Why do retirees marry in Thailand ?

[Hummin]

3 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Yes, in a way, up to a certain degree.

 

Often Thai women marry farangs who have, compared to them, more money. That's just the way it is, and not only in Thailand.

And because we are in Thailand, and they are Thai, they have certain expectations how their husbands should behave.

Ok, fine, they can have those expectations. But do we have to live up to those expectations, and is that in our interest?

 

For many Thai women the perfect situation would probably be that her new husband builds a new house in her village. Her family is welcome at any time. Food and drinks are plenty, just come, sit in front of the TV, and drink and eat. Enjoy!

But do we have to do all that? And all the time? 

Some guys think they built the house where she wants, and they think from time to time the family can visit, no problem.

But how about if the family see that in a different way? Will he literally throw them out?

So, some of us decide it is probably better not to build a house in the wife's village.

So then, how often should we visit, and where should we stay? And should we buy the food and drinks for one day or for the whole week?

Or maybe not visit at all?

 

At the end for some of us it's a question with how much family life we get away with.

And likely we should set the boundaries fast. Because after some facts are established, it's not so easy to change them again the way we want.

 

And because of the money situation we are not in a bad position to haggle. She wants to have a "rich" boyfriend/husband. And if she had for a couple of months a rich boyfriend, then she doesn't want to tell the family after a few months: Now we separated, I don't have any money anymore for you. So maybe one of her options is to tell the family that (maybe) they will marry later or something like that.

 

Or she walks away and looks for the rich guy who will marry her. And they you can ask yourself if that is bad or if you are lucky that you escaped before she had full access to your money. 

 

 

 

You have good points, thats why I had been with my girl for 6 years before marrying her, and lived up in her village both in her family house, and later during covid built our own place close to the parents. Her family is ok, have no demands, but for sure they benefits from us, having work, and also future security for us being there for them, as they are there for us. Mutual exploitation you can say in a good way. 

 

Now when we are leaving, her brother will find work in the neighboor district to be closer while we are away, so it is a family who care for each other. I understand not everyone find a good family to marry, and literally you marrying a family not only the girl.

 

I didn't plan to marry either, but the covid experience changed my mind, because of less rights as a couple, than married, and also her having dual citizenship will make things easier if simular crises happen in future.

[OneMoreFarang]

7 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

More perception than experience, and also logic.

 

Why would a young, attractive woman stay with a much older retired foreigner and care for him until death, if she doesn't stand to get a major payout when he dies? (When she could have spent time finding someone who would marry her and ensure she is taken care of.)

 

I guess he could be paying her a wage, but that's just the different side of the same coin.

 

You talk about "liking/loving", so I think you've possibly misunderstood what kind of relationship my comment describes. It's very much a quid pro quo.

 

I saw too guy who got divorced and lost a lot of money to their former beloved wife. Personally, I decided not to do that - if I can avoid it.

My gf lives in a nice condo together with me, she eats good food, has enough money to visit her family, etc.

I plan to leave my money, or what is left of it, to her when I die. Probably she will never have to work again.

She knows that I love her (since many years) and she expects that that is what I will do. And, if she doesn't screw up, that is what I will do.

I don't plan to get her out and have a girl half her age sometime later - if I am happy with her.

It's in her interest to keep me happy. And if she does that, she will have a good life as long as I live and after I die.

In my case, my gf accepted that deal. Is it perfect for her? No, it would be better if I marry her.

Would she be able to get a better deal with another guy? Possibly. But I wouldn't bet on that. And if she would want to exchange me for another guy who wants to marry her and who is nice and all that, this will take time. And it would require that she stops the relationship with me first to look for someone else.

So now she can decide if she is happy with a good situation, or if she wants to risk finding a better situation.

 

Is my behavior fair? I don't know. I am ready to support her until the end of my days and leave everything to her.

But I don't want to have a contract that I have to do that. It's up to me.

 

 

[Franck60]

8 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

I saw too guy who got divorced and lost a lot of money to their former beloved wife. Personally, I decided not to do that - if I can avoid it.

My gf lives in a nice condo together with me, she eats good food, has enough money to visit her family, etc.

I plan to leave my money, or what is left of it, to her when I die. Probably she will never have to work again.

She knows that I love her (since many years) and she expects that that is what I will do. And, if she doesn't screw up, that is what I will do.

I don't plan to get her out and have a girl half her age sometime later - if I am happy with her.

It's in her interest to keep me happy. And if she does that, she will have a good life as long as I live and after I die.

In my case, my gf accepted that deal. Is it perfect for her? No, it would be better if I marry her.

Would she be able to get a better deal with another guy? Possibly. But I wouldn't bet on that. And if she would want to exchange me for another guy who wants to marry her and who is nice and all that, this will take time. And it would require that she stops the relationship with me first to look for someone else.

So now she can decide if she is happy with a good situation, or if she wants to risk finding a better situation.

 

Is my behavior fair? I don't know. I am ready to support her until the end of my days and leave everything to her.

But I don't want to have a contract that I have to do that. It's up to me.

 

 

 

Thanks for sharing. Obviously, it makes sense to leave her everything. It all makes sense. Fair/Unfair… I’m no one to judge. I will mull it over, 

[jerrymahoney]

Has the OP really ever been to Thailand? When I lived in Khon  Kaen there was a group of French gents who met every morning -- I once tried to say Hello! but the gent said no English whether he could or not. But I was friendly with one of the Frenchmen who owned a restaurant I used to visit.

 

Maybe you can find such a French underground in wherever it is you tend to at least visit Thailand in the next 5 years.

[BobBKK]

2 hours ago, rabas said:

 

I married a cook.

 

Why eat at the same restaurant? 

[BobBKK]

4 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

I could. 
 

To me pizza is like a bj, don’t think I have ever said no to either.

 

Even a frozen one slightly burnt is still good, not the same as a wood fire crafted by an expert, but still better than no pizza.

 Well, in the West, some pizza is better than no pizza, I agree. Many of us come here for different pizzas with different toppings; we think it's more interesting than the tired old pizza we used to get back home.

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

 Well, in the West, some pizza is better than no pizza, I agree. Many of us come here for different pizzas with different toppings; we think it's more interesting than the tired old pizza we used to get back home.

Some of us eat alot of pizza when younger, and are now moved on to finer dining 😉

 

It's called growing up

[Yellowtail]

8 hours ago, Ralf001 said:

Much better to rent em.

If it flies, floats or fu*ks, rent it. 

[BobBKK]

33 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Some of us eat alot of pizza when younger, and are now moved on to finer dining 😉

 

It's called growing up

 It's called boring, lame and codependent - but whatever floats your boat.

[Hummin]

10 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

 It's called boring, lame and codependent - but whatever floats your boat.

I have seen enough old men think they are 19 again, not a pretty sight 

[rabas]

41 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

Why eat at the same restaurant? 

 

We eat anywhere we want, she cooks everything. 

 

Why waste time searching for new restaurants never knowing what the food will be like?

 

And old restaurants, the best ones, may not let you back in. Did you do something?  

 

[Yellowtail]

I like eating at home. 

[BobBKK]

4 minutes ago, Hummin said:

I have seen enough old men think they are 19 again, not a pretty sight 

 Sometimes it's not. I agree - anyway we can all choose.

[BobBKK]

3 minutes ago, rabas said:

 

We eat anywhere we want, she cooks everything. 

 

Why waste time searching for new restaurants never knowing what the food will be like?

 

And old restaurants, the best ones, may not let you back in. Did you do something?  

 

 
Part of the fun is not knowing, but old restaurants are dirtier, creaking at the edges and need renovation. Fresh is best.

[FruitPudding]

10 hours ago, Kinnock said:

Unless you're paying for a woman to be with you, a relationship is a two-way partnership.

 

If you're not committed, what are you bringing to the table except your wallet?

 

Very often after marriage, it's just a one way street.

[rabas]

3 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

 
Part of the fun is not knowing, but old restaurants are dirtier, creaking at the edges and need renovation. Fresh is best.

 

I meant the nicer (tastier) restaurants you ate at before may not want you back in.  

 

I have a secret for you. Fast food is not the best food. 

[BobBKK]

12 minutes ago, rabas said:

 

I meant the nicer (tastier) restaurants you ate at before may not want you back in.  

 

I have a secret for you. Fast food is not the best food. 

 I know what you meant, but I'd rather move on anyway. Fast food can satisfy one's appetite when the mood occurs - all else is an illusion, more or less.

[Hummin]

4 hours ago, BobBKK said:

 I know what you meant, but I'd rather move on anyway. Fast food can satisfy one's appetite when the mood occurs - all else is an illusion, more or less.

My illusion is as good as any other illusion, after all I'm the creator

 

 

 

 

[SiSePuede419]

Being married is great.

You can fantasize about having sex with anyone you want.

When you have sex with your wife once a week.

It's great. 👍

[thaibeachlovers]

20 hours ago, BobBKK said:

 Haha, enjoy the pizza—everyone is different. I like different flavourings, and I think double-cheese daily bores me. I have been here 15 years, coming here 25 years - never once thought of a relationship. Variety is the spice of life!

I like routine. I've been eating hot dogs ( the food variety ) most of my life- never get boring.

I stopped exploring the world after I discovered Thailand and spent decades exploring it- didn't need to look anywhere else.

Same with pizza. Was perfectly happy with the basic ham and cheese version.

[bkk6060]

If someone wants to start a family marriage could be a good idea.  If not, why get married?  Why have a legal contract for a relationship?

Plenty of women will stay with you not married.

The married who say: I do not pay.. are mostly liars.  You pay, you pay.  

[spidermike007]

Nearly everyone I know tells me that their wives do not try as hard, once they are married. That the motivation to be all they can be just sort of disappears. I can see if for myself. They often do not seem the same as they were before. And this especially applies once the kids were born, though that might happen here, to some extent too.

 

Fortunately, I do not know about that part of the equation. Here, I do not see that happening as often. For some reason, the cultural differences allow the women here to be a greater version of themselves. Does that make sense? I realize if you are a Western woman, it is not easy reading this stuff. And certainly this does not apply to everyone, either here or there. Some in the west are just exceptional, and capable to rising against the tide. But, it does apply to most, from my point of view.

 

Always remember one very important fact. You are a man. You have as much control as you are able to establish. You set the agenda. Time is always your ally. Not hers. She is almost always going to be in a hurry to make things happen. And lastly, if she is willing to come and stay with a guy she has never met before, she has more than likely been working as a bar girl, in a special massage parlor, or as an escort or freelancer. Very few real "civilians" would move that fast, nor be that forward. Buyer beware. And be good to yourself. Be a man. Leave behind the Western ways of emasculation.

 

 

[metisdead]

A post with an offensive and derogatory comment toward Thailand contravening our Community Standards has been removed.

[PingRoundTheWorld]

On 7/7/2024 at 2:14 AM, Kinnock said:

Unless you're paying for a woman to be with you, a relationship is a two-way partnership.

You always pay one way or another. Some men are just delusional that they're not. Even if you're not giving her cash - if you're paying the rent, food, her car, insurance, etc etc - you are paying for her. If you bring more money into the "partnership" than she does - you are paying. The real difference between a wife and a rental gf is the gf will put more effort into pleasing you. The wife doesn't need to - she owns you already.

 

On 7/7/2024 at 2:14 AM, Kinnock said:

If all you require from a woman is sex, with no emotional bond, no real caring or passion, then just pay.  If you want more, you need to invest more than cash.

There is zero reason for a man to get married - especially not in Thailand when replacing models to a younger one if the current one gets big ideas is so easy. My ex-gf pre-Covid started nagging me about her friends getting married and she wants to too. I disregarded it at first, but she became more and more insufferable and jealous until I eventually dumped her and happily moved on. The really stupid part is that when I asked her WHY she wants to get married so badly she replied she wants to ensure I can't leave her because it would cost me a lot of money to do so. Literally said exactly why I should NOT marry her. The even funnier part is that after I ditched her she went back to her ex who cheated on her and she used to trash talk all the time (hint: major red flag that showed what was to come, in retrospect).

[save the frogs]

1 hour ago, bkk6060 said:

If someone wants to start a family marriage could be a good idea.  If not, why get married?  Why have a legal contract for a relationship?

legal contract is needed to protect the woman in case the man knocks her up and leaves.

 

you may not be planning to have a family, but it could happen by accident.

 

she needs to be with someone she can fully trust if there is no contract as she is taking a risk. 

 

[newbee2022]

On 7/7/2024 at 5:01 AM, Franck60 said:

Hey guys!
I often read stories about westerners or even western retirees marrying Thai women in Thailand.

 

It makes me wonder… Why marry? Is it a religious upbringing which helps determine this kind of decision ? Aren’t they still « free » of this? What else makes them choose to marry?

 

I’m 59 yo and I intend to retire in Thailand in 5 years’ time. I’ve been living alone for a while. I need to leave « boring » Europe to explore a new culture and setup. 

 

I’d be interested in a relationship but not in a marriage. I wouldn’t be interested in meeting her family either. Why complicate my life? I don’t have much family left in France either.

 

I tend to think like this because I believe I would be safer if I keep my distance. I’d need a relationship but not a thai family. 

 

It’s hard enough to navigate an entire new culture. Why tie oneself up so tightly that it becomes to break loose ? What do you think, guys ?

 

English is a second language. I hope I get my message through all right.

Better you'll stay away. 👍

[FolkGuitar]

People keep asking; "Why get married?"

The answer is;  "When you meet the right person, you will know why."

 

That may sound simplistic, but that's the facts, Jack!

When you know, you know.

[jerrymahoney]

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

Always remember one very important fact. You are a man. You have as much control as you are able to establish. You set the agenda. Time is always your ally. Not hers.

Maybe it's a bit early for your "only one captain of the ship" spiel. As best a I can tell from his posts, the OP guy has maybe never even been to Thailand.

[NanLaew]

Being a sociopath is a lot easier when you don't understand either the language or the culture.

[1FinickyOne]

There are various reasons to marry and various types of marriage. We have a village wedding which has no paperwork or legal standing. That was 24 years ago and I guess for us it has been a loose agreement of making each other's life better - - which has changed through the years with the core principal remaining the same.

 

My wife is from a large close knit family and I lived happily amongst them for near 20 years and this has been a pleasure.