Did you try to learn from others before you made mistakes with your darling?

[OneMoreFarang]

CharlyH just started the thread below.

I wonder how many people actually try to learn from others and how many do actually learn from others.

IMHO most guys think they don't need to learn anything about relationships. Maybe they think they are smart, or they think "my one is different", or lots of other reasons.

 

How about you? Did you try to learn from others? 

Did you actually pay attention and learn and avoided some mistakes?

Or did you make all the same mistakes which many others made because you just had to experience it yourself to understand it?

 

For me personally the situation was relatively easy. I didn't have much money and stayed in a cheap place. I didn't give any girl the idea that I have a lot of money because I didn't have a lot of money. So, for me it was: If you like to stay with me, fine. I should make enough money for both of us to have a basic life. But don't expect must more than that.

For me that worked out. Obviously, I also met some girls who wanted more money. But they had to realize I couldn't give it to them even if I would want to do that. Problem solved. 

 

Over time, my money situation improved. But luckily, I was never a target for girls who want (only) money.

 

 

[MalcolmB]

30 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I should make enough money for both of us to have a basic life. But don't expect must more than that.

Or perhaps they could get an actual job.

Is that asking too much?

[OneMoreFarang]

3 minutes ago, MalcolmB said:

Or perhaps they could get an actual job.

Is that asking too much?

It depends on what you want.

I don't like home work like cleaning and cooking and all that. My gf is a great cook and she accepts that she does most of the cleaning, etc.

Many Thais, including my gf, are not able to get any well-paid job. My could work for a minimum wage job or more money i.e. working in a bar (as cashier or whatever). Personally, I prefer that she is mostly at home taking care of our home and me.

 

I know other couples were both work. Then some share the work at home. And/or they have a maid and nanny etc. Everybody up to their tastes. 

[Upnotover]

But how did you find your darling's "others" in order to learn from their mistakes?

[Hummin]

I learned by just doing, and I learned alot living in the same condomenium as many service workers in Patong. Internet cafe at the first floor and learned their lives for good and bad. Aslo write many e-mails and letters for their lovers and boyfriends, and maybe one or two here have recieved one I did write back in the early 2000 😄

 

Anyway it was a good learning and also seen who of those I met there and other places turned out to be good wifes later on. I still kept contact with many of them until I married myself. Even some of the most hardcore party girls I have seen manage to establish good lifes with what I could see was good men who lived normal lifes back home, but I rarely see the same happening with hardcore prostetutes who like to drink and party, and their man also enjoy the bar life setting, manage the same success. 

 

Every girl I hanged out with for a longer period, seems to have managed their lives well, and I have to say at a time, I regret I didnt give a couple of them a change, but today I do not regret. I did find my soul mate finely, and regret nothing, it was a great learning all of it. And maybe the best of all, I do not feel any negativity against any of the women I met, and hopefully they do not have any negativity against me. Anyway, I was young and fresh, and more of a buddy to them than anything else, even I have to admit I did fell in love a few times, but I promised myself, to never ever go in to a long distance relationship, and if I was going to have a relationship with a thai women, I would live here, and be here and learn them to know by time. Unfortunately, not one of those women I met, was faithfull to any of their boy friends, after they left. And I can understand why, since most of the men they met, promised to come back, and most did not, so they learned after a heartbreak or two, to not trust any man who promised to come back to them. 

 

I also learned they had a hearth to, and quite a few of them had serious brake downs leading them to doing stupid things. 

 

Service workers meaning all kind of different work from entrepenours to hardcore bar girls, or just sweet innocent freelancers. 

 

 

[Njoku]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

CharlyH just started the thread below.

I wonder how many people actually try to learn from others and how many do actually learn from others.

IMHO most guys think they don't need to learn anything about relationships. Maybe they think they are smart, or they think "my one is different", or lots of other reasons.

 

How about you? Did you try to learn from others? 

Did you actually pay attention and learn and avoided some mistakes?

Or did you make all the same mistakes which many others made because you just had to experience it yourself to understand it?

 

For me personally the situation was relatively easy. I didn't have much money and stayed in a cheap place. I didn't give any girl the idea that I have a lot of money because I didn't have a lot of money. So, for me it was: If you like to stay with me, fine. I should make enough money for both of us to have a basic life. But don't expect must more than that.

For me that worked out. Obviously, I also met some girls who wanted more money. But they had to realize I couldn't give it to them even if I would want to do that. Problem solved. 

 

Over time, my money situation improved. But luckily, I was never a target for girls who want (only) money.

 

 

No mate I didnt learn from experience, when the time arrived and I thought about dating Thai women exclusively I had just joined Thaivisa back in the day, back then it was less regulated so all those sad tales of wow and getting taken to the cleaners where all over the place, looking back now im guessing a fair bit of it was trolling but never the less it was a warning, so eventually about a year later I got on to one of those Thai dating sites, I had worked out a strategy and stuck with it like forever, over 30, University educated with a real job, no kids, and never had any issues dating here for close to 20 ys when sticking to my criteria, now you go through a few lean times here and there so you drop your guard when they either dont match your criteria or a few red flags go up and thats when ive had a few misfiring moments, but im well in control of my feelings, let the big head on my head do all the thinking and making the decisions you ghost them quicker than you can blink an eye. 

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, Upnotover said:

But how did you find your darling's "others" in order to learn from their mistakes?

I have to admit it took me a little longer to understand the meaning of your post.

With my current (long time) gf that was easy for me. I was her first boyfriend ever. 😉 

[Gottfrid]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

How about you? Did you try to learn from others? 

Did you actually pay attention and learn and avoided some mistakes?

Or did you make all the same mistakes which many others made because you just had to experience it yourself to understand it?

Some people do understand things, and do not need to learn from other. Moreover, not everyone f-k up.

[connda]

Hell no.  It's just "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!"

 

[novacova]

6 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

How about you?

If you hadn’t learned from life experiences before you got here, then you’re more likely going to have a rough time of it. 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, novacova said:

If you hadn’t learned from life experiences before you got here, then you’re more likely going to have a rough time of it. 

I don't know where you got your life experience, but I have to admit my life experiences before Thailand did not adequately prepare me for this place.

Many things in Thailand are different, very different. 

And for many guys, me included, it was overwhelming how many beautiful girls were interested in me when I arrived in Thailand. And many of them knew very well how to make me happy - not just in bed.

Like I mentioned above, luckily, I didn't have much money at that time. I am pretty sure if I would have had money, then I would have helped a couple of sick grandmothers in hospitals far away, and maybe also the sick buffaloes...

[atpeace]

Over 25 years in Thailand made many of the common mistakes. Really didn't see them as mistakes the first 15 years and just rolled with the up and downs.  Great times but at 52 (5 years ago) I was lucky enough to be able to walk away from all my stupid decisions and only lost 50% of my wealth in the process and started fresh. 

 

Now with a new Thai woman and making all the right choices.  Life is good.  I didn't learn from others specifically but life itself.  As I got older, it becomes easier to do the right thing or at least it did for me.  It started with seeing a woman walking in a market and then everything after just became easy.  I started doing everything for us and not mostly for me.   

[Utalk2mutt]

I most certainly did. I read on forums like this one all the tales of woe and what to be careful of. To balance that out I also read a lot about the good Farang-Thai relationships and formed my own opinions. Like many I did the bar girl thing, banged as many as I wanted and honestly got bored of it. Even then I still made mistakes but to be honest they were small ones in comparison to some.
 

Before I retired from the military I did about 13 trips to Thailand and travelled well. I saw everything I wanted to see and still left myself plenty to see/do. Just before I actually retired I did a basic two week language course in BKK as I knew for certain I was going to retire here. Whilst on that course I met a lady in a furniture store of all places took her out for dinner and we have been together ever since (almost 8 years) and I married her in May last year. 
 

So what did I actually learn? Well I learnt to take my time with Thai women and really get to know them. There are so many beauties here it can be really overwhelming to get so much attention. I learnt to carefully control the flow of money and not be taken for a mug. What I get from my military pension and what I had saved are not things that women ( my now wife included) need to know.

 

I learnt and this is a biggie only spend what you can afford to lose for example my wife had some land and I decided rather than renting I would build a house for us. It’s not a sprawling mansion but something that is perfectly adequate for two people to live in. I offered her 1M baht and let her get on with it( she got the price in at 965,000 baht in the end). I learnt to not show the builder that I am a foreigner ( I never went near the house during the build everything was handled by my wife). No money was given to any Thai except the Mrs when buying materials for said property and I learnt not to let family (hers) be involved in any part of the building process. 
 

Forums like this, in my opinion putting all the BS aside can be a wealth of information but you have to balance out the good with the bad and it’s not just with relationships it’s on any topic really. I’m sure there are many more examples out there but for sure I have definately learnt stuff.

[AustinRacing]

Yeah mine is different. 

[Njoku]

42 minutes ago, AustinRacing said:

Yeah mine is different. 

Says someone who has trust issues and cant distinguish between a monkey from an elephant..

[Hummin]

11 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I don't know where you got your life experience, but I have to admit my life experiences before Thailand did not adequately prepare me for this place.

Many things in Thailand are different, very different. 

And for many guys, me included, it was overwhelming how many beautiful girls were interested in me when I arrived in Thailand. And many of them knew very well how to make me happy - not just in bed.

Like I mentioned above, luckily, I didn't have much money at that time. I am pretty sure if I would have had money, then I would have helped a couple of sick grandmothers in hospitals far away, and maybe also the sick buffaloes...

I had quite a bit travelling experience in work and sports before I landed in Thailand, where I the first years didnt get involved with local girls. A few once and awhile at some beach bars who worked at the Islands, but to be true, it was not normal for those of us who where there for climbing and freediving to get involved with locals.  

 

And through those few who got involved with locals I learned alot because I stayed long time at the same places. First later when I moved to Patong, I truly learned the reality of those hot spots living among them as described in an earlier post. Later periodic in Pattaya or Jomtien as well.

 

What surprises me most, is the common main mistake most first timers or men who just arrived for their retirement do, is to jump on the very first and best. Not before landed, and they are captured in the net of an "Black widow spider". 

 

The best advise I can give, is to take your time, and learn the womens true nature, then when it is time to get serious, meet her friends and family, and you will now your girl. 

 

Any red flags about their friends and family, or how she treats you, you will know where this will end. Simple as that. 

 

Their best trick is the silence treatment, and also having sex for then talk about money in some way you feel the need to contribute. Im not talking about pocket money, but donations to fix house, car, buy something, business idea,,,,,,,,,,,,, starts with small money, but all red flags

[GinBoy2]

19 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

It depends on what you want.

I don't like home work like cleaning and cooking and all that. My gf is a great cook and she accepts that she does most of the cleaning, etc.

Many Thais, including my gf, are not able to get any well-paid job. My could work for a minimum wage job or more money i.e. working in a bar (as cashier or whatever). Personally, I prefer that she is mostly at home taking care of our home and me.

 

I know other couples were both work. Then some share the work at home. And/or they have a maid and nanny etc. Everybody up to their tastes. 

I'm a bit terrible in this respect

 

We both work, but I'm in the bare minimal range of household chores category

 

My wife love to cook and I look forward to her coming home and asking me what do you want to eat,

 

We work opposing shifts, and on my days off, it's a rush to do the bare minimum, make the bed, tidy up and load the dishwasher before she gets home

 

Can't say it makes me proud, but it keeps the peace

[Justanotherone]

soul mate ??? in thailand ??? or sex toy / slave?

 

some people here need a maid or a mummy apparently as they can do nothing alone

 

I could not bare my gf being around 24/7

 

better she has a job that keeps her humble instead of spending without limits and not knowing the price or value for anything 

[Hummin]

5 minutes ago, Justanotherone said:

soul mate ??? in thailand ??? or sex toy / slave?

 

some people here need a maid or a mummy apparently as they can do nothing alone

 

I could not bare my gf being around 24/7

 

better she has a job that keeps her humble instead of spending without limits and not knowing the price or value for anything 

through your own eyes and experiences you know, 

 

we all have our illusions, and I have mine, you have yours, I choose mine

[Suitcase]

16 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I have to admit it took me a little longer to understand the meaning of your post.

With my current (long time) gf that was easy for me. I was her first boyfriend ever. 😉 

You will never know for sure if you are her first boyfriend

A Thai girl only tells you what they want you to know

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, Hummin said:

What surprises me most, is the common main mistake most first timers or men who just arrived for their retirement do, is to jump on the very first and best.

 

I think that is not really surprising. Back home, many don't get any attention or loving body contact. And many women treat men just bad or ignore them completely.

I remember looking at guys sitting outside of a (harmless) bar in Thailand, and the waitress poured them their beer, smile, maybe touch their arms, laugh about something, maybe sit with them with wide eye listening to their stories.

How many guys get this treatment back home?

In some countries it is possible to buy sex. But that doesn't take long and when he is finished that's it. Not even pretended attention.

 

When I arrived in Thailand, I was still relatively young and had at least some attention back home. But if a guy arrives here after a miserable marriage and divorce, then probably 9 out of 10 Thai girls are still better than anything he experienced at home in the last 10 years. No wonder guys lose their brain and want more of the same. 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, GinBoy2 said:

I'm a bit terrible in this respect

 

We both work, but I'm in the bare minimal range of household chores category

 

My wife love to cook and I look forward to her coming home and asking me what do you want to eat,

 

We work opposing shifts, and on my days off, it's a rush to do the bare minimum, make the bed, tidy up and load the dishwasher before she gets home

 

Can't say it makes me proud, but it keeps the peace

 

You could hire a maid for an hour or two. 😉

 

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

I think that is not really surprising. Back home, many don't get any attention or loving body contact. And many women treat men just bad or ignore them completely.

I remember looking at guys sitting outside of a (harmless) bar in Thailand, and the waitress poured them their beer, smile, maybe touch their arms, laugh about something, maybe sit with them with wide eye listening to their stories.

How many guys get this treatment back home?

In some countries it is possible to buy sex. But that doesn't take long and when he is finished that's it. Not even pretended attention.

 

When I arrived in Thailand, I was still relatively young and had at least some attention back home. But if a guy arrives here after a miserable marriage and divorce, then probably 9 out of 10 Thai girls are still better than anything he experienced at home in the last 10 years. No wonder guys lose their brain and want more of the same. 

I can't really relate, but I understand what you saying, but still, they should know, and in my eyes, to many are doing the same mistakes over and over.

 

The worst is those who get burnt, comes out as women bashers, and treats every women like whores.

 

You see them daily here at the forum, repeatedly expressing the same negativity against women and others relationships.

 

It becomes a mission for them to drag everyone down in the same mudpool as theirs.

 

 

[Hummin]

1 hour ago, Suitcase said:

You will never know for sure if you are her first boyfriend

A Thai girl only tells you what they want you to know

And you feel you have the need to tell him? 

 

Happiness is when you accept your fate, and leave past behind you, and live today with a person who makes you happy. 

[OneManShow]

2 hours ago, Suitcase said:

A Thai girl only tells you what they want you to know

That right,

my gf tells all our life details to other Thais, but everything becomes secret about her own side when it's the time to share with me. I'm sure she would share my ss# with others if she knew that. 
I guess this is the way. Not the 1st time.

[OneMoreFarang]

9 minutes ago, OneManShow said:

That right,

my gf tells all our life details to other Thais, but everything becomes secret about her own side when it's the time to share with me. I'm sure she would share my ss# with others if she knew that. 
I guess this is the way. 

No, it's not the way.

My gf shares little about our life with others.

It seems some girls ask her how much money does he have, and how much does he give you and all that. She doesn't answer, because that is the best way to avoid annoying additional "questions" like I want to borrow money and all that.

 

[OneManShow]

5 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

My gf shares little about our life with others.

I told her many times that is not a good idea to tell others, especially important detail since some just want to use information to damage others when the time comes. But after 10 years I see only a little improvement 

[OneMoreFarang]

48 minutes ago, OneManShow said:

I told her many times that is not a good idea to tell others, especially important detail since some just want to use information to damage others when the time comes. But after 10 years I see only a little improvement 

I guess often it is showing off how much she has and what a great guy she has.

And such behavior is obviously not only normal in Thailand. 

[spidermike007]

I read a number of the books before I came here so I had some idea of what the games are, what the scams are, the fact that many Thai women will say anything and the fact that a lot of women are coached and trained. So I kind of knew what to expect.

 

The second aspect of this equation was that I really took my time, I lived with her for a long time before I even mentioned the word love or offered any real sense of devotion. It's called self-preservation, it's called self-esteem. Man up. Do not ever allow yourself to be treated like a dog and do not ever allow a woman to dominate you and take advantage of your vulnerability. These are very simple credos but ones that if you live by you are likely to have a happier and more fulfilling life, with alot less tragedy and heartbreak.