I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 12 years and living half the year on average here in NongKhai, but this year the mask finally slipped. For a long time, I struggled to understand why she was constantly broke. I provide a 10,000 THB monthly salary for the household, and she has additional income from a factory job and a rubber plantation. Yet, every month, the money vanished within days.

I eventually gained access to her phone and used AI to help me decipher the local Thai slang and transaction history. What I found was a "dirty scene" of illicit substance transactions. The evidence is in the bank transfers: consistent payments of 400 and 800 baht to individuals known in the community for dealing. In this part of Thailand, where pills are cheap, these specific amounts suggest she isn't just a casual user; she’s buying in quantities (10–20 pills at a time) that indicate a heavy, daily addiction.

The behavior matches the "Yaba cycle"—extreme mood swings, narcissistic deflection whenever I ask a direct question, and strange excuses for disappearing to "the farm" for hours. When I confronted her with the screenshots and the receipts, she didn't deny it—she just tried to turn the argument back on me. Between the financial drain and a recent health scare (an STI she likely contracted through the high-risk circles she's frequenting), the reality is clear. My support isn't going toward our future; it’s funding a Yaba habit that she refuses to acknowledge. I’m looking for advice from anyone who has navigated the legal and personal fallout of drug addiction in a long-term relationship here.

run forrest

2 minutes ago, mordothailand said:

run forrest

Sounds brutal, but I agree. This does not sound like a salvageable relationship or one even worth salvaging.

Your earlier posts indicate she has a history of dishonesty and it also looks like you are helping to support her family. Now you've had to do some detective work to discover her drug habits, plus you mention an STD.

I can see no reason to support this person.

And in a country with an over supply of good women and an excess of poor husbands, it's a buyers market. Aim for close to perfection in a long term partner to make it worth the effort, or take the short term route, but don't waste your money and your life on a doomed relationship.

3 minutes ago, Kinnock said:

but don't waste your money and your life on a doomed relationship

this. i did waste my money and will to live on a passionate free relationship due to a self imposed obligation to put her economy above me.

walk away the second it is anti fun,

dont wait

Edited May 9May 9 by mordothailand

33 minutes ago, Stevey said:

What I found was a "dirty scene" of illicit substance transactions

Nothing wrong here, sounds like your average, Asean Now members wife.

12 years and you just found out?

Didn't notice her not sleeping?

Didn't notice her teeth falling out?

Something I forgot to mention is over the last seven years I’ve been here in NongKhai and although I haven’t built a house I’ve improved it which is not a biggie. I can walk away from the yard 10,000 bar here and there. I have a £13,000 IsuzuD max couple of motorbikes a battery a UPS system for The blackouts. But most importantly, I have. An eight-year-old beautiful boy who calls me Dad. It doesn’t matter what she does. I’m not leaving. It’s just a bastard That since I found out a couple of months ago now that she had given me gonorrhoea so I got us both fixed and we’ve carried on and everything’s been great, she’s just started lying again over morning she took the car out saying she was taking her sister to the hospital last night but then when I looked at her on the Apple Find My app she was heading someone else then told me that place was a veterinary surgery that she was taking a friend to whose dog was sick. Me and the lad turned Gumshoe and we went over there. we talked with the workers and she and her friend had gone over there to take bags of rice to be dehusked. I think the reason why she lied was because the woman she went with borrowed 1500 baht of me about a week ago and selling some rice she just cut from her fields would’ve told me that she had money to pay back not that I’ve hassled her for it but my girlfriend will lie about anything nothing is true. Just the thought of me going back to the UK to work after I’ve been here for a few months had my landing tears this morning because I told him yesterday I had to leave the country on Monday but well I didn’t tell him was that all I have to do was leave the country I was going to come back the same day just too renew my Visa. It’s amazing the absolute psychopath. Expat Community I’ve had people on here and people in real life just say to me just walk away kids are resilient he’ll forget you. She’s a proper narcissist every time I find her out on something even the cheating I found out three years ago by finding a device that she had that she didn’t use anymore that she was chatting with some guy and the chat went back for three years. The chat showed that the brokenhearted guy, who still lives in this village and I know him he’s just a Farm labourer , was distraught because she wasn’t answering his messages anymore., I’m assuming like a lot of women she just moved onto the next one.

Everything just clicked I’ve been so stupid she’s just got these acquaintances around the village who are just the roughest of people and I just think well these are Farm labourer type people but now I realise they are all addicted to Yabba.

4 minutes ago, Stevey said:

Everything just clicked I’ve been so stupid she’s just got these acquaintances around the village who are just the roughest of people and I just think well these are Farm labourer type people but now I realise they are all addicted to Yabba

Hey, when in Rome.........

Ask the acquaintances (all females, if you are bi, all of them) if they're up for a sex sessions.

Safe sex of course, wear a rubber.

Party dude, stop being a good guy. 😎

Edited May 9May 9 by SAFETY FIRST

12 minutes ago, Stevey said:

Something I forgot to mention is over the last seven years I’ve been here in NongKhai and although I haven’t built a house I’ve improved it which is not a biggie. I can walk away from the yard 10,000 bar here and there. I have a £13,000 IsuzuD max couple of motorbikes a battery a UPS system for The blackouts. But most importantly, I have. An eight-year-old beautiful boy who calls me Dad. It doesn’t matter what she does. I’m not leaving. It’s just a bastard That since I found out a couple of months ago now that she had given me gonorrhoea so I got us both fixed and we’ve carried on and everything’s been great, she’s just started lying again over morning she took the car out saying she was taking her sister to the hospital last night but then when I looked at her on the Apple Find My app she was heading someone else then told me that place was a veterinary surgery that she was taking a friend to whose dog was sick. Me and the lad turned Gumshoe and we went over there. we talked with the workers and she and her friend had gone over there to take bags of rice to be dehusked. I think the reason why she lied was because the woman she went with borrowed 1500 baht of me about a week ago and selling some rice she just cut from her fields would’ve told me that she had money to pay back not that I’ve hassled her for it but my girlfriend will lie about anything nothing is true. Just the thought of me going back to the UK to work after I’ve been here for a few months had my landing tears this morning because I told him yesterday I had to leave the country on Monday but well I didn’t tell him was that all I have to do was leave the country I was going to come back the same day just too renew my Visa. It’s amazing the absolute psychopath. Expat Community I’ve had people on here and people in real life just say to me just walk away kids are resilient he’ll forget you. She’s a proper narcissist every time I find her out on something even the cheating I found out three years ago by finding a device that she had that she didn’t use anymore that she was chatting with some guy and the chat went back for three years. The chat showed that the brokenhearted guy, who still lives in this village and I know him he’s just a Farm labourer , was distraught because she wasn’t answering his messages anymore., I’m assuming like a lot of women she just moved onto the next one.

Everything just clicked I’ve been so stupid she’s just got these acquaintances around the village who are just the roughest of people and I just think well these are Farm labourer type people but now I realise they are all addicted to Yabba.

Dang, sad story, damned if you do, and damned if you don't - suggestion, next time she goes for a buy, invite the local constabulary to go along. If she goes to jail, at least she will get treatment, or lick cold turkey, comes out clean, then as the Thai's always say "Up To Her" I admire you for wanting to take care of the kid, but its her and you that need saving, not him -If there is a grandparent in the mix close by, thats another option....ensure they have the means to take care of the boy till you get back. Good Luck

33 minutes ago, Stevey said:

Everything just clicked I’ve been so stupid she’s just got these acquaintances around the village who are just the roughest of people and I just think well these are Farm labourer type people but now I realise they are all addicted to Yabba.

Tablets are only 10-20bht each, and 10-20 a day isn't an excessive number for frequent users to take.

If she's providing the services you want, is it really that bad a deal for you?

Don't lend anyone money, don't allow anyone access to your assets, that's always a losing move.

Edited May 9May 9 by BritManToo

1 hour ago, Stevey said:

I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 12 years and living half the year on average here in NongKhai, but this year the mask finally slipped. For a long time, I struggled to understand why she was constantly broke. I provide a 10,000 THB monthly salary for the household, and she has additional income from a factory job and a rubber plantation. Yet, every month, the money vanished within days.

I eventually gained access to her phone and used AI to help me decipher the local Thai slang and transaction history. What I found was a "dirty scene" of illicit substance transactions. The evidence is in the bank transfers: consistent payments of 400 and 800 baht to individuals known in the community for dealing. In this part of Thailand, where pills are cheap, these specific amounts suggest she isn't just a casual user; she’s buying in quantities (10–20 pills at a time) that indicate a heavy, daily addiction.

The behavior matches the "Yaba cycle"—extreme mood swings, narcissistic deflection whenever I ask a direct question, and strange excuses for disappearing to "the farm" for hours. When I confronted her with the screenshots and the receipts, she didn't deny it—she just tried to turn the argument back on me. Between the financial drain and a recent health scare (an STI she likely contracted through the high-risk circles she's frequenting), the reality is clear. My support isn't going toward our future; it’s funding a Yaba habit that she refuses to acknowledge. I’m looking for advice from anyone who has navigated the legal and personal fallout of drug addiction in a long-term relationship here.

Talking from my own experience years ago, with a woman who I found out was addicted both to ya-ba and ya-ice.

She wasn't on the p4p game, just a typical thai woman, or so I thought.

A few months into the relationship, her extreme moodswings made me suspicious.

Some days she could sleep 20 hours per day (when she detoxed, I learned later)

Other days she could be awake for 48 hours when she was 'high'.

When I brought home a test for amfetamine, she went mental. It was a living hell. After a few days with the silent treatment from her, she finally admitted her addiction.

The next 2 months, she managed to stay off her addiction. The third month she started using again, became very aggressive and hateful towards me. I knew there was only one thing to do. End our relationship. I had to do it, to keep my sanity.

It took me a year or so alone, to move on, open my heart and find another woman. Today I'm very happy that I did. No regrets.

You are attached to the 8 year old boy that is not yours, and you don't want to leave him.

Do you want to continue live together with the woman and her son then?

Or do you want to legally adopt him if even possible, (which I doubt), and move to another place?

Can't imagine any attorney can do anything, unless the mother allow you to adopt her son, and get sole custody. Is that what you want?

Isaan lawyers or others can advice you, but for most of us who read your story, it sounds like mission impossible. "Cut your losses, move out", move to another part of the country.

I know this is not what you want to read.

But you're looking at months or years with legal fees, (still) unlikely that you will get anywhere. You just lose more time and lots of money in legal fees. Where goes your limit?

Her addiction is not going away, many of her friends also use. Can you continue live with that, and her lies, moodswings, tantrum, and maybe also cheating?

Consider your own mental health and stress level, in this extreme sad situation.

Wish you all the best, sincerely.

1 hour ago, gargamon said:

12 years and you just found out?

Didn't notice her not sleeping?

Didn't notice her teeth falling out?

You know nothing.

1 hour ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

Hey, when in Rome.........

Ask the acquaintances (all females, if you are bi, all of them) if they're up for a sex sessions.

Safe sex of course, wear a rubber.

Party dude, stop being a good guy. 😎

Sex with a condom is not worth the effort.

8 minutes ago, Stevey said:

1 hour ago, gargamon said:

12 years and you just found out?

Didn't notice her not sleeping?

Didn't notice her teeth falling out?

You know nothing

Clearly you knew nothing though right. 12 YEARS.

2 hours ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

Nothing wrong here, sounds like your average, Asean Now members wife.

No, it really doesn't. Your girlfriend maybe.

2 hours ago, Stevey said:

I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 12 years and living half the year on average here in NongKhai, but this year the mask finally slipped. For a long time, I struggled to understand why she was constantly broke. I provide a 10,000 THB monthly salary for the household, and she has additional income from a factory job and a rubber plantation. Yet, every month, the money vanished within days.

I eventually gained access to her phone and used AI to help me decipher the local Thai slang and transaction history. What I found was a "dirty scene" of illicit substance transactions. The evidence is in the bank transfers: consistent payments of 400 and 800 baht to individuals known in the community for dealing. In this part of Thailand, where pills are cheap, these specific amounts suggest she isn't just a casual user; she’s buying in quantities (10–20 pills at a time) that indicate a heavy, daily addiction.

The behavior matches the "Yaba cycle"—extreme mood swings, narcissistic deflection whenever I ask a direct question, and strange excuses for disappearing to "the farm" for hours. When I confronted her with the screenshots and the receipts, she didn't deny it—she just tried to turn the argument back on me. Between the financial drain and a recent health scare (an STI she likely contracted through the high-risk circles she's frequenting), the reality is clear. My support isn't going toward our future; it’s funding a Yaba habit that she refuses to acknowledge. I’m looking for advice from anyone who has navigated the legal and personal fallout of drug addiction in a long-term relationship here.

Give her the full ass, you will probaly regret it short term but looking back you will get your life back on track without her.

8 minutes ago, emptypockets said:

No, it really doesn't. Your girlfriend maybe.

It was a joke, sorry if I offended you 😕

2 hours ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

Nothing wrong here, sounds like your average, Asean Now members wife.

We need to stop these sort of posts......................average AN wife. What a load of co88lers.

I would report this but I want all the other AN members with these sort of wives to join me, and tell Safety First (what a stupid name) to eff off.

Come on, join in.

Edited May 9May 9 by wil iam not

6 minutes ago, wil iam not said:

We need to stop these sort of posts......................average AN wife. What a load of co88lers.

I would report this but I want all the other AN members with these sort of wives to join me, and tell Safety First (what a stupid name) to eff off.

Come on, join in.

Get a life, strange person.

As I said above it was a joke.

Just because you're having a bad day, not getting along with the missus, no need to attack me.

Bloody, hilarious, SAFETY FIRST stupid name, 555, eff off. Dude, you have lost it 😂

Bloody hell, too many grumpy guys on this forum.

Come on members, join in, who's against the old grumpy, moaners here.

Edited May 9May 9 by SAFETY FIRST

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Tablets are only 10-20bht each, and 10-20 a day isn't an excessive number for frequent users to take.

If she's providing the services you want, is it really that bad a deal for you?

Don't lend anyone money, don't allow anyone access to your assets, that's always a losing move.

What’s you knowledge of this stuff in Isan ? People keep saying they are cheap but the 10k a month I begrudgingly give her is 333 per day I believe and that rarely gets to day 10 even when she was working until a few months ago when she said she can’t work there due to a manager not liking her. After a chat last week with the factory’s gate security guard I found out that she was told not to come back because she would often not turn up for work for 4 days at a time. It doesn’t take much of a stretch to assume it was due to being on a yabba bender with probably the same guy who gave her gonorrhoea that she gave to me recently.

Apparently users crush up the pills and smoke them. They can’t be very potent if you need 10 a day and at 20,30,80? that’s an expensive habit that she’s squandered my support on and over the next 10 years it could be paid into a Vanguard fund.

What does the 10,000 baht get me? Will it keeps everything in position keeps my dogs fed. It keeps applies that I can just come to it at any point and also a place that I’m only paying 10,000 bar for for that month when I’m here but obviously I’ve got to keep that 10,000 mark going when I’m not here. But it’s most to think that that Little 330 baht which although seems Little he wouldn’t be Little to me if it was invested in that Vanguard fund over 10 years it would be a nice chunk of cash to start retirement with as I am 51 right now. I’ll tell her this and it just does not compute. She’s a total narcissist she has gone through so many partners like the fathers of her three children. Wonder which is a secret it does appear that 19 years ago she had one child and then it just looks like she had an argument with the father when she was pregnant with the second one and then left him with that first child who would’ve been a baby and then she came back to the village that we stayed at gave that child to her sister to look after and then she went back working at a bar I suppose. I’m not sure the 18 year old son who lives with us knows about his older brother in BKK.

1 minute ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

Get a life, strange person.

As I said above it was a joke.

Bloody hell, too many grumpy guys on this forum.

Come on members, join in, who's against the old grumpy, moaners here.

Nope - it was a tasteless and insulting comment intended to make yourself feel better, and trying to claim it was a joke is a poor attempt at recovery.

Try an apology to the many people on AN with Thai wives, or try answering the query in the OP using your years of accumulated relationship wisdom.

27 minutes ago, blaze master said:

Clearly you knew nothing though right. 12 YEARS.

You know nothing of how people can be addicted to drugs that just keep them on an even keel not high.

There is no way you’d say that to my face you coward.

2 minutes ago, Stevey said:

What’s you knowledge of this stuff in Isan ? People keep saying they are cheap but the 10k a month I begrudgingly give her is 333 per day I believe and that rarely gets to day 10 even when she was working until a few months ago when she said she can’t work there due to a manager not liking her. After a chat last week with the factory’s gate security guard I found out that she was told not to come back because she would often not turn up for work for 4 days at a time. It doesn’t take much of a stretch to assume it was due to being on a yabba bender with probably the same guy who gave her gonorrhoea that she gave to me recently.

Apparently users crush up the pills and smoke them. They can’t be very potent if you need 10 a day and at 20,30,80? that’s an expensive habit that she’s squandered my support on and over the next 10 years it could be paid into a Vanguard fund.

What does the 10,000 baht get me? Will it keeps everything in position keeps my dogs fed. It keeps applies that I can just come to it at any point and also a place that I’m only paying 10,000 bar for for that month when I’m here but obviously I’ve got to keep that 10,000 mark going when I’m not here. But it’s most to think that that Little 330 baht which although seems Little he wouldn’t be Little to me if it was invested in that Vanguard fund over 10 years it would be a nice chunk of cash to start retirement with as I am 51 right now. I’ll tell her this and it just does not compute. She’s a total narcissist she has gone through so many partners like the fathers of her three children. Wonder which is a secret it does appear that 19 years ago she had one child and then it just looks like she had an argument with the father when she was pregnant with the second one and then left him with that first child who would’ve been a baby and then she came back to the village that we stayed at gave that child to her sister to look after and then she went back working at a bar I suppose. I’m not sure the 18 year old son who lives with us knows about his older brother in BKK.

I understand that everyone has different circumstances, so I can only speak from my viewpoint, but you have no moral responsibility for her children, as that lies with her and the biological fathers. Are you perhaps using the child as an excuse to avoid making the tough decision and leaving this toxic relationship?

I can't see any valid reason to stay in this doomed relationship, and you'll not find a better relationship while you're still in the current one.

2 minutes ago, Stevey said:

You know nothing of how people can be addicted to drugs that just keep them on an even keel not high.

There is no way you’d say that to my face you coward.

Even keel as a meth addict eh ? Ok I take that back. You sound hard as nails.

3 minutes ago, Stevey said:

What’s you knowledge of this stuff in Isan ? People keep saying they are cheap but the 10k a month I begrudgingly give her is 333 per day I believe and that rarely gets to day 10 even when she was working until a few months ago when she said she can’t work there due to a manager not liking her. After a chat last week with the factory’s gate security guard I found out that she was told not to come back because she would often not turn up for work for 4 days at a time. It doesn’t take much of a stretch to assume it was due to being on a yabba bender with probably the same guy who gave her gonorrhoea that she gave to me recently.

Apparently users crush up the pills and smoke them. They can’t be very potent if you need 10 a day and at 20,30,80? that’s an expensive habit that she’s squandered my support on and over the next 10 years it could be paid into a Vanguard fund.

What does the 10,000 baht get me? Will it keeps everything in position keeps my dogs fed. It keeps applies that I can just come to it at any point and also a place that I’m only paying 10,000 bar for for that month when I’m here but obviously I’ve got to keep that 10,000 mark going when I’m not here. But it’s most to think that that Little 330 baht which although seems Little he wouldn’t be Little to me if it was invested in that Vanguard fund over 10 years it would be a nice chunk of cash to start retirement with as I am 51 right now. I’ll tell her this and it just does not compute. She’s a total narcissist she has gone through so many partners like the fathers of her three children. Wonder which is a secret it does appear that 19 years ago she had one child and then it just looks like she had an argument with the father when she was pregnant with the second one and then left him with that first child who would’ve been a baby and then she came back to the village that we stayed at gave that child to her sister to look after and then she went back working at a bar I suppose. I’m not sure the 18 year old son who lives with us knows about his older brother in BKK.

They always run out of money in the first 10 days.

I anticipate that, mine spends her 10k on expensive makeup.

Just use the extra money you give her (slowly) for the rest of the month to exert control.

As for the sex with other guys, totally normal behaviour in Thai men and women. Accept it and learn to be equally unfaithful. This is the land of equal opportunity f#@£ing around.

I've been dealing with the same problems as you for the past 17 years, but never kidded myself the situation was anything but what it is.

Know what they are, keep your hand firmly on your wallet, enjoy the sex, don't think too much.

Edited May 9May 9 by BritManToo

7 minutes ago, Kinnock said:

Nope - it was a tasteless and insulting comment intended to make yourself feel better, and trying to claim it was a joke is a poor attempt at recovery.

Try an apology to the many people on AN with Thai wives, or try answering the query in the OP using your years of accumulated relationship wisdom.

Oh dear, I beg for forgiveness your honour

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

1 minute ago, blaze master said:

Even keel as a meth addict eh ? Ok I take that back. You sound hard as nails.

So you saying that these villages and I suppose bars, work places are not full of people who look straight after smoking Yabba but are crashing when it where’s off?

As for hard as nails. You’re the one speaking like you’ve never punched in the face.

15 minutes ago, Stevey said:

Vanguard fund

I decided to do a quick analysis on the back of an envelope (well, I asked Grok's free AI).

It turns out that 1.4 million baht is the total you've spent over 12 years. Had you invested in the Vanguard VGF ETF, the highest performing of their ETFs, it would be worth 6.9 million baht. Definitely not something to sniff at.

2 minutes ago, Stevey said:

So you saying that these villages and I suppose bars, work places are not full of people who look straight after smoking Yabba but are crashing when it where’s off?

As for hard as nails. You’re the one speaking like you’ve never punched in the face.

Meth addicts dont look straight. Violence is for weak minds.

4 minutes ago, blaze master said:

Meth addicts dont look straight. Violence is for weak minds.

You're wrong, many of them look and behave just like all the other women. Zero teeth problems with mine, a bit manic/depressive, but it's not a big problem.

My guesstimate is 50% of the Thai population are on it in their teens and 20s, reducing in number as they get older.

Edited May 9May 9 by BritManToo

28 minutes ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

Get a life, strange person.

As I said above it was a joke.

Just because you're having a bad day, not getting along with the missus, no need to attack me.

Bloody, hilarious, SAFETY FIRST stupid name, 555, eff off. Dude, you have lost it 😂

Bloody hell, too many grumpy guys on this forum.

Come on members, join in, who's against the old grumpy, moaners here.

You came back with 'it's a joke' after I had replied. And if you call that a joke then you are the saddo.

No, I wasn't having a bad day til this started. But I will weather the storm, despite your question about getting on with the Mrs, that's nothing to do with you, but yes, I am very happy with her after 15 years.

As for SAFETY FIRST, I don't think there is a translation for that into Thai. 555

I am certainly not the grumpiest, most ignorant, childish, insulting, confusing poster here.