The Age Old Cash Dilemma

[Dashing Chap]

I'm an old hand here but I still don't know what to do. I invite your council.

In brief...

My girl is ex-bar girl. She left all that because she wanted to hang on to me.

I told her in no uncertain terms that I would leave her instantly if she ever fished me for money to give her family. I compromised by giving her an allowance so she could leave the bar and still have a modest income. Tha modest income is 10,000 Bt per month. I came to this figure because it is enough for a village girl with 2 kids, yet I will not pay more because I do NOT want her to profit from having a Western man... this has been the equilibrium for some time now.

Yesterday, she asked for an extra 10,000 Bt to give to her Mother. When questioned why, she sai 'Witamin for lice'. I assume that meant fertiliser for the rice crop. She was nervous when she made the request and quickly added 'If you not want give, this OK Tee Ruk'.

My dilemma- I cannot give this money. I made a rule and must stick to it. Despite our strong bond, I am prepared to walk away from her. (don't call me callous, I made this rule after losing everything to an ex). Also, I want a relaxed life now, I don't want to worry about being called kee niow or some other rubbish like that. I want to relax, safe in the knowledge I am loved, not my wallet. I don't want to be worrying about the next begging pot under my nose. Yes, it's only 10,000 Bt but if I give in now, the damm that's holding back the flow of money will be fatally eroded. They said it would be returned to me but we know better than that, don't we.

The flipside...

We've been together for some time now. Perhaps she feels that we are strong enough to test the water for a modest request for help. It's only 10,000 Bt and for a legitimate reason. They'll sure have a bumper crop this year. Perhaps I am now considered to be one of the family and they feel comfortable requesting my assistance. She also gave me a 'get out' card by emphasising that it was OK if I refused.

(PLS replies only from people who live in Thailand and have an intimate understanding of this well known dilemma. I'll have none of this 'greedy bitch' nonsense from those of you who spend a few weeks a year here)

What would you do?

[thaiflyer1]

Well if you are not Trolling.................dont be such a tight arse give her the money. How much would a G/F have off you a month back in your home country? Unless of course you fancy giving your right hand a bit of excercise!

[Dashing Chap]

Well  if  you  are  not  Trolling.................dont  be  such  a  tight  arse  give  her  the  money. How  much  would  a  G/F  have  off  you  a  month  back  in  your  home  country?    Unless  of  course  you  fancy  giving  your  right  hand  a  bit  of  excercise!   

I'm no troll. I'm not a tight arse. I will not hand out cash like it is confetti and I will not allow these people to profit from me, no matter how large or small. Every year she gets a very expensive holiday to give her a break from the kids/the village. I do what I can to give her a good and happy life. If her kids need new clothes, they are clothed. If she needs to see a doctor, she sees the best that money can buy.

I masturbate on occasion, like most men do. Sometimes my girl joins in. It can be with either my right hand, or my left hand.

I resent your un-helpfull post.

[Stocky]

I masturbate on occasion, like most men do. Sometimes my girl joins in. It can be with either my right hand, or my left hand.

I resent your un-helpfull post.

What a ham shanker!

[Dashing Chap]

And now I understand the futility of posting on forums such as this.

Mods please close this thread. I wouldn't want advice from this lot anyway.

[thaiflyer1]

Thought i/d given you my 5 baht worth............or do you only want to read what you want to read? Look, you said its a one off request for help, give her the money if you dont get it back she wont be able to ask again and it/ll of been money well invested!

[thaiflyer1]

I will not allow these people to profit from me,

What exactly does this mean, it doesnt come across very well does it?

[Stocky]

Struth! What did you expect when you included your comments on spanking the monkey?

For my two Kopecks worth I'd tell you to give her the money, if you feel you need to make it clear it's not entirely free say you'd want your share of the rice crop, only fair if your buying the fertiliser. You can then make a present of the rice.

[thaiflyer1]

I'm an old hand here but I still don't know what to do. I invite your council.

(PLS replies only from people who live in Thailand and have an intimate understanding of this well known dilemma. I'll have none of this 'greedy bitch' nonsense from those of you who spend a few weeks a year here)

Driving From Uk To Thailand!, Anyone done it/know someone who's doneit

Track this topic | Email this topic | Print this topic

Dashing Chap Posted: Sun 2004-08-15, 14:31:24

Newbie

Group: Members

Posts: 9

Member No.: 12,120

Joined: 2004-08-15

Bear with me on this one, it's not as preposterous as it sounds. It's just something I'm toying with at this time.

I'll be moving permanently to LOS to be with my Wife in the next year or so. What an adventure it would be to drive there from England! Now I know it sounds crazy but I've given it some thought and I really want to do it now.

I realize that importing my car would be prohibitively expensive and probably not possible on a permanent basis... but I know I could do so temporarily (by leaving a bond at the border). Would it be possible to do a sort of 'visa run' for my car every six months and then just bring it in again for another six months?

Has anyone attempted this drive or know of anyone who has done so? What route did they take. What logistical problems did they have. How much did it cost them etc etc etc.

I reckon on about 10,000 miles for the journey and about a month.

I relish a challenge, it's the Aries in me... and what a glorious moment it would be when my BMW rolls into my wife's village (I wouldn't tell her I was coming) and give her the surprise of her life with the words 'Honey, I'm home'. It'd be just great. A moment to really savour.

Dashing Chap.........wouldnt like to be in your shoes if you dont give her the money and then turn up at the village in your BMW!

[falong]

And now I understand the futility of posting on forums such as this.

Mods please close this thread. I wouldn't want advice from this lot anyway.

Ive through this same crap many times. I know how you feel. You dont want to give in. So in order to get milked at least with the appearance of not getting milked , give her the money and deduct 1000 baht per month from her allowance util the 10k is paid off.

See how that works. Its futile but maybe give you some peace of mind.

BTW how long have you been with this girl??

[Dashing Chap]

Now listen here

How much money I have or don't have is not the issue. In fact, she has little idea of my financial standing and that was very deliberate. I think the reason for that is obvious but for those of you without an imagination, I keep my money secret so that I can be reasonably sure of a relationship based on love and mutual understanding rather that one based on money... is that too difficult to grasp?

Ive through this same crap many times

Well I'm sorry Mr Falong, don't let me waste any more of your time

BTW how long have you been with this girl??

Around 3 years

Dashing Chap.........wouldnt like to be in your shoes if you dont give her the money and then turn up at the village in your BMW!

So, in having a Thai wife/girlfriend, I have to forefeit any dreams/plans/adventures... sell my car and give it all to the family... become a prisoner in the village and hand complete control of my finances to someone with the fiscal skills of a monkey.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm sorry I don't have time in my busy life to sift through all the 'crap' that Mr Falong speaks of. Mods, please close, I came here for advice, not to exchange personal insults with strangers.

[pnustedt]

I'm not a tight arse.

If your "special" girl asks you for 10K pay 20K. Why do you hesitate on such a trivial matter?

[marquess]

I agree with the original postee. When I first moved to Thailand, I had a girlfriend who kept asking me for money. Despite having a job that paid 10k per month. I used to get the family thing too. I was on the verge of leaving her a couple of times due to the money deal. She would then always promise not ask me for anymore. Alas! That promise never really stood for long. Eventually I had to leave. I think that once you draw your line in the sand then you should stick to it.

[thaiflyer1]

become a prisoner in the village and hand complete control of my finances to someone with the fiscal skills of a monkey.

Jeez you sound like a prize catch...........with any luck she/ll see the light and find someone that deserves her.

[Begs]

Taking any Bets that it's a (Yet Another) Troll?

[exp9696]

Agree with MARGUESS,I'ts not about the money

My gf know (if she talk about the family ) I tell her .THEY HAVE TWO HANDS<SO THEY CAN WORK JUST LIKE ME ( except for real healt care ,not for the sick buffalo)

That's what my parents learn me

[falong]

Taking any Bets that it's a (Yet Another) Troll?

I vote troll

[thaiflyer1]

Taking any Bets that it's a (Yet Another) Troll?

Nope!

[falong]

Maybe you could just give her an advance on what you will pay her to wash your bmw after that long journey from UK. maybe mom can change the oil as well.

I gave you perfectly good solution before. Give her the cash and talke it out of her salary each month. What do you think about that?

[RamdomChances]

Ok I'll give you the benifit of doute that your not a troll.

Your right its not about the money, but trust.

You have no trust in your partner, and even keep secret " your financial standing", if you want to have a long term serious relationship I feel there has to be an element of trust on both sides.

What are your future intentions, do you want to marry her?

If so her family becomes your family.

I can't remember who said it but, loan it to her, if you dont get it back ditch her and chalk it down to experiance.

I've never been asked by my wifes family to "give" them any money, I've lent money to some of them and always had it back, although not usually on time!!

Even when we got married her mum did'nt ask for any money just money to "show" on the wedding day.

I did build my mothering law a new shop but she did'nt ask for it.

Until you can get over the obsesion that you are being loved for your money, you will have no future

Athough it is altogether possible that she is taking you for a ride as you dont live together, so you are an "absentie boyfriend" who send money every month, a scenario that is also comman here usually with very bad results!!

Cheers RC

[Dashing Chap]

I assure you I am not a troll.

I'm not really an absentie boyfriend. I consider my home to be her home. Unfortunately, I have to travel a lot and spend a lot of time away. Not Ideal.

I will wind up there permanently soon... and here lies the paranoia, once I'm there, I am, understandably concerned that I'll be coerced into forking out money regularly. Is it so hard to understand that I don't want this to happen. We all know of the exponential rise of village girls seeking Western husbands to drag their family out of grinding poverty. I am happy to provide for her. Despite the fact that any money she has will become her families money, I will not be a party to that. I made that mistake before and once it starts, it never ends. I have drawn that line in the sand, as another poster wrote and I plan on sticking to it...

I started this thread, not as a troll but to have some other opinions thrown into the pot and see what came out.

Jeez you sound like a prize catch...........with any luck she/ll see the light and find someone that deserves her.

I am quite a catch, actually. We make light hearted jokes with eachother about her inability to spend wisely, just as she has friendly jabs at me about my inability to cook. 'Your cooking taste same elephant shit', she will say. You know nothing about me, who are you to say I am undeserving?

Maybe you could just give her an advance on what you will pay her to wash your bmw after that long journey from UK. maybe mom can change the oil as well.

You seem obsessed with the fact that I drive a BMW, is that a problem for you?

If so her family becomes your family.

That would be just fine by me, if I really were to be as one of them.

Your right its not about the money, but trust.

You have no trust in your partner, and even keep secret " your financial standing", if you want to have a long term serious relationship I feel there has to be an element of trust on both sides.

You're absolutely right. She/They will have my trust when they've earned it, just as I have to earn their trust that I will not have many wives, will support her and her kids. (For me, that doesn't involve supporting her other family members. I don't work hard for my money to give it away to people who won't even give me the time of day when I'm there, except of course when there's something to be made from me)

I'm trying to establish my tolerance level, I think. Everyones case is unique, I'm trying to sound this one out, that's all.

[thaiflyer1]

I am quite a catch, actually. We make light hearted jokes with eachother about her inability to spend wisely, just as she has friendly jabs at me about my inability to cook. 'Your cooking taste same elephant shit', she will say. You know nothing about me, who are you to say I am undeserving?

Light hearted jokes are fine between two partners , problem is when you say "fiscal skills of a monkey" you are not addressing her..........but this forum, thats the difference. I can see you/ll have no end of problems over cash if and when you get here permernant........

[falong]

If so her family becomes your family.

That would be just fine by me, if I really were to be as one of them.

[

If you really want to become one of the family then you will be expected to help them out. That is what thai families do.

[Nam Kao]

Dashing

The scam is just starting, you'll be another victim in a few months

[Dashing Chap]

What I can't understand is this...

People who get flamed for getting ripped off probably deserve it.

Why am I getting so many sarcastic comments for going into a situation with my eyes wide open?

I'm beginning to think you enjoy flaming people for flamings sake.

[Stocky]

In fact, she has little idea of my financial standing and that was very deliberate. I think the reason for that is obvious but for those of you without an imagination, I keep my money secret so that I can be reasonably sure of a relationship based on love and mutual understanding rather that one based on money... is that too difficult to grasp?

So, in having a Thai wife/girlfriend, I have to forefeit any dreams/plans/adventures... sell my car and give it all to the family... become a prisoner in the village and hand complete control of my finances to someone with the fiscal skills of a monkey.

You're absolutely right. She/They will have my trust when they've earned it, just as I have to earn their trust that I will not have many wives, will support her and her kids. (For me, that doesn't involve supporting her other family members. I don't work hard for my money to give it away to people who won't even give me the time of day when I'm there, except of course when there's something to be made from me)

I'm sorry, but I don't believe you have any basis for a lasting relationship. You don't trust her, you keep secrets, you disparage her and have no time for her family, similarly they seemingly have no time for you.

I suspect the reason the relationship has lasted this long is because you're living together on an impermanent basis. I'd be surprised if it survives your move to Thailand on a permanent basis.

[thaiflyer1]

And now I understand the futility of posting on forums such as this.

Mods please close this thread. I wouldn't want advice from this lot anyway.

Still hanging about aren't you though?

[falong]

And now I understand the futility of posting on forums such as this.

Mods please close this thread. I wouldn't want advice from this lot anyway.

Still hanging about aren't you though?

Dashing chap = gentlemen scamp

Just checked one of scamps posts. Identical styles of punctuation and formatting.

what an a**hole!!

55555555555555

Nothing better to do than ask for handouts and then post this garbage

[Yohan]

Yesterday, she asked for an extra 10,000 Bt to give to her Mother. When questioned why, she sai 'Witamin for lice'. I assume that meant fertiliser for the rice crop. She was nervous when she made the request and quickly added 'If you not want give, this OK Tee Ruk'.

My dilemma- I cannot give this money. I made a rule and must stick to it.

....................What would you do?

Your system makes sense to me....

It is much better for a long-term relationship to offer a monthly fixed sum as a rule (not more - not less and on time) and baht 10.000,- is something like a moderate income in Thailand....

Anyway, this girl can trust in you, that she will get this sum monthly on time every month over years....not a bad support by your side, I would say.....

In your case, I also would not pay that requested sum in cash to the girl. But I would ask for more details, buy the fertilisers and would deliver them directly to her parents place.

3 years is not such a short time - make it as a gift for her parents, and make sure, that the girl will not make a single baht profit out of it for herself.....

This is not against the baht 10.000,-/monthly rule as house-keeping money for your girl-friend.........and might help you a lot to talk in future easier with her parents, if there are any problems between your girl and you.......

I do not like the idea, that the girl should pay back baht 1000,- per month as one member suggested....It is not my style, to take money back from a woman.

But if you really do that, you should take it into a savings account and give it back to her next year as a surprise.

[Dashing Chap]

I most definately am not Gentleman Scamp, although I am more often than not in agreement with his writing.

As far as punctuation and formatting are concerned, are they not standard, you fool.

Now back to the topic...