Thai Relationships: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

[Walker88]

Not sure if the proper response here is plus ça change or 'there's nothing new under the sun'.

 

There will always be dreamers who think they've finally found true love in a woman a few decades their junior. There will always be scheming women who see a mark and exploit his needs.

 

Sometimes two people might even find each other and develop a real relationship, but I suspect the odds are skewed against such success. Age and cultural gaps are tough to bridge. Kudos to those who have made it happen.

 

I do think Thai women can be quite endearing, but I go back to my standby Groucho Marx-ism: I'd never mate with a woman who would have me as a partner.

[OneMoreFarang]

3 hours ago, Chivas said:

 

Firstly I dont want to carry a phone around at night if she has a bag then in it goes

 

What I didnt expect was for any third party (girlfriend or otherwise) to go rooting around in someone elses phone.....its just not done in normal life....I could ask you if you've ever done it but the answer would be no obviously

 

I agree "extra" sanitising would be in order though just on the off chance

In the rare cases that I use my phone for something my gf shouldn't know, then I make sure I delete this before I come home.

She can look at my phone anytime, no problem.

 

Mostly we both use our own phones. But it happens that maybe I take a picture of her, and she asked me to give her my phone so that she can look at the picture. And when she looks at her own picture, she can obviously easily also see other pictures.

I don't mind because I know there is nothing on my phone which is a problem.

 

Sometimes I also have her phone in my hands, i.e. she shows me some pictures in her album. I can see also other pictures. I never saw anything which surprised me. I am 99.9% sure I can trust her.

[cjinchiangrai]

2 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

 

The issue being that men over about 30 don't want age appropriate women.

Then they take their chances.

[Hawaiian]

9 hours ago, asdf1234 said:

Its possible to meet a thai girl interested in you and not your money, but you have to go while youre young. If youre old theres no chance for anything like that

Mostly true, but not always. 

[Hawaiian]

8 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

 

Do Thai men go through menopause? 
They don’t seem to get the grumpy old man syndrome that many in the west do.

I believe I am more patient and easy going and not old and grumpy.

[Hawaiian]

8 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

Yep, a daily occurrence in Pattaya.

The Pattaya hookers don’t want your money.

 

They want your house.

True, but not all Thai women are hookers or behave like them.

[Hawaiian]

3 hours ago, Gottfrid said:

The grim reality, is that some people are blind, but some are not. The blind ones will f-k up. The ones who see, will do well.

Very true.

[geisha]

12 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

 

Do Thai men go through menopause? 
They don’t seem to get the grumpy old man syndrome that many in the west do.

Thing about it, how often do you see Thai men of a certain age, out and about, having a coffee and a chat or a beer with friends ?Or in the shops buying a new T shirt , or having a meal with the wife ?? That’s why they’re not grumpy, nobody sees them !  They’re laying on a mat watching football or sitting round a table with the others drinking Lao Khao. 

[GinBoy2]

15 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think we should also not forget that it seems many Thai women, of more or less any age, have illusional images of all farangs.

I heard numerous times from women that they want a farang husband. Because we all know that farangs are all rich. Their wives get houses and cars, never work, have lots of pocket money and all that. And obviously they don't have to do anything.

Yeah, sure. But it seems that is what some of them expect. 

The worst eye opener for a lot is when farang takes them back to their home country.

 

The dirty rotten truth is they often find themself in a small apartment somewhere, in God knows where, and horror upon horror they find that they have to go out and find a job to make ends meet.

 

That wouldn't be the first time a lot of us have seen things go South, and the woman starts to look for other 'options'

 

That scenario is rather common when the Thai lady, used to the older farang in Thailand is suddenly presented with an array of younger guys more her age!

[1FinickyOne]

17 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I'm OK with them just wanting my money, I have plenty and there's nothing much else to spend it on.

me too... 

[1FinickyOne]

16 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

Yep, a daily occurrence in Pattaya.

The Pattaya hookers don’t want your money.

 

They want your house.

my ex in the usa got the house and money... but why wouldn't my wife here want my money? She's not stupid... she grew up poor. The fact that she has houses and a condo and plenty of farmland in her name, makes her feel secure and happy. She is a nice person and her family are good people. 

 

That said, I am not close to giving away my bottom dollar... but I am pleased that I have been lucky enough to have plenty to share. 

[fondue zoo]

18 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I'm OK with them just wanting my money, I have plenty and there's nothing much else to spend it on.

 

 

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

The worst eye opener for a lot is when farang takes them back to their home country.

 

The dirty rotten truth is they often find themself in a small apartment somewhere, in God knows where, and horror upon horror they find that they have to go out and find a job to make ends meet.

 

That wouldn't be the first time a lot of us have seen things go South, and the woman starts to look for other 'options'

 

That scenario is rather common when the Thai lady, used to the older farang in Thailand is suddenly presented with an array of younger guys more her age!

And in a way I don't blame them when they look for other options.

Every farang who pretends to be holiday millionaire and takes a girl home to a different reality should expect that she "adjusts" to a different reality.

I think he should tell her in advance what to expect. 

But to be fair to the farang, I don't know how many girls listen if the farang tells them what to expect and how many believe it.

 

[GinBoy2]

18 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

And in a way I don't blame them when they look for other options.

Every farang who pretends to be holiday millionaire and takes a girl home to a different reality should expect that she "adjusts" to a different reality.

I think he should tell her in advance what to expect. 

But to be fair to the farang, I don't know how many girls listen if the farang tells them what to expect and how many believe it.

 

That may well be true.

 

My wife's an odd ball after growing up as a teenager in the US with her aunt and uncle after her parents died and the kids were farmed out to various relatives

 

But when in Thailand and when we're in the US, so many ask her do we know any farangs who want a Thai GF

 

They have this distorted view that magical mystical farang land  is a place where the streets are paved with gold.

 

In some ways my wife adds to the distorted view. As I said she grew up in the US, and her life, HS, University successful career was so different to her three sisters and brother. 

 

Bar girl, one death from AIDS, another 3 failed marriages factory worker, and a brother who is basically living on the streets 

 

So they see happy successful woman, family grandkids, compared to the rest of her siblings, and they extrapolate that all Thai/Farang relationships are paved with Gold 

[ElwoodP]

Flame removed. Plus 3 more.

Please use the report button if you see a post you think is unacceptable.

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[MalcolmB]

4 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

my ex in the usa got the house and money... but why wouldn't my wife here want my money? She's not stupid... she grew up poor. The fact that she has houses and a condo and plenty of farmland in her name, makes her feel secure and happy. She is a nice person and her family are good people. 

 

That said, I am not close to giving away my bottom dollar... but I am pleased that I have been lucky enough to have plenty to share. 

I was talking about Pattaya hookers.

What was her job when you met?

[Rumpelstilskin]

22 hours ago, CharlieH said:

The purpose of the article is to provide insights into the complexities of relationships in Thailand. While seasoned expats like yourself may have valuable experience, the forum serves a much wider audience that includes many newcomers seeking information and guidance. Hopefully the article and contributions from members will provide that.

CharlieH' -- Very well written summary and open minded regarding the outcomes that are possible. Long term love, drama and hatred, children, money troubles writ large.Thanks for taking the time.

[Wrwest]

I think the posting is a positive, especially for those contemplating retirement in Thailand or newly arrived. Before I came due to my background I had read some 3 dozen books on Thai History, sociology, culture ... including novels set in Thailand which reflected Thai culture. So, I was one of the older, retired, divorced Americans stepping into a different culture with a different language (both linguistically and culturally). After 4 separate, monthlong visits, traveling around (casing the place) ... I made the move. Fat boy in the candy store upon arrival and I certainly enjoyed the single, bar scene. The Thai girls with whom I spent any time all treated me as a long term boyfriend and I had only positive experiences. Now at 13 years into Thai retirement and married to a Thai girl, I remain happy with my choice (yes, there are the irritations with immigration ... I am all for, after 10 years of trouble free, full-time residence being granted Permanent Residence status). I remain recommending consideration of western males retiring here ... with some preparation and personal refection on their own character/personalities.

[Thingamabob]

23 hours ago, Celsius said:

It's mostly just ugly. Ugly fat men with ugly paid companions.

 

Thais guys date every day girls that look like supermodels in comparison.

As I said, calm down and have a nice day.

[Wrwest]

5 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

my ex in the usa got the house and money... but why wouldn't my wife here want my money? She's not stupid... she grew up poor. The fact that she has houses and a condo and plenty of farmland in her name, makes her feel secure and happy. She is a nice person and her family are good people. 

 

That said, I am not close to giving away my bottom dollar... but I am pleased that I have been lucky enough to have plenty to share. 

Agree one of the things male farangs looking for a permanent (as is there is such around the globe) is to be honest about financial arrangements. I basically stated what I bring to Thailand/own in Thailand will go to my Thai Wife. The retirement funds in the USA, earned while raising my two US Sons will go to them. I transfer $2200 usd each month ... that is what is available to spend or save for Thai/SE Asia travel (supplemented a small bit on occasion).

[Stevemercer]

It works both ways. I've met many Thai woman who have been lied to, scammed and dudded by their foreign bofriend.

[1FinickyOne]

2 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

I was talking about Pattaya hookers.

What was her job when you met?

sold eyeglasses and then worked in a bank -all in Bkk  - why? 

 

You do know that not every lady here is a hooker - right? 

[1FinickyOne]

53 minutes ago, Stevemercer said:

It works both ways. I've met many Thai woman who have been lied to, scammed and dudded by their foreign bofriend.

I knew a guy in Bkk who would tell young ladies that they could come and live with him for very little money but after a couple of years, he would build them a house etc etc.. none of the girls lasted 2 months... he thought he was very clever. 

[Jonathan Swift]

On 1/16/2025 at 11:28 AM, Celsius said:

It's mostly just ugly. Ugly fat men with ugly paid companions.

 

Thais guys date every day girls that look like supermodels in comparison.

Might be about time for an eye exam and some new glasses

[Jonathan Swift]

All of these scammers and predatory love trappers follow the same basic emotional manipulation scripts. They are not geniuses, they have merely mapped out the emotional hot buttons of vulnerable people and know how to work them. If you understand these things it's not hard to identify such people almost instantly. There about a half dozen red flags to watch for, it's always the same, and once you learn to spot them the rest is easy. Then you'll immediately see when someone is reaching for that button, and you'll smirk, say ah ha, and then goodbye. 

[CharlieH]

6 minutes ago, Jonathan Swift said:

All of these scammers and predatory love trappers follow the same basic emotional manipulation scripts. They are not geniuses, they have merely mapped out the emotional hot buttons of vulnerable people and know how to work them. If you understand these things it's not hard to identify such people almost instantly. There about a half dozen red flags to watch for, it's always the same, and once you learn to spot them the rest is easy. Then you'll immediately see when someone is reaching for that button, and you'll smirk, say ah ha, and then goodbye. 

Care to share for others what you consider those "red flags" to be ?

[spidermike007]

There is a lot of truth in this essay, most men come here and are very vulnerable emotionally, and many of the Thai women who are working are trained. They know what to say, they know how to act, they know what your soft spots are they know exactly what you want to hear. And when you're in that vulnerable state you tend to think that there's some reality and truth behind what they're saying, when in reality most of the time it's just a big mirage. Some guys just simply fall in love with the idea of being in love and there's no connection necessarily to this person that you're with and whether or not there's somebody that warrants that kind of devotion. 

 

So with the exception of guys who are just coming and looking for short time fun, when it comes to relationships here the best advice is to really take your time, time is your ally time is not their ally. If you get involved with a woman likely they're going to be pushing and pushing and pushing and you need to push back and just tell them, look I need some time to get to know you, you keep telling me you love me, but I don't love you, and it could take a long time before I love you, and it's going to take a year or two to get to know you so that I can determine whether or not you're worthy of my time, effort and attention.

 

If she's in a big hurry and she walks let her walk there's plenty more fish where she came from. It's called self preservation, and men who have high self-esteem engage in behavior that pays tribute to the gender. 

[jimn]

I have an "age appropriate woman". I am 69 this year. We have been together 14 years, married for 11 years. Yes at 33 years old an ex gogo girl, but who cares. 

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

o with the exception of guys who are just coming and looking for short time fun, when it comes to relationships here the best advice is to really take your time, time is your ally time is not their ally

Met her in a bar, took her home that night, 1 week later living together, another week and married. 15 years and one son later, and it's still great.

 

Former British wife, courted for two years before marriage and it was a disaster.

[Nick Carter icp]

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Met her in a bar, took her home that night, 1 week later living together, another week and married. 15 years and one son later, and it's still great.

 

Former British wife, courted for two years before marriage and it was a disaster.

 

  Wasn't it the woman's daughter who got pregnant though and your wife is your sons grandmother ?