Should I Tell My Friend That His Girlfriend Is Trans?

[bangadang]

If he knows, it's none of your business. If you are a close friend, you can mention it carefully and subtly if he doesn't know. If they got married and he finds out later and asks you, "Did you know?" What will you say? 

[madone]

3 minutes ago, patman30 said:

why can't some people comment on anything without bringing politics into the conversation
bringing up politics at every opportunity is not the signal you may think it is.
Another one on the ignore list. 

 

To be frank, I did it to piss you off. It gave me a bit of a chuckle.  So little here does.

I'm sick of pretty much everything AN -- from the fixation and endless rehashing of American politics to the AI-generated news items and blatant attempts at AI-driven "think pieces" to the diapered geriatrics discussing cheese, in reckon the place is dying a slow ignominious death  hastened by every change ion ownership,

Edited 15 hours ago by madone

[Bday Prang]

1 hour ago, patman30 said:

why can't some people comment on anything without bringing politics into the conversation
bringing up politics at every opportunity is not the signal you may think it is.
Another one on the ignore list. 

But But what about red bull kid?

Edited 14 hours ago by Bday Prang

[Brick Top]

If i were you i would i would be looking for some 

" Hard Evidence " before putting my foot in it

[scottiejohn]

56 minutes ago, Brick Top said:

If i were you i would i would be looking for some 

" Hard Evidence " before putting my foot in it

If he finds "hard evidence" that would mean there was now only one place to put a foot into!

Edited 10 hours ago by scottiejohn

[owl sees all]

Of course tell him. Wouldn't want him to have a hesrt attack on his first night would we?

 

Don't have to be rude. Just say; ''That person you are dating is really a man.''

[JK-Trilly]

Well, I went through with it. I sat down with John over coffee and told him directly what I thought. It wasn’t easy, and honestly, I could barely find the right words, but I knew I had to rip the bandage off at that point. 

 

John’s reaction was a mix of acceptance and devastation. He took in what I said about Lek potentially being trans, or as he put it, a “ladyboy,” and after a moment, he nodded. He said something like, “This is Thailand, right?” as if he’d half-expected something like this could be the case all along. But then the reality hit, and he just looked completely gutted. Knowing that having a family with Lek might now be off the table really shattered him, and that part was hard to watch. I could see he’s very much in love with her, so it’s complicated.

 

At one point late in the conversation, I told John that if he really had doubts, he could ask to see Lek’s Thai government ID card. The ID would still show Lek's real gender at birth, so that would confirm things for him. When I mentioned this, I could see it sink in for him that what I was saying wasn’t some mistake or misunderstanding on my end. I think that is when he really accepted that it was all very likely real—and that I hadn’t just misread the situation.

 

But here’s where things get even stranger. During our conversation, John started questioning if this means he’s been “gay” for being with Lek, which I think shows just how confused and shaken he is. He asked me outright if I thought it made him “less of a man” that he’d been in a relationship with someone who was born male. He kept saying things like, “Does this mean I’m into men now?” and even mentioned how it would be “humiliating” if anyone back in Australia found out.

 

And then things took an even weirder turn. Apparently, John and Lek sometimes have a third person join them—Lek’s close “girlfriend” from Bangkok. Now he’s wondering if he’s been having group sex with two men this whole time, which he admitted is making him feel sick just thinking about it. I don’t know what to tell him; I can barely wrap my head around the whole enchilada myself. It's such an unusual situation. 

 

On top of that, John admitted that he’s in the process of building a new house for them to stay together part of the time down in Lek’s hometown of Songkhla. Lek's mother will stay in the house too and help to look after it while they aren't there. He’s already put quite a bit of money into it, and now I suspect Lek is benefiting financially from the relationship in more ways than one. Part of me worries that this house investment could be a big mistake, knowing she’s not been fully honest with him and that financial gain might be a big part of her motivation.

 

And here’s where it gets really unpredictable. John wants to confront Lek directly and get the truth, but he’s already thinking of ways to “test” her before the conversation. He mentioned he might ask her about kids again to gauge her reaction, but to me, that just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen and avoids the point. He also hinted at some strange ideas he’s seen online for “proving” if someone is trans, which makes me worry he’s too emotional and losing focus on the real issues here. He just has to confront her now directly.

 

At this point, I’m really not sure where things will go. I want to support him, but I feel like he’s heading into dangerous territory in more ways than one. I wish I could help him get a grip on his own identity after all this, but to be honest, I’m starting to wonder if it’s best to step back from this friendship with John, as things may only get more chaotic from here.

[Alpha84]

12 hours ago, patman30 said:

for $1000, i will take, things that never happened

another engagement account
another on the ignore list
baffles me how so many AN members still engaging with these obvious engagement posts

 

You sound really frustrated. Making ignore lists of people who haven't even caused you any grief. Why even bother coming on the site then if you don't like the people or the content? Or is it just that there is nowhere else you can go to whinge about nonsense or let out your frustrations, so you come here? You are free to leave if you can't handle all the stress. You know that right?

 

Edited 2 hours ago by Alpha84