Did you have a happy Childhood?

[1FinickyOne]

36 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

My father taught me to stay out of debt

So, you never bought a house? You never leveraged your money to increase it? 

 

Maybe people can be a "brain" in some small unimportant areas while greatly lacking minimal basic common sense in other areas. Where I came from, people were not looked down upon for being brilliant - they shone and were rewarded... They invested wisely, freely sought each others advice - - they built businesses and used their profits to help others and live good lives. 

 

Most of it was new money made after the war - and their manners and kindness  to others was impeccable. Creating scholarships for promising students was a regular activity.

 

maybe you feel you didn't fit in because you walk around proclaiming yourself smarter than everyone else? How many times here on this meaningless forum of strangers have you proclaimed you are soooo smart, Mr. .000009%? Surely there are other smart people here but they don't spend half their posts proclaiming how smart they are..

 

My father and brother always belonged to golf clubs - they never felt the need to proclaim them 'high end' golf clubs - - 

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, MalcolmB said:

I didnt realize I was having such an impact.

 

My childhood was great, lots of fun, holidays, friends and early introduction to girls.

 

It makes me sick the new generation of soft kocks who whine and whine how hard they have it in the western world, bitching about how hard they have it and have anxiety.

 

We have never had it so easy in the history of mankind, electricity for lighting, heating, TV, refrigeration to have cold beer and keep our food, air travel, etc etc

 

Harden up Bob, stop being such a whining pussy. Girls when I was growing up were stronger mentally than you. And probably physically. 
You should be ashamed of yourself. Nothing worse than a weak man. 

An easier life, doesn't mean happier life. There is no connection between happiness and easier life, but there is always a crossing point in either direction. 

[MalcolmB]

5 minutes ago, Hummin said:

An easier life, doesn't mean happier life. There is no connection between happiness and easier life, but there is always a crossing point in either direction. 

I don’t agree. 
I had an easy life which was happy. Enjoying school, friends, hobbies and sports.

 

Kids in Gaza currently have had their homes destroyed, schools are closed, they have little food, their family members have been killed and the injured ones have no medicine or pain relief. 
It would be hard to be happy.

 

Kids in South Sudan and many other countries in similar conditions. 
 

But we have Bob complaining about his anxiety. If I was his father I wouldn’t be taking him to the doctor for anxiety meds. I would be giving him a good  kick up the backside and instructing him to harden up.
 

[metisdead]

A personal attack and a reply has been removed.

[KhunLA]

To the topic ... NO, and now I'm thinking about it.

 

THANKS

 

Honey, twist one up for me ... 

[BarBoy]

Just now, KhunLA said:

To the topic ... NO, and now I'm thinking about it.

 

THANKS

 

Honey, twist one up for me ... 

I'm thinking about mine too, but it's cold beer for me, not a doob.

 

[simple1]

No.

[BarBoy]

Just now, simple1 said:

No.

care to elaborate?

 

it's fine if you don't..

[jas007]

1 hour ago, Lacessit said:

IMO there's a difference between old money and new money. Old money has good manners. New money tends to treat anyone they consider below them like dirt. I saw that at the college, and also at a high-end golf club where I was a member.

True, in my experience.  I had a great childhood, although at the time it didn't seem particularly great.  Just something I never thought about one way or the other. 

 

Anyway, some of the kids I went to school with came from "old money."  At the time, I didn't know what "old money" was.  We were just kids.  Anyway, the old money kids weren't at all pretentious.  You'd never know their grandparents started a NYSE company. 

[Gecko123]

I endured a lot of psychological and emotional abuse from my mother during my pre-teen years. I got the black sheep scapegoat treatment, but what I never realized at the time was that my siblings, other families in the neighborhood, school teachers were indoctrinated with the narrative that there was something wrong with me. It was like everywhere I went, people had been forewarned about me, or something.

 

When I was 14, I had a fresh start moving to live with my father and his new wife (my new step-mother), but decades later I realized that in order to justify no longer wanting to raise me, my mother likely portrayed me to my father (who I barely knew in early childhood) as an incorrigible likely future serial killer (which couldn't have been further from the truth).  My father no doubt passed this narrative along to his new wife who in turn passed it along to all my step siblings. So the narrative just kept getting perpetuated on and on.

 

While inflicting incredible damage on my self-esteem growing up, this mistreatment had two upsides. First, it caused me to delve very deeply into my innermost psyche, and it provided me with a deep sense of knowing who I am, which is something I have come to realize not everyone has. The second benefit was that it caused me to seek validation away from the home, and I became very motivated (and successful) academically and career-wise.

 

But the damage to my social self-esteem was very lasting, and for this, to this day, I harbor a lasting anger, dare I say hatred for my mother. In some ways, the feeling that she inculcated in me that I was an unloveable and dislikable person might explain why forming romantic relationships back home always seemed to be so frustrating, and why I may have ended up looking for love in Thailand. 

 

But to end on a more upbeat note, Thailand has provided me with some things for which I will be eternally grateful. First, it provided me with the physical distance from my family which enabled me to gain profound insights into my family dynamic and to begin the healing process. Secondly, the social and cultural environment here in Thailand has provided me with a sense of being accepted as part of a community, which is something I never experienced back home. So I have a deep sense of gratitude towards Thailand for having provided me with an environment where I could heal and grow psychologically and heal emotionally.

 

I'm only sharing this in the hope that others might be able to relate to my experience.

 

 

[Jonathan Swift]

2 hours ago, BarBoy said:

For me my childhood was pretty grim. Gaslighting parents/family members/friends, mental abuse, lack of emotional support, bullying (victim & perpetrator), physical abuse at the hands of my father and constant fighting on the streets.

 

For me my youth was mostly a battleground in which only the strong survived, as it was for all the other kids on my estate. It wasn't until I severed all ties with my past, family and friends alike, that I began to heal. Alcoholism has stayed with me but I do not want help. As I suffer from bouts of severe anxiety it is more like a medicine than it is an addiction. I know my limits and I stick to them.

 

Looking back, all in all my childhood was a complete and utter nightmare, something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies - including MalcolmB & scottiejohn!

 

They say everyone's childhood makes them who they are. I tend to agree. That is why I can be a little difficult at times, but the women still seem to be attracted to me,

( at least for now 😉 ) ....

And your name is Oliver Twist no doubt. Whoever you are, true or false as your story may be, therapy will undoubtedly help. Try it. 

[BarBoy]

3 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

I endured a lot of psychological and emotional abuse from my mother during my pre-teen years. I got the black sheep scapegoat treatment, but what I never realized at the time was that my siblings, other families in the neighborhood, school teachers were indoctrinated with the narrative that there was something wrong with me. It was like everywhere I went, people had been forewarned about me, or something.

 

When I was 14, I had a fresh start moving to live with my father and his new wife (my new step-mother), but decades later I realized that in order to justify no longer wanting to raise me, my mother likely portrayed me to my father (who I barely knew in early childhood) as an incorrigible likely future serial killer (which couldn't have been further from the truth).  My father no doubt passed this narrative along to his new wife who in turn passed it along to all my step siblings. So the narrative just kept getting perpetuated on and on.

 

While inflicting incredible damage on my self-esteem growing up, this mistreatment had two upsides. First, it caused me to delve very deeply into my innermost psyche, and it provided me with a deep sense of knowing who I am, which is something I have come to realize not everyone has. The second benefit was that it caused me to seek validation away from the home, and I became very motivated (and successful) academically and career-wise.

 

But the damage to my social self-esteem was very lasting, and for this, to this day, I harbor a lasting anger, dare I say hatred for my mother. In some ways, the feeling that she inculcated in me that I was an unloveable and dislikable person might explain why forming romantic relationships back home always seemed to be so frustrating, and why I may have ended up looking for love in Thailand. 

 

But to end on a more upbeat note, Thailand has provided me with some things for which I will be eternally grateful. First, it provided me with the physical distance from my family which enabled me to gain profound insights into my family dynamic and to begin the healing process. Secondly, the social and cultural environment here in Thailand has provided me with a sense of being accepted as part of a community, which is something I never experienced back home. So I have a deep sense of gratitude towards Thailand for having provided me with an environment where I could heal and grow psychologically and heal emotionally.

 

I'm only sharing this in the hope that others might be able to relate to my experience.

 

 

Thank you for your excellent reply, Gecko, and I am truly happy to hear that you have had the time and distance needed to heal your wounds.

 

Though I haven't experienced the acceptance of the local Thai community like you have, I am nevertheless on the road to healing my soul. It will take time, but cutting ties with my toxic friends and family was definitely a smart move for me.

[BarBoy]

5 minutes ago, Jonathan Swift said:

And your name is Oliver Twist no doubt. Whoever you are, true or false as your story may be, therapy will undoubtedly help. Try it. 

Tried it. In Thailand.

 

Didn't work for me. Same as AA.

 

So I have decided to keep the booze as a medicine and along with a little diazepam every now and again works wonders when my anxiety strikes.

[Jonathan Swift]

1 hour ago, novacova said:

Perhaps psychiatric help would help. Thanks for the clarification of your psychological profile.

Your comment may be sarcastic, but I don't think there is anyone who wouldn't benefit from therapy no matter what their condition. I have an actual mental illness, Bipolar II disorder, and have been in therapy for decades just to review and correct my path regularly. In the course of that I have also uncovered and addressed issues to do with my upbringing and other types of internal handicaps, which would never have been dealt with properly without therapy. 

[connda]

I had a wonderful childhood.  Didn't see much of the parents though, but I had great friends and lived in a time where kids could roam without any real worries about creeps.  I enjoyed my childhood a lot.  Fond memories.

[connda]

1 hour ago, KannikaP said:

Made up, AI trolling, in my book anyway. Perhaps I am wrong, but I think not.

Whatever your childhood, does it permit you to post mostly rubbish here on AN?

It's just bob smith with a different name.

[BarBoy]

2 minutes ago, connda said:

I had a wonderful childhood. 

I am truly happy for you.

 

I wish mine was also wonderful, but it wasn't.

[Gecko123]

3 minutes ago, BarBoy said:

Thank you for your excellent reply, Gecko, and I am truly happy to hear that you have had the time and distance needed to heal your wounds.

 

Though I haven't experienced the acceptance of the local Thai community like you have, I am nevertheless on the road to healing my soul. It will take time, but cutting ties with my toxic friends and family was definitely a smart move for me.

 

I think this was one of your best topics, and I would encourage others to discuss the topic more seriously as it may provide beneficial insights.

[GarryP]

5 minutes ago, connda said:

It's just bob smith with a different name.

But an interesting thread, nonetheless. 

[Jonathan Swift]

2 minutes ago, BarBoy said:

Tried it. In Thailand.

 

Didn't work for me. Same as AA.

 

So I have decided to keep the booze as a medicine and along with a little diazepam every now and again works wonders when my anxiety strikes.

The problem with therapy is that not all therapists are right for everyone. It can take a lot of shopping to find the right one, as this is a very personal type of treatment. I think I spent months to years searching each time I changed doctors, deteriorating in between. The one I have now is spot on, but she's in the US and I only see her now for 4 months out of the year. If you're happy enough with your booze and drugs and they don't handicap your life in any serious way then you have no worries and I'm happy for you. I'm reluctant to preach or give advice where it may not be welcome, but I would say keep an eye on your "medicine" to be sure it continues to remain harmless, as these things tend to slowly creep up on you. I did the booze self medication for decades until I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and found out that that was at the root of my alcoholism. I continued to drink until it led to jail for DUI, I also found AA to not be helpful, so I managed to just get sick of being drunk, sick of placing my life and health at risk, and now only drink a few beers once in a while. I'm now 68, very blessed in my life here in Thailand, and manage to navigate my ups and downs without substances other than what is prescribed. Each to his own. As a footnote, I don't think Thailand would be the best place to seek therapy, but that is just an opinion based on my impressions and nothing else. Best of luck and Happy Holidays to you. 

[BarBoy]

2 minutes ago, Jonathan Swift said:

The problem with therapy is that not all therapists are right for everyone. It can take a lot of shopping to find the right one, as this is a very personal type of treatment. I think I spent months to years searching each time I changed doctors, deteriorating in between. The one I have now is spot on, but she's in the US and I only see her now for 4 months out of the year. If you're happy enough with your booze and drugs and they don't handicap your life in any serious way then you have no worries and I'm happy for you. I'm reluctant to preach or give advice where it may not be welcome, but I would say keep an eye on your "medicine" to be sure it continues to remain harmless, as these things tend to slowly creep up on you. I did the booze self medication for decades until I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and found out that that was at the root of my alcoholism. I continued to drink until it led to jail for DUI, I also found AA to not be helpful, so I managed to just get sick of being drunk, sick of placing my life and health at risk, and now only drink a few beers once in a while. I'm now 68, very blessed in my life here in Thailand, and manage to navigate my ups and downs without substances other than what is prescribed. Each to his own. As a footnote, I don't think Thailand would be the best place to seek therapy, but that is just an opinion based on my impressions and nothing else. Best of luck and Happy Holidays to you. 

Same to you, Johnathan, and all the very best for 2025!

[KannikaP]

32 minutes ago, connda said:

It's just bob smith with a different name.

No, no, BarBoy insists he is called Colin from Dorset. Do you doubt him?

 

I do!

[MalcolmB]

48 minutes ago, BarBoy said:

It will take time, but cutting ties with my toxic friends and family was definitely a smart move for me.

Do you think they miss you Bob?

[KannikaP]

44 minutes ago, GarryP said:

But an interesting thread, nonetheless. 

Very interesting, surprising coming from someone who has posted such BS in the past, and since he changed his name.

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, BarBoy said:

Tried it. In Thailand.

 

Didn't work for me. Same as AA.

 

So I have decided to keep the booze as a medicine and along with a little diazepam every now and again works wonders when my anxiety strikes.

What are the issues  the booze  is addressing?

 

I have been off booze for about 18 months now. The half hour buzz I was getting was not worth waking up 4-5 times in the night to pee.

 

I use a judicious mix of Losartan ( blood pressure ) amitryptiline, codiphen ( sleep ) and tramadol ( back pain ). They are not taken daily, but on a staggered basis for quality of life.

 

Serious question: When anyone drinks, they are imbibing  100 - 200 mL of a Class 1 carcinogen. Which do you think is more harmful, that or 5-50 mg of a medication?

 

Apologies for going off topic.

[Dan O]

4 hours ago, BarBoy said:

For me my childhood was pretty grim. Gaslighting parents/family members/friends, mental abuse, lack of emotional support, bullying (victim & perpetrator), physical abuse at the hands of my father and constant fighting on the streets.

 

For me my youth was mostly a battleground in which only the strong survived, as it was for all the other kids on my estate. It wasn't until I severed all ties with my past, family and friends alike, that I began to heal. Alcoholism has stayed with me but I do not want help. As I suffer from bouts of severe anxiety it is more like a medicine than it is an addiction. I know my limits and I stick to them.

 

Looking back, all in all my childhood was a complete and utter nightmare, something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies - including MalcolmB & scottiejohn!

 

They say everyone's childhood makes them who they are. I tend to agree. That is why I can be a little difficult at times, but the women still seem to be attracted to me,

( at least for now 😉 ) ....

"All the kids living on your estate"   that's an odd wording Robert for someone making the claims you are making. 

 

The ladies only like you because of your folex watch that you flash in those dimly lighted hole in the walls you go to

[Kinnock]

After reading the OP and other replies, I feel embarrassed to say my childhood was great.

 

As forces kids (sons of a pilot), myself and my 2 brothers moved homes and often countries every few years, so we learned to mix well and adapt. 

 

Air bases and the hinterlands that surround them are a wonderland for active kids - burnt out aircraft to play on, woods full of adventures - during the school holidays we'd go out at dawn and return battered and bruised from our adventures just before nightfall.

 

I'm amazed all three of us lived to be old .... falling out of trees, off makeshift rafts, blowing stuff up with home made explosives, riding knackered Honda 70 field bikes then later, leaky old twin cylinder road bikes.

 

Dad was away often (Cold War fighter pilot, then later V-bombers) and our Mother ruled with fear and the odd back hand slap when we didn't run fast enough, but we were always well fed, well dressed and cared for .... tough love.

 

It was a blast, and set me up for my later travels that brought me to Thailand via India.