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The Other Side Of The Story

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Leading on from a couple of other threads on here about trollish newbies and the idea that maybe there isn't enough freedom of expression on TV, thought this may (or probably won't) interest some Bedlamites.

I had dinner last night with a member & his wife who had come down to HH specifically to meet me & see the dogs. He was talking about TV and saying that he didn't post any more because one particular member had been very insulting towards him & his wife. I hadn't read the thread in question, so couldn't comment. On another forum, there is a member who has (to borrow an Aussie expression) spat the dummy big style & "left" (I'm sure he'll be back) because of me.

Are these members too sensitive? Are they manipulative, wanting others to feel for them & turn against their 'aggressor'? Or are some of us with more posting history too blunt in the way we express ourselves, sometimes?

Just as a footnote, I read the thread in question this morning & did think the member I had dinner with was a tad too sensitive & saw personal insults where there were none. But, English isn't his first language, although it was good. Maybe he read it in a different way. Should we also be conscious of how non-native speakers might misconstrue our posts?

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I say leave arguments from the forum on the server where they belong. My experience has been that when you are in the same room everyone gets along for the most part.

So far as non-native speakers go, it's impossible to tip toe around possible mispronunciations, and if they want to participate in an English speaking forum they have to take the responsibility to not jump to conclusions over a shaky translation.

Easy to write something and think everyone will understand, but it may come across differently. Just as you may say in a conversation "you jerk!" and then laugh, but if you write it, well it's different unless you add a smiley.

Easy to write something and think everyone will understand, but it may come across differently. Just as you may say in a conversation "you jerk!" and then laugh, but if you write it, well it's different unless you add a smiley.

B1tch :o

555 except if it's from you, CVic. How are those oli-slicked orcas doing?

I've been trying to catch one all week (figure they'll BBQ well) but they ain't biting.

Fek, how big is your freezer with dreams like that?

Gather a couple dozen expat Thais and nothing you pull from the ocean will ever become leftovers.

OK, we're hijacking NR's thread. (FYI, folks, an oil tanker capsized between Vanc Island and the mainland, and lots of killer whales (orcas) are passing through the area now and all the eco-greeners are screaming).

NR, I think people's true beings come thru in their writings. You know, you can sniff a troll from its first mean-ness.

I gen find it depends on my emotional state at the time.

When i feel my 'normal' (whatever that means) self, I think i view posts rationally and can laugh off negative comments etc.

But if Ive had quite an upsetting day or feeling hormonal a comment can either be the straw on the Camels back or a red flag to a bull. So either I get a bit upset and leave the forum in disgust thinking the world is full of insensitve morons or the claws come out and I start posting back-bite comments. My temper / upset is usually short lived however.

I also think its better to let off steam in a forum rather than at the people you love around you. Getting things down via typing is also a good way to reflect apon what you were thinking at the time as its all there in black & white. Its easier to see where you may have flown off the handle and missinterpreted.

Interesting post NR. I think it's important to communicate effectively but as CD says if English aint their first language it will sometimes happen. I was trying to be funny in a thread by playing around with words and a non-English member with excellent spoken and written English just didn't get it. It took several posts to explain and just lost it's humour! I know this isn't exactly what you mean, but it's a working example of what can happen. It's when we are around or near the edges that it's more likely to happen.

Just to end, I am very sensitive to others comments, and when I feel someone's being nasty I try to respond as if they have not been nasty. In other words I never/seldom answer in the way I feel tempted to!

It's the 'Do unto others' philosophy.

Could I politely suggest that if people get offended enough to stay away from an internet forum because of what some (ultimately) anonymous poster has said, the problem probably exists with the offendee, not the offendor.

Honestly, are we adults or children? If i wanted to have my cyber-attitudes and words dictated by a school classroom sense of quasi-discipline, I would go back to school and have my thoughts controlled by schoolteachers.

Oh hang on . . . what am I saying?

Bendix - you've said what I was going to write (but better).

We do not (or not often) know the people we are responding to, other than through their posts.

And vice versa, of course.

So if someone insults your TV persona, or intimates that you're an idiot bred from idiots, that you're in Thailand because nowhere else will have you, or whatever - what does it matter? It is one internet nut trying to flame another. Just get on with life.

If it happens every time you post on one forum, then yes, leave. You don't need it, or them.

These forums are anonymous, except when you make friends and meet up, but it's pointless to get emotionally involved in arguments on such an anonymous forum. Like the guy who thought I was taking someone else's side merely because I was pointing out obvious contradictions in his own argument. I wasn't taking anyone's side, just pointing things out to him, and he lost it and was obviously pissed off.

Given how quickly one can respond to posts here, I would equate postings on an internet forum much more with speech, than with writing. In speaking, I am sometimes too direct, even blunt. I'm almost always instantly aware when I have been, and usually quickly modify my tone. You don't usually get that chance in ternet forums. It's just "out there".

If I were actually corresponding with someone, I'd flesh out my themes much more and wait for feedback before continuing too far.

Leading on from a couple of other threads on here about trollish newbies and the idea that maybe there isn't enough freedom of expression on TV, thought this may (or probably won't) interest some Bedlamites.

I had dinner last night with a member & his wife who had come down to HH specifically to meet me & see the dogs. He was talking about TV and saying that he didn't post any more because one particular member had been very insulting towards him & his wife. I hadn't read the thread in question, so couldn't comment. On another forum, there is a member who has (to borrow an Aussie expression) spat the dummy big style & "left" (I'm sure he'll be back) because of me.

Are these members too sensitive? Are they manipulative, wanting others to feel for them & turn against their 'aggressor'? Or are some of us with more posting history too blunt in the way we express ourselves, sometimes?

Just as a footnote, I read the thread in question this morning & did think the member I had dinner with was a tad too sensitive & saw personal insults where there were none. But, English isn't his first language, although it was good. Maybe he read it in a different way. Should we also be conscious of how non-native speakers might misconstrue our posts?

Another thing that came from my meal last night was the turnup that the member in question must have read the vast majority of my posts on TV. I'll admit that I have been very/too open about my personal life on here & I actually regret some of that openness now. However, I haven't put everything in one post - there's been bits here & bits there, where they fit with the thread discussed. But this guy knew everything. He was a very nice guy & so was his wife, don't get me wrong, but the idea that someone could actually be singling out & filing my posts to memory felt a bit weird. I know I'm not the only one. For instance, I've noticed that a certain Thai lady member is singling out one of our newer male Bedlamites for her admiration & demanding to know where posts of his (that she missed) are.

I'm not suggesting that this is anything other than some members finding someone on their wavelength, but I've never searched out another member's posts, although if I see someone I like has done the last post in a thread, I'll often take a look.

So, is it flattery or is it weird?

Something intrigued me because I clicked on a thread I could have sworn I had posted in and it had me puzzled until I realised there two threads.

Jeez , if they'd stayed the weekend Bedloom would really be buzzing.

I'll get my coat.

:o

I think people can be a little sensitive on this forum, but I think it can be down to mis-communication through cyber space on occasion, I think people must get their head around, that in a lot of situations it is anonymous cyber talk, although not always admittedly.

I had quite a long PM altercation with a poster who has since developed into a good friend, from an innocuous statement from myself, or so I thought! But it was all down to the unavailability of body language, voice tone and the usual facial expressions, that are all part of the usual mix.

In my short time on the forum I have been in hit with two :o still not sure what this means, but I have it on good authority that it is not good.

One was deserved, the other I am rather perplexed about, but that is life.

On this forum, I can say their is only one, who I hold in contempt, ah well so much for an anonymous forum :D

Good Luck

Moss

Has flaming on the internet always been around,I would say from the first online chat someone would have insulted someone! This forum is quite tame to say the least, which is not a bad thing, however people must try and jai yen yen and not take it all personallly.

I for one think your all weird! :o

I think people can be a little sensitive on this forum, but I think it can be down to mis-communication through cyber space on occasion, I think people must get their head around, that in a lot of situations it is anonymous cyber talk, although not always admittedly.

I had quite a long PM altercation with a poster who has since developed into a good friend, from an innocuous statement from myself, or so I thought! But it was all down to the unavailability of body language, voice tone and the usual facial expressions, that are all part of the usual mix.

In my short time on the forum I have been in hit with two :o still not sure what this means, but I have it on good authority that it is not good.

One was deserved, the other I am rather perplexed about, but that is life.

On this forum, I can say their is only one, who I hold in contempt, ah well so much for an anonymous forum :D

Good Luck

Moss

Good post as usual from Moss. I have to agree that this is a good forum for people at least trying to be sensitive to others feelings.

On the whole of tv there are only 2 posters who really piss me off. And I can say, without contradiction, that the reason is that they are both insensitive to other's feelings in their posts.

ps edited for grammer reasons because there might be a pedant about!

I think people can be a little sensitive on this forum, but I think it can be down to mis-communication through cyber space on occasion, I think people must get their head around, that in a lot of situations it is anonymous cyber talk, although not always admittedly.

I had quite a long PM altercation with a poster who has since developed into a good friend, from an innocuous statement from myself, or so I thought! But it was all down to the unavailability of body language, voice tone and the usual facial expressions, that are all part of the usual mix.

In my short time on the forum I have been in hit with two :o still not sure what this means, but I have it on good authority that it is not good.

One was deserved, the other I am rather perplexed about, but that is life.

On this forum, I can say their is only one, who I hold in contempt, ah well so much for an anonymous forum :D

Good Luck

Moss

Good post as usual from Moss. I have to agree that this is a good forum for people at least trying to be sensitive to others feelings.

On the whole of tv there are only 2 posters who really piss me off. And I can say, without contradiction, that the reason is that they are both insensitive to other's feelings in their posts.

ps edited for grammer reasons because there might be a pedant about!

Oi ! I resemble both those remarks.

PS Was the "grammer" deliberate or was it your granny that made you do it ?

:D

^ Hehe, LB, you're just looking for a chewy bone or a scratch behind the ears. I've been trashed and flamed on this and the other forum. Usually, I stay calm until around the three-post round and then I cannae help myself. But (there's always a but), you get to know the personalities of posters -- I do not think someone can post indefinitely as a fraud, inner quirks always come through. I still stand by my words, even for posts I got a free vakay for.

You mentioned before NR that a few folks were angry with you. Geez, to me that would be like someone shouting that Tigs flamed them. 555 I have a wand AND I know how to use it. Bendix is always good for crushing obnoxious gits. Me? Just a sweet girl in a pretty pink party dress, with frilly white socks and black patent maryjane shoes and a wee handbag with a brick in it.

Oh. Ijust missed this page before posting. Yes, I think Moss's post is excellent. I hope I'm not the one he holds in contempt, but there you go. 6.5 billion souls in the world so I doubt I can make friends of them all.

^

Well, Sweety, You could have fooled me.

I pictured you as a sort of Lara Croft, ready for any excuse to rumble.

I think you can roughly judge character from posts.

I'm better at judging people from their handwriting but who puts pen to paper nowadays

You mentioned before NR that a few folks were angry with you. Geez, to me that would be like someone shouting that Tigs flamed them.

Are you saying that it's not possible for me to flame someone? I feel I must retort with, you are a silly person of the basest kind!

There how's that for a flaming!?!

^ does that come with a box of tissue for me? You wanklette, Sir.

Sadly, Squirty, penmanship is a dying art. I really have to struggle now to make my letters consistent and pretty.

You mentioned before NR that a few folks were angry with you. Geez, to me that would be like someone shouting that Tigs flamed them.

Are you saying that it's not possible for me to flame someone? I feel I must retort with, you are a silly person of the basest kind!

There how's that for a flaming!?!

Doesn't work, you're just too ###### nice and everyone knows it. You'll need to invent a second username who is a complete prick. :o

You mentioned before NR that a few folks were angry with you. Geez, to me that would be like someone shouting that Tigs flamed them.

Are you saying that it's not possible for me to flame someone? I feel I must retort with, you are a silly person of the basest kind!

There how's that for a flaming!?!

Doesn't work, you're just too ###### nice and everyone knows it. You'll need to invent a second username who is a complete prick. :D

:o How about one called 'SlasherBarstared'? Wading in slagging everyone off left right and centre! I don't actually think I could do it... :D

You mentioned before NR that a few folks were angry with you. Geez, to me that would be like someone shouting that Tigs flamed them.

Are you saying that it's not possible for me to flame someone? I feel I must retort with, you are a silly person of the basest kind!

There how's that for a flaming!?!

Doesn't work, you're just too ###### nice and everyone knows it. You'll need to invent a second username who is a complete prick. :D

:o How about one called 'SlasherBarstared'? Wading in slagging everyone off left right and centre! I don't actually think I could do it... :D

The answer to the OP's question lies in the rationale underpinning moderation. Doesn't that very fact address the questions of sensitivity v. abruptness, etc? (For those who can count, think through the concept for three or four minutes.) In any event, if TV dictates that it is unsafe to allow any two of us into the TV 'schoolyard' at the the same time (without supervision), then the argument is academic. Clearly, even the (dis)honourable members of Bethlehem are not to be trusted...

Ping (PRN)

Does anyone remember the old NewsGroups that were the forums of yesteryear? Totally unmoderated they degenerated into death threats on a regular basis. I was a regular of these in a couple of fields that I was interested in and copped my share of serious abuse, and to my shame I'll admit I returned it.

I must confess that these days I tend to be more thin skinned though, I can handle personal criticism but tend to get riled when see members hunt in packs to single out a post and denigrate it.

I no longer post in the Chiang Rai forum for specifically this reason,

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?sh...131324&st=0

maybe an over reaction but it's been going on for a while.

Bedlam tends to be one of the better forums, sure people have their spats but you don't get the ongoing bullying that happens else where.

Actually I see a couple of those CR guys have run up 500 posts recently. No sign of them here yet though. :o

What an extremely strange thread, is it always like that in there?

Moss

P.S Here comes Tayto :D

Mossy, that was mild. They had a thread closed by a wandering moderator that started with a newbie asking what the prospects were for opening a little shop in CR that would sell English language magazines. I'm better out of it, I can tell you. Tayto nearly got a little touch of the pocket flame thrower but I decided to be polite. :o

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