in some more tolerant countries such as Thailand isn't as excessive as it might seem to some. 

Edited June 17 by Jingthing

[Jingthing]

41 minutes ago, Caldera said:

 

Not at all.

 

Those foreigners who can only have transactional relationships have nobody than themselves to blame - I know a few of those types, they've spent too much time with sex workers (m/f/x) and are unable to have normal interactions with normal people. 

 

Blaming Thailand for choosing this path is a bit rich!

Thanks for sharing your strong opinion.

 

Edited June 17 by Jingthing

[Caldera]

54 minutes ago, Jingthing said:

Thanks for sharing your strong opinion.

 

You're welcome. But I'd call it an observation. When people start their relationship with Thailand as a sex tourist or sexpat, it does something with them and with their ability to have noncommercial relationships.

 

Take the "pay them to leave" attitude for example. Once that has taken hold, it will be off-putting to anyone interested in any serious relationship.

 

Thailand has no lack of potential partners for both kinds (commercial vs romantic). You choose which ones you attract, they can read you just like you can read them.

[susanlea]

Thailand is great for lesbians. Lots of good looking women. What country is better?

[1FinickyOne]

12 hours ago, Jingthing said:

The vast majority of gay expats are in a limited number of places in Thailand so they don't deal with the culture of the entire country

But it is the fact that such an accepting countrywide culture, makes it not only possible but likely that a few port towns will welcome sailors of all stripes... no?